Should I cancel?

[ihearttink]

Sorry in advance for the length but here goes. My mom had gotten sick the previous Sept. and after numerous hospital and rehab stays went to live with my brother until she could get on her feet again. We thought this would be temporary, but it wasn't. Everyone realized she couldn't live alone anymore.

In August she asked me and DH if we would consider moving in her house with her. We decided too. We had ressies @BC during free dining last Sept. but cancelled them as the house needed a lot of work for all of us, including our daughter, to move in. We all moved into mom's house on November 9th.

On January 10th of this year mom fell in the bathroom, she said she just lost her balance. At 4:30 a.m. she fell again and we called the ambulance. I was pretty sure she had a heart attack. Mom died 2 weeks later .

A couple months later DH suggested we go to WDW just to get away and we made ressies at the BC for Sept. When free dining came out our TA was able to add it for us.

Now I'm doubting our decision. I usually enjoy the planning, i.e. restuarants, what days to do what, etc. I don't care this time. I'm starting to think we shouldn't even go. I'm afraid to get there and just not want to do anything. DH said that would be ok, just to stay at the BC and relax. I can't help but think this is a huge waste of money. The BC is our favorite resort but to pay all that money to sit by a pool, I don't know. Will I even feel like going to the parks?

I saw my doctor yesterday and she put me on antideppressents, cause all I do is cry. As time passes right now I'm missing my mother more, it's getting worse not better. I told the dr. about the upcoming trip and she agrees with DH that we should go. She said this trip may feel different than past ones but that would be ok.

I also can't help thinking that our first trip to WDW was in August of 1993 and Mom went with us. We stayed at Dixie Landings and loved it. When going through Mom's stuff I found her guest pass from that trip, she actually saved it. She had been to WDW before but never stayed on property. She always told people after that how great it was and if you go you have to stay in WDW. I can't tell you how sad this is making me. I know she can never go again. Even now I'm crying as I write this. At her wake we did a video and included a picture of her with DH and Pluto having breakfast at the Grand Floridian. She was so happy that trip.

I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

 

[Mrs Doubtfire]

How sad for you.

I think you should go - yes you may cry as you remember special times with your mum - but you & your family may also find a little Disney magic to lift your spirits

I hope you will let us know what you decide.

 

[Disney Ron]

First off I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, she sounds like she was very young at heart.

Now in my opinion I think you should go to WDW. Your mom would want you to go so get away and relax. You and your DH both may need this break after what you both have been through.

Let us know of your final decision.

 

[PrincessNoelle'sMom]

I think your mom would want you to go. If she loved it so much, seeing it again and remembering her joy may make you happy.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I too have lost a parent and can relate to what you are feeling.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you find a way to make this a happy and satisfying trip for you.

 

[Mayl]

honestly not sure if you might be better posting this in the compassion board as folks there might have more experience and be able to help better.

either way, best of luck

 

[Atchley]

I am so sorry to hear about your mother.
I think that you and your family should go. I'm sure your DM would want you to enjoy your time with your family.
You said your mother will never get to go to WDW again. She will be with you I'm sure when you go in the fall. She will live through the memories that you create with your family.
God Bless you and your family during this difficult time.

 

[Belle2007]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also, think you should go. I believe that your mom would have wanted you to go and enjoy yourselves.

 

[pumpkinfish]

It sounds like you and you family have had a tough year I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through...Even though you don't think you will be up to it, it will probably be a good idea to just go Your hubby has the right idea! Even if you don't want to venture to the parks, you can hang out at the pool and "get away". Our family has gone through a rough year as well...mom and dad finally took their first vacation in a year (used to take 2-3 a yr) to Vegas---their "Disneyworld" . DH and I are taking our trip next week to WDW...had to previously cancel our trip in April. But we are going this time! We need to "get away".

Don't feel this has to be the best WDW vacation ever. Don't over plan. Just go into it knowing you will use the time to relax your mind, body, and spirit. Plus I'm sure your husband and daughter need this time away just as much as you do!

Good luck

 

[SpaceGirl]

I am so sorry for your loss, we lost my Dad 6 weeks ago so I know how the tears can just come.

Your Mom Loved WDW and she wouldn't want you to avoid it, not going isn't going to help you with your grief, but going may. You did speak with your Doctor she agreed it may help and your DH wants you to try to go and relax.

What about your daughter, she needs some of those great memories that you shared with your Mother.

I have found the best way to over come grief for me, is to try and live everyday.

Trust yourself too know what will be right for you.

Wishing you a Magical Trip.

 

[pepperderr]

((HUGS)) I am reallly not sure what I would do if I was you. I remember when our first baby was stillborn in Sept. I didn't want to celebrate Christmas that year and it is usually such a happy time. We opened gifts and stuff but it wasn't cheerfull for sure.

Not being in your shoes it is easy for me to say go to WDW. I think you should try to remember it is ok to do fun things sometimes. It is ok to go to WDW and enjoy yourself. It doens't mean you don't love your mom and it doens't mean you don't miss her or that you forgot about her just because you have a good time on occasion. I think if she was here and able to tell you herself, she would want you to go.

 

[JimR24]

Sorry for the loss of your Mom. I have lost both parents and they both loved Disney and thats what got me hooked. I find myself flooded with emotions the first time I walk down Main Street. I have such great memories of being with my parents while at Disney. MY daughters favorite ride is BTMRR which was also my fathers.

I say go, it was tough at first for me but I know my parents would have wanted me to go and enjoy that time with my fmaily.

 

[Chuck65]

My wife is a psych nurse and one thing to do is to always talk to your doc about what meds are working. There are a lot of antidepressants out there and it may take awhile to find one that is right for you. What may be working this time, may not work 3 months from now. It could be a combination of meds is what you need. Just keep working with your docs so they can get you on the correct meds.

