So angry - stolen money

[Nolcrest]

Did your son say money was stolen or did he seem upset at all? Why not show your dismay? I would be more direct and not make assumptions. Is it at all possible DS needed money for something - maybe a gift?

I too would be fuming if the money was stolen, especially from those I opened my home to. I would have a conversation first with DS and then take him to open a bank account as others have suggested.

 

[MsDisney23]

My DS (13) has been saving money all summer for our Disney trip over spring break. I've told him that I will buy food and one souvenir and anything else is up to him. Needless to say, he is trying hard to save money! At first he was saving his money is a plastic bank, but soon after DSis, BIL, and their 4 kids moved in with us in March, I noticed the money level was decreasing. I was upset, but didn't say anything. I bought him a different bank, a mini ATM that (I thought) could only be opened with the card it came with. I kept the card in my purse at all times. Problem solved - so I thought. Tonight I came home from work and DS tells me "Hey Mom, XX (cousin) showed me how to open my bank with my school ID." I didn't want to show my dismay so I waited until he went to take a shower and checked his bank. Sure enough, the $20 bill he had in there is gone. I am so mad I just don't know what to do. I can't prove who took it, even though I know it was someone in DSis family - maybe even BIL. (He is a worthless loser - won't work, plays video games all day, etc.) I need to talk to her, but I have no idea what to say. I know one thing - tomorrow we are going to buy a lockbox for his money.

PS - I will be replacing the $20 for DS - not his fault it was stolen.

So sorry to hear about your sons money. This would bother me more, the BIL being a workthless loser and not working.... He would have to get a job within one month or leave, the sister and kids could stay. You need to talk to your sister, sounds like you and your family are being taken advantage of, do not allow it! Here is a for ya.

 

[kellyg403]

I would definitely have him open an account. As another stated, that is a serious violation towards another person. And not knowing the culprit is even worse.

Unless you are willing to have a large scene with your sister and her family that might end up being a really bad one since you don't have proof I would just lock up my valuables and then start trying to find the culpirt/thief so that you have proof when the conversation comes.

If you are willing to have the conversation, and not knowing your dsis, I would simply state some things have gone missing, if she finds them please return them. I would tell her you do not know who the culprit is, but if that person is caught you will expect that there be consequences. Your house, your rules.

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Set up a savings account at a bank.

 

[TwingleMum]

I would empty the money out without saying anything and move it for save keeping. Then I would put a note inside the bank suggesting to the thief that they put the missing money back.

No false accusations that way. Whomever finds the note can't deny they are in the bank.

You must be my long lost twin!! This is exactly what I would do.

 

[Presentation]

Don’t say a word. Coat some bills with invisible ink. Check the bank frequently.

Once the bills go missing, have a meeting, pull out the black light, explain what you are doing and check hands.

Then let the situation play out.

 

[johnsontrio]

My DS (13) has been saving money all summer for our Disney trip over spring break. I've told him that I will buy food and one souvenir and anything else is up to him. Needless to say, he is trying hard to save money! At first he was saving his money is a plastic bank, but soon after DSis, BIL, and their 4 kids moved in with us in March, I noticed the money level was decreasing. I was upset, but didn't say anything. I bought him a different bank, a mini ATM that (I thought) could only be opened with the card it came with. I kept the card in my purse at all times. Problem solved - so I thought. Tonight I came home from work and DS tells me "Hey Mom, XX (cousin) showed me how to open my bank with my school ID." I didn't want to show my dismay so I waited until he went to take a shower and checked his bank. Sure enough, the $20 bill he had in there is gone. I am so mad I just don't know what to do. I can't prove who took it, even though I know it was someone in DSis family - maybe even BIL. (He is a worthless loser - won't work, plays video games all day, etc.) I need to talk to her, but I have no idea what to say. I know one thing - tomorrow we are going to buy a lockbox for his money.

PS - I will be replacing the $20 for DS - not his fault it was stolen.

What else are they stealing? Time for them to find a new place to live...

 

[kidzmom3]

I almost don't blame her for not moving. You said you were ill. They are talking about a 3 foot rule to stay away from sick people.

 

[clovergirl5]

I agree with pps about opening a bank account. I also like the family meeting. I think I would have one of those. I wouldn't have anything else anyone could break into. Heck, it could be your BIL.

