Smart-mouthed kids? vent ahead

[vhoffman]

*************************************************************************!

 

[ilovejack02]

vhoffman... I am going to say this as gently as possible, but yes you are being a little sensitive. The reason I am saying this is because ive seen a few vents from you in the last few weeks cake episode, dentist office, laundry lol. It seems you are very stressed these days. Yes all of our little monkeys can be brats, and yours were pushing that today. BUT COME ON, my favorite game when I was 10- 11 ish was seeing how long it would take for my mom's head to explode off her body and for her to go into lunatic mode. Now my dad and ds love to do it to me and good lord dont get me started on my dss 17.5. He loves to see me get fired up and then he and his dad have a good laugh. I think you kids are enjoying seeing you go through the roof. I know things are tight for you guys, and i get that you are stressed, but maybe your dh is right.
Telling your son to walk two miles and not driving DD to a field trip seems a bit extreme.
Do you always react this strongly to things, if not that might be an indication that things are off with you a bit these days.

 

[hello kitty]

Sometimes you just have to stop, take a deep breath and laugh along with them. You'd be amazed.



Under no circumstance would I let my 9 year old walk two miles alone.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I think that refusing to drive your children around might not solve the problem. It just gives other parents more kids to drive around. If you're trying to teach them to appreciate what you do, maybe include them in budgeting for the household, so they realize how much you try to save in certain places so they can have special things.

Possibly also involve them more in household chores, etc, so they know what you do (for example, if they did laundry they might understand why you get upset when they throw it on their floor, just an example). also, maybe they did not want the movie that badly....maybe in the future wait until they ask for it, and offer to drive them around to look for it. it was of course very nice of you to look for them, but maybe at this point if they have to look on their own, they'll appreciate it more. just some ideas!

 

[rt2dz]

I'm trying to figure out just the right way to phrase this without being offensive; If it does come off offensively, I apologize in advance--it is not meant that way. I think you are exteremly sensitive and perhaps a tad bit too controlling. It's not to say that maybe it isn't understandable or warranted...

In various posts and threads you have started over the last several months, I've noticed you, imho, do tend to over re-act. Throwing away all the cake mixes. Refusing to help on a school field trip. It's just pushing it too far, again imo--which isn't worth much to you. You're probably very stressed and it is coming out on your kids. They are just being kids. Everybody acts out here and there, and kids more so than adults. It is to be expected. And this just seems relatively minor; they aren't truly talking back to you. But are probably doing a little venting of their own. They're probably stressed too.

They may also be doing a little bit of rebelling. Looking for freedoms that other children their age have. The ability to use a oven (under direct supervision). To not be "issued" towels. Heck, let them start doing their own laundry and maybe when they see how much work is involved in it, they'll start taking care of their clothes (and towels) a little more carefully.

Of course, I don't know you and I'm only looking at snapshots that probably don't come across perfectly over the computer. But, is it really necessary to punish your kids by saying "I was going to give you this, but now I won't."? That just seems a little mean to me, even if it was just a trip to the dollar store. You already nixed the video. Besides, you could have said "I was going to take you to WDW for spring break, but now I won't." In the long run, it kind of makes what you say (no matter what it is in reference to) meaningless because they don't know if it is true or not.

I don't know. None of my business, I know. It's just my impressions.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Sometimes laughter is just what you need. I can see DS and I both laughing together over the whole thing. Memories are as important as the material things.

 

[sweatness]

Your kids directly challenged your authority as the parent. The correct answer is not to laugh along with them and further their feelings of superiority. On the other side, the correct answer is also not to threaten a punishment you're not willing to carry out or impose a punishment too harsh for the crime. At age 9 and 10, removing their favorite toy privileges for a period of time is appropriate.

 

[Hannathy]

3 things first I was snickering reading about the kids giggling so I can see where once they started it would be impossible to stop and I would have laughed to.

2. Your son is right - sorry

3. Why didn't the kids have a copy of the instructions and be helping you? They could have been reading the directions to you and been looking for streets and turns.Mine certainly did when we traveled or were looking for things. But from other posts of yours you don't give them any chance to do these things so it has come back to bite you.

It isn't their fault you are stressed quit taking it out on them. You are the adult. Sorry to say this but you are acting as juvenile as you are accusing them of acting. Come on you are over-reacting and being vindictive toward them. If you want to alienate them as teens and see smart mouths keep it up. Respect is two ways. I think you got off easy and they weren't smart mouthed at all. I also think you should apologize to them and then explain again why you are so stressed. Sorry, it is tough my DH was recently laid off and we are looking also, but we have found that humor helps, and if it doesn't it is still better than crying. Not trying to offend you but looking at it from another point of view.

 

[hello kitty]

Your kids directly challenged your authority as the parent. The correct answer is not to laugh along with them and further their feelings of superiority.

How exactly did they challenge her?

I have a lousy sense of direction. My children call me on it all of the time. They're not rude about it, they're just stating the facts. We laugh and then they help me get to our destination.

Sometimes children laugh to lighten up stressful situations, which it sounds like the op has been having a lot of.

The only thing I found to be anywhere near disrespectful was the comment "oh, wow! A whole dollar!"

I wouldn't have gotten mad about it though. I would have explained to my children how hurtful that was considering I was doing my very best. They understand hurt and they respond to it a whole heck of a lot better than to anger.

