Should I allow ex to go on trip???

[Mocharilla]

My parents took me on a trip when I was little, although they were divorced. It was just the three of us, and they were both on (and still are on) great terms. We stayed in the campground at FW. It was a lot of fun, and there weren't any problems, except one night when my mom wanted us to go back to MK, and my dad wanted to watch the movie at FW. But, my dad still apologizes for that, and my mom and I went anyways, and it all worked out well.

They both say all the time that it was the best trip we ever took.

But, that being said, in your situation, I'd probably say no. Especially no to staying in a room together with you, him, the kids, and his new wife.

 

[sunnyday123]

My parents took me on a trip when I was little, although they were divorced. It was just the three of us, and they were both on (and still are on) great terms. We stayed in the campground at FW. It was a lot of fun, and there weren't any problems, except one night when my mom wanted us to go back to MK, and my dad wanted to watch the movie at FW. But, my dad still apologizes for that, and my mom and I went anyways, and it all worked out well.

They both say all the time that it was the best trip we ever took.

But, that being said, in your situation, I'd probably say no. Especially no to staying in a room together with you, him, the kids, and his new wife.

I honestly think that is wonderful. You have great parents who overlooked the fact that they couldn't make it work with each other, and did what they were supposed to do. They were ( are ) your parents. I say this all the time, but parents are parents, I don't care where they live. Together, apart, next door, whatever. My ex's g/f has a HUGE problem with the fact that we don't rip each others eyes out every time we see each other. Would I like to? Abso-freakin-lutely! But you make sacrifices for your kids.

Mine owes me big time.

 

[gracefor5]

Fizban....You are cool!!

Kim

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I keep wishing he'll "get it" but I doubt it.

I keep hoping too, but it doesn't look likely. The money issue isn't even the thing that gets me the most upset. It's how he puts himself and his desires before DD and what's best for her. I've seen him be downright cruel to DD when he's mad at me because he knows it's the best way to get under my skin.

 

[dzorn]

I did not read all the responses for please forgive if it has been suggested. Cound you plan an over laping trip? How ever many days have DH and Ex check in the day you are leaving or the day before? Possibly skip one park and let DH be the first to experience it with them? (OK I would pick my least fav.) DH check in day you could plan a dinner all together then transfer kids to DH and travel home without them. DH would be responsible for his share of the trip (food, acomidations , and ticket costs) and costs to bring kids home. This would also give you a few day at home to do laundry etc before they come home.

I seems very unreasonable to share acomidations DH should be covering half of Kids cost if he is there. He should have never mentioned it to the kids until when or if you worked out an agreement. Do not feel guilty!!!!!

 

[Fizban257]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

Sorry you had to have "the support conversation" with him over this. It really wasn't appropriate for him to bring it up and was just a sour-grapes comment, really.

I've read some of the other support comments here. I can tell you that I've been lucky to pay only what my ex needed and not what the court would order. Another poster commented that the court-ordered sums are fair, but I think that varies by state. Some (my case) order as much as 25% of your gross income for one child. I'm sorry, but that is an inordinate amount for the support of one child.

Had we not made a support aggrement outside of the court system, the court would have ordered 25% of my gross income to my ex. And this is for a situation in which she has remarried and moved our son 500 miles away from me so that her new husband could take a new job making more than me and my wife combined.

Just becuase it is a court-mandated formula does not make it fair. There are very powerful lobbies invlolved in writing these laws and anyone sticking up for the parents paying support is labeled an advocate for dead-beat dads. You can imagine the politicians are just lining up to be labeled as such.

 

[marvali]

Sorry you had to have "the support conversation" with him over this. It really wasn't appropriate for him to bring it up and was just a sour-grapes comment, really.

Agree about the sour-grapes. Actually when I read this my first thought was this was a very cheap shot to get one more dig in. Just one more reason that you are making the correct decision to not let him freeload on your plans and hard work to take this trip, IMO. As if you needed another reason....

Hope you have a great time and I'll be looking for a trip report (and pics of the big smiles on all of your faces) when you get back!

 

[VAN]

Wow, just be glad you're not married to him anymore. I think it is HIM that wanted a trip to WDW and it had very little to do with the kids!!

He just doesn't seem to think, does he? What about the new wife? Did she really want to be put in that position.

I hope you and the kids really enjoy your trip. You did the right thing.

 

[Lily & Giny's Mom]

Can't he just take them to WDW next year?

 

[disneymarie]

Can't he just take them to WDW next year?

Hi Lily I love that response which woould be correct. But, from the sounds of this guy if he didn;t take them up to now, he can't seem to put himself out. For the money or the plans.

I didn't travel with my ex, but did go with the sons family in seperate rooms. It ended up that it was expected gramma was built in sitter or aid helper. If I made plans to go somewhere my 12 year old wanted, he was not happy with the disruption of what he planned for the family that day. Very controling male and that was my 33 year old son, not my "EX."

