Shared Parenting Plan (Long)

[prncess674]

No, no bind. It's strictly an issue because she feels he is breaking the SPP. These dates are not until June/July so there is plenty of advance notice.

So switching days/weeks doesn't cause her any undue harm/problems, but yet she is going to stick it to him, and by virtue of "sticking it" to him, the kids are the loser because they don't get to go to the beach with their father. Like I said, the Mom sounds like a real PITA and I am sure the ex is glad to get her out of his life.

Sure they have a court order, but can't she show a little compassion? I am sure he would be willing to give her one of his other days on one of the other weeks. Kids are not pawns or toys that you can set absolute schedules by, these two need to sit down and work out a plan with the kids in mind.

 

[NEM]

As a kid whose parents had to share, I would advise making the kids change environment/homes as little as possible. I hated living out of a suitcase and rotating between parents. And making sure the kid feels at "home" at both houses and not a "guest" at one.

If work forces one parent to only be available certain dates, then it is what it is. But the kids did not ask for this situation, I assume, so making it the best it can be for them would be the best priority. Kids first, I say...Parental wants come 2nd.


To me, that schedule looked complicated and made me sad for those kids.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

The father due to the way his schedule falls this year is taking his vacation during week 3. He has the children 4/7 days this week. The mother is stating he is breaking the SPP as he is only allowed to take week 2 for vacation.

What rule in the SPP requires which week he takes vacation? Why doesn't he have any leeway in that his work schedule is in conflict?

What about this?

Week 1
Mother
Mother
Mother
Mother
Mother
Mother
Mother

Week 2
Mother
Mother
Mother
Mother
Father
Father
Father

Week 3
Father
Father
Father
Father
Father
Father
Father

21 days over 3 weeks. 10 for Dad, 11 for Mom. Father gets week 3, which is his vacation week.

What am I missing?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think that knowing about the firefighter element makes a big difference. Yes, it's hard for kids to have crazy schedules, but it would be harder for them to have visitation with Dad when he's working 24 hour shifts and they're left with a babysitter, or not have visitation at all. The schedule just posted would make perfect sense for two people who work 9 to 5 jobs, but no sense for a firefighter.

In this case, I think having a plan that says "on weeks one has an extended period of time with the kids" is ridiculous. The plan should say "Mom can take vacation with the kids on week 1 or week 2. Dad can take it on Week 2 or Week 3" or something like that. I don't see a big difference between him taking it week 2 or week 3, but wish they'd agreed on a less vague plan to begin with.

I also hope the parents have a calendar or other visual tool that makes the kids aware of when they're going to be where.

 

[ccgirl]

After an ongoing battle this week I figured I'd ask for opinions since I know there are some divorced parents and maybe an attorney or two floating around the Disboards.

What do you think in regards to the vacation terms?

The schedule is as follows:

Week 1:

Mon - Mother
Tues - Mother
Wed - Mother
Thurs - Mother
Friday - Father
Saturday - Father
Sunday - Mother

Week 2:

Mon - Father
Tues - Father
Wed - Father
Thurs - Father
Friday - Mother
Sat - Mother
Sun - Mother

Week 3:

Mon - Mother
Tues - Mother
Wed - Father
Thurs - Father
Fri - Mother
Sat - Father
Sun - Father

The actual shared parenting plan begins the week on Monday is shown above.

So.... the vacation bit in the plan states that the parents are allotted two, one week long vacations per year. They are to be taken on 'a week when the parent has the children for an extended block of time.'

The father due to the way his schedule falls this year is taking his vacation during week 3. He has the children 4/7 days this week. The mother is stating he is breaking the SPP as he is only allowed to take week 2 for vacation. She feels extended block of time is in reference to his Mon - Thurs grouping with the kids, and he feels that he has them for an extended block of time during week three as he has them 4/7 days. Obviously, regardless of week, the mother will be losing 3 days with her children.

So... my question is... does the father have a valid argument or is the mother correct? Everything in the SPP is very specific and as it states specifically 'a week' rather than naming the particular week, the father feels validated that he is within his rights as she is not losing additional time and for the reasons already stated. I know it's splitting hairs and really shouldn't be an issue... but apparently it is. A BIG one!

Opinions?

As a child of divorced parents, I think parents should think of what is best for the children and not their stupid schedule! I'm sure the children would love a vacation. If that is all the dad can fit in due to his work scheduled, I really don't see a big deal.

Do it for the children!

 

[aaarcher86]

I think that knowing about the firefighter element makes a big difference. Yes, it's hard for kids to have crazy schedules, but it would be harder for them to have visitation with Dad when he's working 24 hour shifts and they're left with a babysitter, or not have visitation at all. The schedule just posted would make perfect sense for two people who work 9 to 5 jobs, but no sense for a firefighter.

