So angry: Preschool teachers told DD characters aren't real!

[ksoehrlein]

Two days before our last trip, my DD who is 4.5 confided in me that her preschool teachers told her that the characters were really just people inside costumes. I am furious!

I tried to gloss over it at the time, but it really put a damper on our first character meal. DD wondered aloud why all the other kids thought the characters were real when she knew otherwise. That's when we called in the big guns. We were at 1900 Park Fare, so we knew the Fairy Godmother was just outside. I asked DD if she thought her teachers knew more than the Fairy Godmother about WDW. She conceded that her teachers probably didn't know as much. So after dinner, we got the Fairy Godmother to weigh in on the issue.

She was terrific! She explained that the characters were very real indeed. And in case you were wondering, the reason that some of the characters appear bigger at WDW than they do in the movies (such as Cinderella's pet mice), why it's just because the Fairy Godmother used her magic wand to make them bigger.

What a relief. Fairy Godmother gave my daughter some of her innocence back. And yes, we did schedule a conference with an administrator at DD's preschool. The teachers are sticking to their story that "another child" must have told her this. I doubt it because DD was careful to cite her teachers on this one, but I'm going to drop it.

Anyone else have a similar experience? And how did you handle it?

 

[DisFam95]

That's terrible if the teacher did say that. It sounded like you handled it wonderfully with getting the Fairy Godmother to talk to your dtr..that's great!! About the school it sounds like you've done all you can with meeting and expressing your opinion. Especially since you can't know for 100% sure who said what.

Good job!

 

[lck33]

I cannot believe that. You know that you know your own daughter best, and that usually at that age, this is not something they would make up or even cite wrong. that is just my opinion. That being said, the harm was already done, I am so glad that the Fairy Godmother was there to help you with this issue. I truly hope your daughter did indeed gain some of the innocence back. Children are children for such as short time so "let them be little". I think you handled the situation excellent.

I have not had such an experience yet and I hope not to. I do however have an appointment to meet with my DD 4's pre-school teacher because she is really starting to talk alot about what happens when people die. The worst is no-one in our immediately family or anyone we know for that matter has died recently. I just would like to know if anything is going on at school with any other children or conversation about this matter going on?

Have a great Day!!

 

[ksoehrlein]

My DD is going through a death-obsessed phase as well. As far as I can tell, it's stemming from our DVD collection. So many "bad guys" die as part of the happy ending!

Good luck with that. It's such a delicate matter.

 

[moopdog]

I don't want to come off as the bad guy, I just want to mention this to give a little different perspective I guess. But even if the teachers DID say it, I'm not sure if I would say they were at fault at all. I guess it would depend on the way the conversation led up to them saying it or something. I guess I was surprised by your being upset, because didn't realize that any kids believed the characters were the "real deal". We have always told the kids that they were just people dressed up, same with the santas that we see at Christmas time. I think my kids would be a little freaked out if that actually thought the characters WERE real mice, genie, mermaid, etc. I also think that it's hard to tell your kids that the people (on TV) didn't really die, or get spanked or fall off the roof, etc. because it's only tv and not real, etc AND expect them to believe that a 8 foot mouse is a real mouse from tv, ya know? In our case at least, the kids are still very phsyched about seeing the characters and call them by their names, mickey, pooh, etc. because we "pretend" they're real. They really love it just the same, I think. I hope I'm not the only one who takes this approach, I never really considered letting them believe they were real. Hmmm.

I really hope I'm not offending anyone, I swear I'm just giving my 2 cents. My 4 yo DS is totally obsessed with death and dying and we also have had no pets or people die for him to be worried about it. I guess maybe it's a natural thing for kids of this age. Everyone thinks that it's the shows we let him watch (it isn't) or it's stuff he's learning in Sunday school (no, because I co-teach the class) or kids telling him things (no because I'm a SAHM and am always around him) so it HAS to be a phase thing, right?? He was even worried that DH and I were going to die at Christmas time before we had a chance to open our presents under the tree. Weird.

Hope everything goes great with your talk at the preschool. Good luck!!

 

[Madi100]

My daughter's first grade teacher did this right before we went. She was six years old. Now, I know that some people don't really care about the whole Disney experience, but you have to be sensitive to the belief of others. When a child is going to someplace like Disney World, you just should avoid the subject of real and pretend. It's like telling a child that Santa is not real.

It sounds like you had a really neat experience with the Fairy Godmother. How neat. Glad she could restore the magic.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

ksoehrlein
Too bad about what happened, no matter who let the cat out of the bag. Glad you were able to resolve it. I heard of a lot of people who want to preserve their children's innocence about disney/santa/the world as long as possible. I have to respect that because every parent should have the right on how to raise their children.

moopdog,
You are not alone. Both my girls (6 and 4) know what's "real" and not. It does not lessen the magic or their happiness over meeting the characters a bit. They love meeting the characters. It's like seeing their favorite tv/movie characters come to life. But since they know that tv/movies are pretend, wouldn't the come to life characters be pretned also? I think it does reassure them that the characters are pretend also. As you pointed out, I would probably freak them out to think they were "real."

