Should I say something?

[Cindyluwho]

How stupid do you think she is? I'm actually serious with this question. I think she KNOWS she's getting attention because she is easy and that is why she's easy.

Unless she is seriously brain impaired, she knows this. She also knows it's dangerous. Telling her doesn't really make sense - she already knows!

What she may NOT know is that she is deserving of attention for who she is. If I were going to do anything I'd let her know that you think she deserves someone who will truly appreciate her for who she is and that she is capable of finding that person.

Geez you guys, maybe she actually enjoys her encounters with the men she goes home with It IS dangerous for both men and women to go home with someone they hardly know but men do it because they enjoy the chase and the fun of a new person. Why is that wrong for this woman? You say she is making bad choices, I agree. But you're also assuming she's doing it because she is just wants attention or someone to love her. Is that why the guys are doing it? No! They're doing it because it's fun! Maybe, just maybe, that's why she's doing it too!

 

[SamRoc]

I met 2 girls like this over the summer through a mutual friend. They are both in the process of getting divorces (one is 36 the other is 43) My friend tells me they get a hotel room, go dancing, bring a guy back to the room, and then thats that. They dont do it all the time. And I dont judge them. They are both having fun as they see it. both are moms also. They have really good personalities and have no problem attracting guys, and they are both as you say chubby. But that doesnt have anything to do with it. One is so friendly she can get really cute younger guys. But this is what they choose to do. They were both burned by their ex husbands. Dont know if they are acting act, but i guess they are. I do think its scary for them to do, but it doesnt have anything to do with me. One is more agressive than the other, she goes out with the plan to "get" a guy for the night. We are a group of couples and they came out with us a few times in the summer but not anymore. Its just not my thing but they seem to be having a good time doing it.

 

[HumanLegs]

See if all she wanted to do was get a guy for night to have fun, that'd be different. I'm totally pro-woman empowerment and all that sort of thing. However she can't be having a good time because all she does is complain about how these men won't date her, all they want is, well, you can figure that out. She says how hard it is to find good men that don't want just sex. This is another reason why I feel like I should say something! It's not men that are the problem, it's the type of men she seeks out.

I'm absolutely not saying it's wrong for women to have casual relationships, but in this case it's not what SHE wants. It seems to be the only thing she feels she can get.

 

[Bluestars]

Maybe she should look for men in other places besides bars. I have nothing against night clubs, that's where I meant my husband. But it pretty much goes without saying that a lot of guys who go to bars are looking to hook up with someone for a fling.

Maybe she should try match.com or something. That way she could get to know someone and he could get to know her before they decided to sleep together. It might help slow things down. It's going to be up to her though. You can give good advice, but you can't make someone take it.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Sometimes the comments of a "stranger" can make a difference. You aren't exactly a stranger to her, but if you felt comfortable doing so, you could take her aside and simply tell her that you are the sort of person who can be described as a "worry wort" but you just felt the pressing need to make sure she was not inadvertently putting herself in danger. Acknowledge that you are NOT implying anything untoward is happening, just that you see her leaving with men and wanted to be certain that she wasn't being pressured by them in any way.

Granted, it's a twist on the situation, but it opens a door and if she chooses to walk through, you've reached her. If not, you've tried and no longer have to wonder if you should.

Letting someone know you care about their safety is rarely wrong. It takes tact and diplomacy but can make a difference in someone's life.

Good luck to you, and all the best to you for caring about another person in this harsh old world.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

See if all she wanted to do was get a guy for night to have fun, that'd be different. I'm totally pro-woman empowerment and all that sort of thing. However she can't be having a good time because all she does is complain about how these men won't date her, all they want is, well, you can figure that out. She says how hard it is to find good men that don't want just sex. This is another reason why I feel like I should say something! It's not men that are the problem, it's the type of men she seeks out.

I'm absolutely not saying it's wrong for women to have casual relationships, but in this case it's not what SHE wants. It seems to be the only thing she feels she can get.

It sounds like she is comfortable owning this identity actually.

Some people get it in their head that this is "who they are" so they live a self fulfilling prophecy.

In the end it boils down to her, her actions, her attitude. When she wants to change she will.

The danger is that you get labeled someone she can dump on. That is an aggravating place to be, which is why we are telling you to MYOB.

It would be different if she asked you for help, kwim? If you want to talk to her talk, but it may take a long while before she changes.

 

[LSchrow]

What she may NOT know is that she is deserving of attention for who she is. If I were going to do anything I'd let her know that you think she deserves someone who will truly appreciate her for who she is and that she is capable of finding that person.

great advice
try just chatting more with her ~ good friendships build self-confidence, self-confidence can help her see that the big risk isn't worth the little ego boost(without you even mentioning it).

 

[mommy*RN]

I know, really!

Here I am thinking, "What's the problem here?"



(Just keeping my fingers crossed that Cantw8 doesn't see this)

Glad I wan't the only one missing my youth.

OP: If you refer to this person as "slutty" I don't think shes your friend. Even in anger I'd never refer to a true friend as slutty...loose morals -- maybe...

 

[chrisw127]

I wouldn't say anything. I made that mistake once, with a friend who had everything else going for her (she's an investigator with NCIS, very pretty) except that she kept sleeping with all her married male co-workers. I approached her very carefully about it but she stopped speaking to me. We have a mutual friend so I know that, some ten years later, she's on married man number 500 or so. Nothing I said was going to stop her. I should have just minded my own business.

FWIW, most people outgrow their drunk and trampy stage at some point.

 

[daisax]

I would have said to stay out of it (certainly not to bring it up as something you had run into with an imaginary friend), but since you say she complains about the guys she's meeting that way, the next time she does, I would simply ask her what kind of guy she expects to meet at a bar at closing time.

Keep it lighthearted, but just say "come on, ____, get a hobby, volunteer, try online dating -- bars aren't where you're going to find a guy who wants to do anything but play around. Flirt, dance, give out your number as much as you want, get as many numbers as you want, then go home! "

Beer goggles are scary things!

 

[C.Ann]

It's very admirable for you to be concerned, but she's an adult - she knows what she's doing - and it's really no ones business but hers.. Some things in life just have to be learned the hard way..

 

[Mickeyistheman]

OP, short story......

My cousin (by marriage) and I were unseperable. We were very close and I started to hang out with her group of friends. We went out EVERY FRIDAY and SATURDAY to a bar or club of somesort of a party at a friends house.

She was dating someone at the time, they had been going out for about 3 years at that point, I found out that she was cheating on him. Every single weekend with a different guy. It was a really tough situation b/c she was my cousin BUT her boyfriend had also become close with me as well because I was her cover.

It was really hard for me and I was fed up, so I just stopped hanging out with them slowly because I wanted my own life and a boyfriend as well.

She got annoyed b/c I wouldn't cover for her anymore and she confronted me about it and I explained that I couldn't do it anymore and that she should tell him and break up with him.

Needless to say we don't speak anymore and its all on her not me.

So if you DO talk to this woman about what YOU think she should do, be prepared for the fall out...your friends might not be too happy with you either.

Choose but choose wisely, trust me don't say anything to her.