~~~SEWING my way to POFQ ~ American Girl outfits & Custom Park Bags! ~~~

[cogero]

Oh I will be thinking of you.

I have to start compiling things for my box for our trip and start buying the little odds and ends to mail down.

 

[DMGeurts]

I wanted to share a few of our last moments with Ruf. I hope you all don't mind. I don't plan on sharing these on FB or anywhere else.

Allison kissing Rufus yesterday:

Such a handsome man:

Allison was able to get him to eat a piece of cheese:

Victoria was able to get him to eat a little icecream yesterday:

Ruf and his girls:

The girls snapped a picture of my holding Rufus while Josh was getting the blanket set up in the back of the car - I think I was crying here:

All loaded up and on the way to the vet:

The girls were taking pictures of him all the way to the vet with their phones and Ipods... I know it's probably so weird that we took so many pictures of him yesterday (there are soooo many more that I didn't upload) - but it just felt like the more pictures we took, the more we could keep him with us.

It really is so lonely here today, I keep expecting to hear his collar jingle or to see him walk around the corner.

D~

 

[mommy2mrb]

I am so sorry you had to go through all this
thank you for sharing your photos of Ruf, the one of the girls kissing him is so sweet

think you and the girls getting out of the house is a good idea, hope it will help a bit.

I'm up if you need to talk!

 

[mphalens]

Thank you Marianne.

I am not sure how much detail I want to go into about yesterday. I know that many of you overcome so many greater challenges on a daily basis than I can ever imagine, so I feel so badly that my grief over Ruf has consumed my life. But he has been my 3rd child for more than a decade, and such an integral part of our family - we always knew this day would come, but I feel he was just taken so suddenly. 3 weeks ago, he was still acting like a puppy, and if you would have told me then that this was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed it.

I am still so shocked at how quickly he was deteriorating. I look at pictures from just 3 days ago, and there were so many things that he could do then, that he wasn't doing anymore.

I do believe we did the right thing, but I still wish he would have been able to leave us on his own. It was so hard to leave him at the vet yesterday.

Since Josh is still on his lifting restrictions, I've been the one carrying Ruf around when he got stuck somewhere and didn't have the energy to go any further. So, it was me that carried him into the vet office... I held myself together pretty well, until we got into the office by the counter, and this lady was watching me carry him - oohing over how cute he was, a 55lb teddy bear at that point - and the tears just stared falling, I couldn't see this lady because I was just trying to get Ruf to the room - but I could hear her go from "awww, he's so cute...." to "oh.... oh.... oh no" and by that time I was sobbing uncontrolably, while still trying to carry Ruf - I almost dropped him, thankfully the vet tech was right there and took him from me.

He went quickly, he went peacefully... It was all of us who weren't peaceful. All I wanted to do was throw up. I have to keep telling myself that I didn't kill him, and he was in pain, what I did was right by him... Over and over again.

Ruf's body will remain at the vet until Friday. We paid for a private creamation. So the creamation (society? Is that what it is?) will pick him up on Friday, then return him the following Friday. Which is the day after the girls and I return from Disney.

However, I am thankful that Allison was finally able to cry... Victoria has been crying all this time - ever since we found out. But Allison hasn't been crying at all - she was finally able to let it out last night - and even though it was hard to watch, I think it brought her some relief.

I am also thankful to each and every one of you who have been great friends to me through out all of this... Your words and prayers have brought great comfort to me.

D~

OH! My heart just breaks reading this I knew it would be so hard for you to take him to the vet . . . I didn't stop to think that you'd have to be the one to actually carry him in.

The girls and I still need to do some trip preparations.

I don't want to be at home right now anyways... It's just too quiet and sad here with out Ruf.

I figured that today would be a good day to get out of the house for a few hours and get some of our last minute stuff done.

We need to go to Target to get the last of our GCs.

We need to go to the bank to get a little cash.

We also need a couple of random items while we are at Target.

I will probably grab a pizza for dinner tonight.

