Sigh...Family Vent

[JoiseyMom]

I go through this every year. On my kids birthdays, we always do their cake on that day. If they have a party they have another cake then too.

So, I just sent the email that the cake will be Friday nite after dinner...I figured after 7 (we usually go out for dinner on those nites too if we can). So of course I got the phone call from MIL. Saying she isn't happy about Friday (her way of asking me to change it to meet her schedule). She has soemthing planned that can't be changed. Ok, that is nice...enjoy, so sorry. I tell her that we ALWAYS have the cake on their actual birthday! DS is going to be 9, DD will be 14...it isn't anything NEW!!!

Sigh...they will stop by Saturday. Hmmm...not sure if we are going to be home.

Every year...

 

[mom2d&b]

Sounds like my MIL. I would not change it. Our schedule revolve around what is good for our family. I hold no grudges for those that can not attend an event. I completly understand that not EVERYONE can attend EVERY event. MIL thinks events should be scheduled when it is convient for EVERYONE. I would go nuts checking everyone' schedule before planning something. NOT

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

We went through the same thing with my MIL every year too. We quit inviting her and FIL on the kids actual birthdays for cake and ice cream.

We usually go out to dinner on the kids actual birthdays also then cake after. My mom and her bf always come.

The inlaws come to the family party depending on sports and such usually the week after. DS's birthday was yesterday. We went to Dave and Busters then home for cake and ice cream, my mom and bf were here, MIL called to wish DS Happy Birthday. She'll be at his family party on Sunday.

Like I said we quit asking her, its not worth the hassle.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Just get a big enough cake so that you'll have leftovers. Pull it out again on Saturday and give everyone a piece. I wouldn't postpone it from the child's actual birthday just because someone can't make it. She must have know it was her grandchild's b-day before she made her other plans.

 

[mjkacmom]

We rarely do cake on their actual birthdays. My IL's live an hour away, my parent live here, and all of our siblings are out of state. We do a birthday dinner, planned around everyone's schedule. Sometimes we'll plan it for when the IL's plan to be in town, if it's within a couple of weeks. They're in their 80's, so I don't want them to have to keep driving.

 

[disykat]

While I can see hoping a scheduled party would be when she could come, but she wanted you to reschedule their ACTUAL birthday?

 

[shortbun]

We have what we call 'fake birthday' parties. We celebrate as a small family ON the actual birthday and have extended family parties at a more convenient time. However, we do not move dates for anyone. We plan far enough ahead-5-6 weeks so everyone knows. sometimes, we plan ahead even more than that if someone needs the date solidified for making other plans. If someone couldn't come, we'd just let them take DS out for lunch or dinner and we'd have a date while they did it.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

No cake, no parties in our family. Makes everything so much simpler.

Usually our immediate family goes out to eat together and that is it.

One member of our extended family, however, feels that birthdays and cake are the most important thing in the world. All we hear for a month before the day is what this individual WANTS and is PLANNING for their birthday. Simply makes me not want to have a birthday at all!

 

[JoiseyMom]

While I can see hoping a scheduled party would be when she could come, but she wanted you to reschedule their ACTUAL birthday?

LOL...no..she wanted us to have the cake/celebration on another day, so she could be there.

 

[JoiseyMom]

We rarely do cake on their actual birthdays. My IL's live an hour away, my parent live here, and all of our siblings are out of state. We do a birthday dinner, planned around everyone's schedule. Sometimes we'll plan it for when the IL's plan to be in town, if it's within a couple of weeks. They're in their 80's, so I don't want them to have to keep driving.

My in-laws are in their 60's and live 5 minutes away...15 if traffic on main street is really bad (and it can be thanks to Raceway Park events).

 

[JoiseyMom]

No cake, no parties in our family. Makes everything so much simpler.

Usually our immediate family goes out to eat together and that is it.

One member of our extended family, however, feels that birthdays and cake are the most important thing in the world. All we hear for a month before the day is what this individual WANTS and is PLANNING for their birthday. Simply makes me not want to have a birthday at all!

These aren't big celebrations...just bday dinner (choice of the bday person) and cake. Very simple. Party is usually kids party. Nothing major. I just like having cake on the actual birthday...call it my quirk!!

In-laws aren't big into celebrations..I just like doing this. I honestly don't care if they come, it causes more stress to ask, cause then they say did you invite tis one, did you ask that one. Umm...its not a freaking party...it is a CAKE!!

Last year we had the ice cream cake before dinner to accomodate everyone...LOL...

I would actually just like us..me dh and kids..but I know then there would be heck to pay.

THis was the first year I sent out emails..usually I call...

DD used to have 3 cakes!! Her bday is around fathers day...so mil would want to do it then. But I still had a cake on her actual bday!! Lots and lots of cake!!

 

[padams]

I can so relate. I think your MIL might be my MIL.

