Sleepovers- do you let your daughter go?

[ADisneyQueen]

We have made rules for our girls that they cannot sleep over at a friends unless we know the family well. It surprises me how many people just drop off their child at a friend's house to stay overnight that they have never met.That is just scary. Comments?

 

[McKelly]

No, I am with you, I don't let them. This is why I am a Girl Scout leader and volunteer MANY hours inside the school. I really get to know the kids and well, the kid's families or family situations.

 

[scorpad99]

We have made rules for our girls that they cannot sleep over at a friends unless we know the family well. It surprises me how many people just drop off their child at a friend's house to stay overnight that they have never met.That is just scary. Comments?

My DD(12) can have who ever she wants sleep here, but she has only slept out twice, and both times were at close friend`s of mine , who have daughters her same age.
And yes it shocks me that some of her friends (who I have never even met their moms) will just let them come home with me from school and hang out for hours. Call me crazy, but my kids are not going into someones home for a few hours to play if I dont know the parents well, let alone sleep out!
Even sleepover parties, I will let her go until midnite and then I will go pick her up and that is if I know the parents. You gotta do what makes you feel comfortable , they are your kids, keep them safe is what my rule is!

 

[mousebymarriage]

My DD(12) can have who ever she wants sleep here, but she has only slept out twice, and both times were at close friend`s of mine , who have daughters her same age.
And yes it shocks me that some of her friends (who I have never even met their moms) will just let them come home with me from school and hang out for hours. Call me crazy, but my kids are not going into someones home for a few hours to play if I dont know the parents well, let alone sleep out!
Even sleepover parties, I will let her go until midnite and then I will go pick her up and that is if I know the parents. You gotta do what makes you feel comfortable , they are your kids, keep them safe is what my rule is!

I totally agree! It amazes me how many people let their kids get in the car with either me or just my husband and they have never met either of us before. If I don't know someone then my daughter isn't going anywhere with them or sleeping at their house.

 

[twooley2]

I think that at 12 my daughter is a loud speaker and if something were off or odd she would tell me. A ride on the school bus is just as dangerous nowadays. Example my 13 year old told me they have assigned seats and that she is forced to sit with a girl who is what the kids refer to as gothis or EMo and that these kids make her feel uncomfortable because one of them told her that she can see the future. In addition she was in a class of kids who were juvinile dilinquints and on drugs ( in jr high) spoke to the school counselor and she said well this is a public school. I just hope I am equipping her for this so called expectaion of life according to others good and bad values to make the right decisions. I wish I could say no to all lifes risk but it is just not feasible. although I agree that some parents should place a little effort but even meeting a parent doesnt guarantee anything people you have known for years can turn out to be quacks

 

[MoniqueU]

Oh I don't know, how is it that you get to know people unless you take that first chance? Everyone is a stranger at some point. With the exception of one family all the families and kids I know are great and if I don't know the family someone else I do does. We actually end up hosting more then having our kids go over to other peoples houses for some reason. We have a pretty tight little community around here and it seems everyone knows everyone so I feel confident. My only issue is my youngest daughter has the worst insomnia and often won't fall asleep at other peoples house and ends up wanting to come home so I don't like to let her sleep over unless I know she is extra tired that day.

 

[doulacandice]

No, I am with you, I don't let them. This is why I am a Girl Scout leader and volunteer MANY hours inside the school. I really get to know the kids and well, the kid's families or family situations.

Ditto.. She has only stayed with one girl. That's because I know them really well.

 

[twooley2]

8 year old is an entirley different story than say a 12 to 14 year old maturity definitley would rule and you would be amazed the difference those 4 or 5 years make

 

[Momvic5]

In our home, we have agreed on a rule about sleepovers. We just don't do them. On special occassions, we may allow a friend to sleep over in our home but that is rare. I am all for having fun with friends, but when it comes time for bed, I just feel we need to be in our own homes and in our own beds. To be honest, I think my children feel a sense of relief and security in knowing where they are going to be when the lights go out. There are many situations in life that I can not control but this one I can.

 

[jodifla]

In our home, we have agreed on a rule about sleepovers. We just don't do them. On special occassions, we may allow a friend to sleep over in our home but that is rare. I am all for having fun with friends, but when it comes time for bed, I just feel we need to be in our own homes and in our own beds. To be honest, I think my children feel a sense of relief and security in knowing where they are going to be when the lights go out. There are many situations in life that I can not control but this one I can.

Wow! There was no bigger treat for me as a kid than doing a sleepover!

I would have been crushed to be your kid. And really angry.

 

[shelby22]

Oh I don't know, how is it that you get to know people unless you take that first chance? Everyone is a stranger at some point.

Excellent point! My 5 year old has done sleepovers! I give my kid the tools and rules to deal with thngs and put sme trust in the adults around her. Yall people are always so suspicious of everyone. Dang no wonder my kid can't just go spontaneously play with anyone. I get it now! So we play by the rules and we set up "play dates" and have dinners with the parents and make them feel like our place is safe.
I'd be willing to bet ya though that the place your kid is gonna be more likely to get hurt by someone at is a relatives. I'm just tryin' to add a little more paranoia to the fire.

I do seriously wonder if my kids friends knew we kept guns in the house how many would still let their kids play with ours. I mean you'd think the dead animals hangin' on the wall might be a clue...

