Sister Issues--I need to vent!

[disneymom3]

Okay, so I live 2000 miles away from most of my family except for one sister. We have another sister who came to visit last Oct. and was here for almost 4 days. I got to see her one day and she stayed at the in town sister's house. Now, in town sister was going through a hard time then and I made the assumption that out of town sister was coming to boost her spirits. So, I was fine with the small amount of time I was with her. The reason I didn't spend more time with them was that I very clearly was NOT invited. I should add here that I am the youngest of 8 and the in town sis has a bit of a rep for trying to exclude other people.

So, FF to this October. I get an email form out of town sis that she is coming in again in a few weeks for the same amount of time. In town sis had known this and out of town sis wanted to make sure she had told me. (She hadn't.) Out of town sis says she wants to make sure she sees me and really wants to see my kids this trip. She has not seen my 4 yo since he was 5 months old and the older kids for an even longer time. I have not been able to afford trips for all of us to go to my hometown, though I have visited in that time. I email back that maybe we could have brunch at my house on Sat and then the sisters could all go out for the day and spend that time together. Okay......

Tonight, I get a call from in town sis saying that she has booked a room for Sat of that weekend up in Duluth. It has two double beds and she told them two people, but "we could always change it to three" Mmmhmmmm. Then she adds in that she really isn't sure that I would be able to come because she knows I might not be able to leave the kids and Sunday morning might be an issue. Huh, ya think?? My husband is the music minister/band leader at church. We have two services and he plays for both. Now, leaving the kids overnight would sooo not be a big deal as he is a major involved daddy. But what is he supposed to do with a 3, 5 and 9 yo during the first service or the hour set up time he has before service starts? The thing that gets me is my sister KNOWS he is on every Sunday except one each month and seeing as the Sunday before this one is our anniversary, guess when he is off?

I just really feel like she has very effectively excluded me once again and I am totally frustrated and feeling left out. I am sad too. Ugh. I am so sick of this kind of crap.

 

[4greatboys]

I would tell out of town sis you really want to spend some time with her and have her stay at your house a night or two. Tell her what your other sis planned and that you cannot do that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yep...DH's dad did that. My siblings have played those games as well. It really severes what little relationship you have with them over time. I have found it useful to go on with life and just not worry about it. Wasn't easy, let me tell you.

Now I have moved far away and don't have those issues any longer. It is a relief.

I wish it was different....
{HUGS}

 

[disykat]

I would make it clear to your out of town sister that you hadn't realized she was coming and that you'd love to see her, but in town sister already seems to have her time booked. I think out of town sister is the one that needs to stand up and say she wants to see you and the kids while she is in town. Your in town sister IS excluding you and being a bit of a bully in planning out of town's sister's time.

 

[Pagan Moon]

I would make it clear to your out of town sister that you hadn't realized she was coming and that you'd love to see her, but in town sister already seems to have her time booked. I think out of town sister is the one that needs to stand up and say she wants to see you and the kids while she is in town. Your in town sister IS excluding you and being a bit of a bully in planning out of town's sister's time.

I totally agree... out of town sis NEEDS to stand up for herself and tell in town sis that she WANTS to spend time with you...

why not do something ALONE with out of town sis and do NOT include in town sis and give her a taste of her own medicine???

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

"I email back that maybe we could have brunch at my house on Sat and then the sisters could all go out for the day and spend that time together. Okay......"

This was sweet and all but you'dve been better off arranging to see your out of town sister and not worrying about your in town sister. I've had years of observing my mother's (intown!) sisters exclude her and it is just easier to accept that and make your own plans with the out of towners. Leaving them out of the picture makes the planning a lot simpler and gives the out of towners a much more positive experience. You can then plan to see your in town sister on another occasion.

 

[disneymom3]

The problem with making my own plans is that out of town sis is staying at intown sis's house and I don't really have room for guests, (though we are totally willing to have one of our kids sleep in our room and guests can have their rooms) However, intown sis has a beautiful guest bedroom etc. Plus, her flight leaves at like 9:00 in the morning on Monday, and there is seriously no way I would be able to get her to the airport (Which is an hour away for me and 20 min from sister's) ontime.

Mainly, I just deal with it, like Mystery Machine was saying, but once in awhile it gets to me. This was one of those times. At least she will see my kids on their way "back through." I don't see her telling the other sis she doesn't want to do that plan. Years of politics, you know? So, I am working on letting it go.

Thanks for the support guys. I am often thankful that I do live 2000 miles away and can literally as well as figuratively distance myself from all this drama, but then times like this, the drama comes to my door.

 

[Poohnatic]

I can relate, and offer my sympathies. This is why I chose to move away from family-didn't have to put up with that garbage.

Personally, if I was visiting and wanted to see my sister, I wouldn't care about another sister's beautifully appointed guest bedroom, I'd be happy to spend the night in a niece or nephews bed. It'd be so worth it to spend time with them.

Suzanne