Yes, this precisely.

For anyone who doesn't know, as a firefighter he works 24 hour shifts every 3 days.

There is also a rule in their agreement that states they can not have the kids for more than 5 day periods as the GAL thought that it would be too much for the kids to be away from either parent that long (excluding a few vacations a year obviously). There were things that both parents wanted in the divorce decree that the GAL had stated could not be put in due to the fact that they are to 'share parenting' and 'cooperate' with one another. I can only assume that is why the vacation section is so vague.

This is not unusual for the mother to do. They have been divorced/separated for 3 years. The father has attempted to trade days on several occasions, but the mother will not reciprocate. He is taking his first week vacation on week 3 to take their kids to the Taylor Swift concert, although he has agreed to give her his last day of what would be his vacation.

I guess what I can't understand is why it matters to the mother if she is losing the same amount of days other than arguing for the sake of arguing.

ETA: The GAL approved the schedule because it is the only way for the father to have 50% custody which she felt was important. She actually attempted to find a way to give him more, but there isn't much leeway with this schedule. The kids have double everything so they aren't living out of suitcases or anything, and their father's schedule is something that they have grown up with. As weird as it sounds to most people, they kids are pretty comfortable with it. The parents live a few minutes from each other so everything is nearly the same at both homes.

 

[brockash]

Those poor kids...

Yikes!!

 

[bumbershoot]

The kids have double everything so they aren't living out of suitcases or anything, and their father's schedule is something that they have grown up with. As weird as it sounds to most people, they kids are pretty comfortable with it. The parents live a few minutes from each other so everything is nearly the same at both homes.

Dang, that's pretty sweet. We barely had beds at my dad's!

 

[aaarcher86]

So... would the consensus be then that the mother is correct and the father is in fact breaking the shared parenting plan? Or is the father correct that in the fact that he is not because it does not state a specific week or define extended block of time?

I personally can not see the GAL or judge looking at the 2 weeks and seeing why it would be a problem to take week 3 versus week 2 as the mother loses the same amount of time.

 

[nuke]

So... would the consensus be then that the mother is correct and the father is in fact breaking the shared parenting plan? Or is the father correct that in the fact that he is not because it does not state a specific week or define extended block of time?

I personally can not see the GAL or judge looking at the 2 weeks and seeing why it would be a problem to take week 3 versus week 2 as the mother loses the same amount of time.

I think as others have said they need to not think about who's right and think about the kids.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think as others have said they need to not think about who's right and think about the kids.

I agree with you - but since both parents think they are correct and the other is wrong they are at an impasse.

There have been so many threats from the mother of taking the father to court over it (as ridiculous as it is) that it's become an issue who is right and who is wrong... which is why I was curious as to what others would think. More so a judge if this stupid situation actually went to court, costing thousands of dollars.

 

[scrapquitler]

I think as others have said they need to not think about who's right and think about the kids.

I agree with this. I think that a little flexibility on both parents parts will go a long way in the future. Sure, Dad needs a bit of flexibility right now for this particular vacation, but if Mom isn't willing to be a little flexible, the kids are the ones that lose. And next time, maybe Mom will need to ask Dad to be a little flexible for a family event or something. It works both ways.

In the end, the kids suffer. They are back and forth continually, and it seems like in this situation their needs aren't being taken into account over Mom and Dad's desires to stick it to one another.

 

[allison443]

The first week of vacation the father has given the mother his Sunday so she can begin her vacation early. The second week of vacation he is taking the kids to the beach, the only week another member of the family can have off (for 10 years... it's new to the mother) but from past years they don't return until Sunday.

I don't understand the bolded....why does he have to go that particular week? Isn't it more important that his kids can definitely make it? Who is the other "member of the family"-is it his current wife maybe? Otherwise I don't get why he is so dead set on that week.
He isn't flexible in his choice of vacation week, and the mother isn't flexible about adjusting the arrangement. Sad really.

 

[ilovejack02]

I agree with you - but since both parents think they are correct and the other is wrong they are at an impasse.

There have been so many threats from the mother of taking the father to court over it (as ridiculous as it is) that it's become an issue who is right and who is wrong... which is why I was curious as to what others would think. More so a judge if this stupid situation actually went to court, costing thousands of dollars.

I have watched more than one friend head to court over a silly silly issue, such as this. Usually the judge will rake them over the coals for not being able to solve this.

