SIL is trying to use me as her free "sitter"!

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I have a SIL who works M-F, her DH does too. The kids go to a sitter who takes lots of days off. She asked me over Christmas, and now over spring break would I watch her kids 9-5 for several days. No way, one is a baby and the other pre-k. My youngest is 8! We have had plans, so that is what I tell her. I do NOT want to become her back up sitter! I have no desire to do that! She really has put me on the spot and sort of tells me she needs me to watch her kids without asking. I scramble for an excuse. When I said no to Spring break she mentioned there were several weeks in the summer she needs help with. My in laws have told them to stop asking me but they told them they will continue. Any nice way to get them to stop without hurting their feelings? I have NO desire to watch babies this summer! They really need to HIRE a good backup sitter(They want me for free-even if they offered lots of money, I don't want to do it!) ! AGH! I am running out of excuses!

 

[Marla Hellwig]

How about just say something along the lines that you aren't comfortable in trying to take care of a baby and leave it at that

Or your house isn't baby proofed any more

 

[cgcw]

How about consistency is good for the children and taking them out of the "normal" routine would be difficult on them? I know when my daycare kids are gone for a week, it's hard for them to get back into the swing of things. I can't imagine a child being gone for more than that and not have an adjustment on either end. Maybe that would help. Good luck....sounds like a tough one!

 

[Kallison]

Why don't you just tell her what you said her nicely of course - you don't want to be their back-up sitter. When I was a SAHM for 12 years I had friends who started to do the same thing when they went back to work and I too would make excuses. Finally I just said I can't be the back-up for you, I'm not interested in taking care of babies any more and my DD is older, we have stuff to do. They shouldn't get angry at you for that, they really do need a better back-up plan. Maybe if you just keep saying no they will get the picture, but definitely let her know now - If you are thinking of using me this summer, I don't want to do it. As Dear Abby says - No one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

 

[Marla Hellwig]

Thought of something else - how many kids do you have - would you be able to transport all of the kids safely - you know - car seats - all sitting in the back seat? -

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Just be honest with her. If you make excuses, she's going to come back with solutions and that's going to get you nowhere.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Good ideas! Thanks-it is tough to be a SAHM at times. I had not thought of that one Marla! I have 2 kids and a CRV. I do NOT let my almost 12 year old sit up front with the airbag, he is on the small side. GOOD point!
I would have thought they got the point by now, but I guess I am too nice as they have not !

 

[Disney Doll]

Tell her the truth. Your youngest is 8 and you don't want to be responsible for little kids like hers. Plus, I am aure you have stuff to do with your own children, and having 2 under 5 year olds along wouldn't make that any easier either!

They are her kids, she needs to figure out effective child care for them, without putting out family. It's one thing to babysit once in a while if they have a special event to go to, but she's asking a lot of you.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

Tell them that you would be glad to do it... as long as they didn't mind you bringing their children to your devil worship meetings, you were really getting in to it...
Tell them about the goat you helped sacrifice last week

 

[Nagle]

How about just "NO". You need to tell them what you wrote here. That you don't want to be her back-up sitter. While you like her kids, you have no desire to be their sitter. If your inlaws suggested they stop asking you and the answer was that they planned on continuing to ask, they need to be told point blank.

 

[zurgswife]

LOL... Alex

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Too funny , but she knows better Alex!
Her kids are a REAL handful on top of everything else! I actually cannot tolerate them for more than an hour. They are spoiled rotten(she says it is because she has working mothers guilt ). Oh, the way she goes about asking bugs me too. She starts by asking what are we doing next week, or Spring break etc. I KNOW(by now) to say we have some sort of plans. Then, after I answer, she says she needed me to watch her kids! Ha-ha!
I truly dread her asking again...but she will! And I will remember this post and be firm...I hope...

 

[WilmaBud]

I wouldn't think of excuses at all. I'd just tell her you have No desire to babysit. I'd qualify it that if it were ever a true emergency like a family illness or something like that, you'd certainly help her, but not for work and not on a regular basis. You don't need to explain anything.

 

[ByTheSea]

Just be honest. Don't leave it possibly "open" for next time or she may just ask again.

But I have to ask, did she do a lot of babysitting for your kids when they were young?

From my own experience. Before I became a parent I was constantly asked by SIL and then my Sister to watch their kids, esp. at the last minute. I couldn't begin to estimate how many free days of daycare I provided to various nieces and nephews... but in the 9 year since I had my son, I think my sister has watched him MAYBE twice and SIL never. Always some excuse and I can tell you it really bothered me alot. It was OK for me to provide free babysitting at the drop of a hat, because it was family and I felt an obligation... but when their kids were 6,8 or older and mine was a baby/toddler it was "too much" ..... so if the situation is similar, I guess I can understand why she keeps asking. On the other hand, if she never sat for your children, then you really should feel no obligation to sit for hers.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

She has not watched my kids for 1 minute of their lives. She does not even acknowledge their b'days with a card(that should be another post!) ! We did not live here when my kids were young. We had no one to watch our kids when they were young and paid a real sitter if we needed one. We have family around now, and the grandparents are the ones to want them for sleepovers or outings.

 

[kylara]

I would just be honest with your SIL. It is obvious from your posts that she knows she is putting you out.....asking in a round about way, telling the inlaws she will keep asking even though they suggest she doesn't......she doesn't care since. I bet she thinks that sooner or later you will run out of excuses and end up the back up sitter. As long as you aren't honest, you leave that door open.

You can tell her that you don't want to be the back up sitter in a nice way. Explain that your kids are older and like the flexibility of making last minutes plans. You can't do that if you have an infant and a toddler...well not easily. Explain she can not count on you being available just because you are a SAHM...after all you have your own children...they will want your attention.

It does sound like this is a situation where firm but nice is in order.

 

[SplshMtn99]

DH & I are 38. We have no children...and have no desire to have children. (OK, end of THAT topic please.)

His sister (divorced mom) used to ROUTINELY call DH on his one day off 2 hrs before she needed to be somewhere & demand that he come get her son & watch him. EXCUSE ME? It didn't matter that he already had plans. She did similar things to me.

Telling her we didn't want to watch her son (family or not) did not work. She wouldn't listen.

I fixed it!!!! I ROUTINELY showed up an hour or so late. (I'm ALWAYS the reliable one -- it was hard to do this on purpose.) After many frantic calls from her on my machine...... I THINK SHE GOT THE HINT!!! I had plans & a life too! Now...ask us nicely WAY in advance, occasionally, & MAYBE I'll work you into our schedule.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Good luck! I tend to tell it like it is. If they don't like it too bad! I'm tired of beating around the bush with people.

 

[swanmom]

What's interesting about this to me is that BibbidiBobbidiBoo asks "is there any nice way to do this without hurting their feelings?" I believe she should give their feelings the same amount of consideration as they are giving hers...........none!
I realize that they are 'family' - but my definition of family is that they help EACH OTHER, not that one continually takes advantage of the other in the name of 'family.' So go ahead and say 'no' as others have advised. Stop feeling guilty for your SIL's irresponsbility.

 

[janette]

I've had kids in child care and they never had times off when they were small. Where do they usually go? If they have a home day care provider usually they have a backup and can help someone that doesn't have coverage when they are off.

My kids are school age now and I do have to scramble for days when school is out and the summer vacation but when they were in regular day-care I never had to worry about not having coverage.