Single again and feeling lost.

[happybratpack]

I guess this is going to sound like a bizarre and rambling post, but I really would like some input.

To wrap things up in a nutshell, I'm single again. I've been with the same person the last almost 8 years, was engaged but found him cheating so here I am. I haven't been single in ages. I can't remember dating. I'm not ready for another serious relationship right now, but I would like to meet some new people and maybe date here and there. Or just have some friends to do things with, not necessarily dating. It's going to take me a while to really trust again I think. All of "our" friends are couples w/ kids, my work contact with new people is pretty limited and I'm kind of at a loss.

I'm hoping there are some others that have been in this position and can give me some ideas. The last time I was single I was in my 20s, full of self confidence and was super outgoing. Now I'm 30-something (I refuse to say LATE 30's ), lacking quite a bit of confidence and am way more reserved. It used to seem so effortless to meet new people, now it seems really hard.

Everything has been "us" for so long, it's hard to be "just me". KWIM? Ugh. I hate this.

 

[Robindianne]

Just wanted to say . You probably already thought of this but just in case, can you join a book club, hiking or bicycling group, hang out at the library? Here in Seattle we have neighborhood community centers (I think run by the county) that have classes and clubs and sports, etc - some for kids, some for adults, and some for seniors. They have a board game night as well. There's always bars for when you're REALLY bored or lonely but they just didn't feel that great to me. I lvoe the library, and if you're near a big one, browsing the stacks or reading in the newspaper/mag section you can meet some interesting folks.
One way that helped me, that felt secure and my lack of confidence didn't matter was to take a class. I've taken computer classes - like one on Pagemaker, one on Access. It's like you are required to be with people. Drawing was good too. Community colleges have them at night. It forces you to be around people, and even if none appeal as BFFs or DBFs, it's social and could lift your spirits.
Best wishes to you.

 

[poohfriend77]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now! I can only imagine how hard/scary it is to "start over," but you can do it.

Get involved in something that interests you. A club, rec. sports league, church group, adult ed. class, whatever. Or maybe start volunteering (not just to meet men, of course... it can just help you feel good about yourself and put things in perspective).

And don't rule out those married friends. The women may be happy to have a "ladies night out," and when you're ready, they be able to set you up with a single guy.