so I gave dd lunch $ & she used it for somethining else

[descovy]

Little levity here... This reminds me of ME

Age 22, young mom, TIIIGHT budget (not a lot of extra cash)
$50/week to feed the 3 of us and diaper the baby

Yup, I'd scrimp on the groceries every week to afford a monthly mommy night out!

But seriously, I actually kinda get what the OP is saying, without infering to her personal life which we know nothing about. I myself wouldn't be thrilled to have my dd blow her lunch money on a powder-puff ticket. But I am all about natural consequences. How many days of lunch would $5 cover? Lets say 2. Fine, you have your powder puff ticket, and for 2 days you can pack a lunch from home. Then we're square.

Similary I have 3 kids. I give them the same lunch money on their accounts. ($20/month) The sooner one kid blows through that, the more sack lunches they pack until the other 2 catch up. So it's about choices... Some mornings they may be too lazy in the morning to make lunch, some days the lunch is "really good" and they want to buy. That's okay, but if there is more month at the end of the money... well they know what to do.

It's not punishment... it's life lessons

 

[gina2000]

I'd go without lunch so that my child could have that ticket. I wouldn't care if my child bought the ticket with my last $5. I'd just be happy she was going.

I guess I'm not all that much into my word is the law.

 

[mjkacmom]

And to top it off, I can't imagine a parent going to the school and making her turn in her $5 ticket - that might generate some talk in the lunchroom!

 

[kacaju]

this is exactly what I thought reading this thread. I have a 17, 14 and almost 11 dd's and I would never have thought to tell them not to spend their lunch money on anything but lunch. I have asked what they had for lunch just so I know what they are eating.
Now Iam the hs'er lunch lady so I KNOW what they have eaten LOL!!

That conversation that OP had with her dd sounds a little odd, though...here is $5 for lunch, do not spend it on anything else. I mean, why would mom say that? The kid was going to school, what else did the mom think she was going to spend it on that she specifically spelled out NOT to spend it on anything else? OP said this wasn't a problem before so isn't it a little odd to instruct the dd NOT to spend it on something else?

I understand the dd was given the money specifically to put in her lunch account. But why would OP even say, Don't spend it on anything else except lunch??


edited to add, now if OP had told her kid she couldn't go to the game, and dd went ahead and used the money for the ticket, that's a different issue. Not the case though.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would not even care about that. I don't understand micromanaging your children to death. That would not even concern me.

You say her lunch account has nothing in it? Make sure her account has money for lunch or make her bring her lunch when you do not have money for the lunch account. Problem solved.

I'd go without lunch so that my child could have that ticket. I wouldn't care if my child bought the ticket with my last $5. I'd just be happy she was going.

I guess I'm not all that much into my word is the law.

And to top it off, I can't imagine a parent going to the school and making her turn in her $5 ticket - that might generate some talk in the lunchroom!

I agree!!! This is not even a blip on my screen to me---so she bought a ticket instead of lunch...she didn't eat--her choice....big deal.

 

[Molliday]

This thread needs a poll.

 

[smb6]

I have only read the first page and am surprised that everyone says not to punish at all. I agree, what she spent the money on is not a big deal, but like you said- she directly disobeyed. I give my kids a certain amount of $ ea week for lunch and breakfast and extras; they can spend it however.
I agree missing lunch was a natural consequence. WWID? I would not replace the lunch money, she can make her own lunch for the rest of the week using whatever she can find in the kitchen. I would not lecture her, I'd just let it be.
I do agree about choosing your battles; so in the future I would either pay the school directly (here you can even pay online) or give her the option to spend her weekly lunch money how she chooses. But for this week- she was told specifically what to do with it and she did not-.....

The main problem I would have is that (for a while anyways) I would feel I could not trust her with money. At 12 you should be able to give her money to buy things at school, run in the store, ect.... She will need to build back the trust..... JMO

 

[Cinderella94]

It seems like the people who are saying "punish" want to punish for the sake of punishing. When your teenager sneaks out at 2 AM, you punish them because that's dangerous and you want them to learn to never do something that stupid again. But this? Spending 5 measely dollars that was given to her? Save your battles for something bigger.

 

[luvsJack]

It seems like the people who are saying "punish" want to punish for the sake of punishing. When your teenager sneaks out at 2 AM, you punish them because that's dangerous and you want them to learn to never do something that stupid again. But this? Spending 5 measely dollars that was given to her? Save your battles for something bigger.

AMEN! For bigger things are most certainly going to come.

 

[rie'smom]

OP, she's 12. Many girls skip lunch at that age anyway. They're beginning to worry about body image. At least she didn't get someone to buy cigarettes with the money.
All I can do is repeat to you what my neighbor told us when our daughter was 12, "She's almost a teenager. Hold on tight, it's a very bumpy roller coaster ride."
I'd try now to start picking only those battles worth fighting otherwise you'll be miserable for the next several years.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I used to do that. I would get $20 a week for lunch at school and I would find something else to eat. My mom knew about it too. In fact sometimes she'd pack me a lunch anyway.

So of course I say let it go, but not because I used to do it but because there are much bigger conflicts ahead of you.

Your mom sounds like me, and you are so right. There is so much more to worry about than five dollars.

I give my children lunch money and sometimes I also pack a lunch for them. I also give them money for anything that may come up. As the children get older, they will have more opportunities to buy or do other things at school. I do not want my child borrowing money from friends, I want them to have a few extra dollars on them to cover themselves.