Blows my mind when parents fight over a day or two. In the grand scheme of things you have a lifetime (God willing) with your child. I am a step mom and while we had issues, it was never about time with the other parent thank goodness. While it was court ordered every other weekend... (this was 20 years ago) my DH's ex was pretty free about when he was with us. To this day my DSS22 will tell you that he appreciates the fact that they never played that game, and he was allowed to see what ever parent when ever he wanted for the most part.

 

[Minnie]

So switching days/weeks doesn't cause her any undue harm/problems, but yet she is going to stick it to him, and by virtue of "sticking it" to him, the kids are the loser because they don't get to go to the beach with their father. Like I said, the Mom sounds like a real PITA and I am sure the ex is glad to get her out of his life.

Sure they have a court order, but can't she show a little compassion? I am sure he would be willing to give her one of his other days on one of the other weeks. Kids are not pawns or toys that you can set absolute schedules by, these two need to sit down and work out a plan with the kids in mind.

Can't you show a little compassion? Unless you personally know this person you have called someone you don't know and read only a few sentences on a PITA and so terrible that the ex is glad to get her out of life...... and you are sure he would be willing to give her on of his days..... Wow

OP - Seems like a tough situation for all involved and a very difficult schedule in which the mom has already had to give quite a bit because of her ex's work schedule..... I don't see a win for either party in this situation.

 

[aaarcher86]

I don't understand the bolded....why does he have to go that particular week? Isn't it more important that his kids can definitely make it? Who is the other "member of the family"-is it his current wife maybe? Otherwise I don't get why he is so dead set on that week.
He isn't flexible in his choice of vacation week, and the mother isn't flexible about adjusting the arrangement. Sad really.

The other family member is his sister and her son. It's a family vacation that they had taken as a couple for 10 years, the same week every year. The way the custody schedule rotation falls this year it happens to be on a split week.

That is kind of why I posed the question - if he isn't breaking the SPP then there is no need for the battle to continue and there wouldn't be an argument to be had. If he is indeed breaking the SPP then he will move his beach vacation to another week as he doesn't want to deliberately break a court order, but the kids will not get to spend time with their cousins, aunt and grandparents.

 

[tlbwriter]

Would it be possible for him to contact the GAL and ask if his plan breaks the spirit of the agreement? Maybe if the GAL agrees with him, it would be enough to make the mother back down.

 

[golfgal]

I don't have a long anything - these aren't my kids.

But thank you for the response that served no purpose.

Actually, her post was dead on--this situation has stopped being what's in the best interest of the kids and started about which parent is "right".

As a child of divorced parents, I think parents should think of what is best for the children and not their stupid schedule! I'm sure the children would love a vacation. If that is all the dad can fit in due to his work scheduled, I really don't see a big deal.

Do it for the children!

I agree with you - but since both parents think they are correct and the other is wrong they are at an impasse.

There have been so many threats from the mother of taking the father to court over it (as ridiculous as it is) that it's become an issue who is right and who is wrong... which is why I was curious as to what others would think. More so a judge if this stupid situation actually went to court, costing thousands of dollars.

One of these parents just needs to take the high road and say, fine, the kids want to go, we will make it work.

Why on EARTH would they come up with such a GOOFY schedule in the first place. Why not just do a week with mom and week with dad and call it good. That would have prevented this problem from the start.

Look at it from the kid's perspective "Suzi, sure I'd love to go to your party, let me check with my mom, oh wait, lets see, the party is 3 weeks from tomorrow, that is my Dad's week, I need to check with him--oh wait, that is the one day that week I am with my mom, I think, um, not sure who I have to ask-I'll get back to you"--poor kid.

 

[ilovejack02]

Why on EARTH would they come up with such a GOOFY schedule in the first place. Why not just do a week with mom and week with dad and call it good. That would have prevented this problem from the start.

Look at it from the kid's perspective "Suzi, sure I'd love to go to your party, let me check with my mom, oh wait, lets see, the party is 3 weeks from tomorrow, that is my Dad's week, I need to check with him--oh wait, that is the one day that week I am with my mom, I think, um, not sure who I have to ask-I'll get back to you"--poor kid.

Unfortunately , Dad is a fireman , they don't have schedules that you can work week to week. : ( They work round the clock at times , several days on, several days off.

 

[tlbwriter]

Why on EARTH would they come up with such a GOOFY schedule in the first place. Why not just do a week with mom and week with dad and call it good. That would have prevented this problem from the start.

This was explained earlier. The dad is a fireman, who works 24 hours on and then 2 days off. They decided it would be better for the kids to be with him when he's off, rather than spending a lot of time with a sitter during "dad's time." It may seem goofy to you, but I have a fireman in the family and this schedule makes perfect sense.