And the girls and I will most likely go out for lunch this afternoon.

We will probably try to stay gone until Josh gets home.

D~

I completely understand your train of thought - I hate being home when I'm trying to not be alone with my thoughts. I hope you and the girls can have a little fun on your prep for Disney day.

I wanted to share a few of our last moments with Ruf. I hope you all don't mind. I don't plan on sharing these on FB or anywhere else.

Such a handsome man:

The girls snapped a picture of my holding Rufus while Josh was getting the blanket set up in the back of the car - I think I was crying here:

All loaded up and on the way to the vet:

The girls were taking pictures of him all the way to the vet with their phones and Ipods... I know it's probably so weird that we took so many pictures of him yesterday (there are soooo many more that I didn't upload) - but it just felt like the more pictures we took, the more we could keep him with us.

It really is so lonely here today, I keep expecting to hear his collar jingle or to see him walk around the corner.

D~

Oh Dorine! It is amazing to me how much Rufus aged in the past few days. That picture of your handsome Ruf looks years and years older than the other pictures you've shared. Still a handsome boy, but my!

The picture of you just makes me want to take him from you and hug you all at once. It's so draining on the heart to lose ones we love . . . I am so sorry for the heartache you have right now.

I also completely understand the need to take as many pictures as possible to try to keep him with you.

When we had to have my childhood dog put down (he lost the use of his rear legs and was in so much pain - but he was 12 years old and a Rhodisian Ridgeback) my parents had to buy me a stuffed dog to put his collar on . . . even then I'd still listen for his collar when I'd come home, etc. I actually still have the stuffed animal and the collar - it was very difficult for me to let Phalen have them when he was little, but it also healed the loss a little more

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

D~

I am so sorry about this bittersweet time. The pictures are wonderful; thank you for sharing them.

Have a fantastic time on your trip!!! I can't wait to hear all about it and see pictures of you and the girls having a blast!!!

Debby

 

[denvergirl]

I woke up this morning praying for you. I totally know what you mean about needing to be out of the house. . .I'm so glad you have a positive reason to go shopping. I hope you girls find everything you need to finish packing and just enjoy the time together. The one true positive that came through our "walk" was how close our family was. It made our vacation all that more special. The pictures are truly priceless. . .you will cherish them forever! The one with the girls will stay in my heart, too Please remember you did your very best (and then some) for Ruf, including yesterday. I pray you'll have a peace about letting him go as you reflect back on how sick he was. We had 7 weeks and it still was way too fast. . .never enough time with these precious babies. . .another reason why I'm certain we will meet again!

 

[sjs314]

D~ The pics of Rufus and you and the girls are lovely lasting memories. I am bawling my eyes out right now, I can not imagine the strength it took to carry him into the Vet's office, I was weak and did not go with our "Lassie" such a coward I was and to this day I hate that I did not go. I am glad you were able to go and be with Rufus no matter how hard and horrible it was.

The plan to be out of the house and keep you and the girls occupied today with trip preparing is a good one. I know this , as getting ready for our trip has helped me after my recent loss.

 

[lovesdumbo]

Prayers for you, Josh, your girls and Rufus.

 

[smile5sunshine]

Thinking and praying for you today as you all begin to heal.

Sunshine

 

[MrsDrewsky]

D~ I am sorry for your loss of your handsome Ruf. Your family will be in our family's prayers. I wish I knew what to say, but I did want to say in all the pictures you posted on here, his face always seemed to express being beloved.

I hope you and your girls have a wonderful trip. Your planning journal brought me so much happiness and fun while I was recovering from surgery, and I now love attempting my new hobby thanks to your inspiring work.

 

[sl_underwood]

Finally caught up with ya. So sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a family member. Thinking of you guys. Hope you have a great trip.

 

[VBAndrea]

I read your post early this morning and there was just nothing I could type. No words can mend what you had to go through with Rufus. I love the pics though. Share as many as you want to with us.

