Should I do anything more than this?

[mhsjax]

I always teach my daughter not to be the class rat so no way would I do this!



I agree! I would certainly talk to my kid about it but I would not want some random parent lecturing my kid so I would not do that to theirs. I teach my daughter to keep her mouth shut unless it directly effects her or could cause serious bodily harm/death to another.
I always remember in school the kid next to me set off a pack of firecrackers in the classroom and I got dragged to the principals office to try to get me to tell on them-- I hung tight for 15 minutes of questions but never gave the kid up, they called my mom and when I got home she was not mad because she agrees to mind your own business- I was not going to be the rat and I tell my daughter the same thing!

Good thing you don't live around here, we take that whole village approach here. If we see or hear a kid doing something stupid we call them out on it, we don't always go to the parents, we usually handle it ourselves. If thoss kids were in my car I darn sure would have lectured your child, and if you didn't like it then you could find another way home for your child. If a kid is with some "random" parent then yes they should be allowed to lecture your child about misbehaving .

We have a mom here and she is the wrost about calling out behavior in , she doesn't take any crap and will yell at the kids. Funny thing is, the kids all adore her. She is the one that the kids and the parents go to a lot for advice, and her house is the one that has all of the bikes parked in front of it and someone is always there. The parent doesn't have to be the bad guy for taking care of bad behavior, some or most kids actually respect it, if done in the right way.

I hope your kids never need an adult for something and that adult decides to mind their own business, it may result in something bad happening to your child. But hey, who cares, it wasn't my kid.

 

[jen0610]

The other day I had my DS (he's in 8th grade) and some of the other neighborhood kids in my car after I picked them up from a school function. As we were driving along, I heard one of the kids mentioned that she was prank calling another child on his cell phone. The child on the receiving end of the prank calls is an unusual young man -- he was in our Cub Scout den and he always acted as if he was smarter than all the adults. He has very few friends in school and is often in the principal's office because he refuses to do homework (he feels that it is a waste of his time). In other words, he's not too popular.

Anyway, when the other kids in my car heard about the prank calls, they were laughing and some of the others were saying they wanted the cell phone number themselves (not my DS thank goodness). I didn't say anything in the car, but after we got home, I sat my son down and pointed out that the prank calls could be considered a form of bullying and that the young man in question is not someone who would react well to the prank calls in any case. I also mentioned to my son that he might want to consider pointing out to the other kids that the prank calls weren't a very good idea. He agreed that I was probably right.

Since the kids do feel comfortable talking amonst themselves in my car (and I've overheard an earful on other rides), I'm inclined to pretty much mind my own business and leave it at the warning to my DS. I didn't really hear what the prank call was all about so I don't know if there is anything else I could tell anyone anyway.

WWYD?

We have a rule with our kids and the phone numbers that they have. There is no giving out of any phone number they have, without permission of that person. PERIOD!!!! They also know to tell anyone that they give their number to, to not give it out without first asking.

We had an issue with one of DD's friends this summer. She wanted a phone number for a boy that DD knows. DD told her she'd have to ask him for it. The friend said ok. Forward a week and this boy and DD are hanging out and he mentions that so and so called him and wanted to know if DD had given her his number. DD told him the rule. He called the girl and asked where she got the number. Said my DD gave it to her, but if DD asks to just tell her he gave, ok.

Needless to say, these girls are no longer friends. The other girl - who has a history of not being truthfull, is standing firm that DD gave it to her and that she didn't just take it out of DD's phone when she jumped in the shower.

 

[KiminChicago]

OP here -- just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and to add a little update.

I did think about saying something in the car, but I was trying to think of a tactful way to get my point across. My honest first reaction was "Crap, you don't want to upset so and so, he's the type to come into school with a gun one day and shoot you all!" Which was certainly not the best way to approach the situation (although, if you knew the young man in question, you'd understand why that would be my first thought). By the time I got over my initial reaction, they had already moved on to another topic.

