Smarty Pants 9 year old

[RachelEllen]

I'd love some perspective from experienced DIS parents.

I'm step-mom to a generally great nine year old. I leave the majority of discipline to dad (except for unsafe behaviors and enforcing rules that his dad has already made clear) But I am genuinely curious how much of his recent behavior is normal and how other parents have approached it.

Basically, he contradicts 90% of what is told to him. Silly things like, if his dad asks me the time and I say "9:30" he will say "No, it's 9:27" Or, when we are going over his homework, he will insist something is correct that is not. Or, even important stuff ("It is not important what grades I get because I'm going to be a professional baseball player and I won't need to know math.")

I could give tons of examples, but, I think the picture is clear.

My question: does this sound like just normal, trying to establish independance behaviors? How do most people deal with it? Personally, I ignore it most of the time. We've tried gentle, logical correct ("Do you think it's important that it's 9:28 instead of 9:30? Do you remember learning about estimating in school?") We've talked to him about how everyone has many things in life they can still learn about, and how boring it would be to have nothing new to learn, and about how you can't learn anything if you insist that you already know it all.

Maybe I just need to continue ignoring. It just makes me sad, because I'm a bit of a nerd and love both explaining things and learning new things. Even just a year ago, we'd have wonderful, age appropriate, conversations about science and politics and he soaked up information like a sponge. Now, it's getting unpleasant to talk to him much of the time. (Again, I don't think this is a step-mom issue, he's the exact same way for his dad)

 

[jacksonsmom]

It's definitely the age! I too have a 9 year old boy and he is the same way, especially the part with what time it is. Drives me crazy sometimes but the best thing I do is ignore comments like that.

I guess they are just giving us a taste of the teenage years

 

[zurgswife]

It can be very normal...I have a son that has to contradict almost everything. Or he will comment on something with such determination that he is correct when very likely he is completely wrong. We try to ignore as much of the irrelevant stuff as possible. Though there are times I put my foot down and point out how wrong he is and if he continues with such errors in real life it can be looked down upon.

As far as not wanting to learn anything because he is going to be a baseball player...is there a local team in town. I'd contact the office and find out if they have any players that might be willing to set a 9yr old straight. Maybe not be it couldn't hurt to ask.

 

[mirmartinez]

My son is 9 and has recently converted to smartypantsism.
I handle it pretty much the way you have handled your stepson. The only thing I can add is sometimes I use distraction. Example, last night he was incorrectly saying little man and fat boy instead of fat man and little boy. I corrected him and he told me I was wrong, instead of pursing this I said "let's play Battleship." This way we were able to have an enjoyable time.
He is also my oldest so this is new territory.

 

[RachelEllen]

That is so reassuring to hear!

As far as the baseball thing goes, he does play on a local team. And we've had coaches discuss with him the odds of his ever earning a living playing. It's a balance between squashing his dreams and being realistic. So far, it's not a big problem. I think it's more of an excuse when he knows he could do better than a cause of his not trying.

 

[Barb D]

Ayup. He's 9.

Oh, and he can't be a professional baseball player unless he finishes school, and he can't finish school without math.

Plus, he'll need math so that he can make sure his agents, accountants etc. aren't cheating him out of his millions.

 

[pjb0216]

I believe it is the age. My 9 yr old DS has started doing the same thing. It is driving my husband and I up the wall!

 

[ScorpioJeni]

Sounds normal to me...my DS is the same age doing the same things. Constant contradiction. Good luck...I think we all need it.

 

[RadioNate]

ugg my 7 year old does this. The time thing makes me CRAZY.

OP I feel your pain and I can't take 2+ more years of this!

 

[NAB]

ugg my 7 year old does this. The time thing makes me CRAZY.

OP I feel your pain and I can't take 2+ more years of this!

You have the + right. My 11 still does it and is going strong.

Drives me crazy!

 

[mickeyboat]

My 9 year old DD is the queen of correction.

