So embarassed!!

[tomthebarncat]

there have been numerous threads on these boards about families dropping off the whole bunch at birthday parties. You have no control over what a grown woman does. Continue to show strength of character and you will prevail!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Here in the South, this would be handled with code speak.

You would say to the party mama, "Thank you so much for accomodating DS's aunt the other weekend. You were just darlin' to put up with her bringing another child along. You have so much more patience than I do. I'm praying every day for the fortitude to deal with this custody issue, and you were just an answer to prayer with your graciousness. Please let me have your sweet boy over for a play date one day soon."

Just saying, a spoonful of sugah helps social awkwardness go down....

I think this is the route I'll take with this one. Now that I've chatted with my friend, I think I'm over the of it all and can do a little damage control. Good call, Kristilew!

Since you are good friends with the woman throwing the party, I would prewarn her that the Aunt may bring along extra guests. It is up to the party hostess to tell her she has to pay for those extra guests or not. It is not your place to do that. When you see the Aunt at the party, just be cordial, but you don't have to be best pals with her. Your friend will not hold it against you that a woman you have no control over has no social skills.

I know my friends wouldn't hold it against me (they know the situation), I just wasn't prepared to deal with people I'm not actually friends with, but I think the above suggestions will go over well.

Completely off topic, but HI! from Lawton!

We have family in Lawton, and we love the Ft. Sill sale!!!

I'll continue the off-topic trend
Hi, to the both of you! From Norman

Uh-oh, I'm from Norman, too!! Now I've outed the family drama to a local!! Nice to know there are some other Disney nuts in town, though.

I would pre-warn my friend, but wouldn't expect her to foot the bill because of my family's custody issues (even if they weren't my fault). I would probably just suck it up and buy some tickets for the nephews myself. If your friend is hosting the party, she'll probably be willing to stretch the cake/ice cream to include the nephews. As for party bags, well....either she'll have to plan ahead, you can bring an alternate favor for the nephews, or this is where I might say "suck it up" to the aunt.

I gave her a heads up today, and she said she will be letting the aunt know that she will have to cover the boy(s) if she chooses to bring them to the party. They are a one-income family (well, now they're two...she got the job she's been after for months today!!!) with three kiddos, and she said she wanted to keep costs down as much as possible. She said she'd definitely try to make the goodies stretch as much as she could, but she wouldn't be making any special arrangements for uninvited people who might or might not show.

I'd do what kristilew suggested, but without the "sugah."

"I heard DS brought extras to your party when he was staying with his other family. I'm so sorry and I hope it didn't put you out. Please let me cover the extra cost!"

When/if they do the same at the next party, quietly slip up to the hostess and say the same.

This isn't my family, nor is it my choice to take extras to a party, so I just don't think I'd be willing to do this as a result of someone else's actions. I would definitely do it were I ever in the position to have to bring an extra to a party, but I hope I'd be able to figure out an alternative solution.

Hi from Edmond too.

I'd let them know if they show up with extras they have to pay. Not accusing or anything just FYI and didn't want you to get caught without your wallet.

I have a friend who teaches music in Edmond.

She's in the frame of mind that everything I say is meant as an insult, but I may drop her an email to let her know to bring some cash with her if she plans on bringing others to the party. Or just let her show up and figure it out for herself. I don't know. I just aim to avoid conflict with this woman, and sometimes that means just avoiding her.

there have been numerous threads on these boards about families dropping off the whole bunch at birthday parties. You have no control over what a grown woman does. Continue to show strength of character and you will prevail!

Woo, boy, I'm trying!!! Some of this stuff...I mean, you can't make it up.




Thanks, all, I think I have a clearer idea on what to do in this situation and any others should they arise. The DIS is the best!!! Much cheaper than therapy.

 

[kristilew]

I think this is the route I'll take with this one. Now that I've chatted with my friend, I think I'm over the of it all and can do a little damage control. Good call, Kristilew!



She's in the frame of mind that everything I say is meant as an insult, but I may drop her an email to let her know to bring some cash with her if she plans on bringing others to the party. Or just let her show up and figure it out for herself. I don't know. I just aim to avoid conflict with this woman, and sometimes that means just avoiding her.

Glad to help.

Now, if you really want to twist the knife, you can sigh and add "she just won't let me tell her a thing, and doesn't seem to understand how these parties work.......Bless her heart."

Of course, if your audience doesn't speak Southern, that last line will be lost on them!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Glad to help.

Now, if you really want to twist the knife, you can sigh and add "she just won't let me tell her a thing, and doesn't seem to understand how these parties work.......Bless her heart."

Of course, if your audience doesn't speak Southern, that last line will be lost on them!

Oh, yes, we're not deep South, but I think most Okies can definitely understand the code.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

Here in the South, this would be handled with code speak.

You would say to the party mama, "Thank you so much for accomodating DS's aunt the other weekend. You were just darlin' to put up with her bringing another child along. You have so much more patience than I do. I'm praying every day for the fortitude to deal with this custody issue, and you were just an answer to prayer with your graciousness. Please let me have your sweet boy over for a play date one day soon."

