She put an evil mat around my tree!!!

[Flippin Kitty]

Are there any cats here? Do you have a tree? Is there an evil mat? Tips on how to kill it?

Cool-Beans' DH brought me a tree, right into the house. I think there *might* be chipmunks in it. Haven't actually seen any of them, but one should never give up hope. I keep trying to check.

But she keeps squirting me. Kind of hard to KILL things when you keep being squirted with water. That's horrible. Pray that it never happens to you.

I was pretty surprised that her husband brought me my tree. He's the evil man and much too big to kill, unfortunately. He's the one who said she shouldn't feed me when I first showed up. "Don't feed it! It will come back! You'll never get rid of it!"

"It." Not "she." Didn't care for THAT. Plus, he wanted me to starve. I said, "Silly man, you may be too big to kill, but I'm so much cuter and smarter than you are. The food will be mine." But, you know, humans being stupid and not understanding simple things I say, he took it as proof that he was right. Turned to her and said, "See?!"

A few days later, he cries, "It's waking me up in the morning. You have to STOP feeding that thing!" He was pissed off. Ha. Ha-ha-ha. She's going to feed me. She always feeds me. First it was tuna and then actual cat food! Then she said, "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. You're right. I know. I just felt so bad for it. But if it is upsetting you all that much, I won't feed it. I promise." I got worried.

But I'm no fool. A woman who'll feed me once will feed me again. I just had to be determined and pathetic. I stayed put on the porch and my cries got longer. Soon enough, there was more food.

"Well, I couldn't help it! It's starving! What am I supposed to do?!" (Feed me, Cool-Beans. That's what you're supposed to do. We don't need him. Let's just kill him. You hold him down, I'll bite him.)

Then he suggested that I might be a girl cat (duh - idiot) and if I keep coming around I'll get pregnant at some point and then might have my kittens around their house and there will soon be 10,000 cats to feed. (Like I could have 10,000 kittens - dope.) He's always using the fact that I had my babies there as some kind of proof that he was right. Like five perfect little babies is the same thing as 10,000. (Having babies hurts. I don't recommend it. And they're annoying sometimes. And the humans pay them attention, which is wrong. And even though you love them, they start disappearing. Soon enough, you go into the basement where you kept them and you call them and nobody comes. Very sad, very confusing. Don't have babies.)

Thankfully, Cool-Beans didn't mind him, but me instead, and now I have run of the house. There was another animal there - a pet bird - but I killed it and am now the only non-human anyone need concern themselves with, as it should be.

So, anyway, I was very surprised when he brought me my tree. He never does anything he's supposed to do like FEED me. Totally worthless. Then he shows up with my tree. You just never know about people - he must be learning.

I like to climb trees. I like to see if there are animals in them - birds, mice, chipmunks, spiders, slugs - I like to kill and eat them all. And a tree is a great place to find them. Now that it is so cold it is good that I have a tree inside the house. High time, too.

But last night she put an evil mat around it. It is red felt, with white lace (and, as you know, all lace must die) and says something. I think it might say, "Stop feeding the cat" and that combined with the lace is just too much. It is evil. It has to go.

I've been trying and trying to kill it. But then she starts with that squirting again.

There is much talk of adding lights and "ornaments" to my tree. Lights would be good - help me to see spiders or whatever is in there. Not sure what ornaments are...maybe small, half-dead animals? One can hope.

I will kill that evil mat, though. If I die trying, I will kill the mat and lace!!!

 

[ScorpioJeni]

Poor Kitty...hope you kill the evil mat!

 

[lovetoscrap]

Nice to finally hear from the cat that BELONGS to Cool Beans.

 

[Mellie2162]

why oh why did I start feeding Lucy the stray.....

 

[Hoodie]

Hoodie's cat says the mat can be nice. It's a comfy place to sleep under the branches.

Also, you can rearrange the mat. I like to shove it all to one side. Mine's on a wood floor, so I can slide on it.

The ornaments impede climbing, but are TOYS!!! Go for the shiniest ones. Sometimes you have to reach for them, but they are the ones the humans seem to like the most. They also sound like bells when they crash on the floor! They don't last very long though. One good whack is all they can take.

 

[Flippin Kitty]

Hoodie's cat says the mat can be nice. It's a comfy place to sleep under the branches.

Also, you can rearrange the mat. I like to shove it all to one side. Mine's on a wood floor, so I can slide on it.

The ornaments impede climbing, but are TOYS!!! Go for the shiniest ones. Sometimes you have to reach for them, but they are the ones the humans seem to like the most. They also sound like bells when they crash on the floor! They don't last very long though. One good whack is all they can take.

