Short of a Cattle Prod, how does one get people to send back their RSVPs?

[MegKate]

WARNING: Rant Ahead!!

There are people in our families who are not sending back their RSVPs. When I ask why they say "Because you know we're coming". Many people have said they're coming, but I'm not counting them as definite until I get their RSVPs.

Short of the aforementioned cattle prod, how do I get these RSVPs back?

 

[PrincessShea]

Oh Meg. I have no idea what the answer to your question is, but the title made me literally laugh out loud.

 

[wendy46001]

DH's family doesn’t RSVP…drives me crazy
i basically had to call and say
i'm making a scrapbook and need your card back...that got 50% of them
the rest i had bring to my shower...
some peoples kids i swear

 

[HopefulDisneyBride]

I am having the same problem!

 

[lurkyloo]

I think it is inevitable that the bride and/or groom ends up having to phone a certain number of those invited to confirm. I have never ever heard of anyone getting all their RSVPs back.

Apparently there are many people in the world who think like one of our guests, who said "RSVPs are just a formality - you don't actually send them back" despite the presence of a STAMP that cost real MONEY on the self-addressed ENVELOPE we included.

 

[jacqu3lin3]

Haha!!! a cattle prod would be a great tool!!! I wish I would have thought of that!!! I had a few slackers who 'forgot' to send back the RSVP. I sort of lied to them telling them that Disney needed them for guest count purposes, and for some reason every single person sent back their RSVP. I guess they were in fear of the all might Mouse.

 

[AlternateEgo]

I just finshed my invites and have been having the worry of getting them back. I already had my cousin tell me she is just gonna throw it away... im like ahhhh, after all my work.

So I was explaining to her to at least send the response card back and she didn't get it. I said all you got to do is mark it, put your name on it, and put it in the mailbox. Already stamped... and then she was like Ohhhh! (I hope she read this, hehe)

Anyway... I don't know what sort of issues I may or may not have with getting them back.

Anyone have any idea of how many people rsvp yes and then not show? This is for an at home wedding... I suppose it might be different for Disbrides.

 

[Boardwalk_bride]

We sent our ours in April, and asked for them back by June 15th.

Everyone is coming, but NOBODY sent a reply. It is still making me so mad, because we spent so much time making them, paid for all the stamps to send them, and sent a stamped return envelope!

I was so mad on June 16th, that I said "that's it....none of these people are getting a dessert party"

 

[missy0107]

This thread further reaffirms my decision to not bother sending out RSVP's.

 

[poohlover]

My DD and her DH just renewed their vows here in CT after eloping in CA.

My DD did online RSVP's thinking we might get a better count that way. WE thought we wer making it easier for all involved...we only had 2 or 3 that were not computer literate, those we called.

At the end we still had to make approximatly 10 phone calls out of 80 or so people invited. I was amazed at my D niece who admitted she just "isn't good at that RSVP thing" of course she is the one who came and didn't give a present either!

I'm not sure there is any easy way around this anymore.

 

[tommymomo]

we are kinda going through the same thing... our deadline to return the rsvp is Aug 1 and we have gotten very few back. Since we really need to know an exact number to for the room we picked for the reception.
My DF and I have decided that if the RSVP is not returned by the due date they get one phone call and we are going to tell them that if the card doesnt come back within a week(from when we call them) then they will be considered a "no".

 

[lpizzuro123]

Our guests were pretty good at getting the RSVP's back to us. As they had all received the Save The Date from Disney, I kept checking our room block - I figured if they made room reservations most likely they were coming. We did the Cards and Pockets and we had two friends say they loved the way the invite looked together and yes they were coming but they did not want to mess up the look of the invitation.

We had two people (one on my side - one on my DH's side) that did not fill in their name - they just checked "NO" and sent the card back . I had put a number on the back of each RSVP and coordinated it to a list of our guests so I was able to figure out who was not coming with those RSVP's.

All in all - we waited about a week after or RSVP's were due back and then made a phone call. The only thing I will say is most Disney brides need to send their invites out much farther in advance then local weddings and most people do not realize we need their response much earlier then local weddings.

I did put all our RSVP's in our guestbook (from The Guestbook Store). I was amazed how many people wrote notes, drew pictures and just made great comments on the RSVP's.
Linda

 

[lurkyloo]

I was so mad on June 16th, that I said "that's it....none of these people are getting a dessert party"

I love it!

 

[Scrap_Vamp]

We have given our guests an address, a phone number, and a dedicated email address. We even have a Facebook group and event! However, despite our deadline date passing nearly a month ago we are still waiting for quite a few responses- in fact, NONE of DF's side have RSVPd!

