Should I make my son go?

[nugov2]

If so, my apologies. been lots of different comments from lots of different folks to mull over.

No problem..it is easy to do It is still fun to have a healthy debate

 

[Gumbo4x4]

As a former 14-year-old boy, I can't imagine anything more torturous than Disney with my mom & siblings at that age. Let him stay home

 

[bluwater]

Can he bring a friend? My kids started bring friends to Disney once they turned 12 or so. I have never had another parent say no. Luckily, the parents were able to quickly book airfare and tickets. I know this doesn't create the "family" bonding you wanted but teenagers do like to do tings with their friends and you might be surprised how much more happy and engaged he is.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

Since he has been to Disney before let him stay home. There is nothing worse than a pain in the neck teenager that you are paying big bucks to have a good time. Do something else as a family back home.

 

[Cinderella1122]

I vote let him stay home. My younger brother was always luke warm about disney and other family vacations during his teenage years and opted to stay home. My parents always let him. Now he's 24 and can't get enough family time. I planned a solo trip to Disney for next month and he approached me and asked if he could tag along. He is even spearheading the planning for a family trip to the beach for my Dad's retirement gift. Just give your son time, he will grow out of it.

 

[scrappinginontario]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides. I am on the fence about whether to make him go or let him stay at home with his grandparents.

I'll be honest and say that I haven't read any of the other responses.

I have been to Disney more than 30 times but one of the trips that stands out is the one with my younger brother who was 13 at the time and didn't want to be there. It was a big strain on the entire family and his unhappiness was a challenge for all of us.

Personally, if your son doesn't want to be there and there is someone he can stay with. Take advantage of that for all of you.

Last year there was a group of 6 of us who went in August. My 16yo niece does not handle the heat well and was 'sour' for a good portion of the trip. Finally on the last day we offered her the opportunity to go back to the resort after breakfast. She was happy to do that and truly the rest of us had a much better day. We only wish we'd offered her this earlier in the week.

Teens are tough when they don't want to be someplace. Not only will they not be afraid to show you their unhappiness, it will probably affect your entire group.

Go have a great time and share the pics with your son when you get back!!

Shared from experience of 2 Disney trips with teens who didn't want to be there.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Family vacations for us were always family vacations. I remember having to go tour colleges with my brother, and that was our "family vacation" for the summer..driving from Western NY to Michigan, visiting all kinds of colleges along the way. It certainly wasn't fun for me (5 years younger), but it was a family trip, so the entire family went.

 

[Legendteri]

Well, I was thinking about what I would do if I was in your situation and this is my conclusion.

I would sweeten the pot just a bit by telling him he could have a few hours a day to himself and maybe even give him extra spending money as a way of saying thank you for helping out with the little ones.

Then tell him he has until such and such date to decide or else you will take someone else in his place.

Considering he just likes to fish, would it be possible to have grandma come with you to help with the kids and leave your teenager at home with grandpa ? Perhaps they could have a grand ol' time bonding with grandpa over fishing, cars and races ?

I know it isn't ideal and not what you pictured, but having some alone time with grandpa could give them both life long memories and a chance to become closer.

 

[agavegirl1]

Since the OP finally weighed in with some needed information; 14yo WON'T ride rides, has a limited subset of interests and doesn't want to go; siblings are 9 and 8.

I'll weigh in here. I seldom went on family vacations but we did go camping once each summer and went once to visit my uncle in Michigan. I am the oldest of six children and yes, my role was partially "other mother" to my sibs. I did not like going camping and was forced to each and every summer. I grew up "hating" camping. Well it took 20 years of being an adult to realize I could learn to like camping again.

As an adult, we took many and varied vacations with my kids. But, by the time I had any money for vacations, the oldest two were in their late teens and early twenties. The younger two took many family vacations the older two could not attend so, I planned a very special vacation just for them. We went to Europe. Just the two older girls and I for a week.

Kids have different interests at different times and different personalities. Let him stay home. Then, have the grandparents watch the younger two for a long weekend and take the 14 yo to a Nascar race...just the two of you.

 

[disnut1149]

I think you should let him stay home. He might make everyone miserable.

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Mandatory family vacations in college? Wow.

