So who else is a 'young-love sceptic'?

[minkydog]

A further question then....

Do you think there is any benefit in doing what my parents do, and driving me CRAZY about it all the time.

BF and I have sustained 2 years in a long distance relationship, been together 3 years in total -- and yet my parents continue their campaign to make me young, free and single.

Examples of this include: lecturing me regularly about not getting tied down, asking me continually if I've met any new nice men (erm...hello....remember my BF???), if BF is late picking me up --commenting that perhaps I've been stood up....etc etc....etc...

Do you think parents should 'guide' their children to this extent?

My mom did this too. She hated BF(now DH), really hated him. Made nasty comments about him constantly (and he's a very nice guy ) If BF wouldn't go home with me on the weekends, then he "obviously" was seeing someone else.... Noooo, Mother. He's working. At a real job and everything.

In my mom's case, she was a divorced parent of 5 dependent kids, scared to death one of us was going to do something stupid to ruin our chances to get out. She meddled in everything. Finally, I had to be straight with her--told her I was an adult at 21, just like she was at 21 except that I wasn't married and didn't have a child. Therefore, if I wanted to sleep with my BF i would. If i got pregnant or dropped out of school, I would bear the consequences. She was devastated. But i was liberated

I'm glad i didn't fall for my first big love, because it would have been a huge mistake. DH & I dated for 2-1/2yrs before we married at 24. And yes, we have grown into different people. I have found that making a marriage work depends on two people being tolerant with each other's mistakes and missteps. Choosing a man of good character was the most important thing. We grew into our maturity.

Cathy--24yrs and counting...

 

[kelleigh1]

My Dad was 20 and my Mom was 21 when they got married. They had only been dating for about 8 months and were 5 months pregnant. They will celebrate their 37th anniversary next week. They are happy and while they have their disagreements, I can honestly say that I believe they will be together forever. They beat all the odds and grew together over the years. They worked hard to keep our family life happy, only they made it look so easy.

My older sister got married when she was 21. The best thing that came out of that marriage were my niece and nephew. At 29, she remarried (he was 27 and never married) and they will celebrate their 7th anniversary at the end of this month. He's a keeper! Through all the bad dates I endured, all I had to do was look at my brother-in-law and I could believe there were good guys out there.

Me...I got married last year, a little over a month before my 34th birthday. I have no regrets about waiting. It was the right thing for me. My husband and I have both said that had we met in our early 20's, it wouldn't have lasted because we're not the same people we were back then.

Every situation is different. Every person is different. I learned from my parents that it takes work. I learned from my sister that you both have to want it to work or it's doomed for failure. And I learned from my own relationship that while you both have to work together, you also have to each maintain your own identities also.

As for your Mom's reaction...I think it's part of being a Mom. Naturally she doesn't want you making the same mistakes she made. She wants to save you from unnecessary heartache. In some ways, she's reliving her own youth through you. Have you tried having a real heart-to-heart with her? Just the two of you. Go out to dinner or something where it's just you two - no interruptions - and explain to her that you understand that she's worried because of what she went through, but also explain to her that you've learned from her and are continuing to learn from her. She can't protect you from a heartbreak that may never happen. Tell her that you are happy, not only because of your bf, but also because of who you are yourself...and tell her that you wouldn't be who you are without her and ask her if she can be happy for you too. Talk to her!

 

[Beth76]

Not having read the responses, I'm sort of a sceptic. I say that because I think a lot of young love is naive and there's always something to be learned. However, I believe it's also important to learning life lessons. And in no way would I ever say young love would never work. Of course, it's going to work out sometimes.

 

[twojo21]

i think each person & relationship is different, i think maturity, respect friendship, goals & values have alot to do with relationships as well as love. young love can work just like it can blow up, like any relationship irregardless of age. some people can grow together others just grow apart, for each their own, life is a journey not a destination. i dont think youre doomed just because a parents relationship didnt work. just listen to your mind as well as your heart.

 

[disykat]

I'm a young-love sceptic. As a parent I would be encouraging my child to date around a bit and put off marriage. However, as a person I know that some people DO meet "the one" early. IMO, your parents are just doing their parental duty and trying to watch out for you. Your job is just to take it under consideration, but make your own decisions!

 

[florida-again]

My mom did this too. She hated BF(now DH), really hated him. Made nasty comments about him constantly (and he's a very nice guy ) If BF wouldn't go home with me on the weekends, then he "obviously" was seeing someone else.... Noooo, Mother. He's working. At a real job and everything.

In my mom's case, she was a divorced parent of 5 dependent kids, scared to death one of us was going to do something stupid to ruin our chances to get out. She meddled in everything. Finally, I had to be straight with her--told her I was an adult at 21, just like she was at 21 except that I wasn't married and didn't have a child. Therefore, if I wanted to sleep with my BF i would. If i got pregnant or dropped out of school, I would bear the consequences. She was devastated. But i was liberated

I'm glad i didn't fall for my first big love, because it would have been a huge mistake. DH & I dated for 2-1/2yrs before we married at 24. And yes, we have grown into different people. I have found that making a marriage work depends on two people being tolerant with each other's mistakes and missteps. Choosing a man of good character was the most important thing. We grew into our maturity.

Cathy--24yrs and counting...

Cathy....I think we may share a mother.....!!!!!!! Or at least they both studied at the same school of meddling mothers!!!

 

[CharlesTD]

Well I waited till I was 27 then met my now wife we had kids straigt away not planned at all it happened a month after we met oops. I got married at 29 and still think it was to young well for me anyhow I can't see how young couples make it. There is a girl I work with that got married at 20 and is now going through her divorce not even 2 years later I just don't get it. My mom and dad got married young and had ids young and ultimatley were divorced by the time I was 5.

 

[Caradana]

I have no doubt that young love can be true. I look back at the guy I loved from ages 17-20, and I think about what my life would be like if I were still with him: he's in med school, we'd be living in Chicago, we wouldn't be married, he's one of those "on the constant quest to discover oneself" genius types ... I wouldn't be happy. He's a world-class guy, and I genuinely loved him at the time, but our goals would have diverged in a big way.

One of the things I love about the current guy is that we have parallel goals ...

I can say this much: I'm not one to dissuade young love, but college comes before marriage in my house. I'll write the reception hall check when my child can show me the diploma. It's just a tremendous struggle to go back when you're married, with children, etc. Everything in its own time.

 

[POB14]

FWIW, married at 29 here; still workin' OK after 15 years.

Of course, I'd have probably married earlier if I weren't uglier than six wet dogs . . .

 

[Chicago526]

Well, I can tell you that the person I was at 16 was very differant than at 21. And the person I am now at 29 is VERY differant from when I was 21. Had I married out of high school or in my early 20's, I could see how I might have grown apart from my spouse (and he me, assuming he changed as well).

So, I think the odds of young people getting married and staying married are worse than people who marry latter. Not to say it's impossible, but just that it's got longer odds.

In your case, since you have NO intention of getting married in the near future, don't worry about what your parents say. They are just worried about you, is all. Just go on about your life and when they bring up the subject, just smile and nod your head and talk about something else!