Ornaments are toys, like walnuts? That's not as good as small animals, but it sounds okay. I suppose they think I want toys and not animals. I keep trying to explain that the house should be full of dead and half-dead animals, but they are SO DUMB!

It is good that you have a nice mat, but this one is evil and must die. Be careful with your mat, please. You never know.

 

[Hoodie]

Ornaments are toys, like walnuts? That's not as good as small animals, but it sounds okay. I suppose they think I want toys and not animals. I keep trying to explain that the house should be full of dead and half-dead animals, but they are SO DUMB!

It is good that you have a nice mat, but this one is evil and must die.

Some are like walnuts and some are soft, like dead animals. Some are like balls! Those you can chase them under tables, sofas, into corners. And then your human can find them! It's a great way to keep your human occupied.

Oh - and sometimes when they find them, they'll put them back on the tree. I don't know why, after all they just get in the way on the tree. And don't try eating the lights. The may look like a skinny snake, but they don't taste that way at all.

 

[mickeymedic]

Flippin Kitty, you should have been at my house last winter. You would have feasted all winter on the rodents that invaded my basement. But we patched up all the holes and no longer have a kitty-friendly buffet living in our basement. Good luck with your humans. And try not to knock over your new tree.

 

[mmcguire]

hello Flippin Kitty. i mmcguire's caaaat. i like myee tree too but also get sqwerted wif watr when I try to clime it or sit on my mat. The peeple also gets mad when I sit on the presnts underneef.

'Ornaments' sometims soft and chewee and sometims hard and crnchy. None are yum, though. There is a blue fish that taste like my plastic dish. I think it not reel.

If you see something call 'icicles', DONT EAT. They bad for you. Just do what I do -- use yor mouf to pick them off the tree, then lay them all over the flor around yor tree. Yor peeple will pik them up and put them bak, and you can do it agn tomorro. Fun!

Enjoye your tree and stay dri.

Your frnd,

Coco Crisp

 

[My sister's princess]

I am glad to see that the man that lives in your house brought you something so exciting! I know you will have lots of fun climbing up and down, but be careful, my kitty almost got hurt when she climbed up and the tree came down with her!

 

[mamacatnv]

Mamacat's Kitties checking in .....Between the 3 of us typing is not so hard......Flippin Kitty you must somehow get your human to tie your tree to the ceiling and the wall for good measure. It would be a shame if the tree fell over and all those fun to chase ornaments were broken prematurely.

Good luck with your mat, our silly human puts this shiny metal stuff under the tree. It is cold and scary, we don't like it and have given up having a tree to play with. Our human did build us our own tree, it is covered in looped carpeting and has wonderful places all over it to scratch and sharpen our claws.

 

[mickeyboat]

Doesn't your house have a glowing orange box like mine? I swear it puts me into a coma as soon as I lay down in front of it. It's like the sun only warmer and I don't have to cover my eyes. I spend hours in front of that thing.

As for the tree, I am so fat and lazy these days that it doesn't interest me much, except that the evil mat at my house has bells on it, which make for a good time in the wee hours of the morning. I am waiting for the colorful boxes to come out because I enjoy sitting on them.

During this time of year my hoomans put little stuffed friends on the stairs for me to play with. I enjoy knocking them off and watching the hoomans put them back. You are right, they really are dumb. You wouldn't think they had forgotten the days of 9 month olds in high chairs.

Finally I looooove the snowman rug that is in the upstairs hall. You got one? It has tassles on it and when I sink my claws into it and roll over, it covers me up, like a bun. I call myself a "hot cat." No one can see me there!

Happy Holidays, Flippin Kitty!

Fatboy

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[mvazul]

MVazul's cats checking in here. I'm BeBe, the big brother, at 10 years of age. Lilly is my new baby sister. She is just 6 months. Mom and Dad brought her home (with her mother and two sisters) when she was less than 24 hours old. I thought she was a mouse for me to play with, so Mom stuck them in the basement until they got bigger. Then, my family decided to keep Lilly and get rid of the rest. I'm glad they got rid of the rest and wish they would have sent Lilly packing, too. But, she does a good job licking my neck, so it's probably good she is around.

About the tree.

My family is talking about getting one this weekend. I have never climbed the tree. I like laying under it all the way in the back. I have a feeling Lilly is going to spoil everything for me this year. She has never seen a tree. I just know she is going to climb it and ruin all the fun for me. I heard Mom tell Dad that she got rid of a kitty when the kitty broke one of Mom's most favorite and irreplaceable ornaments. Mom said she already has the squirt gun ready to use on Lilly if she gets near the tree. Maybe I can coax Lilly to rip the tree and ornaments to shreds and see if I can get her booted from the house. Then again, maybe I will be nice and teach her the ropes. I wouldn't want to be responsible for a kitty losing her nice warm home this time of year. Any suggestions you can give Mom to keep Lilly out of the tree would be appreciative. Especially since I know I will be blamed for teaching her bad things if she does destroy it.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the kitties out there!!