Yup. I was still living at home during the summers...so.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

If he doesn't want to go, why make him? It seems silly, especially if you have someone willing to watch him. If you force him to go, he's going to be determined to not have a good time, and his perception of disney will be clouded forever after that. But if you get home, he sees the pictures, and then is jealous? That's a valuable life lesson on trying things even when it seems like it will be boring. I would, however, point out things that he could do that he might like. The behind the trains tour for example might be something he might enjoy, and I would also set a date for him that there is no going back for "We need to know 2 weeks ahead of time, beyond that, and you can't go even if you change your mind."

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Since he has been to Disney before let him stay home. There is nothing worse than a pain in the neck teenager that you are paying big bucks to have a good time. Do something else as a family back home.

Hard to argue with this. Funny, but true.

 

[eyehartdisney]

I have to laugh a little at the posters that would force their kids to go on vacation, because it's a privilege (one apparently they can't get rid of) and not a right. To me, that just reminds me of this father on Mainstreet, USA yelling at his toddler at the top of his lungs "You will have fun, or ELSE!" Really?

In parenting, the object is, of course, to raise a child who is well balanced, capable of making decisions about themselves, and to be a functioning member of society. What does forcing a child to go on vacation do to enhance that? We'd have to define what the sort of vacation is before answering that question. If this was a 'vacation' to civil war battlefields, to learn about history, then yes, I can see forcing a child to go. They might not want to, but the learning aspect of the trip outweighs the self sufficiency in my opinion. But this isn't museums, or even culture really, it's Disney, whose entire purpose is to have fun. What is the gain from forcing someone to have fun? Very little, and teaches nothing.

You have an opportunity here to maximize a lesson in how the world works. If he doesn't want to go, he'd better explain it in such a way that doesn't involve eye rolls or sighs. A well thought out essay might be in order. Heck, I'd turn this entire discussion around and put it right in his lap. Make him convince you to let him stay at home. If you need him to come with to watch his siblings, then a vacation isn't really what he's taking. He's working, and as such, you should perhaps set this up as an example of how jobs happen. Perhaps pay him. I'm not saying bribe him, though it very well might look like that, but the change of venue might be good for allowing a more formalized lesson in job skills. He's 14, and soon he can get his own job, and now's a good time to be instilling those work ethics into him.

I don't know, I just think that whenever a parent sets down their foot, it should be for a good reason, and be capable of explaining why. 'Because I said so' has never flown in my house, by my own rules.

 

[Minniesgal]

In our house a family event would mean that we make sure the whole family would enjoy it and then we do it. I would never knowingly plan something one of my kids hates and then force them to go. I am their parent and I value their feelings, that doesn't mean I'm trying to be their friend, it just means my house isn't run like a dictatorship

Totally agree, when we plan a family event we discuss and plan something everyone wants to do and wouldn't go somewhere one of us really doesn't want to. I don't see the money I earn as my money I earn it for the family and spend it on the family. I'd far rather we were all happy doing something together than impose something he hates on my son. After all they might be children but they are still people which means entitled to their own opinions and feelings which should be taken into account. Totally agree family is a democracy not a dictatorship.

 

[chartle]

One thing not addressed.

If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

As long as your kids are tall enough they can go through the line with you but you can't leave them on the platform. If you think about it very few rides unload the same place they load. They can take the "chicken exit" that will lead them to somewhere near where you get off like the gift shop. So keep that in mind. At ToT they take a regular elevator down to around where you can see your picture.

Just to add I was a 15 year old boy going to Disney with my 9 year old sister many years ago and have many fond memories. Also my 2 former 14 year old sons did and still do love Disney.

 

[dskib]

Leave him with his grandparents. But make absolutely sure he has a nice "to do" list of things that they need done around the house. I wouldn't let him skate with nothing to do. Put him to work.

 

[ArwenMarie]

Did the OP ever come back?

 

[mom2rtk]

Leave him with his grandparents. But make absolutely sure he has a nice "to do" list of things that they need done around the house. I wouldn't let him skate with nothing to do. Put him to work.

Does he need to be punished for not wanting to go to Disney?

 

[chartle]

Did the OP ever come back?

Yes page 8

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