I agree you go have a blast doing Your thing, let the ex make his plans and his dime to take the kids on his own.
I would just tell the kids it wouls not work out financially and when their dad can plan a vacation of his own they will go and you will be staying home.

I would not let my husbands' ex go with us and we were on fine terms to spend holidays together. However, she became to controling and underming my authority on family decisions. That will not fly on my watch.

PS If I went with my EX, I would be looking for an Alligator Byou with a real hungry big gator
di

 

[dsnycrzy]

I must admit I read through all 9 pages of this and am shocked that no one even thought that him EVEN THINKING OF THE THOUGHT AND HAVING IT SLIP OUT OF HIS MOUTH FOR MY EARS TO OVER HEAR WASN'T THE CRAZIEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!

My Ex and I were good friends until recently and we have the understanding that we are not good in a relationship but great as just friends. My DD is now 5 and when she was 1 he met this chick. They were together for a short while when I started to notice he wasn't making time for my kids. Come to find out, she didn't really care for my kids because she was so jealous of me and the fact that we are good friends. We speak and she even mentioned us all going to WDW so that her 4 kids can go .

YOU GOT TO BE JOKING!!! Me walking around with my Ex and his new girl just wasn't my idea of a nice trip.

Heck No honey, Go by yourself. As someone said let him be the 1st to do Universal and Sea World. But you go with your boys to your well planed WDW trip.

He's a big joke...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

[buckeyebill1995]

Well I've read through this whole thread and it appears you are getting a lot of advice from a bunch of mostly emotional women, a lot of whom are maybe in the same boat as you. I thought I would give you the advice of a man for a different point of reference (chill ladies, you might be surprised).

First of all I have to say the guy is a jerk for so many reasons! You come up with this wonderful idea and he tries to horn in. Why? Because you are planning to do something that he knows your boys will enjoy and you will be making points with them while he looks bad for not thinking of it first. Secondly, he wants the benefit of being a part of the trip, but at your expense, and I don't just mean money. "We will pay the difference in the price of the room" when your part will be probably 80-90% of the cost of a slightly larger suite. How nice of his generous offer! You foot most of the bill and they get to be a part of this special "first visit to Disney" event. All of the glory and none of the "pain"......how sweet. Besides the cost, you now have to go out of your way to compromise on what you are all going to do because, after all, you don't want to be fighting and spoil the boy's first trip. You will be miserable like that!

Now, having said all of that, IF, and that's a big IF, YOU decide there is a way to compromise for the boys' sake, THEN and ONLY then should they be allowed to go. There is no way you should do it and share a room with them....PERIOD. I personally feel that the kids in a divorce suffer most if the parents can't get along afterwards and all they ever see is fussing and fighting between you both. Staying in the same room sounds like the perfect way to end up letting them see just that, especially if your EX's "second mommie" is so domineering.

The idea of telling them where and when and them making their own arrangements is the only way you should do it if YOU make that decision (after all, YOU were the one who made the decision to start with). Depending on the length of your trip you could plan some things together, and some things that are just you and your boys. They could possibly get them all to themselves one day if that is okay with you (hey, some Mommy alone time is never a bad thing and will help you to recharge and relax too).

You mentioned how much your sons like the idea of having Dad along on the trip. Were they excited about the trip BEFORE Dad invited himself??? Then I'm guessing they will still be, even if he doesn't end up going along. You came up with this idea and you made these plans. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable about them going along (and I certainly would) then don't feel guilty in the least telling him "it just ain't gonna happen."

Explain to your sons that "Daddy will take you another time, which is great because then you get two trips to Disney" and if it is all about them and not him, then he will make his own plans and take them. If it is all about him instead (and it sounds like it is to me), then you just turned the tables on the jerk for putting you on the spot about this first trip.

I personally say tell him it is just going to be a trip for three this time because truthfully I don't see any way it can work out as well for you and your boys with having to consider them in your plans too. You are going to come back home more stressed out than when you left so there goes the benefit of vacation. Trust me, you can handle it without their help and have a great time.

If you do decide to let them be a part, then as other's have said, it is only under YOUR rules and with your decisions about what you will do each day (based obviously on what your boys are excited about doing). If they can't totally agree to that, then tell them sorry, it is the only option and they will just have to take them another time. Then be firm about your decision and know you are doing the right thing all the way around.

You DO NOT and SHOULD NOT feel guilty if you decide they are not welcome on this great idea you had!

BRAVO! And I thought it was bad enough when my in-laws invited themselves! As an adult child of divorced parents, let me give you another perspective. You will not be able to hide how uncomfortable you are, which will make your children uncomfortable and then NO ONE will enjoy their first trip to Disney, including the kids. I totally get feeling bad that their dad will miss out on their first trip, but believe me the alternative would be much worse. To make matters worse, he handled it the complete wrong way, and is attempting to manipulate you and the situation and is using the kids to do it. Be strong and JUST SAY NO!