I never really gave this much thought and found out their "beliefs" the hard way. DD6 when she was younger asked me one Christmas why so many people and kids think that Santa was "real." I carefully asked her "Santa isn't real? Why do you say that?" She answered that he's a fictitious character from books and tv. "What about Santa at the malls and elsewhere?" Oh, someone is dressed up like the Santa character. I answered her by saying that a lot of people like to believe that Santa is real because it makes them feel good, so don't argue about it if they say he is real.

I casually mentioned well, what do you think about Mickey Mouse? Is he real? She thought about it for a while and answered "I guess not , he's pretend." By this time, my thoughts were working overtime. I then asked her is Jesus real? She quickly answered, "yes of course." Then she flashed me the "Do I look stupid?" look! That was a load off my chest. At least she knew what should be pretend and what should be real.

Later on when I was alone with my younger DD4, I casually brought up the subject of Santa/Mickey/Jesus, just to get an idea what she thought. And she had absolutely no problem separating pretend from real and had no problems with the two.

So, I guess each child and family is different. I do think that kids grow up much too fast now a days. I wish they could stay innocent longer. But for me and my kids, I'm just as happy knowing that they know pretend from real. I'll be happier for them to know the difference between right and wrong as young as possible.

 

[Beth76]

Moopdog, I agree with you. I didn't really think that kids thought they were real. Wouldn't they see different Cinderellas or little Mermaids throughout the park? Kids can recognize different faces. I think I would actually be a little concerned if my kids thought an 8 foot stuffed mouse was real.

ksoehrlein, I'm sorry if you felt your daughter's teacher lessened her experience of Disney. I didn't "get it", perhaps she didn't either. And let's not forget, what she told your daughter is the truth, albeit perhaps not her place to say.

 

[onobono]

Kids know more than we realize. My 4 yr. old Granddaughter, during an autograph, purposely stepped on Minnie's foot. When I asked why she had done such a nasty thing, her reply was to see if Minnie was "real"! Then to close the discussion, her final point was," Sorry Grandpa, but Minnie's feet are made of rubber!"

 

[taximomfor4]

This is one of those very individual situations, really. MY kids have no doubt (6 + 5 yo) that the mall santa's, easter bunnies, and the disney characters are people dressed up. They still love it, though. I don't know how they know, I just assume, like others have said, that they can recognize a costume or different faces. But we are pretty careful to explain that, even if we know the truth, some kids don't yet and that we should be really careful to not ruin it for them. In fact, we make a big deal about them helping keep the magic alive for the still-believers.

I, too, would say its good to have brought up your disappointment to the school. And then let it go at that, because there is really no certain way to find out exactly the context that might have led up to the whole spilling-of-the-beans. It very well could have been a teacher, in response to another child's question when discussing your child's upcoming trip. Too late to tell for sure now! Anyway, I am really glad the FG could re-insert the magic with that dose of individual attention. What a cool moment that must have been!!

Beth

 

[lclark0621]

I think it is terrible that anyone who does not know a family's feelings on these matters would even try to interfere.

Telling a kid that Santa or Mickey is not real, is wrong (if the family wants the kid to believe).

I know when I was young I thought Mickey was real. I loved him & even told my parents I was going to marry him! LOL!

We had a situation here where my neighbor's 4 year old daughter was told by another child in our neighborhood that Santa was not real. My neighbor was upset & went to ask the parents to please talk to their older kid about not ruining the magic for her kid. The other adult looked right at the 4 year old & went on and on about how Santa was not real & her parents were lying to her.

If you dont want your kids to believe in things like Santa or the Easter Bunny or Mickey, fine that is your choice. But please make sure they don't ruin the magic for the rest of our kids.

 

[epcotfan]

I hope I'm not the only one who takes this approach, I never really considered letting them believe they were real.

No not alone at all. I'm surprised that there are older children that do think they are real. When I was a kid I thought Mickey and the gang were cartoons, not giant stuffed animals. I mean, they don't exactly look real. I still enjoyed visiting with them in the parks though.

I also liked the idea of Santa, but deep down never actually believed he existed when I was really little. I had my doubts considering we lived in an apartment and I wondered how he would get in. When my mother told me he wasn't real (I was about 7) I felt let down. Not that Santa wasn't real, but because they had kept up this charade of trying to make me believe in something I already had doubts in. I was actually embarassed.

 

[Brian Noble]

Well, I know they're not real, but it doesn't stop me from getting toungue-tied around Minnie.

