Sleep training methods

[jennilouwho]

Help! My little 10 1/2 month old needs some sleep training. He was on oxygen until about 2 weeks ago when sleeping due to obstructive apnea. He's outgrowing it and they said he can be off of it now. However, his sleep cues are the nasal cannula and being swaddled so he won't pull it out of his nose. He is off both of those now. The swaddler especially is getting dangerous with him trying to stand in it, etc...

I have been doing the Ferber method for 2 days and it's breaking my heart, but willing to keep it up if it will get better soon. I have no problem rocking him to sleep, but as soon as he hits the mattress unswaddled, he freaks. I don't want to co sleep. Can anyone think of any other methods that might help him learn to sleep on his own if this Ferberizing doesn't work out? He does sleep through the night once he gets there. Naps are just as horrible, he just wants to be held.

Thanks,

Jen

 

[HGD24]

Have you tried wrapping a lightweight receiving blanket around his belly when you lay him down? It sounds like he's missing the security of the swaddle and having something around his belly/back might help. Is he sleeping on his back or belly? If on his back, you could try the sleep positioner which hugs the sides to make baby feel more secure.

 

[eccobleu]

I did the Ferber Method with DD when she almost 6 months old. She was waking up 2-3 a night. It took about 2-4 nights to work, but she's been the best sleeper since then (even on vacation or away from home). Plus she always woke up happy, so that took some of the guilt away. Give it a couple more days before giving in. Do you have a regular bedtime routine setup? I think doing this made bedtime a lot easier for DD and me.

Have you spoken to your pediatrian, yet? I'm sure they would be able to provide you with alternative training methods if you need it.

Sorry to contradict the PP, but I've read that sleep positioners could be a suffocation hazard. Better safe, than sorry.

HTH

 

[mjkacmom]

I used Ferber at 6 months - the most important thing is he has to fall asleep by himself, he can't be put to sleep. Ds was waking at least once a night for a bottle. I think he cried 4 hours the first night, 1 the next, 15 the next, and then we were done. He also went from no naps to two regular naps each day. He was a MUCH happier baby!

 

[jennilouwho]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice. The doctor suggested this and said it'd probably be 3 or 4 bad nights. I guess there aren't really any other options. He seemed to do a little better tonight. I just feel so awful, he has the most guilt inducing cry. My older son was a much better sleeper and also didn't have the lip out when he cried... I'll hang in there and see what happens.

 

[Ashlander]

Hang in there - you should see a difference by the 4th night. We did the Ferber method with all of our kids and it is hard to listen to them cry, but you'll be so happy with the results. I hope last night was better! Good Luck

 

[missfigment]

I was a mom who didnt "have the heart" to do Cry it out either. Check out the Baby Whisperer. Her method worked out for our little guy. We started it about 11 months. My son was a nurse and rock to sleep little guy. At about that age he is should start to understand that night time is for sleep.

If you havent already start a bedtime routine try that one so he has cues for nighttime, especially since your regular cues of swaddling is going away. Ours is, Pajamas, drink from sippy, brushing teeth and a song, and then 5 minutes in the rocker while his daddy reads him a story. One more song and then into bed.

The training method is: Put him in the crib and tell him its "night night time." He WILL protest, but remember this is new and foreign to him, so thats totally understandable. Dont pick him up until he starts to cry...like real cry not a whine. Picking him up you are telling him you are here to comfort his needs, but put him down as soon as he stops crying....that tells him you mean business. He WILL cry again. This could go on for a while at the beginning. The worst of it is about 2 weeks, but he will get the message eventually. I encourage you to stick with it. Hearing your baby cry is the worst thing in the world I know. But keep in my mind you are not hurting him...its just different for him.

I couldnt do the Cry it out method either. And dont feel bad if you cant do that either. Keep in mind these are methods, which means there are OTHER methods. Cry it out isnt the end all be all. Babies have been sleeping for hundreds of years long before sleep training methods.

With naptime...try to tire him out before naptime. So he's really ready for that nap.

Good luck! and hang in there mommy!

 

[brymolmom]

It's been awhile..but doesn't Ferber say not to rock them to sleep?

That would be my very first recommendation - do NOT rock to sleep - put down in the crib awake. On the first day - wait until he is VERY tired, but do not rock him (or maybe do but only for a minute, no sleeping) - put him down awake. If he is really tired it won't take long for him to fall asleep even if he cries.

I used to have a friend who would hear my dd in her crib and say 'sounds like she wants to play' and would want to take her out of the crib and I would say 'how will she know that 8:00 is her bedtime if she doesn't go to bed then?'. So NO - no one would take her out of her crib. I would, at times, go in to comfort her if she was crying...and that was often for naps!

