so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Metsfan520]

Over react much? You got all of this because someone said they don't like showers for teen mom's. You have way too much time on your hands if you got all that from reading between the lines here.

And interesting how you are all calling some of these posters judgmental. I have never seen a bigger bunch of judgmental people than here. Pot, meet Kettle

That post is not an over-reaction. If you'd been here longer, you'd know this topic comes up every so often with similar reactions. It gets tiring.

 

[DopeyDame]

I can't begin to imagine avoiding the shower on some sort of moral highground. The girl is pregnant. The baby will be born and, evidently, will be raised by her now-teenage mother. Both the baby and the mom need all the help and love they can get. I think it's actually a fantastic sign for the future that she has people in her life who love and care for her enough to through her a shower.

I sure hope the more judgmental people in her life can at least manage to keep their mouths shut in her presence.

 

[Laura66]

Hmmmmm . . . Do all of these morally judgemental people ever think of a certain unwed pregnant teenager that lived about 2000 years ago?
Granted - she was a Virgin - but thank goodness Joseph and others we're willing to believe her and show compassion!

 

[Burnedout]

Hmmmmm . . . Do all of these morally judgemental people ever think of a certain unwed pregnant teenager that lived about 2000 years ago?
Granted - she was a Virgin - but thank goodness Joseph and offers we're willing g to believe her and show compassion!

Lol, and people brought gifts

 

[kellyg403]

Lol, and people brought gifts

 

[DopeyDame]

Lol, and people brought gifts

But it was OK to give gifts because it wasn't really a "party." I mean 3 guys in a barn doesn't strike me as a celebration. They were really only bringing useful things... you know, like frankincense that every baby really needs.

 

[missourimomof3]

This post hit home for me, because I was 19 and in my second year of college when my oldest was born. I remember thinking early on whether I'd be exempt from having showers or any of the other traditional experiences that go along with having a baby because of the circumstances. However after my family got over the shock, they made sure my son had showers, a nursery, and lots of love. All babies, regardless of the mother's age, deserve that.

 

[sookie]

Hmmmmm . . . Do all of these morally judgemental people ever think of a certain unwed pregnant teenager that lived about 2000 years ago?
Granted - she was a Virgin - but thank goodness Joseph and others we're willing to believe her and show compassion!

Lol, and people brought gifts

Too funny! And religion is often used as the reason why many people feel they should not support young unwed mothers. When it should be the absolute reason to support young unwed mothers.

And as an adoptee, I have nothing negative to say about adoption. It is a wonderful choice if that is what the mother and father both want. However, this thread is about teen baby showers, and the topic comes around every few months.

And it has for years.

 

[Burnedout]

Too funny! And religion is often used as the reason why many people feel they should not support young unwed mothers. When it should be the absolute reason to support young unwed mothers.

And as an adoptee, I have nothing negative to say about adoption. It is a wonderful choice if that is what the mother and father both want. However, this thread is about teen baby showers, and the topic comes around every few months.

And it has for years.

It is so much easier to want a woman to pay for her sexual involvement than to want to have to pay for ones own gluttony, hypocrisy, anger, gossip, and jealousy.

 

[gwynne]

This post hit home for me, because I was 19 and in my second year of college when my oldest was born. I remember thinking early on whether I'd be exempt from having showers or any of the other traditional experiences that go along with having a baby because of the circumstances. However after my family got over the shock, they made sure my son had showers, a nursery, and lots of love. All babies, regardless of the mother's age, deserve that.

Indeed. And by loving the mom and the baby, there is a much better chance of a good future for both.
I'm glad you had a shower.
I really don't see why anyone would have a problem (or find it offensive) to surround an expectant mother with some love and support from friends and family for a couple of hours.

But, I've learned from this thread there are lots of opinions.

 

[missourimomof3]

Do you even know any teen Moms? If you do, you must not know them well or you'd know NO ONE is praising them for becoming pregnant as a teen. Baby showers are NOT going to change pregnancy rates one way or another. And deciding to have and keep the baby means the Mom is signing up for YEARS of hateful comments and criticism. The odds are stacked against her at every possible turn. No one praises her. NO ONE. Not her family, not her friends and certainly not anyone who attends her baby shower. What a few do, hopefully, is offer emotional support. Saying things like This will be incredibly difficult. Life will never be the same. But let me help you make a plan. Let me help you by offering up a few essentials that will be used up in no time. (Diapers) Let me help you by directing you to some resources. Let me help you by discussing your education and how you can continue that. You'll note that none of those celebrate the Mom and her pregnancy.

I had a baby at 16 and the treatment I got was appalling, at best. Despite the fact that I'd been a very good student, very good kid, never in any trouble at all and just had the misfortune to have been pressured by a boy who didn't care about me but, of course, I thought he did. I got raked over the coals and back again.