 

[estherhead]

That would irritate me, I have to admit. Not that I lie about the characters, I just let them believe what they want t. I remember believing and saying to my parents, "Now that's real, right?" The wonder is part of the fun for both kids and the adults watching.

My little girl (she was 3.5 at the time of this story) is very literal and in no way gullible. We went this past March and spent our entire trip meeting characters which she adored and even told Jasmine that she loved her. Jasmine's heart just melted and she spent WAY more time than she should have with the long line behind us holding my daughter and talking to her. So naturally I believed that my girl believed the characters were the real thing.

A few months later when we were finishing up our Disney scrapbook I mentioned how wonderful it was to have a momento of all our new friends. She looks at me very seriously and says, "You know mommy, they aren't really real, right?" What? I thought. "But you met the princesses. They talked to you." "No," she said, "They are only dressed up as princesses. It's costumes." "How do you know?" I asked, hoping no one had told her. "Well, there can be no beast, that's just silly, so if the beast is not real the rest of it has to be fake too. Plus, I asked Belle where Beast was at the castle and she said in the basement. That was just not true. It's all just stories and costumes."

Sigh. I'm hoping the next one who will be 3.5 at our next visit won't be so smart and logical. I'm sorry for your loss of innocence and for mine. So sad we can't keep them little forever.

Esther

 

[christinadei]

Yes, it's just like Santa and no one should ruin the magic of it for any kid. My son knows that santa and the disney characters (any characters for that matter) are not real, yet he has fun and they are still magical to him and though he knows they are people dressed up, he sorta lets himself believe, you know what I mean? But it is wrong to ruin it for another child. Whenever I'm asked a question like that I answer by asking the child what they think.

When my son saw Spiderman at walmart signing autographs (he was prbably 3 at the time) he refused to get a picture with him. When he and his dad got home, I asked him why he didn't get a picture with spidey, his favorite person in the whole world, he said because that's not the REAL spiderman, it's just a person in a costume. Now, even though he knows all the disney characters are just dressed up, he had a great time with them and pretended that they were real. He still talks aobuthis friend Pluto who brought him cake and had icing on his tongue.

 

[Rachie0507]

This thread has been interesting and helpful for me. I was sure my kids would end up in therapy because I told them that the characters are people in costumes!! I'm glad I'm not the only one. My kids have not been to WDW yet--we are planning to bring them this fall when they are 3 & 5. We had planned on going this winter, but postponed due to my daughter's sudden fear of all things in costumes after going to a local fair and seeing Spongebob. We explained that it was just someone in a costume pretending, and it was fun to pretend with him. She is finally coming out of that phase and is agreeable to the idea of going to WDW. She had actually been refusing to go--how many 4 year olds do that!!

But back to the original poster's issue--I agree that I would be mad. I have been careful that my DD doesn't tell everyone our little secret. She told one of her friends in my home day care one day and I quickly covered it up. It is a personal decision and only a parent should decide.

 

[java]

I think that stinks. The school has no idea what you want to convey to her or how you are preparing her for the trip- it's not their business. And as an aside, when my DD was 5 and we went to the Castle for breakfast they had a rather unattractive Aurora(my DD's favorite) And when she saw her she replied "Mommy that is not Princess Aurora look at her face it doesn't look like her" I explained the people in costumes thing... Later that day we saw a different Princess Aurora signing autographs- I guess she fit the bill because even after my costumes speech as soon as DD saw this Aurora she said "See Mommy I told you that other one was fake this is the REAL Aurora" And she proceded to tell the Princess about her imposter in the castle.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'd be livid.

In my house we try and keep the magic alive as long as possible. It drives me crazy when others discuss "costumes" and "not real" in front of my children. Believe and do what you want for your family but please be considerate to others.

 

[impsmom]

That is just mean telling a child who believes that it's all a lie My kids are 6, 4 and 2 and I that is a decision that should be left up to the parents.
That said, my kids all belive in Santa but know the mall Santa's are just "helpers"( hey, it's the only way I can find out what they really want LOL). Of course this past Christmas I only had my DD4 with me and we saw a truly awesome Santa and as we were walking away she told me that that was the "real" Santa
As for the costumed characters, my oldest knows it's someone in there (mostly because SIL was dressed as a mascot for a store and very stupidly took off the head in front of her (and a bunch of other kids)...and freaked her out big time when she was 2) and she's told the little ones. I'm ok with it because it doesn't stop them from running up and hugging them and pretending they are real.
I'm glad the Fairy Godmother had a talk with her and maybe helped get back a little of that innocence.

 

[Strings]

My DD is 4.5. I think she knows that the characters aren't real, but it is something else to have a trusted adult confirm it. The teacher has no business being the one to sa that. If she was aked point blank, she should have said, "That is something fro you to talk with Mommy about." I would be livid.

I think you handled it very well.