Just saying, a spoonful of sugah helps social awkwardness go down....

I am just dying here! We must be neighbors,lol! By the way, everytime I overhear "Bless her/his heart" I stop breathing so I'm sure not to miss the rest!

 

[mom2grace]

I would warn your friend and show up to the party 'fashionably late' to avoid the drama.

The true issue is that these situations could be embarrassing to your son.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

I would warn your friend and show up to the party 'fashionably late' to avoid the drama.

The true issue is that these situations could be embarrassing to your son.

I would definitely do that, but I'm helping with the party...maybe I might need to go get some ice or something...

He's only four, so I don't think it's too big of an issue yet. Hopefully by the time he's old enough to be embarassed, she'll have grown up, too.

 

[disykat]

Glad to help.

Of course, if your audience doesn't speak Southern, that last line will be lost on them!

Or they'll think you are the rude one. Honestly talking about someone like that is a worse offense than bringing uninvited guests to a party IMO!

If you want to apologize for her that's one thing, but really, if you start going on about what an idiot she is it will only make you look bad.

 

[Carys]

Here in the South, this would be handled with code speak.

You would say to the party mama, "Thank you so much for accomodating DS's aunt the other weekend. You were just darlin' to put up with her bringing another child along. You have so much more patience than I do. I'm praying every day for the fortitude to deal with this custody issue, and you were just an answer to prayer with your graciousness. Please let me have your sweet boy over for a play date one day soon."

Just saying, a spoonful of sugah helps social awkwardness go down....

Just had to say I found myself reading this aloud in my head with a Gone With the Wind southern belle accent and it sounded too adorable It sounds pretty strange in my kiwi accent

OP, no advice, just wanted to say that it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are using it wisely, what a tricky situation to be in!

 

[nebo]

Here in the South, this would be handled with code speak.

You would say to the party mama, "Thank you so much for accomodating DS's aunt the other weekend. You were just darlin' to put up with her bringing another child along. You have so much more patience than I do. I'm praying every day for the fortitude to deal with this custody issue, and you were just an answer to prayer with your graciousness. Please let me have your sweet boy over for a play date one day soon."

Just saying, a spoonful of sugah helps social awkwardness go down....

well,I guess this post seems to be the favorite of the day!!! great advice! and classy, too.


may I play devil's advocate here and look at this from a totally dif. angle?

It sound like your boy is a popular little boy! (he must be likable, you must be doing a great job raising him). now his "other" family loves him too. and greatly misses his biiological mom, who passed away. and, understandably wants to keep him in their lives. perhaps (just perhaps) it happens that he has other activities (his schedule) that happento fall on their weekend a lot. maybe they would want to plan their own activites with him (with their...and hisextended family.? so, just maybe, if you know about a party enough ahead of time, you can be flexible with the weekends!
example: "Aunt Sally, in 3 weeks, it's your turn to have Johnny. he has a birthday party to attend. rather than have the party interfere with YOUR time with him, what if we switched the weekend?" just an idea.

 

[smidgy]

mea culpa! once again, I have posted under hubby, Nebo's name. (above post).
but I'm sure he agreees with me, ... right honey???:lmao

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

well,I guess this post seems to be the favorite of the day!!! great advice! and classy, too.


may I play devil's advocate here and look at this from a totally dif. angle?

It sound like your boy is a popular little boy! (he must be likable, you must be doing a great job raising him). now his "other" family loves him too. and greatly misses his biiological mom, who passed away. and, understandably wants to keep him in their lives. perhaps (just perhaps) it happens that he has other activities (his schedule) that happento fall on their weekend a lot. maybe they would want to plan their own activites with him (with their...and hisextended family.? so, just maybe, if you know about a party enough ahead of time, you can be flexible with the weekends!
example: "Aunt Sally, in 3 weeks, it's your turn to have Johnny. he has a birthday party to attend. rather than have the party interfere with YOUR time with him, what if we switched the weekend?" just an idea.

Woo! Sister, you've hit the nail on the head here!! This was my proposal, as well. We'll keep him on busier weekends (practices, parties, etc.), and he can go with his other family when he has fewer or no obligations for the weekend. Unfortunately, like I mentioned earlier, she is very adamant about her time being her time (the rest of the family doesn't make an effort to see DS) and if she had the weekend scheduled for her, she refuses to switch. Before the court got involved, she just wouldn't take him to his obligations here. I happen to have a friend who's an adoption, family law, child law specialist, and she set it up so she has to make herself a part of his life rather than making him a part of hers (which is what Aunt Sally was saying she had been doing, but not so much). This set-up is temporary, so hopefully after our next hearing things will settle into a more logical place.

And don't worry...good advice is the same no matter under which name you post.

 

[kristilew]

Or they'll think you are the rude one. Honestly talking about someone like that is a worse offense than bringing uninvited guests to a party IMO!

If you want to apologize for her that's one thing, but really, if you start going on about what an idiot she is it will only make you look bad.

I believe this is an example of a cultural difference between two opposite ends of the country. OP is in yet another region, and will have to decide for herself what flies.

But bless your heart for pointing out the possible pitfalls.