So Disapointed in Kindergarten

[chrissiecutie]

DH and I have been agonizing over sending our son to K for some time now. He's a pretty smart little guy (aren't they all!) but if he's bored, can be a holy terror! He's been in preschool classes, co-ops, pre-K and is just bored and can't stand sitting still for that long. Unfortunately what ends up happening is that he gets labeled a "problem child" or has "developement issues" (their words not mine!). A teacher even suggested to DH that we look into drugging him because he can't sit still! He's 3.5 for goodness sakes!!

We would love to send him to private school but that's out of our budget and still doesn't guarantee he'll get the one on one time he seems to really need. At this point we are leaning towards homeschooling and will be trying it out next month. In my state, WA, they have great supplimental programs through the school districts. Homeschoolers please don't flame me! DH and I will be looking into those more when he gets older. Math and science are just not my areas of expertise. What I have found is that there are so many options available, especially in our area. It may all seem a little scary and overwhelming but I urge you to look into the so called "alternative" schooling. I know in our state there are lots of great private schools, co-ops, unschooling schools and so on.

Best of luck!

 

[nuke]

My son went into K reading, writing his name and other simple words, doing math, and he was an excellent colorer. At first I was thinking the same as the OP. As the year went one I realized that he was learning some really important life skills as well as academic ones. He learned to help his classmates, to solve problems, to wait his turn. In other words he learned how to be a good student and how to act appropriately in a group. He was perfectly prepared for 1st grade.

Don't be so quick to pull your child out or start in with the teacher. There is more to learn in K than academics.

 

[nuke]

I'm surprised to read that all these kids are reading and doing math before even starting Kinder ! Whatever happened to letting them be kids?? My DS is starting Kinder this year too and cannot read, barely write, and definately does not know math.

My son was definately a kid and we didn't force him to read or do math. I discovered he could read when we were stopped at a red light and he read the sign on the side of the road. No parking from here to corner. I was shocked as he was barely 4 years old. So I started testing him. What does that say etc etc.
With math again he just got it. He would count by 6's, 7's, and 8's in the back seat of the car. I think he did it to keep his mind occupied in the car.

Just because some kids can read before Kindergarten doesn't mean their parents lock them in a room all day and drill them.

 

[bumbershoot]

Ellester, what are "blends"?

I'm surprised to read that all these kids are reading and doing math before even starting Kinder ! Whatever happened to letting them be kids?? My DS is starting Kinder this year too and cannot read, barely write, and definately does not know math.

I started reading, out loud from the newspaper, at 2. My mom died 8 years ago and I got all of our kid-stuff, and I can see the artwork my brother and I were doing; my brother was writing shopping lists for my mom before he was 4 (though he did not read at 2, but on the other hand, he is waaaaay smarter than I am). And we were definitely kids being kids!

DH and I have been agonizing over sending our son to K for some time now. He's a pretty smart little guy (aren't they all!) but if he's bored, can be a holy terror! He's been in preschool classes, co-ops, pre-K and is just bored and can't stand sitting still for that long. Unfortunately what ends up happening is that he gets labeled a "problem child" or has "developement issues" (their words not mine!). A teacher even suggested to DH that we look into drugging him because he can't sit still! He's 3.5 for goodness sakes!!

At this point we are leaning towards homeschooling and will be trying it out next month. In my state, WA, they have great supplimental programs through the school districts. Homeschoolers please don't flame me! DH and I will be looking into those more when he gets older.

Chrissie...WA doesn't even require school until 8. Slow it down! Get some Kumon workbooks, do them with him a little bit at a time, but there's no need to make a little guy who can't sit still (nor, IMO, should a 3 year old need to sit still for large amounts of time) sit in a classroom.

My guy is 4, I have NO intentions of starting anything formal for quite awhile, and although I started Montessori at 4 (never did kindergarten, went from Montessori for 2 years into 1st grade where I was bored out of my skull for the rest of my school career), I'm not even thinking of doing that.



OP, I hope your kiddo gets evaluated soon and is given the work up closer to her level. Or that she can cultivate the skill of sitting quietly after finishing her work, waiting for others to be done so they can move on.

 

[noodleknitter]

I'm surprised to read that all these kids are reading and doing math before even starting Kinder ! Whatever happened to letting them be kids?? My DS is starting Kinder this year too and cannot read, barely write, and definately does not know math.