I would also take stock of anything else valuable in the house. Make sure everything is under lock and key, including important papers. You never know.

The bigger question now is, how long are they staying? Do you have a target exit date? If not, I'd be setting one up asap. I wouldn't want to live with someone that steals. I wouldn't come out and say that's the reason, because the living arrangements should not be forever anyway. Complicated I'm sure, but the end should be in mind.

Agree with this...check out the rest of the stuff in your home and definitely confront the culprits. Im sorry you and your son are dealing with this. It is sad the lows people sink too. Are they living with you due to $ issues? Im sorry for them too if thats the case, but no excuse for what has happened. Especially to the family who has taken them in. to you and ds. I hope he is able to get his $ back. Bank account = GREAT IDEA!

 

[shortbun]

I would empty the money out without saying anything and move it for save keeping. Then I would put a note inside the bank suggesting to the thief that they put the missing money back.

No false accusations that way. Whomever finds the note can't deny they are in the bank.

Great idea!

P.S. How come your 13yo doesn't recognize that his money is missing? My 14yo knows and has known for years every cent he has in his lockbox. Lol, his Dad borrowed a 20 from him last year and included an i.o.u. but DS was not happy. He explained that he counts his money every couple of days(silas marner) and needs the 20 back now. We took it because we had no cash or time to go to the bank and needed to pay to get into his basketball game. I remember saying ' Ricky, you're gonna have some splainin' to do!" Anyway, encourage your son to keep better track of his money.

 

[clovergirl5]

I almost don't blame her for not moving. You said you were ill. They are talking about a 3 foot rule to stay away from sick people.

 

[agnes!]

Check all your valuables when they aren't around.
Make sure any jewelry or money that you might have around hasn't somehow gone 'missing'.
Check with your son to make SURE he didn't somehow spend the $ without telling you.
Before you say ANYTHING to them, think about removing EVERYTHING of value from the home and change the locks.

If you can prove, to yourself, that SOMEONE from your sister's family is stealing from you, then you should consider having them *gone*. I mean it....do they have a key? Could they steal (and WOULD THEY STEAL!) the bigger items, like your TV/computer/DVD-player/Wii/etc.? I would subscribe to Equifax and put a trace on all your family's personal info - Social Security #s, credit cards, etc. DBil could be opening accounts in *your* family's names and putting *your* credit at risk, not just you & your DH's but even your kids (which probably wouldn't be discovered until your kids go to apply for credit when they're adults).

And if I were in your shoes I would be worried about coming home and GoshGollyGee, the house has been burglarized! And all the easily-fenced stuff is gone! Wow, wonder how that happened...

agnes!

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Did your son say money was stolen or did he seem upset at all? Why not show your dismay? I would be more direct and not make assumptions. Is it at all possible DS needed money for something - maybe a gift?

I too would be fuming if the money was stolen, especially from those I opened my home to. I would have a conversation first with DS and then take him to open a bank account as others have suggested.

Maybe I missed it, but did you check with your son first to see if he used his own money for something else? Or are you just assuming it was stolen?

I am friends with the poster and I can tell you her son did not use the money for anything . I also saw where someone said maybe he should keep better track of his money . I would agree with these things except I am close to the situation and all I can say is he cant do it . He is special needs and really does not understand that his own family would take from him . Shoot this boy has a heart of gold he is close to our family and he takes a whole lot of bossing from my 7 yr old neice He loves her even though she is bossy !

It breaks my heart that they steal from him , he has been saving for this trip for so long.He is so excited about going because he knows of the Disney magic. She is a single mom of a special needs child who deals with illness and health issues everyday , really who steals from a little boy with a gentle soul ?Her BIL is a real dirt bag and he wouldnt have a place to live if not for her Let him know you are on to him girl and do it now !

 

[tileman]

I did not read all the post. But if the money was always there and then your Dsl and Bil and kids move in well for me they would be a meeting and I would voice what & how they showed your son about opening the bank.

Then I would give them a time line to get out.
Sorry if you take from me or my kids out you go.

And sorry for your son.

BIL is a real dirt bag and he wouldnt have a place to live if not for her

Then I know for sure his A$$ would be gone.

She is a single mom of a special needs child who deals with illness and health issues everyday

So sorry to hear there are Special Places in heaven for mom's like her.





