Should I allow ex to go on trip???

[jrandtysmom]

OK I need some advice. I am a single mother to 2 boys (age 7 & 4). I 've decided to take them to Disney this year for their first trip. My ex-husband is remarried and after I told him what I was doing, he now has decided that he and his new wife should be allowed to come along on the trip so they don't miss out on the boys trip to Disney. They think that we should try and get a family suite at ASMU and they'll pay the difference over what I was originally going to pay. At first I laughed and said the hell you will but now they are trying to make me feel guilty and even said something to my boys about them going on the trip with us (which of course the kids would love to have their dad there.) Am I being selfish for not wanting to go to Disney with my ex-husband and his new wife (yes we all get along but still), share a room with them and have to spend a week that I was so very much looking forward to with my boys now with them as well. Am I looking at it negatively or should I be seeing some positives here (because I'm not)? The only positive is that then I would have some help instead of traveling alone with the boys but to me that isn't really looking like much of a positive. I do feel a little guilty about their dad not being along on the trip for the boys but isn't that what happens in a divorce? Should I be the bigger person and allow them to tag along? Sorry for such a long rant.

 

[Trena]

Do not let them come along if you don't want them there. Don't feel guilty.
They can take the boys to Disney another time.

 

[PrincessTigerLily]

I am not in your situation, so I am merely an outsider looking in...but no, I do not feel that you should be forced to include your ex and his new wife. Out of curiosity, if he decided to take the boys for their first trip to Disney would you ask to tag along? If the answer is yes, then I guess you might have to consider this an option. If the answer is no, then you should not have to be penalized for having a great idea and trying to spend some amazing time with your sons to build memories together. Sharing a suite together...ewwww. I don't think I could do that, even for the sake of the kids. Also, it is pretty dirty rotten to say something to the boys without having definite plans in place, and they should be ashamed of using dirty tactics to get what they want. I don't blame you, and if I were in your place, I think I would take a pass on the combined vacation. Why don't they take the boys on a trip in a few months? There's always something new to see and do at Disney!

 

[Scambone]

If it were the other way around your ex allow you and your new husband to tag along on his trip? I highly doubt it. It's your trip so spend it with your boys and no one else. If they want to take them some other time then go for it but you thought of it first so don't feel guilty about it.

 

[Wendy5055]

Absolutely not!!!! You are correct...you are DIVORCED!!!! Let him and his new wife plan their own trip with the boys.

BTY...did ExH and his wife offer to pay for half of your ds's tickets & food?!?!? For some crazy reason, I don't think so...so where is the benefit for you???

Sure, your ds's would love to have their dad around...but that still does NOT make it OK. Stand firm and be strong!!!

 

[sueh]

I wouldn't let him since he "forced" you into that decision.
I too am a single mom of 2 girls (8&6) and I will be taking them to WDW for the first time in July. I did ask if he would like to go to experience the girls first trip. Even though we do get along (and he is not remarried) we will not be sharing a room. I was very clear about that.
If it makes you feel uneasy then I would have to say no way. If they want to go then they can get their own rooms and still experience the first trip together.

 

[mickeywho?]

My first reaction would also be to say - No Way! It's our trip and we're looking forward to our own time together. But - for the sake of family harmony and thinking the boys would love to have their dad along I would cave in a bit and compromise but on my own terms....
My suggestion.
Let them know which hotel you are staying at and your dates. They can make their own reservation in a SEPARATE room and are welcome to be in the same hotel or any other one they may prefer. (that way you won't have to listen to any complaints if they turn out not to like your choice)
Book a "start of vacation" first meal together. Maybe arrival day dinner at Chef Mickeys so the boys first time meeting the characters you are all there for - you can all share the first reactions.
Plan out your own itinerary - some time together some time apart. Give them a day on their own with the boys - one they can plan - but have a time that you'd like to meet up at the end of the day - could be dinner - could be bedtime. This will give them some space and yes, a little vacation time for you too! Have also one day that is just for you and the boys - for the same reasons.
Finish off your trip with a special night - another special meal or back to the boys favourite park for fireworks with all of you together.
Be willing to compromise on some things - but hold your ground on what is important to you. This is your vacation they are crashing - you may get along at this point and it's important to still be getting along when you get back.
Hope it works out for you!

