So depressed-only daughter moving to FL

[DebbieTN]

Last night our only daughter,26, told us that she wants to move to FL in a few months. I can't stop crying. Several years ago she went to WDW on the college program and worked two different times. She's never really been happy since she came back. She finished college a couple of years ago but hated every minute of it. She hated her major which was jounalisim and will not look for a job in that field. She's been working at a Holiday Inn since then and just doesn't have many friends here. We both love WDW so much and she has friends that live there. I'm just having a terrible time thinking about her not livng in Nashville anymore. I know you have to let your children go, but how? I'll even get to go down there more often because I'll have a place to stay, but at the moment none of that matters. I just don't want her to move away. Somebody please help me and give me encouragement.

 

[Planogirl]

There's really nothing to say because you're going to be sad for a while no matter what. But you will have a blast when you visit!

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

Debbie, you will adjust...I promise you. The last one out of the nest was our DS who left for Air Force basic training one month after our DD was married. That was one summer full of emotions, let me tell you. BUT we made it through and DH and I are very happy empty-nesters and life is awesome. DS is stationed in Alaska and DD and her family lives 2 hours driving time away. We literally talk to DS more now than when he was home. Have faith and I promise you will feel better in time. (((hugs))) By the way, we lived one summer with DD in the WDW college program and she worked at Pecos Bill's. She called home I don't know how many times in tears because she had to clean that dang chicken broiler.

 

[Binkrin]

Don't worry, when I moved away my mom was so sad. Then my sister moved even farther away. She was depressed for a while, but she realized that she did a good job raising us and raised 2 independent women. Now she still lives in NY and loves to tell people that her daughters live in Connecticut and Arizona. She is a very proud of us both, but I know it was tough in the beginning.

Don't worry, I am sure she will make you proud too.

 

[momsgonwild]

I too feel your pain. My DS started dating a really nice young lady that was an exchange student at his college. She graduated last May, and returned to Australia. They have been doing the internet/phone thing for over a year now. He also went over for a three week visit last month. I have a feeling that she will be my daughter-in-law after he graduates in May. He says they have not decided anything, or where they will want to live. I too did the crying thing for a couple of days. A friend told me that if my son is confident enough in himself to move that far away from home, that I must have done a wonderful job as a parent raising him. Small comfort sometimes, but with time it is getting a little easier to accept the possibilities. As his mother, I want whatever will make him happy. Try to breathe, and take things one day at a time. The hardest thing about parenting is learning how to let go when the time comes. I am still in that learning process.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Thank goodness for e-mail!

TC

 

[disney4us2002]

I think you should give yourself time. If you just found out last night, then this reaction is understandable. After you really think on it and accept it, you will agree that since your dd is not happy here and will be happy in FL, then she should go and you will be happy for her. Maybe you don't think this today but trust me, you're a good mom and you will want her happiness first.

Any chance you can move too? I sure hope to move closer to Disney someday.

 

[horseshowmom]

I too feel your pain. My DS started dating a really nice young lady that was an exchange student at his college. She graduated last May, and returned to Australia. They have been doing the internet/phone thing for over a year now. He also went over for a three week visit last month. I have a feeling that she will be my daughter-in-law after he graduates in May. He says they have not decided anything, or where they will want to live. I too did the crying thing for a couple of days. A friend told me that if my son is confident enough in himself to move that far away from home, that I must have done a wonderful job as a parent raising him. Small comfort sometimes, but with time it is getting a little easier to accept the possibilities. As his mother, I want whatever will make him happy. Try to breathe, and take things one day at a time. The hardest thing about parenting is learning how to let go when the time comes. I am still in that learning process.

This means absolutely nothing, I know, but both of the people that I know who married Aussies wound up living in the States, so there's hope!

 

[momsgonwild]

This means absolutely nothing, I know, but both of the people that I know who married Aussies wound up living in the States, so there's hope!

Thanks! At least there is some hope. I have to admit that she is a really nice young lady. They are a really good match for each other. That is what counts!