Ron.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to add that it would be better if you hung onto his money with a running tally instead of using the strongbox as long as you have family there.

I would not put out the temptation so you can have another upsetting incident. It is like setting yourself up.

 

[momof1princess]

I am friends with the poster and I can tell you her son did not use the money for anything . I also saw where someone said maybe he should keep better track of his money . I would agree with these things except I am close to the situation and all I can say is he cant do it . He is special needs and really does not understand that his own family would take from him . Shoot this boy has a heart of gold he is close to our family and he takes a whole lot of bossing from my 7 yr old neice He loves her even though she is bossy !

It breaks my heart that they steal from him , he has been saving for this trip for so long.He is so excited about going because he knows of the Disney magic. She is a single mom of a special needs child who deals with illness and health issues everyday , really who steals from a little boy with a gentle soul ?Her BIL is a real dirt bag and he wouldnt have a place to live if not for her Let him know you are on to him girl and do it now !

only the lowest form of human life would steal from a child, particularly one with special needs. i do believe it's time for the "houseguests" to go. OP, in your shoes, i'd be having a family meeting with them and letting them know what has happened, that i know one of them took it, and while i don't expect anyone to own up to it, i do expect them to be out of my home by xxxxx date. and stick with it. you and your son deserve better.

 

[dakcp2001]

There is a far bigger problem here than just money missing from a bank. Someone is stealing, and this is only the things you KNOW about. I would sit down and have a talk with the family and let them know you are aware and on the lookout for things going missing. And you may want to discuss an exit plan for them. I would not let them continue to live at my house and steal from me, they are taking advantage of you.


What else is missing that you have not noticed? You cannot leave anything of value around. Who knows what else has gone missing. I had a cousin that stole my deceased grandmothers ring and pawned it, that can bever be replaced.

 

[EthansMom]

I'd get the boy a bank account, check to make sure nothing else of value is missing from the house, and put a fraud alert on my credit reports.

Then I'd tell the relatives they have through the holidays to find a new place to mooch live.

I wouldn't even go into the drama of accusing anyone of stealing. Not worth the effort, IMO. Just tell them it's time for them to move on.

 

[EveDallas]

Thank you all for the replies. I would like nothing better than to throw DSis and BIL out, but I can't. It is a very involved situation, but short version is the house we are living in actually belonged to my mom and when she passed in '07, she left it in equal shares to all of us. So technically, the house is as much hers as mine. I really don't care about that, DS and I are going to be moving out when my income tax money comes in, so we only have a couple more months here. I love DSis and my nieces but I can't stand BIL and unfortunately my 2 nephews are growing up just that their dad. Until we move, everything of mine is going either into my storage unit or into my locked bedroom. As Mad4Mickey said, my son is special needs and much more on the level of a 9 or 10 year old than a 13 year old. I tried to explain to him why we need to move his money, but he really doesn't understand. I don't think he grasps the concept that someone would take something that doesn't belong to them. I finally just told him that we are going to move his money into a real bank because he is a big kid now. He liked that idea.

 

[vroomagain]

Thank you all for the replies. I would like nothing better than to throw DSis and BIL out, but I can't. It is a very involved situation, but short version is the house we are living in actually belonged to my mom and when she passed in '07, she left it in equal shares to all of us. So technically, the house is as much hers as mine. I really don't care about that, DS and I are going to be moving out when my income tax money comes in, so we only have a couple more months here. I love DSis and my nieces but I can't stand BIL and unfortunately my 2 nephews are growing up just that their dad. Until we move, everything of mine is going either into my storage unit or into my locked bedroom. As Mad4Mickey said, my son is special needs and much more on the level of a 9 or 10 year old than a 13 year old. I tried to explain to him why we need to move his money, but he really doesn't understand. I don't think he grasps the concept that someone would take something that doesn't belong to them. I finally just told him that we are going to move his money into a real bank because he is a big kid now. He liked that idea.

My mother is dealing with an almost similar situation (minus living with family). Great-Great grandma left shares of the house to all the kids, 2 of them died leaving my great aunt with 3 of the 5 shares that she then left to my mother. The other 2 relatives were not paying taxes or upkeep but refused to buy the shares or sell it. Mom got a lawyer and it was either them buy the shares or force-sell. The market is bad right now so its still sitting on the market- but I hope you keep this information for the future.