"So how much DO you make?"

[tiggerlover]

The question posed to DH at a dinner gathering this evening was, "So how much DO you make?" I think DH was stunned as he was just staring at this person, so I piped up and said I think that is rather personal. To which the person said, "Well I need to know so I can better plan for our retirement (from the military)."

A little bit forward in my opinion, I was actually stunned and glad that something else happened in the room and we were diverted from the situation. I still can't believe that this person asked such a personal question like that.

 

[Mishetta]

No class. Yes, very personal & should not have been asked. I suggest you find new dinner friends!

 

[RitaZ.]

You should have asked how much money he/she has in their savings account.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You should have asked how much money he/she has in their savings account.

Actually there are more embarrasing questions you could have asked him.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

So, how much DOES he make?

Some people are just fascinated by this stuff. Once, our department secretary (whose my age), came in to tell me that she had a dream that she saw my salary, and would I mind telling her the number so she could prove she was psychic? No, not likely.

 

[barkley]

when my kids (little) have asked us, after they get a speech about it being unpolite and inappropriate to ask-they are told: "enuf to house, feed and clothe you-not enuf to support your playstation or yugio addictions"

 

[N.Bailey]

Boy can I relate because when I read the thread topic, I was astounded that someone had the nerve to pose the question here.

I'm glad I opened it to see how wrong I was!

 

[skiwee1]

I don't know anyone that would ask a perfect stranger that! Heck, in our circle of friends we all know what the other makes though. None of us have ever felt the need to hide it and we are certainly not ashamed of it. I would never ask anyone what they made but we do discuss in conversation. A friend might say something like, "I'm hoping to get up to $200,000 this year with the raise I'm due." I guess we seem to be kind of open in that respect! LOL!

 

[Steamboat Marti]

ok - be forewarned - but I'm feeling quite snarky and I think my comeback would have been:

Not enough to buy you some manners.

 

[N.Bailey]

ok - be forewarned - but I'm feeling quite snarky and I think my comeback would have been:

Not enough to buy you some manners.

I like it!

 

[BuckNaked]

"My usual rate is $500/night, but your wife just offered me $1000, so my income may be up this year..."

 

[Michie]

Where you having dinner with my inlaws? They ask that all the time I find it very crass to discuss money. And even more to ask a question like that.

 

[Ava83]

I hate that question, some once said to me "boy your DH must make lots of money" I was speechless and

I couldn't even think of anything to say.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Diversion or not, that's no one else's business. Ugh. I would suggest to them that they talk to a financial counselor.

 

[mel]

Bad question, but some really good answers!!

 

[barkley]

not to start a war among age groups-but i think it is somewhat generational on the acceptability of this type of questioning. i'm in my mid 40's, dh in his mid late 30's and we would NEVER think to ask this (and no way would my older sibs or my parents), but i am beyond being surprised by younger folks not only asking this but offering up in day to day conversation what their earnings are/any bonus, commission, raise they will/have received.

our kids attend a VERY small church school. the tuition is directly related to the tithing the members contribute (most of the parents are members)-we had one parent (who i will say was in his early 30's) who for whatever reason was very vocal about his salary-increases-bonuses. on one occasion after i had heard him comment several times to several groups of parents (on the same day) about an impending increase in wages-it finaly got to me. while others just nodded in an uncomfortable manner, i spoke up and said (knowing he was a member of the church) "congratulations, it seems we will all profit from your good fortune-your increase tithe should result in reduced tuition for the those of who won't be so fortunate in our wages over the next few years".

 

[KristaTX]

i'm in my mid 40's, dh in his mid late 30's and we would NEVER think to ask this (and no way would my older sibs or my parents), but i am beyond being surprised by younger folks not only asking this but offering up in day to day conversation what their earnings are/any bonus, commission, raise they will/have received.

Whew! I guess, at 35, I'm a "younger folk". Thanks .

I don't go around asking strangers, mere acquaintances, or typically even my friends how much they make, but why on earth have Americans concluded that how much money one makes is such a hush-hush, secretive, taboo topic even among friends ? I never have understood why it is considered a thing so personal that one would be aghast to be asked about it. I mean it would be awkward to just be asked about it out of the blue, or in front of a group of people. Or if you were obviously living in poverty or obviously REALLY rich. But I can think of several other things I'd be more embarrassed to be asked about by a friend than how much money I make (or don't make).

Maybe the OP's dinner companion was not a friend, or brought it up out of no where or in front of others. But I'm just surprised how many people here are shocked that money would ever be the topic among friends at a dinner table. I'd be perfectly comfortable if money came up with friends over dinner and one of them said "So how much do y'all make in a year?".

 

[inaminute]

In general, I think it's a question that is reasonable for someone getting out of the military to ask. Perhaps not at a party, but I can see them asking that type of question. They can read the newspapers, they can talk to employers, but the best place to get real information about what to expect is to talk to their non-military friends.

It's a scary time for them. They've been used to living one way for 20 or so years. Suddenly, they're going to be living a completely different lifestyle. I'm sure they just want to be sure they can make the adjustment and survive financially.

I think I might have been surprised, but would have told him, "Stop worrying, you're going to be fine. Let's not discuss this now. We can get together next week and talk about it then." You dont' have to give actual numbers. Sounds like your friend is just looking for some assurance that he can really make this transition.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Diversion or not, that's no one else's business. Ugh. I would suggest to them that they talk to a financial counselor.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Marseeya]

I don't go around asking strangers, mere acquaintances, or typically even my friends how much they make, but why on earth have Americans concluded that how much money one makes is such a hush-hush, secretive, taboo topic even among friends ? I never have understood why it is considered a thing so personal that one would be aghast to be asked about it. I mean it would be awkward to just be asked about it out of the blue, or in front of a group of people. Or if you were obviously living in poverty or obviously REALLY rich. But I can think of several other things I'd be more embarrassed to be asked about by a friend than how much money I make (or don't make).

I totally agree with this. Among my friends, we know far more about one anothers' sex lives than we do what's in their checking accounts. Isn't that kind of backwards? I've seen my friend's husband doing the naked pee-pee dance but I don't know what he earns in a year! (sorry, couldn't resist, it was hilarious though)

My salary will end up being in the newspaper. I'll be a public school teacher and they post it for all to see. I'll be like, "Nothing to see here, folks, move along." But, if I were working in the private sector earning the exact same low, low, LOW salary, I sure wouldn't broadcast it.