 

[kpm76]

In our home, we have agreed on a rule about sleepovers. We just don't do them. On special occassions, we may allow a friend to sleep over in our home but that is rare. I am all for having fun with friends, but when it comes time for bed, I just feel we need to be in our own homes and in our own beds. To be honest, I think my children feel a sense of relief and security in knowing where they are going to be when the lights go out. There are many situations in life that I can not control but this one I can.

Yup, I totally agree with you DD is only 7 months old so we have a little while before the issue comes up for us, but I am not a fan of sleepovers at all. We never did them as kids. Too many unknowns for me. I may know the mom, but do I know the dad or the older brother?? Also, I'd caution those who allow anyone in their home w/o getting to know the family. You never know if some families are capable of making false accusations. Sorry if this seems extreme, but my line of work has opened my eyes and made me realize this kind if stuff happens more than we know.

Also, in response to the guns in homes issue, nope, our DD would not be playing in a home with guns (unless it's law enforcement). Thankfully we live in the liberal north where that is seldom an issue.

 

[kt_mom]

We did sleepovers all the time growing up. Both at my house and going to a friends. I did go to a private school and most families knew eachother or knew of eachother either from the school or the church. I would have been very sad to be the only little girl not allowed to go to the sleepover or ever have a friend sleep over.

My DD will be five in March. For now she has only ever slept over at my sisters house with my neice and at a fgood friend of our's house that has a little girl the same age as her. She hasn't been invited anywhere else yet and that's fine for now. But in the next few years I'm sure the invites will come. I will take the time to meet the parents and ask a few questions and decide if I feel comfortable with it. Of course she is going to the same private school I went to, so that helps alot.

To the poster who said they wondered how many parents would still let their kids come to their house knowing they had guns in their house, that is one of the first questions I will ask. Because it is something that I am not comfortable with. I don't want a gun debate. If you choose to have them that's fine, but I am also able to decide that I'm not comfortable having my DD in a household that has them. Becuase I can never really know how well locked up they truly keep them. My DH and I have have alcohol in the house. And there will be parents that won't let their kids come to our house because of that. And that's okay, that's their right to make that decision for their familes.

Parents need to take the time to check these things out and ask the questions. But I just can't see denying it all together. Its such a special thing for young kids and some of the best memories I have are from sleepovers.

 

[twooley2]

shelby that is too funny. Ever read Brave New World by Huxley
The world the novel describes is a utopia, albeit an ironic one: humanity is carefree, healthy and technologically advanced. Warfare and poverty have been eliminated and everyone is permanently happy due to government-provided stimulation. The irony is that all of these things have been achieved by eliminating many things that humans consider to be central to their identity — family, culture, art, literature, science, religion, and philosophy. It is also a hedonistic society, deriving pleasure from promiscuous sex and drug use, especially soma, a powerful psychotropic taken to escape pain and bad memories through hallucinatory fantasies. Additionally, stability has been achieved and is maintained via deliberately engineered and rigidly enforced social stratification.

Where are we headed LOL

 

[fakereadhed]

I do the same thing. I only let my kids go to someone else's house overnight if I know the parents.

But, then again, my kids' friends call me "The Warden".

 

[minkydog]

I think age does make a difference. An 8yo is much more vulnerable than a 12-14yo, that's a fact. When I was about 10-11 I was molested in the middle of the night by my best friends father. I never told a soul and I never went back over there. I suppose my mother could have delved deeper to find out why I suddenly didn't want to hang around with Bonnie, but for whatever reasons she didn't. That's water under the bridge now, but you can bet I'm alert (almost hyperalert) for suspicious activity between adults and children.

My DD14 is allowed to sleepover and I host sleepovers for her. However, we have met and interacted with the parents of her BFFs. We know their brothers well(those that have them.) DD has been allowed to go on band & chorus trips, with and without us chaperoning. We aren't afraid to veto an overnight if we feel uncomfortable.

In just a few years my DD will be going off to college. She will be making her own decisions about where and with whom she sleeps. I hope that I have been able to instill in her a sense of caution and discernment so that she will be able to listen to her gut when she finds herself in an icky situation.

 

[Rylee]

Perhaps some of these parents have done their homework...

I have asked my children's teachers, what type of parents you are.
I have asked other parents about you, too.
I will ask you, if there are guns in the house,
who will be home,
who will be driving my children,
and if you have a bed time for sleepovers.

I will talk with my children...

and tell them they can call me anytime of the night and I will come and get them, they never have to stay anywhere they are not comfortable.
I will ask my child about your kid
and any older children you have.
I will tell them to make a mental note about how to get out of the house, in case of a fire.
I will tell them they can't do anything in your home that I won't allow them to do in ours. They have to go by your rules and our rules, too.
I will tell them to have fun, be polite and to remember they can say "no" to anything that makes them uncomfortable.
And as they grew older and had to deal with peer pressure, I told them they could handle it any way they wanted, including blaming it on me... "No way, my mother is crazy, she would flip! Do you know what she would do if she found out, I'd be grounded for life... etc."

 

[twooley2]

I like the previous posters idea about do your homework.

 

[shelby22]

shelby that is too funny. Ever read Brave New World by Huxley

Should be on required reading lists!

 

[coolbeans]

including blaming it on me... "No way, my mother is crazy, she would flip! Do you know what she would do if she found out, I'd be grounded for life... etc."

I have done this with my DD as well, she knows that she can use that line at any time and I'm okay with it! I know she has used it once at the pool, some kids were trying to get her to jump in the deep end.