She even goes so far as to correct her teacher

I don't actually think she is trying to be a smarty pants much of the time, she just likes a sense of order and likes to make sure everyone is playing by the same rules - she thrives on this.

When my 8 year old DD does this, though, she is ruling as the Queen of Smartypantsdom. I generally ignore it.

Denae

 

[Miniefan]

My son is now 11 going on 30 started practicing smartypantism about the same age, he is still a believer with strong convictions, he managed to convert his sister about a year ago, she is now 8 and her faith in smartypantism is strong but she has expanded her beliefs to include knowitallism.

What makes this really bad is that most of their time is spent practicing these beliefs on each other!!

Don't feel bad, I think all kids go through this, and I'd like to say it will get better but it gets worse before it gets better. My son is in the stage now where his dad and I are the two most embarrassing people on the face of the earth, and quite possibly the two dumbest, and why aren't we divorced like everyone else's parents?? Who would have thought you could be embarrassed that your parents were still married?!? I chalk my son's behavior up to one big factor. He started middle school this year.

HTH
Kim

 

[mom2rb]

I have 10 year old twins. There are days that I don't think they will make until bedtime. It is not the things they do but the things they say. My favorite was when I told one of them to feed the dog. He looked at me and said "I feed the dog every day. Just what do you do around here?"

There are times that I have to tell them that mommy is about to lose it. They can keep talking to me but they have been warned. They then get to choose whether or not to go play in another part of the house.

Most of the time I tell them that we are going to play "Smack a Brat". Then they run around the house screaming "Smack a Brat" and hitting each other. That distracts them.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

It's the age and I hate to tell you, it continues for the next few years. My DS12 is still correcting me on everything I say. He will nit-pick the smallest detail.

 

[RachelEllen]

Thanks again for all the confirmation.

I wanted to mention that I also try to make a point of acknowledging when he corrects (in a respectful way) a significant mistake. Like, making a wrong turn to a place he knows how to get to, or when I forget something I told him I'd do.

Not to sound like an old fogey, but I wonder, aside from just being a developmental stage, if some of it is made worse by those tween shows he watches. Not that we didn't watch stupid stuff too, but it makes me cringe how its considered cute and cool for the kids to be so obnoxious!

 

[tlens]

My 9 year old as well. I could say the sky is blue and she'd say it was aqua.

The time thing I think is universal.

sigh.

 

[mirmartinez]

My son is now 11 going on 30 started practicing smartypantism about the same age, he is still a believer with strong convictions, he managed to convert his sister about a year ago, she is now 8 and her faith in smartypantism is strong but she has expanded her beliefs to include knowitallism.

What makes this really bad is that most of their time is spent practicing these beliefs on each other!!

Don't feel bad, I think all kids go through this, and I'd like to say it will get better but it gets worse before it gets better. My son is in the stage now where his dad and I are the two most embarrassing people on the face of the earth, and quite possibly the two dumbest, and why aren't we divorced like everyone else's parents?? Who would have thought you could be embarrassed that your parents were still married?!? I chalk my son's behavior up to one big factor. He started middle school this year.

HTH
Kim

I find that both smartypantsism amd knowitallism are sometimes best practiced in their bedroom, to prevent mommy from converting to groundedforlifeism

 

[sokrzy4u]

I feel like maybe I am at the opposite end. I have a 10 year old and a 7 year old that of course copies her sister. But I do not allow that kind of talk in my home. We do not talk to adults like that, it's rude and not allowed in my home. And that is exactly what I tell them. For the most part they follow the rules. I feel like it can only get worse if it isn't corrected now.

And I definitely do not mean to be correcting anyone's parenting, just stating what works in our home.

 

[MM27]

I'm not a parent, but I teach 9 and 10 year old boys that are just like what you describe. I can't tell you the number of boys I've had over the years that tell me that it doesn't matter if they learn certain things because they are going to play in the NBA when they get older.

And every year, without fail, there is at least one kid that says, "Actually..." after everything that is said in the classroom.

 

[Laurabearz]

9 yo girls are just as annoying