I would say just come up with the plan that YOU want (whether it be crying, comforting, etc) and just stick to it. So many people I hear say 'I wish I could get my kids to stop coming in my bed'...well, if that is on your list then I say - do it. Do not let them in your bed int he first place. Or - if they end up there - move them to their own, 50 times a night if necessary. It is tiring sticking to whatever you end up with - and you WILL BE EXHAUSTED for a short while - but in the long run you will have the sleep setup that works best for your family!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not to sound terrible but in 2 weeks you took away the things that gave him comfort (the O2 and the swaddler) and didn't replace them with anything and now you want to Ferber him? I will be honest in that I am not a fan of the Ferber method but I do respect those who chose to use it. I personally would suggest replacing what he "lost" with something new but similar. Maybe get a white noise machine and then tuck the blankets tightly around him? This way the noise is similar to the O2 and he can escape the blankets so he doesn't get hurt by falling. Good luck!

 

[jennilouwho]

Mamahouse, not offended. He does use a binkie and still has that. I tried rocking him the first two weeks and then laying him down after he was asleep, but he'd flip the second he was down. We do use a fan for white noise, maybe we need to use his blanket a little tighter. It's just a crocheted one, I guess he can't suffocate on that.

Also glad to know about the baby whisperer technique. I'll try this a week and then if it's not any better I'll switch and try that. I really appreciate all the suggestions.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Oh- I forgot to mention that one of our kids around that age would do the same thing when we would try to put him in the crib. We bought him a big boy bed and that was the end of that. He slept like a baby.

 

[mjkacmom]

Mamahouse, not offended. He does use a binkie and still has that. I tried rocking him the first two weeks and then laying him down after he was asleep, but he'd flip the second he was down. We do use a fan for white noise, maybe we need to use his blanket a little tighter. It's just a crocheted one, I guess he can't suffocate on that.

Also glad to know about the baby whisperer technique. I'll try this a week and then if it's not any better I'll switch and try that. I really appreciate all the suggestions.

I truly believe that in order to Ferberize successfully, you need to read the book, and follow it. One of his most important points is the fact that in order to sleep through the night, one needs to put himself to sleep. During the natural sleep cycle, a person wakes up many times, you just don't remember it, because if the conditions are the same as when you fell asleep, you'll go right back to sleep. Babies who fall asleep nursing, being rocked, sucking a binkie, etc., will not go back to sleep usually, until these conditions return (which is why my kids slept with a dozen binkies - LOL).

 

[Hollytigs]

I used that method with my oldest daughter at about 6 months, and it took 3-4 nights, but worked like a dream. For some reason, I kinda went a bit wrong with my second and started letting her fall asleep in our arms. It worked OK for a bit (just sat in her room for 10 mins, she fell asleep, we laid her down and then crept out), but then it started taking longer and longer to get her asleep, up to 90 minutes, then she started waking up in the night for 2-3 hours at a time. It was a nightmare! At 16 months, I thought 'enough' and we just started leaving her in her cot with her favourite toy, blanket and dummy (pacifier I think you call it?), she cried for about 5 minutes for a couple of nights, but now she goes to bed without a fuss and sleeps all night.
What I am saying is...it works! You've done the worst bit, and I am sure you will have it cracked in a couple more days, stick with it, it's worth it!

 

[jennilouwho]

Nap and bedtime went so much better today. He went to sleep on his own both times right after the first cry it out session. I'd go give him a pat and tell him it was time to sleep and then he went to sleep on his own shortly after I left. Yay! Thanks for the encouragement. Maybe by the end of the weekend I won't even need to go back in.

And oh, I didn't realize true Ferberizing meant no binkie. I'm not ready to take that from him, it's all he's got left. I'll probably just end up with a bunch of binkies in the crib like you.

 

[mjkacmom]

Nap and bedtime went so much better today. He went to sleep on his own both times right after the first cry it out session. I'd go give him a pat and tell him it was time to sleep and then he went to sleep on his own shortly after I left. Yay! Thanks for the encouragement. Maybe by the end of the weekend I won't even need to go back in.

And oh, I didn't realize true Ferberizing meant no binkie. I'm not ready to take that from him, it's all he's got left. I'll probably just end up with a bunch of binkies in the crib like you.

I never gave up the binkie either - actually, I used the binkie as a sort of sleep training right from the beginning. For about the first 2 months, my babies had binkies all of the time. Then, I started using them just in the crib (or doctors appointments, with shots). Most of my kids LOVED nap and bedtime, when they got those binkies! They slept with them until about age 3 or 4, and then sent them to mickey mouse, who sent them a gift. It was really easy to give them up (because they only had them for sleep).