 

[PKK/MJK]

I can completely empathize with you! My youngest daughter (she's 26 also) did the WDW College Program and LOVED living in Florida too. After her college graduation, she returned to WDW to do a final CP--and she never returned to NJ. :-( At the end of that College Program she was hired full-time and almost five years later, she's still working in Disney. I miss her terribly--every day--BUT it definitely does get easier. She calls home daily and e-mails a lot. I travel to Florida more frequently than I used to--and that is a very positive thing! What's important is that she is very happy--so that makes me happy too. Good Luck!!!!

 

[froglady]

DD just graduated from college in PA (I'm in FL) and is still there. She's moving to the DC, where she has a job waiting. I'll see her in August, as I have to bring a bunch of her things up, but then won't see her until Christmas.

However, she made it clear from the day she left for college that unless her plans went terribly wrong, she would not be coming back after graduation, so I've had a few years to adjust.

I'm an only daughter who moved from RI to FL with DH. As soon as my parents were both retired, and my grandmother died, they moved down here.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Sorry you're feeling so depressed Debbie. We have the exact opposite problem. My husband is being transferred to FL, Orlando area specifically, and my daughter is in college in Philadelphia and will be entering her junior year. She is sooooo angry with me right now for moving. She feels I am abandoning her and the rest of the family for as she puts in "palm trees and a few more sunny days". She doesn't understand how I can leave potential future grandchildren, asks me "don't I want to be close to my grandchildren", etc. Mind you, she will be 21 in December, has no idea where she will be working after college, and has a boyfriend in a band whom she is very serious with.

I told her "proximity" does not equal "closeness". I pointed out that she has two grandmothers within ten minutes of driving distance and she is close to neither, and neither grandmother made a point of being involved in her life. I tried to get her to understand that I can't just sit here waiting for her to see where her future takes her. I told her I would love for her to come live with me in Florida, and she can visit as often as she wants, that I'd pay for her airfare, and if she needed me for anything I would be on the next flight. We were VERY close up until about 4 years ago when she felt my rules were too restrictive, she was turning 17, and her father, my ex, promised her a new car, etc., so she moved out while I was away and moved in with him. He only lives around the corner from me, but I still felt it was not the right place for her to be as he was never home, and there were no rules imposed. Fortunately, she has a good amount of common sense and didn't get into any major predicaments. I told her that if she was a part of our household and wasn't able to come with us then we would most likely have had to pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity, as we would never make her leave her home, but she has made it clear numerous times that "home" is with her father, who by the way, didn't do one thing for these kids while they were growing up except bring home a paycheck.

Sorry for going off on a tangent, but I think it is wonderful that your daughter feels secure enough to do what she is doing. I know you will miss her terribly, as I will also miss my daughter terribly. Just call as often as possible, email, IM, visit as much as you can, keep the lines of communication open, ask about her life, her troubles, her joys. You can do this!! Plus, you get to go to Florida more often!

 

[mickeysgal]

Any chance you can move too? I sure hope to move closer to Disney someday.

Thats exactly what I was thinking too. Think of it as a golden opportunity, rather than a limitation.

As others have said, congratulate yourself in a job well done. It takes a whole lot of self-confidence to move away from home that far. Let her spread her wings without guilt and experience the successes and the failures that go along with trying something on her own. She needs that reassurance from you.

Bottom line, I know, its still hard, mom!

 

[ChristmasElf]

Last night our only daughter,26, told us that she wants to move to FL in a few months. I can't stop crying. Several years ago she went to WDW on the college program and worked two different times. She's never really been happy since she came back. She finished college a couple of years ago but hated every minute of it. She hated her major which was jounalisim and will not look for a job in that field. She's been working at a Holiday Inn since then and just doesn't have many friends here. We both love WDW so much and she has friends that live there. I'm just having a terrible time thinking about her not livng in Nashville anymore. I know you have to let your children go, but how? I'll even get to go down there more often because I'll have a place to stay, but at the moment none of that matters. I just don't want her to move away. Somebody please help me and give me encouragement.