There were no prank calls made in my car, and, according to my son, no one else has asked for the number in the days since. Our school has just started a program where the teachers are trying to identifying which kids are in danger of being bullied (introverts and/or loners) and which students are possible bullies (extroverts who have trouble following rules). The school is then planning on placing the students with either issue into intervention classes and notifying their parents, so I've decided to let the school decide if any of the kids in question fall into either category and go from there.

 

[Magpie]

OP here -- just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and to add a little update.

I did think about saying something in the car, but I was trying to think of a tactful way to get my point across. My honest first reaction was "Crap, you don't want to upset so and so, he's the type to come into school with a gun one day and shoot you all!" Which was certainly not the best way to approach the situation (although, if you knew the young man in question, you'd understand why that would be my first thought). By the time I got over my initial reaction, they had already moved on to another topic.

There were no prank calls made in my car, and, according to my son, no one else has asked for the number in the days since. Our school has just started a program where the teachers are trying to identifying which kids are in danger of being bullied (introverts and/or loners) and which students are possible bullies (extroverts who have trouble following rules). The school is then planning on placing the students with either issue into intervention classes and notifying their parents, so I've decided to let the school decide if any of the kids in question fall into either category and go from there.

I wouldn't have "lectured" per se, but I would definitely have spoken up in the car. I might have said something similar to what you thought - maybe about poking a critter with a stick just makes it mean. And that's what teasing is!

With my kids and their friends it probably would have turned into a debate on prank calling, which would have been fine. Kids that age are more than capable of figuring out pros and cons and discussing them. Also, it would have given any kids in the car who were uncomfortable with the idea a chance to air their views, instead of just going along with the crowd ("Yeah, hilarious! I want his number too!").

I talk to my children's friends the same way I talk to my friends. I can't TELL them what to do, but I can certainly give them my opinion. And I will!

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

I would have said something to the kids in the car but that is just my personality. There isn't a teen friend of my kids that doesn't know that I will speak my mind if they are doing something stupid. DD claims that all of her friends like me and think I am cool so it must not bother them too much. DD would not agree with them on the cool part.

I'm "that mom" too. I have 3 teenage sons and their 87,000 friends. They all know I will lecture them to death if I find out they are doing something stupid. I would expect the same from other moms in regards to my kids.

 

[Kat77]

WOW! Some of the comments... Did you guys get an extra shot in your Starbucks prior to posting?
Kids gravitate towards adults who will speak up and make them feel safe. The most sucessful teachers and coaches I know are tough cookies!
I've coached lots of girls over the years so I've heard my fair share of gossip and drama. 99% of it is completely ignorable. Harrassing phone calls are a form of bullying. I do not lecture, I advise. ALL kids do silly stuff! I have been doing this for years, it's probably not something that would have caught me offguard anymore. I live in the world of preteen drama!
I understand the OP's position, it's tough knowing where to step in as they get older. What would I have said? Most likely something snarky like "Hey, Mean Girl, don't you dare give out that number! I'm tellin' your Mama!"
I expect other parents to correct my children as well. Adults are there to provide guidance, not a taxi service.

 

[simpilotswife]

I would have said something to those kids. It is bullying and I would have put a stop to it.

 

[brockash]

The other day I had my DS (he's in 8th grade) and some of the other neighborhood kids in my car after I picked them up from a school function. As we were driving along, I heard one of the kids mentioned that she was prank calling another child on his cell phone. The child on the receiving end of the prank calls is an unusual young man -- he was in our Cub Scout den and he always acted as if he was smarter than all the adults. He has very few friends in school and is often in the principal's office because he refuses to do homework (he feels that it is a waste of his time). In other words, he's not too popular.

Anyway, when the other kids in my car heard about the prank calls, they were laughing and some of the others were saying they wanted the cell phone number themselves (not my DS thank goodness). I didn't say anything in the car, but after we got home, I sat my son down and pointed out that the prank calls could be considered a form of bullying and that the young man in question is not someone who would react well to the prank calls in any case. I also mentioned to my son that he might want to consider pointing out to the other kids that the prank calls weren't a very good idea. He agreed that I was probably right.

