So angry - stolen money

[EveDallas]

My DS (13) has been saving money all summer for our Disney trip over spring break. I've told him that I will buy food and one souvenir and anything else is up to him. Needless to say, he is trying hard to save money! At first he was saving his money is a plastic bank, but soon after DSis, BIL, and their 4 kids moved in with us in March, I noticed the money level was decreasing. I was upset, but didn't say anything. I bought him a different bank, a mini ATM that (I thought) could only be opened with the card it came with. I kept the card in my purse at all times. Problem solved - so I thought. Tonight I came home from work and DS tells me "Hey Mom, XX (cousin) showed me how to open my bank with my school ID." I didn't want to show my dismay so I waited until he went to take a shower and checked his bank. Sure enough, the $20 bill he had in there is gone. I am so mad I just don't know what to do. I can't prove who took it, even though I know it was someone in DSis family - maybe even BIL. (He is a worthless loser - won't work, plays video games all day, etc.) I need to talk to her, but I have no idea what to say. I know one thing - tomorrow we are going to buy a lockbox for his money.

PS - I will be replacing the $20 for DS - not his fault it was stolen.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I think you should hide whatever you get. That is a terrible thing to happen to your son. But, calm must prevail because you can't prove anything.

 

[LadyZolt]

Wow, I'd be pretty mad, too. That is pretty low! I think I'd go with the lockbox, too. I'd have DS bring the money to me and then I'd put it in there so only I knew how to open the lockbox. Some people are despicable. I'm sorry this has happened to you and your DS.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Take him to the bank and open a savings account for him.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I would be truly ticked if I were you (and wonder about other things in the house, as well).

I would have DS open a savings account in a real bank and make regular deposits.

 

[FireDancer]

Being stolen from is such a violation, especially when it happens in your own home.

Might I suggest opening an account for your son at a local credit union? I am the I.S. Coordinator at a credit union in the Cleveland area and we have accounts for kids. You would be on it as trustee but the only requirement is a $5 balance and there are no monthly charges.

It might be a good way to teach your son about banking and none of your family can get to it.

 

[EveDallas]

That is a great idea about a savings account! I never thought of it, to be honest. I'll take him to my bank Monday after school. Thanks for the idea

 

[wide receiver]

Open a saving account for your son. Most banks if you have an account will open one for your child. Sorry this happened. I would be careful, other things will probably turn up missing.

 

[kidzmom3]

I would call a family meeting. You know for a fact that the money is missing. You don't have to accuse, you can discuss the situation. Maybe someone will feel guilty.


I would seriously think about asking them to leave your home. What else are the stealing from you, if they are willing to steal from a child.

If you don't say anything, this is the second time that a theft has gone unconfronted.

 

[minkydog]

I imagine it's going to be awkward, but I think you need to confront your sister. She needs to know that money is going missing. You don't have to know which one of them is doing it, but you DO know it's not one of your family.

I had a roommate in college who stole money from me and the other roommate. I took to hiding my money very creatively and she never found it. I hid money in the battery box of my stereo, wrapped inside my towels, in my dirty clothes, and inside my bathing suits(she weighed about 150-lbs more than me, so no sharing clothes.)

It has to be devastating to realize that one of your own family has stooped to stealing money from your son. I think I'd lock of EVERYTHING of value until they move out. And I'm not sure that I wouldn't suggest they leave now!

 

[AlleyKat]

That is a great idea about a savings account! I never thought of it, to be honest. I'll take him to my bank Monday after school. Thanks for the idea

Make sure YOU keep the passbook!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree with pps about opening a bank account. I also like the family meeting. I think I would have one of those. I wouldn't have anything else anyone could break into. Heck, it could be your BIL.

I would also take stock of anything else valuable in the house. Make sure everything is under lock and key, including important papers. You never know.

The bigger question now is, how long are they staying? Do you have a target exit date? If not, I'd be setting one up asap. I wouldn't want to live with someone that steals. I wouldn't come out and say that's the reason, because the living arrangements should not be forever anyway. Complicated I'm sure, but the end should be in mind.

 

[disykat]

I would empty the money out without saying anything and move it for save keeping. Then I would put a note inside the bank suggesting to the thief that they put the missing money back.

No false accusations that way. Whomever finds the note can't deny they are in the bank.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Ohhh, that's terrible. Here you are doing a nice thing to help out your family and they go and do this

I wish I had advice on what to do but the situation sounds awful all around. I would worry about additional thefts though and open a safety deposit box for $30/year to hide all my valuables ( jewelry, coin collections, documents) until they leave. Anyone that would steal from a kid, even if its another child, won't respect boundaries of any kind IMO.

 

[chell]

How large is the space inside the bank? Large enough for a mouse trap? If so, I would put one in there and see who gets "caught"?

If the cousin was showing your son how to open it the cousin had to find out from someone or by trying. One time my uncle, his wife and 2 children came to stay with us. When they moved out they took almost all of my clothes and lots of our household items. They even took all of my underwear! Their oldest daughter wasn't even in my size yet and it would be at least another 2 years before she would be. It was a very shocking experience for me. I was probably about 7 or 8 when that happened.

Like other posters have said, I would be worried about other things in my house. Does your mail come directly to your house or a PO Box? I would be concerned about them getting too much info from my mail.

Your poor son! It is great that he has been working so hard to save money. You have to be teaching him so well on the importance of money. Way to go!

 

[dismom2]

I would empty the money out without saying anything and move it for save keeping. Then I would put a note inside the bank suggesting to the thief that they put the missing money back.

No false accusations that way. Whomever finds the note can't deny they are in the bank.

I was going to suggest putting a note in the ATM, too. I would say something like: "whoever is stealing money from here, you should be ashamed of yourself. If you want to do the right thing, please put the money back".
What would be even funnier is if you set up a 'Nanny Cam" and truly caught the theif---then show the video during 'family movie night'.

 

[surfergirl602]

This just makes me wonder what else has been disappearing that you don't know about. Have you checked your jewelry lately?

 

[FireDancer]

What would be even funnier is if you set up a 'Nanny Cam" and truly caught the theif---then show the video during 'family movie night'.

These are cheap and easy to do now...just sayin'

 

[Silent1CB]

Maybe I missed it, but did you check with your son first to see if he used his own money for something else? Or are you just assuming it was stolen?

 

[kafitty]

it's definitely time to start a bank account...my dad set up one in my name wayyy back, so it's kind of funny when i'm on the phone with a rep, because in the beginning they ask my date of birth (1986) and then at the end they go, "Well thank you for being a loyal customer, we see you've had an account with us since...1991?!" Yes, i was banking at age 5, weren't you?

on that note...somehow that very same account somehow got hacked and there was an ATM withdrawal IN ENGLAND for $167.04 (WHAT THE HECK?!), so i definitely can relate to the feeling of having money stolen! Stinks!!! At least, with the bank, they refunded it.