DH, DSs and I usually just celebrate bdays with a special dinner and cake on the actual day. DH's parents are divorced and don't get along. Nothing is ever convenient for MIL. My parents aren't wild about the drama of DH's family. So, if the grandparents want to celebrate, it's scheduled for a convenient time for them and us. Yes, as a result, my kids often have 3 cakes (I only provide the "real" cake and a cake for their parties with friends. Grandparents can choose to provide a cake. Birthdays go on for a week or more. Actually, all of the holidays are like this too. I get tired of everything being dragged out but I don't have a better plan or a different set of relatives. It is what it is.

 

[design_mom]

Your celebration sounds similar to ours. We do a party on a weekend day close to the birthday, but dinner out (birthday child's choice) on the actual day followed by cake at home. If extended family want to join on the actual day, they are welcome but they are not expected.

A couple of times, we've had people (once my mom, once DH's) call and suggest a more convenient time for them. We just say "sorry you can't make it this year. We understand how busy everyone is." It was *really* tough to do the first time, but it's easier now.

 

[mtemm]

we do the same thing, but really keep it to just our family (me, dh, kids). on rare occasions my mil can make it, but we don't expect her.

btw, my birthday is friday, too. Happy birthday to your ds. a great day to be born!

 

[disykat]

LOL...no..she wanted us to have the cake/celebration on another day, so she could be there.

That's what I mean. She wanted you NOT to acknowledge their day on their birthday and make basically anything beyond saying "happy birthday" happen in her presence. IMO that's wanting you to move their birthday.

We always do something (usally cake after dinner) to acknowledge the day of the birthday, even if there is an official "party" or celebration happening on a different day. I can't imagine basically telling a child they weren't getting anything special on their birthday because Grandma couldn't be there. Even if dh or I were gone and we were planning on celebrating again later, the other parent would do something special with the birthday child ON the day.

 

[taximomfor4]

No cake, no parties in our family. Makes everything so much simpler.

Usually our immediate family goes out to eat together and that is it.

One member of our extended family, however, feels that birthdays and cake are the most important thing in the world. All we hear for a month before the day is what this individual WANTS and is PLANNING for their birthday. Simply makes me not want to have a birthday at all!

are we related? Except we do have cake (just a plain one that I make and toss some sprinkles onto. Generally, MIL will drop by to have cake with us, but it's not a party at ALL. And FIL chooses to stay home. We don't even mention the cake to anyone else. THe birthday kid gets to choose the restaurant for dinner, or choose what I cook at home for dinner.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I go through this every year. On my kids birthdays, we always do their cake on that day. If they have a party they have another cake then too.

So, I just sent the email that the cake will be Friday nite after dinner...I figured after 7 (we usually go out for dinner on those nites too if we can). So of course I got the phone call from MIL. Saying she isn't happy about Friday (her way of asking me to change it to meet her schedule). She has soemthing planned that can't be changed. Ok, that is nice...enjoy, so sorry. I tell her that we ALWAYS have the cake on their actual birthday! DS is going to be 9, DD will be 14...it isn't anything NEW!!!

Sigh...they will stop by Saturday. Hmmm...not sure if we are going to be home.

Every year...

OMG, are you one of my sister-in-laws? lol! That sounds like my MIL. Everything has to revolve around her.

By the way, I've been here daughter-in-law for 15 years and she has never even uttered the words "Happy Birthday" to me. But, OMG, nobody better ever forget her birthday!

 

[Wall-E1]

I have to side with the MIL on this. It sounds like a problem that started long before this birthday. Did you even consult with your MIL when you gave birth to your children and make sure that those dates would be convenient for her and fit into her mahjong schedule? It's not the MIL's fault that the kid's birthday falls on the same date every year. The children need to learn that the MIL comes first in the family and that birthday celebrations will be planned around her schedule. To rectify the situation this year, I would have a separate celebration specifically for your MIL. She deserves it for having to deal with all this stress.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I have to side with the MIL on this. It sounds like a problem that started long before this birthday. Did you even consult with your MIL when you gave birth to your children and make sure that those dates would be convenient for her and fit into her mahjong schedule? It's not the MIL's fault that the kid's birthday falls on the same date every year. The children need to learn that the MIL comes first in the family and that birthday celebrations will be planned around her schedule. To rectify the situation this year, I would have a separate celebration specifically for your MIL. She deserves it for having to deal with all this stress.

That was good and sounds just like my Dsis's ex-MIL.

My DD ends up getting a lot of cake.
My parents live in CO. DD has a January birthday. So before they leave after the holidays we have always celebrated just with my parents - dinner and small cake. On her actual birthday I always have a small homemade cake. Then she needs one at the friend party. And of course you can't have a birthday without sending cupcakes to school. Her birthday is like a month long celebration. By the time February rolls around, I'm exhausted!!

OP - You're fine. Just blow off your MIL and invite her for another day. I wouldn't alter my plans for her.

 

[Rora]

Don't change it. Your kids deserve to get the cake on their actual day.

Some people...

That's just like my grandparents who couldn't come to my high school graduation because they were going to a friend's dinner party....