Since the kids do feel comfortable talking amonst themselves in my car (and I've overheard an earful on other rides), I'm inclined to pretty much mind my own business and leave it at the warning to my DS. I didn't really hear what the prank call was all about so I don't know if there is anything else I could tell anyone anyway.

WWYD?

Personally, I would have said something in the car to ALL of them, and then talked to my DS at home too. My ds is younger than yours, but he has friends over a lot, and I have no problem at all correcting them when they do/say something that's not okay. If it was me, I'd explain to them that it's not okay to be mean to that kid, that the kid could call the police and charge them with harassment, and that it's not okay to treat ppl. like that. I'd go on to tell them to think about if it was their brother or sister/parent ect. that ppl. were treating that way ect. (I've found that it seems to mean more if they think about someone they care about than saying the how would you feel stuff.) I feel like by you sitting there listening, fully aware of what was going on, yet not saying anything to them, they most likely took that as you support what they're doing, and have no problem with it. That's not the message I'd want to send.

 

[ManMythLegend]

If we see or hear a kid doing something stupid we call them out on it, we don't always go to the parents, we usually handle it ourselves. If thoss kids were in my car I darn sure would have lectured your child, and if you didn't like it then you could find another way home for your child. If a kid is with some "random" parent then yes they should be allowed to lecture your child about misbehaving.

See I'd rather you have come tell me about it, if you must. I'll be the one to lecture my kids if they're misbehaving, I don't need any help in that department.

 

[Magpie]

See I'd rather you have come tell me about it, if you must. I'll be the one to lecture my kids if they're misbehaving, I don't need any help in that department.

I'm not going to bite my tongue, any more than I would if that was a bunch of adults in my back seat talking about "prank calling" someone. I'm going to tell them what I think.

I don't see any sense to swallowing your opinions just because it's someone else's child. Especially if the child is in your back seat! "No, we don't allow that here," is a perfectly valid response. Your car, your rules.

Otherwise, it's... "No, I mustn't tell Johnny not to pull the wings off flies in my back yard. I think I'll just sit here, say nothing, and wait until I see his mother."

And then when Johnny's mother then tells him, "Johnny, you mustn't pull wings off flies." His response is, "Why shouldn't I? No one else thinks it's a big deal! Geez, Mom, you're so weird."

 

[ManMythLegend]

I'm not going to bite my tongue, any more than I would if that was a bunch of adults in my back seat talking about "prank calling" someone. I'm going to tell them what I think.

I don't see any sense to swallowing your opinions just because it's someone else's child. Especially if the child is in your back seat! "No, we don't allow that here," is a perfectly valid response. Your car, your rules.

Otherwise, it's... "No, I mustn't tell Johnny not to pull the wings off flies in my back yard. I think I'll just sit here, say nothing, and wait until I see his mother."

And then when Johnny's mother then tells him, "Johnny, you mustn't pull wings off flies." His response is, "Why shouldn't I? No one else thinks it's a big deal! Geez, Mom, you're so weird."

That's okay. They can think I'm weird.

 

[MushyMushy]

I would have glared in the mirror at them and said, "Knock it off!" No need for a long lecture. They know it's wrong.

In all my years of dealing with kids, their poor little delicate sensibilities wouldn't have been hurt by this and it wouldn't have made them afraid to speak in front of me again. And if their parents had a problem with it, they're free to play taxi next time and be the good pal to all the kids.

 

[Mkrop]

The parents who dont say anything are part of the problem.

I definitely would have commented on it and told them to knock it off, or be considerate of others.

There is a difference in making a silly prank call asking if your fridge is running, you better go catch it giggle giggle, then what these kids were probably saying in their calls.

 

[mhsjax]

See I'd rather you have come tell me about it, if you must. I'll be the one to lecture my kids if they're misbehaving, I don't need any help in that department.

Like I said, good thing some of you don't live in my neighborhood. We lecture, if the kids are in our care, sorry but if I am taking care of your kid or giving your kid a ride, then I will advise or lecture. Now, when I say lecture, I don't mean that I am chewing them out, I mean that I am telling them what they are doing is wrong and that they shouldn't be doing it. If someone has a problem with that, then they can deal with their child and not involve me in the ride giving or whatever the situation may be. I love my kids friends and most of the parents are friends of ours and we all work the same way. It is just accepted that is what we do and we love that we can trust other parents to not let our kids do something stupid when they are with them.

