*sigh* I have a problem....

[tiggersmom2]

Ok....My hubby and I had a party this weekend...no great shakes just a little shing-dig with co-workers. One of my co-workers has an alcoholic husband, I knew this and discussed it with her. She assured me that as long as there was NO hard liquour that everything would be just fine.

Good, I had the party and bought tons of beer and wine. Weeeeeeelllll......coworker's hubby gets stupid drunk on both of the available spirits. My co-worker is super pissed at ME and said if I had not of had WINE available that he would not have gotten drunk (whatever!!! the dude was SUCKING down beer AND wine! ).

She is really pissed at me....and says that EVERYONE knows hard liquor is wine. I think the working relationship is over! Darnit...I will admit when I am wrong but WINE is not hard liquor and I am not a babysitter!\


UGHHHHH!

 

[Aimeedyan]

Nope, you don't have a problem - they have a problem. You checked things with her prior, I've never thought of wine as hard liquor either (they do sell it at WalMart!), it's not your fault he chose to drink or they didn't mention something when they showed up about the wine.

I have a feeling you're just getting the blunt of her anger about the situation with her husband. I would let her calm down and see if she works things out.

What a mess!

 

[eeyore kelly]

The Wife is an enabler. It's not her husband's fault he was drunk it is yours and the wine. What a crock.

 

[MScott1851]

She needs to suck it up and her husband should take responsibility for his actions instead of blaming you...

He's a grown man, and honestly, if she's so worried about his disease, she wouldn't have left him unmonitored around massive quantities of alcohol. Better yet, she wouldn't have purposely put him in a situation that would test his limits if he is that fragile. Like the above poster said...she's an enabler, and looking for someone to blame.

I have several alcoholics in my family, and it doesn't take a mental giant to realize that someone with that level of addiction is only as strong as their opportunities allow them to be. She may very well apologize to you after she cools off and realizes she was wrong to blame you. Then again, maybe not...

I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. If she runs her mouth at work, she'll only look as stupid to your other co-workers as she does to us. Besides, someone there might be as opinionated as I am and give it to her straight!!

 

[Mandabella]

I always thought you needed a higher alcohol content than wine and beer to be considered a hard liquor. Like vodka, gin, whiskey, rum, etc.

And it's not like you held a gun to this guy's head and poured the alcohol down his throat. Last time I checked, adults were responsible for their own decisions. If he can't handle situations where alcohol is present, he needs to stay the hell home.

 

[cheyita]

I agree wine is not a hard liquor.

She's looking to blame someone else instead of really face the extent of DH's problem.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I am a RN (as you are MScott) and a RDH....I know that alcoholics can't be trusted around alcohol but I could not NOT invite my co-worker ....KWIM? I really tried to talk her OUT of the whole the thing. I even considered telling her it was cancelled and swearing everyone to secrecy but, I knew that wouldn't work.

Sooooo, I decided to just invite them and let her deal with the reprecussions (b/c I KNEW he would drink). I feel badly that she is so mad at me....but....what can I do, other than print out an ad for AAA.

BTW - this dude is an *EMT* and drinks EVERYDAY on the job.

 

[jonestavern]

I think you're right on both counts!

Were there non-alcoholic beverages, also? I'll bet there were, tell her he's a big boy & he made his choice(Wow! and in so many ways!)
There are alcoholics in our family & 'enablers', don't let this enabler make you feel guilty in any way.
Just FYI, you may want to do some checking your state's liquor & driving laws. don't depend on word-of-mouth, here, go online & look them up.
In many states you can be held responsible for any accidents--vehicular or otherwise--if this clod has gotten soused at yr home or party!

Good luck at work & I bet I know which couple is off your next guest list!

Jean

 

[va32h]

As the wife of an alcoholic - I would never blame someone else for my husband's drinking.

I wouldn't have even told my dh about the party, much less taken him. We have had to avoid lots of social situations because of dh's recovery. But that's our problem, not the hosts.

Your coworker is displacing the anger she feels at her spouse. I've been there! It's easier to blame someone else than admit you are back at square one.

FWIW, my alcoholic dh drank only beer, when he was drinking. You don't have to be hitting the hard stuff to be a drunk.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think you're right on both counts!

Were there non-alcoholic beverages, also?
Jean

Yes, we had tons of smoothies, pepsi, lemonade, root beer and I even had O'Douls b/c of other guests that had requested that.

 

[tiggersmom2]

As the wife of an alcoholic - I would never blame someone else for my husband's drinking.

I wouldn't have even told my dh about the party, much less taken him. We have had to avoid lots of social situations because of dh's recovery. But that's our problem, not the hosts.

Your coworker is displacing the anger she feels at her spouse. I've been there! It's easier to blame someone else than admit you are back at square one.

FWIW, my alcoholic dh drank only beer, when he was drinking. You don't have to be hitting the hard stuff to be a drunk.

Thank you so much for posting. I just wanted to say that I DID feel just terrible that they were coming b/c I KNEW he would drink. I honestly didn't know WHAT to do...and I fouled up terribly....I guess I should have just not invited them.

Thank you for sharing and many cheers for your DH's sobriety!!!

 

[Honu]

You have nothing to feel bad about and you didn't foul anything up.

He chose to drink alcohol, doesn't matter what kind, and this is their problem.

Hopefully, she'll come to her senses and apologize.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Don't feel bad and don't apologize for having alcohol at your party. You went above and beyond to not have hard alcohol (per her statement that as long as there was no hard alcohol he'd be ok) at your party. In the end it is YOUR party and YOU can serve what ever YOU would like. It's not like you sat on him and poured wine down his throat.

Some alcoholics can be around alcohol, some can't. But that is their responsiblity, not yours.

 

[ksjayhawks]

So if you didn't have hard liquor, he wouldn't get drunk? And she assumed that because??????

It doesn't matter what the alcohol is, a person can get drunk on it. May take a little more wine than hard liquor--due to content, but works the same.

I hope she drives home whenever they go out!

You did nothing wrong, they chose to come. However, I agree with another poster about checking your state laws about supplying alcohol to guests, especially if you ever have them over again.