Up until this year, he has just been a kid. He knows his letters, numbers and shapes with no problem. I don't expect him to know anymore. School is about learning these things. Kinder is about learning rules and restrictions and how to get along with others. Coloring should be a big part of it! They need to learn how to behave in a classroom, not be doing worksheets all the time.

Kinder is not even required where I live, he could go right into 1st grade knowing little mroe than he does now.

And, statistically speaking he will be at the same level as his early reading peers by 3rd grade. No studies say that reading early is a sign of anything but the ability to read early.

 

[Aristomommy]

And, statistically speaking he will be at the same level as his early reading peers by 3rd grade. No studies say that reading early is a sign of anything but the ability to read early.

Statistically, you are correct. Unfortunately kids are not statistics. Reading early is also a sign of a child being gifted (IQ, not academic) and at that age, unless you test, it's hard to differentiate. It's ok that some kids know how to read and others do not. Experienced teachers should be used to it and can offer different challenges. As a mother of two very differently developing children, I know that a parent can't force a child to read or learn math at 3 or 4, but some kids just figure it out. Why not give them an opportunity to learn more instead of sitting in class not learning anything?

 

[Disneymommy2006]

Statistically, you are correct. Unfortunately kids are not statistics. Reading early is also a sign of a child being gifted (IQ, not academic) and at that age, unless you test, it's hard to differentiate. It's ok that some kids know how to read and others do not. Experienced teachers should be used to it and can offer different challenges. As a mother of two very differently developing children, I know that a parent can't force a child to read or learn math at 3 or 4, but some kids just figure it out. Why not give them an opportunity to learn more instead of sitting in class not learning anything?

What kind of testing are you suggesting? I personally think that testing in our state is the main problem with public education. Good teachers can assess students informally in so many ways...these types of assessments and observations are often more valuable to a teacher in terms of differentiation! Students being labeled as "gifted" may provide additional services and opportunities for those students but the fact remains that the most important person (in the school setting) is the classroom teacher! He or she has the biggest impact on all students in that classroom. My son went to the AIG teacher last year in 2nd grade where he learned to play chess- he went on the suggestion of his classroom teacher who recognized that he was an advanced reader for his age. I don't think he is "gifted" by any stretch...I know he has had lots of rich language experiences throughout his life that made learning to read for him come naturally. I frankly would not want him tested anymore to get a "gifted" label. He already faced MAP testing 2 times throughout the year as well as benchmark testing 3 times throughout the year!

 

[mommyof2princesses]

And, statistically speaking he will be at the same level as his early reading peers by 3rd grade. No studies say that reading early is a sign of anything but the ability to read early.

Most kids will be at the same level by 3rd grade, not all. My oldest child is gifted, has been tested and and all. She is not just smart with math and reading ect, but also in other areas such as art and music. Her peers have not caught up with her. She didn't read before kindy, but within the first 2 months and by 1st grade she was reading Harry Potter. I believe my dd4 will be the same way. At this very moment she is writing pretend invitations to the reading celebration for the library.

I wonder if the reason most kids catch up by 3rd grade is because they all learn the same thing in the classroom, and most teachers don't have the time to cater to advanced children.

 

[Ellester]

Ellester, what are "blends"?

It's a phonics thing, the blending of two or more constants to make a new sound. BL is "bluh" like in "blue", cr is "cruh" like in "crate", th is "thuh", etc.. They are hard to type out, but hopefully you'll see what I mean. I was also reading at 2 and phonics never really made sense to me. I'm having to learn it as I go!

I wonder if the reason most kids catch up by 3rd grade is because they all learn the same thing in the classroom, and most teachers don't have the time to cater to advanced children.

Oohh! Very interesting theory! I wonder....

 

[dmslush]

I agree with the above poster who was a K teacher. The first few weeks of K aren't about learning, they are about getting settled into a new routine and the teacher finding out the needs and abilities of each child.

As the mother of an gifted 16 year old Junior in high school (something I don't say on here so much because the kids get made fun of so much), the fact that your child is spending her days coloring and not doing multiplication in kindergarten isn't really going to make a big difference down the road. My experience is that if you child is gifted, then they are probably going to continue to be bored throughout elementary school.

The best lesson they can learn at this point is that sometimes they have to do simple stuff that they don't like, but that is no reason not to sit there quietly and behave. The more patience they can learn in elementary school, the more they are able to use that in other areas of life. A stupid example is waiting in lines, I read on here about mothers who pack the entire playroom in a backpack to keep their kids occupied while waiting in lines, learning patience in elementary school will help that a lot. They will be able to pull out a book and read, or just talk with their parents, or entertain themselves without the intervention of other people.

