So sorry you have to go through this, tater bug. Having been through some pretty painful experiences myself, one of the things that helped me was to finally talk about it. I was unable to talk to family or friends for reasons I can't get into, but I did frequently speak to a few DIS friends through pm and email who helped me tremendously when I was feeling particularly low and hopeless. I'm sure your DIS buddies will be there when you need them, if people are asking you to pm them, then do it. They wouldn't ask if they didn't mean it. We're all here for you to get through the tough times ahead, and the happy ones.