So my MIL called 911 at 5am this morning

[Carly_Roach]

Maybe she was really scared and really embarrassed. She might be afraid that if she bothers her family at 5AM they will ship her off to a home, and it's clear that terrifies her. Have some compassion for her.

Hopefully she'll never find out that her DIL frequently announces to the whole world her most embarassing moments. I agree with other posters here: the lack of compassion for another human being, an elderly family member no less, is simply astounding.

Hopefully your MIL's children are a bit more tactful and will seek help for their Mom. I can tell you this: if you had married my brother and did this kind of thing to my mother, I'd never speak to you again, you wouldn't be welcome in my home, and I'd be sure to let my other sibs know about your behavior toward our mother.

She first called her daughter-who lives 2 blocks away-SIL immediately called her back-but got a busy signal. Mil called her back to say nevermind to SIL-because 911 was coming to ........

HELP HER GET OFF THE TOILET!!!!!

She claims she was sitting there 2hours.
Why couldnt't she wait for her Daughter????

She has the Alert thing around her neck-that she refuses to use!!!

When you call 911-the SHERRIFF has to come-they told her again today-DONT CALL 911-use your Alert button



She has NEVER had issues with getting off the toilet before

 

[luvmy3]

OP, why does she refuse to use her life alert alarm instead of calling 911?

 

[disneymarie]

That is something we are discussing=it will "kill" her-she has always insisted she wants to stay home

For my dad we got a raised seat and rails attached to get him up. Also a lift chair, he was funny, he would not wait for it to raise all the way, midway he would be struggling out.
If she knows every 911 call is attached to the phone, maybe she will be better with using the paid service rather then at some point the sheriff sending a bill after so many false 911 needs. If it is a true emergency that is different, but they could be on real risky calls and trying to get to her also.

If you dil needs help with her and mil falls, the hospital is going to send her to a rehab or have OT observe her in patient to be ambulatory before she can get back to her home. So if 911 calls ambulance to transport her to ER for non abulation, she is opening the door to being out of her home.

Does she have funds for sleep in help at night? I took my Dad in at night, live next door and in AM he went home for the day.
Then when he was bad he stayed with me I did total care but he was ambulatory. He began turning the gas stove on for heat, and the flame went out, and then the day he went down and I could not pick him up even with dh and ds helping he had to go in patient, He did not want to go that way, but everyone was against him passing in my home and small children here yet.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

OP, why does she refuse to use her life alert alarm instead of calling 911?

Doesn't the life alert system first call the person, and then call 911 if necessary? It seems like 911 would have ended up there anyway. Unless, I guess, there's a list with local friends/relatives to be called first depending on the incident?

My mom is in assisted living. She resisted going...desperately wanted to stay in her own home, but agreed to do "respite care", where she stayed at the Assisted Living facility near my home for a few days a month, and got to know what it was like there, in a non-threatening kind of way. She had a bad fall at home (backwards into the bathtub) after a few months of respite care and agreed it was time to go permanently. Making the decision was the hardest part; once it was made, it was remarkably easy for her. And there, she had the companionship of other people her age (as much as she complains about some of them ), plus staff members she likes, and lives close enough to me where I can visit her daily. And no house to worry about. She just turned 87 and has been there 3 1/2 years. Everyone commented on the change in her, for the better, after she moved there...she no longer just sat and watched TV. Even she finally admitted it was a move for the better.

 

[golfgal]

Doesn't the life alert system first call the person, and then call 911 if necessary? It seems like 911 would have ended up there anyway. Unless, I guess, there's a list with local friends/relatives to be called first depending on the incident?

My mom is in assisted living. She resisted going...desperately wanted to stay in her own home, but agreed to do "respite care", where she stayed at the Assisted Living facility near my home for a few days a month, and got to know what it was like there, in a non-threatening kind of way. She had a bad fall at home (backwards into the bathtub) after a few months of respite care and agreed it was time to go permanently. Making the decision was the hardest part; once it was made, it was remarkably easy for her. And there, she had the companionship of other people her age (as much as she complains about some of them ), plus staff members she likes, and lives close enough to me where I can visit her daily. And no house to worry about. She just turned 87 and has been there 3 1/2 years. Everyone commented on the change in her, for the better, after she moved there...she no longer just sat and watched TV. Even she finally admitted it was a move for the better.

Doing a "trial period" is often a way to get someone into assisted living when they are resisting. Have a deal where they agree to stay 3 months or so, don't sell the house. Once they see all of the activities available and how nice most of these facilities are, the transition is smoother.

 

[Carly_Roach]

My mom is in assisted living.

She just turned 87 and has been there 3 1/2 years. Everyone commented on the change in her, for the better, after she moved there...she no longer just sat and watched TV. Even she finally admitted it was a move for the better.

My mom is 73 and uses a raised toilet seat. When she started having some health problems, Dad had one side of the house renovated with grab bars, put in a new bathroom with zero entry shower, and even got her a hospital bed that she used for a time. Not everyone has the money for that, but I'm grateful that they did.

So far, my dad (who's 74) is still pretty ambulatory/doesn't need the assistance. It would be hard for either of them to go to assisted living because they're both so fiercly independant. We're all hoping that, when its their time, they both die in their sleep in their own beds.

 

[BelleWDW]

I
My suggestion is that you might want to consider getting her a raised toilet seat if she doesn't already have one. They make them to fit right over the toilet. .

I just got one
She has had lots of health problems in the last month-Heart By Pass-kidney stones....we are dealing with lots of stuff lately


As to the "Compassion" comment...............she is very in her right mind-but wont use the Alert button-thats where the frustration is for all of us.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

she is very in her right mind-but wont use the Alert button

What would happen if she did? Who would be contacted?