Encourage your daughter to help out those around her that might be needing assistance. If she knows how to read, she can help them recognize their letters. Little things like that go a long way in building friendships and relationships. It will help your daughter learn the value of helping, and will give her a little something to do to to keep her interested.

 

[dbelmo]

I am a teacher, middle school. I have two boys- DS8 is on the gifted side, turning pages since he was 4 months old and sitting by himself. DS4 on the otherhand is in a special education program provided by the school district and is no where near where DS8 was at that age (academically). Both of the boys had the same preschool teachers and curriulum.

When the older went to K, there was less focus on the academics and more on the SOCIAL aspects of being a child in school. Please remember that many students that enter K do not have any preschool or have parents that encourage the love for learning. Sometimes public K is the first time these children are in a structured environment with many more children. Public K is for all the children and not individualized!!

Does every child walk, say thier first word, crawl at the same exact age? NO! So Just because a child is 5 does not mean they are academically or sociall ready for K-- the teacher most likely has a lot of management issues to hande (rules and Procedures) before she can assess the abilities. Give it time and let children be children and play, they have the rest of thier lives to focus on academics and testing-- No wonder why thier is a rise in anxiety in younger children I think we as a society are pushing them too fast. Let K's be K's


dbelmo

sorry for a long soapbox talk, i'll get down now!

 

[brandylouwho]

Hmmm, I am with the previous posters who suggested giving it more time as the first few weeks aren't really about advancing academically, etc.

I also have to add this. I was labeled as "gifted" when I was a kid. Our poor, rural district did not have much funding, so the gifted program wasn't anything to brag about. I remained in our local public school. I did fine (well, at least in my own opnion) .

The "boredom" of a normal classroom didn't cause me to be naughty, or lose the love of learning, or anything like that. It can be done! Sometimes I was actually a bit embarassed by the label & the expectations that came with it (or at least I thought came with it). I felt like I had to be "smart" and get all A's 24/7 (which, as an adult I now know that is far different than what gifted really means).

Sometimes it was cool thing to be, like when I got to be a student mentor for my friend with speech & reading probs.

I see alot of myself in my eldest child, but she is only 4 and I see no need to worry about if she is gifted or just an early bloomer on the learning curve. I recently became a SAHM and I am just so excited to be with her more and help her/witness her growth.

good luck!

 

[tmarquez]

Hi, OP here...thanks for all the insight everyone!

I've decided to wait for the first unit (3 weeks) to be done before talking to the teacher about DD. I understand that K is about alot more than learning the 3 R's. DD is well behaved and knows how to sit quietly until the others are done with their work (or coloring in this case). Like I said originally in her almost 3 year school career she only got in trouble once (and that was for kissing a boy, ya I know, a whole different issue!).

She is a very social kid, which is the main reason I wanted to put her in public school. Most of the kids at her Montessori school were not the best socially.

Also, she is a November birthday, and our state cutoff is September 30...so she is an "old" k'er.

I have never pushed her to learn anything...it's just how she is. It's wierd to me because I couldn't stand school...it was so boring for me...all I wanted to do was play with my friends. I did just enough to get by...nothing more. When I was in school it was definately not "cool" to be gifted or to be the kid that was pulled from class for extra work. It seems things are different now as far as that goes, which is great. On the other hand, DD does math for "fun"...I have no idea where that came from!

If she weren't Disney crazy, it would be hard to tell we were even related!

A question for your teachers or ex-teachers...there is an online reading program called "ticket to read" that DD's older friend does. You have to get a password/user name from the school. DD wants to do it too, but it says it is for 1st grade and up. Do you think it would be ok to ask the teacher for the password/user name?

BTW...it's funny but my DD needs the most work on her coloring of all the skills...she is really terrible.

 

[hkeller27]

Hi, OP here...thanks for all the insight everyone!


A question for your teachers or ex-teachers...there is an online reading program called "ticket to read" that DD's older friend does. You have to get a password/user name from the school. DD wants to do it too, but it says it is for 1st grade and up. Do you think it would be ok to ask the teacher for the password/user name?

BTW...it's funny but my DD needs the most work on her coloring of all the skills...she is really terrible.

