Sibling Policy at School

[dismom2]

Unfortunately, I started dreading siblings at school events (and even some of the parents!) because some of the parents allowed their other children to run loose, run up on stage, run up and down the isles, talk, make noise, whine, cry, turn the lights off and on, and basically totally disrupt all the parents who were actually there to watch their child's performance. Many of these parents think it's cute, judging by the smiles on their faces, and the fact that they don't attempt to stop this rude behavior.

Some parents are just as bad: their cells phones go off and some actually sit there and have conversations on them that those around them can hear; they talk to each other (I have even had to ask some teachers who were chatting the entire time, loudly, if they could please be a little quieter because I couldn't hear!); and they go in and out, doing anything but paying attention to the kids on stage.

It really bothers me. Everyone in attendance should be respectful. It's disrespectful to the kids performing and to everyone else there.

One of my pet-peeves.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Either way, your post shows that parents working in the classroom do learn things about students that aren't really any of their business, and they do gossip about them. I'm glad my DD's school didn't need to rely on parent volunteers for such things.

The vast majority don't gossip about the kids. I really know of only two who did and like I said, they got ousted immediately.

I really wish our schools had the money to hire aides and put less than 28 2nd graders in a classroom, so that our teachers didn't have to rely on volunteers, either.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

I am a Kindergarten teacher and we also have a no sibling policy for classroom volunteering, field trips & parties but for something like that we usually allow siblings. Honestly, it is up to the school/teacher so I would not bring a sibling anyway. If they have that policy for all events they must have their reasons.

 

[Minnie_me]

Maybe it is that sitters are expensive. Around here one won't even come for less than $10/hr. Sorry ~ I can't afford to pay a sitter that much so I can go volunteer at my DD's school.

In this area, the moms help each other out by watching one another's kids so they can volunteer in school, go on field trips, etc. Like a co-op. No need to hire a sitter. That's what friends are for!

 

[Suellen]

In this area, the moms help each other out by watching one another's kids so they can volunteer in school, go on field trips, etc. Like a co-op. No need to hire a sitter. That's what friends are for!

I was replying to the person who asked WHY do one ever wants to hire a sitter.

Also... all my friends work. I'm pretty much the only mom I know who is home. Most of the kids in my kids class have parents who are FAR younger than me. IF they are SAHM ~ I have very little in common with a 23 YO mom. Not that there is anything WRONG with that.... just not friend material for me for the most part.

 

[Minnie_me]

Also... all my friends work. I'm pretty much the only mom I know who is home. Most of the kids in my kids class have parents who are FAR younger than me. IF they are SAHM ~ I have very little in common with a 23 YO mom. Not that there is anything WRONG with that.... just not friend material for me for the most part.

Well, you're going to be raising your kid with theirs for the next 12 years.....you might as well make a few friends along the way.

 

[mhsjax]

Okay....for some reason I cant edit my last post.

I didnt mean for my first post OR my last post to come off as snarky. I was getting defensive to the post that quoted mine.

I was genuinely curious about the sitter situation. I am ALSO very curious about why people dont want to hire sitters. Maybe it's because I am a babysitter who at 21 has 10 years experience plus experience at preschool and daycare so I hear so much about parents who dont trust sitters, etc and it just bugs me.

I really did not mean for it to sound snarky and I do apologize. It didnt sound that way in my head but of course on a message board it is different ann di didnt mean it.

I used sitters all the time. But how is someone supposed to get a sitter when most of them are school and college age, and last time I checked, they are in school at the time the little ones are in school. So really that doesn't work very well.

There were very few SAHMs here, and the ones i knew had kids in the same class, so for any program, they were going also. Thankfully, my DH was home on certain days and i could volunteer then. I never took a child in to volunteer, but there were times when DH and I both wanted to go to a performance at school and we took our youngest. No on cared, we stood at the back, and if he started acting up, one of us took him out.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

It wasnt personal. I wanted to understand the sitter issue. It's just that if someone is against a school policy and so upset about it they can make a choice. If they CANT find a babysitter than that is one thing and that stinks but if they CHOOSE not to use one that is their choice and its not that it's not an option....it's a choice they made and there are consequences to that choice.

Thats a choice you made. And personally, I cant figure out what so many people have against sitters. I feel like babysitters have gotten such a bad rep.

I really do feel bad for the parents who try to find a babysitter and who can't. I HATE saying no for that reason but I have 4 families I sit for and unfortunately some of the events overlap. Heck, I've watched 7 kids at once from 2 families because their parents were all going to the same event and couldn't find another sitter. During the holidays, end of the year events and summers I am booked at least weeks in advance because so much overlaps. But for the parents who dont WANT a baysitter and wont hire one, that is a different story. They made that choice.