By doing this, my DD saved a good amount of money on her own. I think she has become more responsible. As a matter of fact, my oldest DD went out of town two weeks ago with about 140.00 on her for emergancy money, because I knew she wouldn't need much. Guess what? She came home with 130.00. I let her keep all but 50.00 because she was responsible. She still has it all too. I think that kids need to learn about managing money at a young age. I really wish my parents had told me more about it.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

It seems like the people who are saying "punish" want to punish for the sake of punishing. When your teenager sneaks out at 2 AM, you punish them because that's dangerous and you want them to learn to never do something that stupid again. But this? Spending 5 measely dollars that was given to her? Save your battles for something bigger.

Key words here, save your battles. The child at the beginnings of puberty, she is becoming an adult and made an adult decision, the decision to forego lunch in favor of doing something with her friends. If she felt the need to manage her money that way, maybe she is under the impression that she cannot ask for money for things like the powder puff game, and found a way to get it on her own.
Respect her right to make choices that come with their own consequences. Otherwise, you can choose to micromanage her life and end up in a constant struggle.

 

[waltsgirl]

who cares.... not something I worry about

 

[C.Ann]

how would you punish her? (she's 12)
She took the money ($5) & bought a ticket to a powder puff game @ school (which we would have given her the $ for if she'd asked - & it wasn't even due yet)

She was told specifically to only spend that $ on her lunch - so it was COMPLETE disobedience. In fact that day she didn't eat lunch cause she didn't have any in her account.

My thought is to go to the school & make her give the ticket back & make her miss the powder puff game.

BUT I'm worried about her being made fun of because of her not going (most EVERYONE will be going)

I'm pretty sure it will teach her a lesson if I do that....

BUT I also don't want to embarrass her - I can hear the kids now - "you're mommy comes to the school to punish you..." something like that.

I have nothing to take a way from her really (no extra curr activites - no allowance)

The underlining I did is the part that really jumps out at me - so the fact that she went without lunch that day isn't really a "punishment".. She was specifically told not to spend it on anything else - and she did..

I don't think I would go so far as to take her to school and make her return the ticket - or even keep her home from the event..

I would just find some extra chores for her to do for being willfully disobedient and give her fair warning that if she does this a second time, the punishment will be more severe and of a longer duration..

Kids are fun - aren't they?

 

[waltsgirl]

I just wanted to add-

she bought powder puff tickets right, not cigs, porno, drugs.... I mean come on lets put this in perspective.

 

[disneydance]

Honestly OP I think your being a bit over reactive... I'm 16 years and as a 16 year old if my parents were to act out over a situation like this, they would loose my respect and trust. Over experience of the way my parent's have acted over issue like these my parents have lost my trust to a point where my parents don't learn anything, if I need to talk to an adult over an issue I would not talk my parents. It just dug me in a bigger hole do to the way that they treated me, before I knew I was using oxycodon daily, self harming and other adults knew but not my parents. In the end the way they treated me over small issues made them severely regret it when they found out I was on my death bed and an ambulance was being sent for me. I know this is a extreme example but from what I understand it does happen and would you want to be the parent who child didn't come to you over anything because you reacted over small issue's. They got there consquence by having no pizza or hamburger, personally a social event is more important to me than lunch I can go home and eat after school no big deal. We are now slowly building up a relationship but because of punishments over small things I was terrified to what they would act over big things, by punishing your just setting yourself up to being in the biggest whole of your life.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If I was going to give my kid the money for the ticket anyay then what is the big deal? Heck I would have felt bad that my child didn't have money left over and went without lunch. I don't really see this as "complete disobediance." In fact, I find that term in this situation to be a little disturbing. The kid bought a ticket to an event you were going to give her money for anyway. Does it matter which $5 bill she used?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Honestly OP I think your being a bit over reactive... I'm 16 years and as a 16 year old if my parents were to act out over a situation like this, they would loose my respect and trust. Over experience of the way my parent's have acted over issue like these my parents have lost my trust to a point where my parents don't learn anything, if I need to talk to an adult over an issue I would not talk my parents. It just dug me in a bigger hole do to the way that they treated me, before I knew I was using oxycodon daily, self harming and other adults knew but not my parents. In the end the way they treated me over small issues made them severely regret it when they found out I was on my death bed and an ambulance was being sent for me. I know this is a extreme example but from what I understand it does happen and would you want to be the parent who child didn't come to you over anything because you reacted over small issue's. They got there consquence by having no pizza or hamburger, personally a social event is more important to me than lunch I can go home and eat after school no big deal. We are now slowly building up a relationship but because of punishments over small things I was terrified to what they would act over big things, by punishing your just setting yourself up to being in the biggest whole of your life.

 

[allison443]

I agree that it was completely wrong. The $5 should have been put into the account for lunch. Now she will have to figure out how to pay for those days that the $5 would have paid for her lunch and she will not be going to the Powder Puff game because she did not have permission to buy that ticket to go. That would be her punishment.

I too, would have bought the ticket if asked but to spend money that was not hers to spend on it and then not say anything. t is as bad as stealing and lying.

That is why I like that our school has the lunch accounts paid into through PayPal.

My DD who is 13 agrees with my punishment.

Make her pay you back the $5 or wait til you buy the rest of your kids something for $5 and just don't buy her anything. Straight out of her moth to the keyboard. and that is along with my punishment.

I think this would just create bad feeling between the siblings.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

I would agree with disneydance. Especially with a twelve year old girl, it's a very bad idea to overreact to small incidences because then your kid will be afraid to come to you about big screwups and problems. I've definitely been there as well and it's a bad place for a kid to be.

Also, she made a fair economic trade-off which shows a little bit of maturity, imo. She had money, she wanted to go the powder puff game and, for whatever reason, must have felt that the only way she was going to go was if she used her $5 in lunch money. She decided to forgo lunch for something that had more value to her. Most kids I have ever met would have used the lunch money and then immediately whined to their parents to buy them the ticket either in a phone call from school or by accosting them after school. It honestly sounds like you have a fairly sensible kid.