 

[livndisney]

OK I need some advice. I am a single mother to 2 boys (age 7 & 4). I 've decided to take them to Disney this year for their first trip. My ex-husband is remarried and after I told him what I was doing, he now has decided that he and his new wife should be allowed to come along on the trip so they don't miss out on the boys trip to Disney. They think that we should try and get a family suite at ASMU and they'll pay the difference over what I was originally going to pay. At first I laughed and said the hell you will but now they are trying to make me feel guilty and even said something to my boys about them going on the trip with us (which of course the kids would love to have their dad there.) Am I being selfish for not wanting to go to Disney with my ex-husband and his new wife (yes we all get along but still), share a room with them and have to spend a week that I was so very much looking forward to with my boys now with them as well. Am I looking at it negatively or should I be seeing some positives here (because I'm not)? The only positive is that then I would have some help instead of traveling alone with the boys but to me that isn't really looking like much of a positive. I do feel a little guilty about their dad not being along on the trip for the boys but isn't that what happens in a divorce? Should I be the bigger person and allow them to tag along? Sorry for such a long rant.

In a word....

NO!!!!!!!

Do NOT feel guilty for taking your boys to WDW. If their father wants to take them at another time fine. You are UNDER no obligation to spend time with your EX.

 

[JoiseyMom]

No, don't do it. It's gonna cause more problems. Let him take the boys on his own. What is going to happen if you want to do x..adn they watn to do y?? If they don't want to eat where you want too..or they want to eat more expensively then you... There are alot of negatives here. This is your trip with your sons.

You may get along now..but you might not before this is over!!

 

[disykat]

No, No, NO!

It'd be interesting to have them answer the following questions.

As someone else mentioned, are they going to pay for 1/2 of all of the boys expenses? Tickets, meals, transportation, the boy's share of the hotel expenses before the upgrade, etc.

Does this mean you get to go on all their family vacations too?

 

[Wendy5055]

I've been there and done that. Compromise is not a compromise when only one person is making the sacrifice...it is compliance not compromise.

Not unless your Ex offers to pay half of the expenses for your sons AND get their OWN room. It is not right for your Ex and his wife to experience the trip with your sons that you are PAYING for. I understand that they are willing to pay for THEIR portion of the trip...but they are HIS children too and if he wants to have a trip with them...LET HIM PLAN AND PAY FOR ONE or at the very least OFFER TO ASSIST PAYING FOR THIS ONE (for the boys).

Plain and simple...he has found a way to have his cake and eat it too. He will take his wife to WDW and share in the experiences YOU are creating for your boys (thanks to your dime). You are not required to "share" your trip and unless you are on EXCELLENT terms with your Ex AND his wife, shouldn't even consider it.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than that scenario on my vacation. I apologize for the strong feelings on the subject. Been there and Done that...it doesn't work. Not even for the "sake of family peace".

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Shoot, I can find myself grumpy and miserable at WDW with a DH I'm still married to (and most of the time love ). I can't imagine holding up there with an exDH, nevermind his new wife too.

I think you have every right to stand your ground on this. It is something you are doing with the boys, they do not have the right to infringe. (Depending, of course on what your divorce agreement says...)

Be prepared for it to get nasty. (Keep eyes on the fact it will all be better at WDW, lol). We had a similar situation years ago when my SIL wanted to take her kids with us to WDW. Her ex never invited himself along, but did go ahead and book a cruise (with the kids) for the same week. Told the kids they would have to chose. It mercifully blew over (he cancelled the trip- if he'd ever really booked it to start with) and we did go. He is (allegedly) taking them this summer though (after we just went in April). At least that's a win win for the kids, two Disney trips in a year.

 

[jrandtysmom]

I've been there and done that. Compromise is not a compromise when only one person is making the sacrifice...it is compliance not compromise.

Not unless your Ex offers to pay half of the expenses for your sons AND get their OWN room. It is not right for your Ex and his wife to experience the trip with your sons that you are PAYING for. I understand that they are willing to pay for THEIR portion of the trip...but they are HIS children too and if he wants to have a trip with them...LET HIM PLAN AND PAY FOR ONE or at the very least OFFER TO ASSIST PAYING FOR THIS ONE (for the boys).

Plain and simple...he has found a way to have his cake and eat it too. He will take his wife to WDW and share in the experiences YOU are creating for your boys (thanks to your dime). You are not required to "share" your trip and unless you are on EXCELLENT terms with your Ex AND his wife, shouldn't even consider it.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than that scenario on my vacation. I apologize for the strong feelings on the subject. Been there and Done that...it doesn't work. Not even for the "sake of family peace".