No worries, I wasn't trying to be snarky either!

I am only now making friends with one of the mom's in DS's class, so I might feel comfortable asking her at some point, but with them in the same class, what are the chances of that? My DH has his own business, and between 3 kids, the house, and the business, (and all the Disney planning!) there isn't a lot of time for making friends. I do have a couple of people at church who I might consider, but if the girls are in college then school days are out. So my issue isn't hiring one, it's the fact that I don't know of anyone who would be available during the school day except relatives, and there are *rare* times that they are all busy.

I think what it comes down to is if your kid is a distraction, don't take them or remove them if they get that way once you are there. It's common courtesy and we shouldn't be so worried about everyone's feelings to the point where it compromises the other kids in the class. But we are all so "PC" and don't want to start any trouble. I have taken my DD4 out of a classroom before when she wouldn't sit still, and I would do it again! Seems as if a few are ruining it for the many?

 

[descovy]

To be perfectly honest, as an elementary school teacher, there are times when parent volunteers are great, or like field trips indispensible, but for most things, especially parties, having them is a whole lot more work than not having them.

Can I just say, I really don't "get" showing up to the classroom parties... unless you are the room mom(s) setting up. Here's what happens in my kids' school... EVERYONE's mom (or so it seems) shows up. Kid says "hi mom" and then moms stand around watching their kid eat a cupcake. WTH?

I like to go to award ceremomies. I like to teach Junior Acheivement, or otherwise HELP in the classroom. But really, I feel silly sitting there watching my kid eat a cupcake when I am not needed.

And as a mom with 3 kids, all 2 years apart... YIKES about taking a toddler to a classroom party and trying to explain "no cupcake for you."

And then the kids get older, yet the mommies still micromanage. Thanksgiving party craft in 5th grade required use of a stapler. My 11 year old bemoaned that they weren't allowed to even touch it... a mommy had to staple it for them. The teachers don't baby the kids but the "mommies" do.

This year I promised each of my 3 kids I would chaperone their field trips. 1st grader went to the zoo, 3rd grade went to the pumpkin patch. What a joke, honestly. There were so many volunteers, that I just "chaperoned" my own kid + one more. They really didn't need half of us there. And then there were ones who blatently broke the "no-siblings" rule anyway. As in showing up at the zoo with the stroller and saying "I dare the teacher to kick me out"

5th grade field trip was right up my alley though. The whole 5th grade got to run a simulated city (Junior Acheivement Biz Town) It required 28 adult volunteers to help train the kids in 2 (one hour sessions) the week before, and help run one of the "businesses" at Biz Town. Good stuff... I was useful, the kids were fun, and we all learned a lot. But jeebus, all the belly-aching and whining from a select group of mommies "too much work for a field trip, I can't work with MY kid, blah, blah, blah" In my neighborhood the mommies would rather "look" like they are helping (as in stare at kids eating cupcakes) than actually help!

 

[smb6]

I would not like that rule.... I have always been able to take my little one's with me to all sorts of school activities..... eating lunch, assemblies, class parties, volunteer reading..... At my kids old school siblings were even allowed on field trips, at their new school no siblings allowed on field trips- but that is understandable.....

 

[Suellen]

Well, you're going to be raising your kid with theirs for the next 12 years.....you might as well make a few friends along the way.

Honestly they will have nothing to do with how I raise my children nor I with how they raise their children.

They will attend class with them yes. Am I friendly with the other moms? Sure.

I'm actually DD's GS troop leader so I get to talk with at least 10 of the other moms and they ALL work. I'm the ONLY one that is home.

Besides ~ our school made it clear that if you can't volunteer in the school you can send stuff instead. Like tissues, crayons, paper towels, paper....

I did however leave early on one of my two work days because they said they needed parents to help... when I got there I swear every kid had a parent there.... it was a waste. I watched her eat thanksgiving lunch. It was nice to see her and see her classroom... but I'm sure I ended up being one of the moms the teachers here are complaining about. Though I didn't have my 3 year old b/c she was in preschool.

 

[mykidslovesdisney]

Our school allows siblings. We are a small pk-5 school -- about 400 students. I have been actively involved in volunteering for the last 7 yrs in the school. The teachers have always been welcoming to younger siblings. When the young sibling was small they stayed in the stroller while I volunteered. As they got a little older they sometimes participated in the activities. DD 7 use to come with me when DS10 was in Kindergarten. She came for 100 day celebration. She made a hat with all the other students. She did the rotations on her own in the classroom. The teacher commented that hers was better than most of the students. By the time she started school she was very comfortable.