 

[ManMythLegend]

Like I said, good thing some of you don't live in my neighborhood. We lecture, if the kids are in our care, sorry but if I am taking care of your kid or giving your kid a ride, then I will advise or lecture. Now, when I say lecture, I don't mean that I am chewing them out, I mean that I am telling them what they are doing is wrong and that they shouldn't be doing it. If someone has a problem with that, then they can deal with their child and not involve me in the ride giving or whatever the situation may be. I love my kids friends and most of the parents are friends of ours and we all work the same way. It is just accepted that is what we do and we love that we can trust other parents to not let our kids do something stupid when they are with them.

That's fine. And the day my kids come home in tears because another parent was mean to them is the day that parent and I are going to have words.

 

[LisaR]

That's fine. And the day my kids come home in tears because another parent was mean to them is the day that parent and I are going to have words.

I can lecture my own kids without making them cry so I can't imagine making some other kid cry.

The OP is talking about 8th graders. If telling them that what they are doing is mean and that this kid might retaliate and that makes them cry, they are awfully sensitive teens.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

That's fine. And the day my kids come home in tears because another parent was mean to them is the day that parent and I are going to have words.

Not being argumentative, but does that apply to teachers as well? Coaches? Does no one have the right to correct your child's bad behavior but you? What if your kid is playing with matches? Walking in the street? Smoking? Those are things you might never know they are doing, so how would you even know to talk to them?

I would absolutely address the behavior in my car as it is happening. Now, I would probably end up making a ridiculous comparison about not killing a mockingbird and get laughed at, but I would certainly address it then and there and help them understand how very hurtful their actions can be. I take it as a serious responsibility when other parents put their children in my care, just as I would hope and pray that they realize the responsibility of having my children with them as well.

 

[Magpie]

That's fine. And the day my kids come home in tears because another parent was mean to them is the day that parent and I are going to have words.

Wow, your kids would actually cry over being told, "Hey, cut it out. Don't prank call on that kid, it's mean."

Delicate wee flowers, are they?

 

[piperdown]

Not being argumentative, but does that apply to teachers as well? Coaches? Does no one have the right to correct your child's bad behavior but you? What if your kid is playing with matches? Walking in the street? Smoking? Those are things you might never know they are doing, so how would you even know to talk to them?

I would absolutely address the behavior in my car as it is happening. Now, I would probably end up making a ridiculous comparison about not killing a mockingbird and get laughed at, but I would certainly address it then and there and help them understand how very hurtful their actions can be. I take it as a serious responsibility when other parents put their children in my care, just as I would hope and pray that they realize the responsibility of having my children with them as well.

I agree with you completely. I'm not going to yell at a kid (unless it was something really awful), but parents need to reinforce each other, teachers, coaches, or whoever is involved in their kids lives. Most people involved in your child's daily life only have the best intentions. With as many bad influences kids face everyday, we (parents) need to back each other up.

 

[brockash]

The parents who dont say anything are part of the problem.

I definitely would have commented on it and told them to knock it off, or be considerate of others.

There is a difference in making a silly prank call asking if your fridge is running, you better go catch it giggle giggle, then what these kids were probably saying in their calls.

ITA! If it were my kid being mean/doing something stupid ect., and I wasn't there and another adult was, I'd hope they would say something and stop the mean comments/prank calling ect. that moment. I'd like to know about it as well, but if I was the parent driving in the car, after I told them not to do it ect.,I probably wouldn't have said anything to the parents unless it came up in conversation.

My perception of the parents that have the attitude of "how dare another adult correct my child," is that they probably lack a little confidence in their parenting skills and most likely have a control/power issue. I feel like they probably assume that I think less of them as a parent because their kid said/did something. I wish they could be more secure and understand that kids do stupid things, and if mine does I hope there is someone there to correct it or say something, if I'm not there.