 

[Whosemom]

Hang in there, vhoffman! Things have got to get better, dear. You are a little on edge these days, and I'm assuming its the layoff. I think the best thing for your kids at this point would be some sort of behavior system. Like, have a list of things they like and take one thing at a time as the mouths run, but DON"T LECTURE. You can decide if they get warnings or not. so it goes like this
k: gosh mom, you're so dumb
you: that' your warning
k: "that's your warning, nannynanny****oo"
you: there goes your bike for today
k: whatever
you: woops, there went tv
k:wah
you: go to your room til you're calm

They gotta know ahead of time. We have a deal where my kids get an x on a chart for minor misbehaior. affter 3, they lose priveledges. if they don't have 3 at the end of the day, they've earned a sticker that day - at the end of the week the stickers are quarters. (you could make it something not money, like #of movies/books/games from the library, or time at the park or something) When I'm consistent, it works great. When I blow my top, things go downhill.

Don't be fooled - we all blow our tops. And, pp, depending on your area, 2 miles might not be so bad... I walked a mile to school from 4th grade on, and it wasn't all THAT long ago.

 

[Steph9072]

I am new here so I have not read your previous post so I won't say anything about them. First off (((HUGS)) sounds like life has been rough lately. The best advice I have ever been given as a mother is to pick my battles wisely and to know when to admit I am wrong. I wasn't there so I don't know but maybe the kids were just being kids and laughing like kids do. I mean my 11 dss laughs at the stupidest stuff but to a kid it is funny. But anyway maybe they were laughing like kids do because to them it was funny maybe they were not trying to be disrespectful. As far as not driving them I agree my kid at nine would not walk two miles some place by themselves there are too many sicko's out there. As far a field trip if it is part of school then I think you must take her that is what Mom's do. If this really bothered you talk to them once you calmed down tell them and ask them to not do it again. But I would also apologize for over reacting a tad. You know sometimes being a Mom is a thankless job. But at the end of the day when you have two healthy happy kidos saying goodnight Mom I love you it is all worth it. Take care of you in this rough time and try to take sometime for yourself to de-stress maybe that will help most of all.



Steph


dh
ds2 yrs
dd 6 yrs
dss 11 yrs

 

[hello kitty]

And, pp, depending on your area, 2 miles might not be so bad... I walked a mile to school from 4th grade on, and it wasn't all THAT long ago.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

I won't even let my children, ages 11 and 13, walk the couple of blocks it takes to get to their grandmother's house alone. I just don't feel it's safe enough. Children are easy prey.

 

[luvtogo12]

Sounds like you are going through a tough time.
I am sorry.

In my opinion, I do think you are being too sensitive. As I was reading your post I was laughing to myself , placing myself in the back seat of the car with your kids, listening to them giggle. I really thought you were just telling a cute story about your "adventure" and how the kids found humor in it. I was waiting for the part where you broke into laughter as well.

 

[mom2minniemouse]

Sorry, OP. I'm with the PPs on this one based on your recent posts.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're overreacting. You seemingly don't trust your kids enough to take on responsibility for anything, so it's no doubt they seemingly let you down (i.e. the DS and the whole oven fiasco, which caused you to throw all the cake mix in the house out, the laundry fiasco, laughing at you when being lost....). ITA with the PP who said you should have entrusted your kids to help with the directions and that most probably would have cut down the stress. However, if you can't trust them with an oven or with your towels or whatnot, how are they ever going to learn responsibility and take ownership of their actions?? You seemingly control every aspect of their lives, so it's no great surprise that they're rebelling with their mouths. We, as parents, have to let our little baby birds fall a little if we expect them to someday fly from the nest...

 

[sweatness]

How exactly did they challenge her?

I have a lousy sense of direction. My children call me on it all of the time. They're not rude about it, they're just stating the facts. We laugh and then they help me get to our destination.

There's a big difference in laughing with someone and laughing at someone. The giggling as described by the OP sounded more derisive in nature. That may not be the case, just my interpretation. Derisive laughter directed at a parent from a child cannot be tolerated.

 

[ilovejack02]

There's a big difference in laughing with someone and laughing at someone. The giggling as described by the OP sounded more derisive in nature. That may not be the case, just my interpretation. Derisive laughter directed at a parent from a child cannot be tolerated.

Hey can you guess in what context I am laughing at you??
You can bet it is derisive.
Odd you picked this thread to start your Dis experience on.

 

[mom2minniemouse]

Sweatness? Did you spell that correctly? I'm really confused. LOL!

And, no, I'm not being derisive. LOL!

 

[ilovejack02]

Sweatness? Did you spell that correctly? I'm really confused. LOL!

And, no, I'm not being derisive. LOL!

Yes you are being derisive and you need to be punished harshly.
Derisiveness will NOT be tolerated.

 

[writersblock42]

I was laughing just reading the story. But I am laughing with you not at you. I mean come on-it was an empty store front. yeah the comment about the dollar store was a little naughty-but look at the ages.

 

[Atchley]

I am sorry, but I agree with her. Her kids were kind of disrespecting her don't you think. I would venture to say that this is not the only episode that she has had with them either. I know all of this first hand because my kids are the same way. We had a heated discussion the other day in the car when my DD and DS told me they NEEDED something. I explained to them that there is a difference between want and need. You NEED food, shelter, clothing, Parents to make sure that you are taken care of, etc;. You WANT new video games, DVDs, toys, trips to WDW, etc;. I would like to say that it did some good, but I would be fooling myself.

I am right there with you. Keep trying.

Quoting another poster's signiture:

I love my spoiled, ungrateful children!!