Former K teacher here....I am not familiar with that particular program, and while I am sure there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it, I would encourage you to first take her to the bookstore/library. There's something much more wonderful about reading an actual book! There are some great series that would be appropriate for her age too....the Magic Tree House books are great. Let her dive into that world, she'll get so much more out of it than any structured reading program!

Good luck with everything. Definately keep an open line of communication with her teacher, it's important.

 

[ERMama]

I don't think there is any reason to be defensive. Children learn at different rates, some faster,some slower. .

I guess its in the wording. Always around this time of year these posts seem to start to pop up alot. I can understand someone coming for help on how to challenge their quick and eager learner. I can understand how someone would ask others for help when they approach the school and are unhappy with the schools response.

But when people just come out and say they cant believe how easy K is or how disappointed they are that the kids arent learning more, I do get a bit defensive. I know kids learn at different rates but it seems many possibly gifted childrens parents dont. I feel they look down on all those kids less academically smart than their child for holding the curriculum back.

And please do not generalize that kids who dont know all their ABC's etc by the time they start K must have parents who didnt send them to preschool or dont have parents who encourage learning. Theres the argument out there that preschool is not necessary. Kids all learn at their own pace. Theres kids out there where you can spend every waking hour teaching them and they just dont learn as quickly. With alot of help my son has caught up to his peers. We are lucky.

Gifted kids are the way they way because thats simply how their brains are wired. Same goes for those kids who struggle. Dont assume its "bad" parenting, their brains just may be different than your childs.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, honestly, this is the main reason we started homeschooling four years ago. My oldest dd did enjoy kindergarten, she had a wonderful teacher. Then she went on to first grade and was simply bored out of her mind. I vividly remember her coming home and proclaiming, "blends, blends, blends! If I hear any more blends I am going to scream!" She has mastered blends long before, but had to sit through the rest of the class reviewing them day after day. We did talk to the teacher, but her hands were basically tied. She had several kids with discipline and/or learning issues in the class that took up any additional time she may have had for enrichment. I was the room mom and spent as much time in the classroom as I could (both in K and 1st, but I had two younger kids so it was hard to be there more than once or twice a week). Mostly she would ask me to read to the class as a whole, help some kids one on one on the computer, or collate copies. Testing for the TAG (talented and gifted) wasn't available until the 3rd grade. We could literally see the love of learning draining from her every day. She was in one of the "best" schools in the district, there was a long waiting list. We decided homeschooling was the best answer for us and we haven't looked back. I hope talking to the teacher will help resolve your situation, but in our experience it didn't help at all.

Yep, yep and yep. Except for us we didnt' bother with first grade because we had been told in K that it wouldn't get any better. We were told by the librarian and principal that she could not check books out from the library that were not in the picture book section. DD wanted chapters and got in trouble for finding Betsy, Tacy and Tib by herself. (Yeah, she looked it up alphabetically but the librarian was sure she would not be able to handle reading it until at least 3rd grade.)

I agree, however, about giving it more time. We gave it all of kindergarten. However at the school she attended they taught to the whole class all at once. You have been told by the teacher that they will have groups so to me that would make a big difference. Having sisters and a mom who are teachers I know it will take them some time to make sure they have all the kids at least somewhat figured out. Remember, they don't know these kids at all. In first grade and above they generally have the info from previous teachers but in K they are starting from scratch. Plus, they have plenty of kids who have never been in a school environment at all so there is all of that sitting, standing in line etc stuff to work on.

A friend of mine was in the same boat the first couple months of K but their school did much more individualized lesson plans and it worked out really well for her.

 

[princessmom29]

Former K teacher here....I am not familiar with that particular program, and while I am sure there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it, I would encourage you to first take her to the bookstore/library. There's something much more wonderful about reading an actual book! There are some great series that would be appropriate for her age too....the Magic Tree House books are great. Let her dive into that world, she'll get so much more out of it than any structured reading program!

Good luck with everything. Definately keep an open line of communication with her teacher, it's important.

I think you are right about this. I got so much out of the books i read b/c I wanted to as a kid.

To the op- My sister is a kindergarten teacher and she says the first few weeks are really about learnig procedures and how to conduct yourself in a classroom. If it makes you feel any better she has the same issues you are going through every year. She gets everything from children who have never been out of the home to your dd. She has parents voice the same concerns you are evrey year. She does sort the kids out as far as ability by the end of the first month, but she prefers to get to know the kids first so she can evaluate not only "can this kid read" but also social interaction, motor skills ect. She prefers to assing reading groups, groups for centers ect. all at once.