I swear I don't know what the answer is.

 

[MegKate]

I'm glad that I'm not the only one on this - I thought it was just our family and friends who were being a bunch of nogoodniks.

I had a friend hand deliver her RSVP to me today at work, so now I'm up to... 14.

I don't understand what the problem-o is! We've addressed it, we've stamped it. I'm at the point that when I go downstate in two weeks, I'm going to go house to house and personally find out if they're coming! (It will be my bridezilla moment!)

My dad went last week down to Texas to visit our family down there, and I was having him tell people to RSVP. My poor father was my RSVP police.

I mean you know it's bad when your 11 year old niece looks at you and says "You know I'm coming, I don't need to send it back".

Ok rant over!! For now....

 

[Ember]

Hahahaha!

If you work out the secret to getting people to RSVP, you let the rest of us know!

Of course, I think my favorite form of comeuppance is when people who failed to RSVP get married. Then they complain about people not responding. When I point out the stress this causes - such as when they did it - it results in satisfyingly red faces! I've played this game twice since my wedding!

 

[MegKate]

I need to continue my rant on RSVPs because I want to know if anyone's encountered a situation such as what I'm facing with guests now...

We're up to 23 people, which is good. What isn't good is the way the "no" guests are treating me. Like today, I called a family member to say hello. This family member hasn't been feeling well and I didn't expect them to go. Along with saying they're not going, I got a lecture on how I'm being selfish having my wedding in Disney. I was hurt, but this wasn't the first time.

There are people who are going, when I talk to them like to remind me of what an imposition I've made on them, having to go to Florida and how much money it's going to cost them. This isn't everyone - but you know the saying about the few ruining it for the whole bunch?

Sigh. Sorry about the rant, I just feel uber discouraged. I already told DF that when we do a VR in 5-10 years, there will be only us and the Roots! Just an Escape VR, so I can have a wedding where people don't feel the need to constantly put down my choices.

PS - These are the same people who complained when I first decided to have it up in Northern Maine. I can't win.

 

[Boardwalk_bride]

I completely understand everything you are saying. When people go on rants about how I am being an inconvenience to everyone, I simply tell them that it is not a requirement for them to come, we decided we would get married there, and invited people to celebrate with us, expecting people wouldn't be able to make it. When I say this to those certain people, they just make a face. They have every intention of coming, but just feel the need bring us down for some reason (oh, and some of those same people had destinations as well, but in another continent).

If people don't want to come, they won't. Otherwise I wouldn't worry to much! If they are coming, they obviously want to be there!!

 

[LLLBelle]

I totally know how you feel. I need to send my invites out 6 months in advance! Because of the small island in Puerto Rico we are having the wedding. It is a kind of reminder to our guests to book all their hotels, rental cars, flights, so there will be hotels and cars left for them since we need to know where they are staying for the goodie bags we are handing out.

We have gotten very few back so far, although I did extend the reply date to Aug 31. I need to have final numbers because my original guest count was higher than it actually is going to be so if I need to rework anything, the time is now. Plus my wedding planner will be on my back if I don't have them by September.

And I got some of the same response for having the wedding in Puerto Rico, why are you having it there. Plus my step father is Puerto Rican and there are not warm and fuzzy feelings between him and my dad (and my dad isn't coming to the wedding) But no place we had the wedding would have pleased everyone and it's too expensive to get married in Jersey. My FMIL thought we should just go to the court house or Vegas, nice, I know.

So Meg, you are not alone, I hope you get them back soon!

 

[lurkyloo]

We're up to 23 people, which is good. What isn't good is the way the "no" guests are treating me. Like today, I called a family member to say hello. This family member hasn't been feeling well and I didn't expect them to go. Along with saying they're not going, I got a lecture on how I'm being selfish having my wedding in Disney. I was hurt, but this wasn't the first time.

If there was ever a day in your life to be "selfish" this is it. It's not their wedding - you're the one who's going to live with the fabulous memories or the bitter regrets, so do it the way YOU want to! They'll get over it.

There are people who are going, when I talk to them like to remind me of what an imposition I've made on them, having to go to Florida and how much money it's going to cost them.

Oh man, we got this too. I don't understand why these people are even going if it's such an imposition. Nobody said they had to!

PS - These are the same people who complained when I first decided to have it up in Northern Maine. I can't win.

This part just made me laugh, because at our wedding the people who complained the loudest were the ones who had their wedding in a remote area of Maine!