Thank you! This was my fear. As you can probably tell I have some feelings of guilt for my boys over the whole divorce (don't all divorced parents or is it just me ) so I felt myself caving. I want what is best for my boys, but not if it is going to make us all miserable. I couldn't ask my family their opinions because they all have some left-over feelings from the split and things he did during the marriage so they would've all said NO anyways. They all wish he'd just go away and not bother at all. I thought this was a good way to get outside opinions, especially from some who have been through and done this before. I wanted to know if it ever works out the way you'll hope it will or is it as disastrous as I keep imagining.

 

[Avalon_toon]

Don't do it - you don't feel comfortable, and he lost the right to put you in that position when you got the divorce. It seems like he's trying to share some of the memories and some of the credit for a vacation you have planned and paid for - so I'd say no way.

Tell your kids that Daddy will almost certainly take them on some other totally awesome vacation some day, but that this vacation is just for the three of you.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

First of all, its your vacation - do what you want! You are divorced, and that means that you now get to make your own decisions without the ex. Having said that.... I think it is important for your boys to have their dad there to share in their experiences. Do you get along well with the new wife?? Maybe she could just stay home! Also, if you do agree to it, there is NO WAY ON EARTH that I would share a room with them, not even a family suite! Tell them what hotel you are staying in, try and get rooms in the same building, or on the same floor if possible. A great vacation does not include my ex and especially his new wife! But, we all make sacrafices for our children, and for me, this is one I would make... but only under my rules! Whatever you do, don't let anyone make you feel bad for spending your hard earned money on a vacation for your children! And most of all, HAVE FUN!!!

 

[~Kristina~]

I definitely think they both should be invited. Afterall it will be the kids first trip and a combined family front will be wonderful in their eyes.

ETA: After reading the responses, I need to go into my comment further.

I do not think you should spend the entire trip side by side, no sharing rooms, more like a "joint custody" trip. BUT if you don't want him there, then no. If he is pressuring you, don't feel guilty either.

 

[timzagain]

I've done one of those weird trips before - Ex's & DD's Orlando vacation and ours overlapped by a week. DD was 15 at the time and she was really excited that she got to vacation with her two households at the same time.

We did not share accomodation - didn't even stay at the same hotel. We did some things together (more than I expected) and went our separate ways for other activities. Ex & I shared DD's expenses. The kids had a blast (my stepdaughter, DD15 and youngest DD (DH's and my bio-daughter!).

It worked out well but it helps that Ex and my DH actually get along very well.

Now I could not imagine a similar trip with DH's ex-wife and her significant other! DH and his ex don't get along at all; she's definitely not my favourite person. I endure her for the sake of the kids - definitely not my idea of a travelling buddy!!

 

[minkydog]

Ewww...I'm not divorced but the idea of sharing quarters with an ex AND his new wife I vote with the others--tell them where you're staying and let them get their own room. I think you could plan to do some things together, too. You might even find that you look forward to having the ex take the children for a few hours while you do something else (like go to the spa! maybe you and the new wife could plan a girls day out )

 

[livie1205]

WHAT? I cant even think about this.....eeewwww I wouldnt even go at the same time, let them plan their own trip.It is not as if you are newly divorced, he is REMARRIED, that would be sooooo weird to be there with his new wife....

 

[bellebud]

If you're considering it, the ONLY way I'd do it is separate rooms, if not separate hotels. He's just absolutely crazy suggesting a family suite! You could even split where the boys sleep - the first few nights w/ you, then a few w/ ex. I like some pp's suggestions of maybe doing the first day all together, then the boys spend a day w/ you alone, then a day w/ ex alone, then maybe a few things all t? But again, this is only if you want to do this. I think it's totally fine doing separate vacations... you're divorced! While the kids might enjoy having both parents there, they'd also enjoy separate vacations, so don't feel guilty. Who knows, the older one might even feel funny because of dad's new spouse, and you being single, and everyone being together. Kids are very sensitive, and don't like to see a parent "alone", which your being single will be sort of magnified w/ ex & spouse there with you guys, knim? I know my dh and his siblings have always felt *bad* for their mom, who never remarried or even dated after her divorce, meanwhile their dad remarried & had 2 more kids. Even though their mom is totally fine on her own, they can't help but feel really bad about it, even all these years later. So I'd think about that too.

Good luck deciding what to do. A sticky situation for sure!