 

[missycj96]

I am so sorry. I don't think you should cancel as it may bring you a sense of getting away and allow you to relax. You wrote that you are concerned that it may be a huge waste of money - so one idea is to maybe stay at the Port Orleans. This is a nice resort with great atmosphere if you want to spend time at the resort, and it will be a lot less money. This way at least you won't have to worry if it will be a waste of money.

 

[cdel73]

Hi. My mom passed away on Nov. 28. It is still really really hard. I still cry a lot. So many times I want to pick up the phone and talk to her. She was only 57 and I feel I and my children were robbed in a way. We are doing to disney in August. I know the kids will enjoy it, but it will be hard on me. I went with my mom and grandparents for many summers. So many things have changed in disney, but so many things have stayed the same. Certain smells on rides and the smell of the water on the boat bring back so many memories. I know my mom would want me to go and in a way I feel she will be with me. I already told my husband that I will be a crying mess during wishes. Just thinking of the song makes me tear up. I think you should go. It will be hard, but maybe in a bitter sweet way. I like to think of my mom in heaven being able to see her grandchildren's faces as they experience things and it give me a sad comfort. She had went blind in the past couple of years. I hope you are able to go. Maybe think of it as a healing trip. I know it is hard. My prayers will be with you.

Caty

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Eighteen years ago we lost both my Grandparents within 4 months of each other. Two weeks after my Grandmother's funeral (she died last) we took our children on their first Disney vacation. My parents came along. It was the best trip ever! And it was a good distraction. My Mother remembered every step of the vacation we went on some 25 years before with my Grandparents. It was a good memory for her.

I am so sorry for your loss. Go on your trip and take things slow just one day at a time.

 

[PEANUT1]

It is good to talk about it...keep doing it. The medication may take a couple of weeks to work for you but seems to be a really good idea. If it doesn't work, try another.

As far as the trip is concerned, it sounds like a nice tribute to your mom. You can remember your last trip with her and be thankful for the time you had with her.

I am very sorry for your heartache. I hope you can find some peace.

 

[Rustysmom]

I think you should go if you are able to. Your mom would want you to go.

My mom died at the end of March. We promised our DS that we would try to go for Christmas this year, but when she got sick, I told him to forget about it. Now that she is gone, I wish we could go for Christmas, because we're not going to put up a tree or anything anyway, and it would be nice to get away and forget about sad things for a while. Unfortunately, we are trying to sell her house and I have to take care of her cat, and she's too old and sick to be left alone or boarded. Normally I just leave a lot of dry cat food and water and extra litter boxes for my cats and they are fine, but I can't do that with her, plus she needs medication every day.

Just go and try to remember how happy the trip made her and how lucky she was that she got to go. My mom never went to Disney because she didn't like to travel, but at least she got to see our videos and pictures. If I could go, I know she would want the kids to go and have fun.

I miss my mom more and more every day too.

 

[MPHARJ]

I am so sorry about your loss, I understand it is very hard. When my grandmother died several years ago, we too had a WDW planned and we did go, I was a child then but my mother felt the same as you, thinking we shouldn't go. However I know your mother would want you to go. I know things aren't easy for you and you may or may not feel like doing anything while you are there, but you need to go on, you need to live your life. No loss is easy for any one and I don't want to think about the loss of my parents. I took them last year with us and paid for their trip so I could enjoy some time with them and wish as they get older I could do that every year. You are doing the right thing by seeking help for your depression, it is a normal state of the greiving process. Remember what you did for her, you gave her comfort by moving in with her even if for a short time, you allowed her to be happy at home surrounded by family. Please go on your trip, no it won't be the same but it will bring some comfort knowing you were able to share some of those special moments with her when she was with you. She will be there with you in spirit and wouldn't want it any other way. You taking the vacation with your DH and DD is not that you are forgetting about you mother or just going on as if nothing happened, it is a place you all enjoy and will forever hold special memories in your heart. You need to do this for you and your family. Life isn't easy and it is harder when a special person is no longer there to share it with you, but as I said before I am sure she wouldn't want it any other way. Good luck to you!

 

[mickeyluv'r]

Go.

I know this doesn't equate, but last fall we lost our dog while we went to WDW. Part of it why it was so disturbing is that the person who was supposed to take care of her did not do a good job at all. In the past, she had been great, but in this case, one bad turn lead to another. It really put a HUGE damper on our trip - worrying about her, knowing she was not getting good care. We almost came home early, but instead spent a good deal of time on the phone with friends, family, the vet, trying to coordinate care for her. We had her brought to the vet for intensive care (although they were not very impressive either, we later found out.) Maybe it was her time even if she had been given proper care, I don't know. The point is, it was a very diffucult trip. We felt helpless, and really could not enjoy our trip. It was very sad when we got home, as she was barely alive. I am not one to put an animal down, but we had no choice in this case. It was awful.

I thought returning to WDW would be a serious reminder of those memories. This past spring I went to WDW for two days. Granted, it may help me that I've been to wDW many times, but it turned out to be happy trip. I think it also helped that we stayed at a different resort.

I think WDW is a great place to try and see past your present sadness.

 

[kaffinito]

Go. While you're there you can remember your Mom with a smile on her face, enjoying all that WDW had to offer her. When I go I remember my Mom (who passed away last June) and how much she enjoyed watching me and my brother on our first visit there.

I went back to WDW last April after my parents were both diagnosed with terminal cancer within a week of each other. I needed a place to go to so I could remember both of them, and remember what it felt like to be a child without the cares and worries that comes with adulthood. My Dad is still alive, but he is very ill, so I am going back to WDW.

So go - and when you're there remember your mom and all that she meant to you, as I do when I go and picture my parents there.

Best of luck to you - and hang in there- it does get better.