 

[mjkacmom]

I guess its in the wording. Always around this time of year these posts seem to start to pop up alot. I can understand someone coming for help on how to challenge their quick and eager learner. I can understand how someone would ask others for help when they approach the school and are unhappy with the schools response.

But when people just come out and say they cant believe how easy K is or how disappointed they are that the kids arent learning more, I do get a bit defensive. I know kids learn at different rates but it seems many possibly gifted childrens parents dont. I feel they look down on all those kids less academically smart than their child for holding the curriculum back.

And please do not generalize that kids who dont know all their ABC's etc by the time they start K must have parents who didnt send them to preschool or dont have parents who encourage learning. Theres the argument out there that preschool is not necessary. Kids all learn at their own pace. Theres kids out there where you can spend every waking hour teaching them and they just dont learn as quickly. With alot of help my son has caught up to his peers. We are lucky.

Gifted kids are the way they way because thats simply how their brains are wired. Same goes for those kids who struggle. Dont assume its "bad" parenting, their brains just may be different than your childs.

I can't tell you how much I agree with you! I'm ashamed to admit that I was (unknowingly) one of "those" parents when my first dd went to kindy - why should she suffer academically because she was reading, and they were working on their abc's. Now she's going into JH, has always been a straight A student, will be taking all honors classes, but you know what? She did have some struggles. And some of the kids who were catching up in kindy will be taking honors classes, too. She also had some behavior problems - maybe because she was bored - but she learned that you can't misbehave because you are bored.

I'm lucky - turns out all of my kids are bright. Every single one of them could read and do addition/subtraction before kindergarten, and are very creative. But I do realize that they will have to find other ways for mental stimulation until 3rd or 4th, when some of the other kids catch up. I can't believe I asked for extra work in kindergarten! The rest of my kids now have a normal mom, not stressing about academics of a 5 year old.

 

[rt2dz]

OP—I skimmed the first few responses, but have not read any replies thoroughly. I feel for you. We had the same problems when DS7 (going into 2nd in a few weeks) started K. It was horrible! He knew all that stuff, and more. He was beyond bored. The worse part of the problem, he is lazy. If he knows it, he doesn’t see the point in wasting time to “prove” he knows it just because. The under achiever conferences I had regularly through 1st is another story!

His first K teacher kept telling me he could count only to 14. Um, no. He could count by rote to (at least) 100 forward and backward, by twos, fives, and tens. It was horrible. He was just bored and his mind wandered. It really never got better with that teacher. For various reasons, we switched teachers in November and his second K teacher saw it all clearly and found ways to make it more engaging. The worst thing was, after his first day in the new class, DS came home and announced “I didn’t know Kindergarten could be fun!”

His second K teacher told me that the problem is they can only go as fast as the slowest child in the class. Luckily, his second K class had a lot of advanced kids in it and those that weren’t learned quickly because of the way she taught. I will love his second K teacher all my life—we’ve actually become quite close. During all those I know your child knows it, but he won’t prove it to me conferences, I involved her hoping to get his 1st grade teacher to see the light with him. Lord only knows what will happen in 2nd; I guess I’ll find out in three weeks. Thankfully, GT classes start in 3rd and if we can get him to prove his brain, we’ll have no problems once he is challenged. Unfortunately, they still spend the first 6-9 weeks reviewing the entire year before; I wish we had year round school. Such a waste of time!!

He’s still a good kid. Was one of three students to receive a special citizenship award for the school (around 200 kids per grade, K-4th) last year. I’m still beaming with pride! He is learning to hate school though. Luckily, we can supplement well enough at home he still loves learning.

OK, I’m off to read the thread in detail. Well, after my kids upcoming playdate!!

 

[tmarquez]

The program is more of a game. You "earn" decor for your virtual room with the online activities you complete. Sort of like an educational e-pets. She wants to join so she can make her room. It's not a replacement for books at all...just a game.

Former K teacher here....I am not familiar with that particular program, and while I am sure there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it, I would encourage you to first take her to the bookstore/library. There's something much more wonderful about reading an actual book! There are some great series that would be appropriate for her age too....the Magic Tree House books are great. Let her dive into that world, she'll get so much more out of it than any structured reading program!

Good luck with everything. Definately keep an open line of communication with her teacher, it's important.