 

[disykat]

Yes, she probably just got stuck on the toilet to inconvenience people.

It doesn't sound in the least like the OP was irritated that she got stuck on the toilet.

She is irritated/frustrated that she won't use her medic allert. That she sat for two hours without calling anyone. That by the time she called for help it had escalated to the point she called 911 when she didn't get an immediate answer.

 

[luvmy3]

Doesn't the life alert system first call the person, and then call 911 if necessary? It seems like 911 would have ended up there anyway. Unless, I guess, there's a list with local friends/relatives to be called first depending on the incident?

Thats why I was wondering why she refuses to use it, it just seems like they would have done exactly what she did, call the dd (if she is person #1 and then 911).

 

[hereyago]

OP, I feel your frustration. My DM is kind of the same way. Last year she fell-now before I get flamed-if a doctor tells you to use a walker until they find why you are having pains in your legs, maybe you should do it. So she CHOOSe not to do it and fell.

Broke her hip, had surgery. Went to a rehab for a few months. She is a very child like, always has been, growing up with her sucked. She will not do something that she doesnt' want to. I went every day after work, sometimes twice a day. I was exhausted. I took off a total of 7 weeks, 2 weeks paid vacation-which my vacation money went to remodeling her bathroom to be more walker friendly. and 5 weeks withouth money when she came home.

It was an uphill battle with someone who doesn't want to help themselves. But we made it through and finally she realized I was not going to quit my job to wait on her hand and foot-she just broke her hip, it doesn't make someone in a coma. she learned how to use the walker and get around.

You can only help someone who wants to help themselves. you can pimp out her house to be mobility friendly, but just with the alert thing, if she chooses not to use it, then the point is moot.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Thats why I was wondering why she refuses to use it, it just seems like they would have done exactly what she did, call the dd (if she is person #1 and then 911).

In which case we all would have had to listen to how her MIL had to call medic-alert in the middle of the night because she was alone and couldn't get off the toilet after having heart surgery and kidney issues.

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

 

[VillageMama]

Yes, she probably just got stuck on the toilet to inconvenience people.

That is clearly not what I was saying. Unfortunately, not all elderly folks who need assistance are sweet, loving, kind people. I was trying to give the OP the benefit of the doubt by speculating that the OP was frustrated with her m-i-l, who might be a difficult person.

That's not to say that the m-i-l did not need assistance and some compassion. But maybe... just maybe... there's more to this story and this relationship than it seems and we shouldn't be passing judgment on the OP for not being "compassionate".

There is the occasional person who escalates the drama and prefers to play the helpless waif. I know folks who prefer to call in the police, rather than wait for a family member to help. That way they can say, "See? My family won't help me!", when in reality, they didn't give the family member a chance to help.

 

[disykat]

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

I don't get your posts? You seem very angry that the OP didn't know ahead of time that her MIL would have trouble getting off the toilet seat. How would she have known until it became an issue? Why is so wrong of her to be frustrated that her MIL won't use her medic allert button?

 

[luvmy3]

In which case we all would have had to listen to how her MIL had to call medic-alert in the middle of the night because she was alone and couldn't get off the toilet after having heart surgery and kidney issues.

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

Jeez, why is it just the OP's responsibility? Why isn't it the MIL's ds or dd's? It seems that the OP was the one who stepped up to the plate and got her that seat. Or maybe none of them had any idea that they existed and just found out through the info in this thread.

 

[mrFDNY]

Hi gang,
Not sure where you live but here in nyc, we actually tell people that if they can get to a phone to call 911 over pressing thier life alert button. I've had people tell me that they pressed the buttton 2-4 hours ago and we just got the call 6 or 7 minutes ago.

 

[S. C.]

It doesn't sound in the least like the OP was irritated that she got stuck on the toilet.

She is irritated/frustrated that she won't use her medic allert. That she sat for two hours without calling anyone. That by the time she called for help it had escalated to the point she called 911 when she didn't get an immediate answer.

I agree with this post.

My dad is 87 years old and very set in his ways. I get frustrated with some of the things he does. Sometimes we just need to vent and have someone listen which in no way means that I don't have compassion for his situation.

 

[hereyago]

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

Wow. You know, even the hospital when her MIL was there for Heart by pass could have given the MIL info on where to get certain mobility aides. The medical supply store would have even come out and set it up for her. Why would it just be on the DIL?
But once again, the MIL had alert system and CHOOSE to sit there for 2 hours without pressing the button.

 

[BelleWDW]

It doesn't sound in the least like the OP was irritated that she got stuck on the toilet.

She is irritated/frustrated that she won't use her medic allert. That she sat for two hours without calling anyone. That by the time she called for help it had escalated to the point she called 911 when she didn't get an immediate answer.

Exactly

She couldnt remember her DD's phone #-left a message on DD's husband's cell.Then called 911

Just got back from delivering the handled toilet chair-I live in a neighboring city,. In her mind if she uses the Medic alert button they will force her to the hospital-in an ambulance -& that costs $$. 911 is "free"

So SIL and I explained again-if she uses the Medic Alert button-they call Sis first-then her husband (they live in MIL's town-around the corner actually) then call My husband (her son) THEN they call the ambulance-and they would have lifted her up-no charge.

In their town when you call 911-the police have to get involved-so we think she finally "gets it"
We also realized that she has been skipping her meds for a couple days-and a couple other things.
Getting a night sitter for a few days and SIL will bring her meals 3 x a day until she's "up on her feet".

 

[BelleWDW]

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

Last night was the first time it was an issue

She hasn't been doing her exercises for the last four days-due to nausea from meds givenn
for the kidney stone episode last weekend...this has weakened her mobility a lot and thus the toilet episode this am
When she goes the 3 feet from her lift chair to bathroom-she has her housephone and cell on her walker at all times.