BeBe

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Hi Flippinkitty,

We have lots of kitties at our house. One of cats refuses to go near the tree because he says the tree attacked him! The other cats are more brave it seems.

Word of advice, if you kill one of the ornaments, HIDE IT. Don't leave it out or take it to Cool Beans or her husband......they will NOT be happy.

 

[breezy1077]

Breezy's kitteh: "Mom, is that you?"

PS....My owner says you need a tag. She seems to think they're important and fun. Maybe they taste like chicken!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Hi, Flippin Kitty! My name is Arabella! I am a naughty spaz cat!
Jackskellingtonsgirl told Oogieboogieman they can never, ever have another tree as long as I am alive. Which is a shame, because I hear there are many, many plastic storage totes full of those "ornaments".

I can jump at least 6 feet vertically up the wall. A tree would be a new challenge! I have nice sharp claws, too. I have already shredded 2 sides of the ottoman and one side of the couch. I have also pulled up a corner of the carpet in the dining room and shredded that, too!

Jackskellingtonsgirl says my sister, Her Royal Naughtiness Princess Aurora the Foo Foo Cat likes to chew through electrical wires, so even if we had a tree it wouldn't have lights. But Oogieboogieman wants to make their DS happy, so he says we will have a tree! Hope springs eternal!

Good luck to you, Flippin Kitty! I will keep you posted!

 

[Flippin Kitty]

Breezy's kitteh: "Mom, is that you?"

PS....My owner says you need a tag. She seems to think they're important and fun. Maybe they taste like chicken!

I'm not your mom. Thanks to Beanie, I'll never be anyone's mom again. Don't get me started on THAT!

Chicken is my favorite!! I wish someone would bring some chickens to me to kill.

I used to ask for all the people food...but then the squirting came, so I generally avoid asking for people food now. I HATE that squiring bottle! But I still ask for chicken. It's worth the risk.

One glorious day, Beanie threw the chicken bones in the garbage and took the bag out and tied it up and set it down in the kitchen. Then she got busy putting a new bag in and doing other stuff and I was able to rip it open and eat the chicken remnants and part of a bone. Second best day I had in that house. I was so polite, too. Carried it out of the kitchen and into the family room, tearing at it on the carpet, not being any trouble to her AT ALL.

You should have heard her with the "Oh, KITTY!", etc. Like there was something wrong. Humans. You never know what normal, innocent thing will make them start with the "Bad Kitty!" stuff. She took my feast away. It wasn't quite as bad as the time I brought the half-dead mouse into the house, but still. I try to do things the way they're supposed to be done and she starts screaming like something is wrong. They're really hard to train.

She's been remembering to make sure that garbage with food in it goes straight to the garage...but she'll forget one day. And I'll be there.

 

[Flippin Kitty]

I can jump at least 6 feet vertically up the wall. I have already shredded 2 sides of the ottoman and one side of the couch. I have also pulled up a corner of the carpet in the dining room and shredded that, too!

...

Good luck to you, Flippin Kitty! I will keep you posted!

That is some impressive work! If you don't like the furniture, you should by all means be shredding it. They need to get something you like in there. Just who in the hell do they think is running that place?! Keep it up.

Beanie had a bedspread with little poofs all over and embroidered flowers and lace on it. Lace is bad and must die. It's gone now.

Good luck to you, too!

 

[Danauk]

Hello fellow kitties, Danauk's cat Cheeky here.
I also really like the mat under the tree. I especially like to sit on the mat under the tree that Danauk has on a table in the lounge. Although every time I go to sit there I get told to get down (she seems to think I will break something called baubles that are on there and aparently cost many packets of Whiskas to buy - you have Whiskas in the USA don't you?) My friend Figaro who I live with likes the decorations on the big tree that make jingly noises. Danauk had to move those the other day higher up the tree. Figaro isn't happy now as he can't reach them.

As for getting food, my favourite trick is to listen until Danauk goes into the kitchen and opens the fridge (I know the sound the door makes.) Then I hurry in and sit at her feet between the door so she can't shut it. Then I stay there until she gives me either milk or ham.

Well I had better go Danauk is moaning that I am taking up too much space on her sofa, quite why she can't sit in the smaller chair is beyond me after all I got here 1st (well I actually just stretched out when she got up to use her litter tray, or whatever she calls it.)