Then when he passed away as an infant, after many surgeries to try to treat a heart defect, I got raked over the coals again and again and again. That's what I got, they said. For being a teen Mom. It's for the best. Really?

Our society is so backwards. Nothing but SHAME to young girls regarding sex. Absolutely no birth control! Nope! That's not ok! That's SHAMEFUL. But then they get pregnant and everyone's up in arms. And then, God forbid, they keep and try to raise the child. (Because their feelings regarding that choice actually, you know, matter.) More shame and no one wants to help the girl. Just give her her scarlett letter and cast her and her child off as worthless human beings not deserving of any kind of help or support.

Trust me. TRUST ME. No one is praising teen Moms for getting pregnant. And most of them never meant to be pregnant in the first place. But life happens and sometimes it's nice to have a little help dealing with the hard stuff.

That is awful. I'm so sorry.

 

[Laura66]

I'm an adoptee myself!!!

I'm not a particularly religious person - yet I feel that EVERY baby is a blessing! No matter the circumstances! No matter how they were conceived! All babies, are born with a clean slate and the potential to achieve great things! Deserving to be loved and celebrated whether they were born into the socially or religious circumstances that so many judgemental people seem to think babies should only be born!

 

[Hannathy]

And interesting how you are all calling some of these posters judgmental. I have never seen a bigger bunch of judgmental people than here. Pot, meet Kettle

Don't you know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as long as it agrees with them.

Judging the people who don't have the same opinion as you is also being JUDGMENTAL.

Again everyone is allowed their own opinion, whether you agree with it or not. State your opinion without attacking others, this is a discussion board.

 

[cabanafrau]

I sort of said this before in my earlier comments, but I really want to emphasize this part of it. There is a fine line to be considered in relation to baby showers for teen moms and the involvement of their peers.

I'm not at all suggesting teen moms & their babies don't deserve love and support and are not allowed to celebrate baby's arrival. There is a point where the teen mom & the adults in the situation need to be clear to impressionable teens looking on that while happy, the situation isn't ideal and serious sacrifices and changes of plans are necessary.

I definitely can see how a teen looking at the situation from the outside could get a distorted view w/ the oohing, the ahhing, the cuteness of it all and think maybe it looks kinda fun. Grown women get carried away with the idea of being a bride, struggle with the letdown when their day in the sun sets and have been known to latch onto the idea of motherhood as their next shining moment. It happens. Sure would hate to see it happen to a teen with even less skills, maturity and possibly a smaller support network -- not to mention how that diminishes the potential for baby to get off to a good start in life.

 

[yellowjacketfan]

It is so much easier to want a woman to pay for her sexual involvement than to want to have to pay for ones own gluttony, hypocrisy, anger, gossip, and jealousy.

Wow, this is so true. Don't get me wrong, a pregnant 15 year old is heartbreaking, but she shouldn't be ostracized. In my experience teen pregnancy has the opposite effect on the friends. They're usually scared stiff.

 

[KatheeME]

Do you have a source for that? Because that certainly hasn't been my experience. At most it is a snapshot - relying on family or assistance (or both) for a time and then moving on to self-sufficiency, not the grandparents raising the child while the teen does who knows what.

I don't know the statistics in your state, but I do in mine. Are you telling me that most children that have children are NOT on assistance, NOT on free government insurance ... if so then I stand corrected but I seriously doubt it.

 

[KatheeME]

I think what is getting missed is there is a big difference in shaming and not condoning or approving of it, or congratulating someone for something.


giving a baby gift is for the baby who is innocent in all of this, throwing a party is for the mother only.

This!

 

[KatheeME]

Yep if it is a party for the mom telling her how great this is. Congratulating her on getting pregnant. Indirectly saying this was a wonderful idea.

A gift for the innocent child is not throwing her a party.

Very well said and dead on.

 

[KatheeME]

I think if someone is very bothered, maybe it's best to stay away. There are plenty of kind, understanding people who are able and willing to be a friend and mentor to the mom and baby. Sometimes that relationship starts at a shower.

Wow, really? Because we don't see getting pregnant at 15 something to celebrate? Sigh.

 

[KatheeME]

How about this, what if people at the shower think it "is"'a wonderful thing?


Or, maybe we look at it from another angle. Kid A is a teen mom. Kid B isn't. Kid B racks up $100,000 in student loans pursuing a degree with no practical application. Kid B then has a graduation party. But, why should we celebrate such a poor decision?

Or, more back on topic, should we throw showers only when the baby is born to married, adult parents who are financially stable? After all, statistics show those are the kids with the best chance of a good life. Therefore, a child born under any other circumstances is not to be celebrated. Correct?

The analogies here are disturbing. Again, comparing getting a degree and paying for it to a child getting pregnant and others paying are the same? Yes, the family and or government, I mean both. NO one has said stone them, omg but comparing these 2 is way off base and not factual.