I'm sorry that you are so upset your DD wants to move!! On the other hand, Florida is a wonderful place to live and you can always come visit her here in the Sunshine State!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Letting go is tough. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[pumba]

Hey ....being a mom is hard work......well so is being a dad......when our son went to college that was two hours away.......I was in mourning for weeks......it was like our family was being split apart........I still like having my kids around and NOW grandkids......we are blessed when we miss our kids that much......

 

[DebbieTN]

Thank you all for your sweet, loving thoughts. Even though I don't personally know any of you, your words meant so much. I'm going to print them out and read them often. It's so much easier to write something than to talk to someone because I cry much when I try to talk to anyone in person about something like this. Thank you again.

 

[mickeysgal]

Thank you all for your sweet, loving thoughts. Even though I don't personally know any of you, your words meant so much. I'm going to print them out and read them often. It's so much easier to write something than to talk to someone because I cry much when I try to talk to anyone in person about something like this. Thank you again.

Awww...wish I could give you a hug in person. Its sometime hard to be a mom.

 

[JustHolly]

I'm an only daughter who moved to Florida. I "prepared" my parents for 2 years and they didn't believe me.... even when I told them I had an apartment secured, etc. When they finally did believe I was moving, my mother, like you, was devastated. She cried for a month, I'm told!

What my mother didn't know, is that it was just as hard on me, but I knew it was something I wanted/needed to do.

I've been in Florida for 3 years now. There were many times I was tempted to move back to where my parents live, but I stuck it out. I got married, bought a house, and I'm staying for a while...

The reason I'm telling you this is because it all worked out!

I talk to my parents on the phone just about ever day, sometimes more than once a day. We email pictures back and forth at least once a week, so I can see what's going on there, and they can see what's going on here. We see each other more than before I moved away, because now, it's for weeks at a time, not just a few hour visit here and there. She has come to visit a couple of times, but mostly, I go home and see her.... A LOT! I even surprised her for her 50th birthday!

Our relationship is closer than ever because moving away has helped me learn to make decisions for myself, and I've grown up a lot. We respect each other more.

I know it sounds horrible, now, and you'll be sad for a while. But I PROMISE, it's not as bad as you are thinking it's going to be! Sure, Mom still cries when dropping me off at the airport after a visit...and I do the same after she has visited me.

But, remember, you are only a 2-hour plane ride away! If you or your daughter needed to, you could be together within the same day.

Hang in there! Congrats on having another excuse to come to Florida!

 

[Buckalew11]

Hugs to you, Debbie. I was thinking of you the other day. I am sure you don't remember but you and I exchanged words many years ago when I first started DISing. I remember after we cleared the air that your DD was going to FL to do the WDW CP and it all very exciting. Little did you know at that time that it would lead her to want to move to FL. I have a client whose niece also did this and ended up moving to FL and working for WDW. She moved home once, but went back again as her heart now seems to be in FL.

I know you are going to miss her so much. I, too, only have one DD and I dread the day she leaves. She is at camp this week and this is her first time away and she is loving it. She is a child with wings so to speak and I know she'll be using them in the future. What a wonderful opportunity for your DD. She has no reason to not try this dream at this point in her life. No DH, no kids, nothing to tie her down. Try to look at it from that POV--she is fulfilling a dream, exploring life as her own person, persuing a dream that many women often give up because they get tied down before they even know what their dream is.

When my family moved to TN, it was a dream of my dad's. He was an only child. My grandparents moved with us. They asked if they could follow and my parents agreed that it would be nice to have them close. So, you never know, you may be visiting FL to see her, you may move there too someday, she may try it and move back to TN ( but she at least will have lived a dream of hers) or move elsewhere. I think she is amazing brave to follow her dreams and I think you did a lot right to give her the confidence to persue her dreams as a young, independent woman!

I hope all goes well with her move and that you find comfort and peace in the whole situation. In a few more years you try telling me these same words, ok? Hugs!!