They do have a rule on no siblings on the field trips but the teachers have always said it was okay. I have taken DS3 on a few trips over the year. We don't use the bus- I drive to meet them. DS3 was maybe 1 during one trip to the local musuem. I wore him to during the trip. I took him to the local farm/park. The teacher said that he paid better attention than most on the trip. I do know that certain trips it isn't appropriate to bring him IE the beach or a play performance at a local college.

I believe that the school realizes that to find volunteers is very hard and to exclude a sibling would eliminate alot of the volunteers.

DS3 now walks into the school office in the mornings like he owns the building!! Everyone knows him- students/staff. He would stand by the front doors as the students get off and say "hi" to every student walking thru the door.

I am thankful that they recognize the whole family in the learning enviroment.

 

[Hannathy]

Sometimes you just can't do everything you would ideally like to do! Life isn't perfect. when my DD was in first/second grade I had an infant and a chronically ill Mother at home who couldn't be left alone and no other family in the area. I could not go on field trips or volunteer regularly in the class. I could do book orders at home, keep track of reading minutes, I could put packets together, etc. There were other parents who could be there because maybe this child was their youngest and they didn't have a baby at home. My help was just as appreciated.
Fast forward several years now that infant is in first grade and now I don't have a baby at home so I'm one of the Mom's who can go in and read, go on field trips.
And my DD who is now in the upper grades guess what I can go in and help her class now and in fact the few times I went in were more important than the field trips I missed in first grade because most parents by then have lost the burning desire to go with their little sweetie pie and would rather not accompany 65 hormonal 8th graders to the Art museum! I also volunteered when she was in High school because so many parents have bailed on volunteering by then.

There are things for every parent to do when the time is right and not all of them include going into the room now. Your child is in school 13 years there is no hurry to get all your volunteering in immediately, there will be times in the future.

 

[Nancyg56]

There are things for every parent to do when the time is right and not all of them include going into the room now. Your child is in school 13 years there is no hurry to get all your volunteering in immediately, there will be times in the future.

When my kids were in school a wise woman once told me that it is important to do what you could when you could. I agreed, when I was home I was there and helped out. WHen I was not able to another parent stepped in. I agree with you, there is plenty of time to help and as others have pointed out, it is not always in the classroom. My DD was the "publisher" for all of the young authors and her assistance was always appreciated.

I think some often problems come when one parent feels that there is only one way to participate in a child's education.............. their way.

 

[jrmasm]

Can I just say, I really don't "get" showing up to the classroom parties... unless you are the room mom(s) setting up. Here's what happens in my kids' school... EVERYONE's mom (or so it seems) shows up. Kid says "hi mom" and then moms stand around watching their kid eat a cupcake. WTH?

But you might get to watch them do a craft too!!

I'm with you, I don't get that at all.

 

[mdsoccermom]

But you might get to watch them do a craft too!!

I'm with you, I don't get that at all.

But, but, you are building memories! You can say you were there when your first grader bit into that cupcake. Because, never again will you have the experience of a first grade Valentine's Day cupcake.

Seriously, I'd rather watch paint dry.

 

[jrmasm]

But, but, you are building memories! You can say you were there when your first grader bit into that cupcake. Because, never again will you have the experience of a first grade Valentine's Day cupcake.
Seriously, I'd rather watch paint dry.

Good point. I'll be sure to go to the Valentine's party!

 

[Momvic5]

But you might get to watch them do a craft too!!

I'm with you, I don't get that at all.

Sometimes, it has nothing to do with what you want to do and is more about what your child has asked you to do. I really do have great memories of my mom watching me eat my cookie(cupcakes were not popular then) and waiting for my craft paint to dry at my school parties. It is funny what I remember about those parties- I thought she always looked pretty and brought the coolest snacks. I felt like the cool kid on those days. So when my ds asked me to go to his parties, I always went.

 

[Becky2005]

I am quite sure you're right. Or a sibling got hurt and the school got sued.

Highly possible or the sibling hurt a school aged child. Hmm...there are threads about toddlers biting -- can you imagine getting a call/note that your Kindergarten or 1st grade child got BIT at school!!! I can imagine the reaction if someone posted here about how their child was at THEIR school having their party and some toddler went up and bit them.

OR a toddler ingested something they shouldn't have or broke something. It's not like grade school classrooms are baby proofed.

 

[Hannathy]

But, but, you are building memories! You can say you were there when your first grader bit into that cupcake. Because, never again will you have the experience of a first grade Valentine's Day cupcake.

Seriously, I'd rather watch paint dry.

Or Golf!

yeah I don't get the go and stand there and watch bit either. I always tell my kids go and enjoy on your own you don't need me there to have a good time. a little to much dependence on Mom to my liking. Kids should be able to enjoy themselves with their friends with out Mom around.