I think it was really wise to say goodbye to Rufus before you went on your trip. Now you can focus on your trip and know that Rufus is comfortable. And I think getting out of the house today is a good idea too.

Again, I am really sorry for your loss.

 

[Corrine 1973]

D,

Those last pictures of Rufus are just precious and had me bawling. My prayers remain with you and your family right now. I totally understand the need to not be home right now, I don't think I could be hom either.

Can't wait to see you in a couple of day. And don't forget to have room in your suitcase for the orange fabric that I have.

 

[WDWCP96]

Thank you for sharing those pictures of Rufus. It will be nice to have those pictures in years to come so cherish them.

I am thinking of you and your family today.

 

[blessedmom4]

Dear D~I hope the trip preparations were able to distract you for a bit yesterday. The pics you posted of Rufus were precious, my heart ached when I saw you holding him, with tears on your face. The pics showed though just how much Ruf had changed in just the past week, just as you wrote about. I hope you have had some comfort in knowing he is now pain free and playing like a pup once again. Big coming your way!

Thank you Judy. I just keep thinking to myself that what I am going through is nothing compared to what you have to go through all the time - I just can't imagine how you do it. But you do - and you are such an amazing person - I just really look up to you and your family for how courageous and brave you all are - and yet you have such solid Faith and a genuine love for all... It really shows in all that you say and all that you do. I am so very lucky to have you (and all the rest of my Dis friends) as a friend.
Thank you for all the prayers, and thank you so much for thinking of me the other day... I really want to post about it - but I wanted to make sure it was OK with you first.

I really wanted to answer this and not let you think I was ignoring you. What I have learned in life is that there aren't degrees of problems or pain. No one's "plate" is bigger or more important than anyone else's. When your plate is heavy, if we have people who step up to support us, to understand, to try and bring us comfort... THAT is what it is all about. My heart isn't always pure, because I am human...but you are correct, my Faith and my Love for others IS genuine. I have seen what God can do and I will witness that till my dying breath. I am the one who is Blessed, I have met the most extraordinary people here on the DIS and I am so grateful to know YOUR family. You showed others how to handle a very difficult situation with dignity and respect for your beloved family member. That took courage to share with us.

As far as posting, you post whatever you want, whenever you want. I have learned to listen to my heart and just do what I can, no matter how small. It ALL matters. God DOES know our hearts and what we can do.

I pray today is a day of wonder, peace and joy. You deserve that!

 

[cajunfan]

ugh...double post

 

[cajunfan]

OH! My heart just breaks reading this I knew it would be so hard for you to take him to the vet . . . I didn't stop to think that you'd have to be the one to actually carry him in.



I completely understand your train of thought - I hate being home when I'm trying to not be alone with my thoughts. I hope you and the girls can have a little fun on your prep for Disney day.



Oh Dorine! It is amazing to me how much Rufus aged in the past few days. That picture of your handsome Ruf looks years and years older than the other pictures you've shared. Still a handsome boy, but my!

The picture of you just makes me want to take him from you and hug you all at once. It's so draining on the heart to lose ones we love . . . I am so sorry for the heartache you have right now.

I also completely understand the need to take as many pictures as possible to try to keep him with you.

When we had to have my childhood dog put down (he lost the use of his rear legs and was in so much pain - but he was 12 years old and a Rhodisian Ridgeback) my parents had to buy me a stuffed dog to put his collar on . . . even then I'd still listen for his collar when I'd come home, etc. I actually still have the stuffed animal and the collar - it was very difficult for me to let Phalen have them when he was little, but it also healed the loss a little more

Dear D~I hope the trip preparations were able to distract you for a bit yesterday. The pics you posted of Rufus were precious, my heart ached when I saw you holding him, with tears on your face. The pics showed though just how much Ruf had changed in just the past week, just as you wrote about. I hope you have had some comfort in knowing he is now pain free and playing like a pup once again. Big coming your way!


I really wanted to answer this and not let you think I was ignoring you. What I have learned in life is that there aren't degrees of problems or pain. No one's "plate" is bigger or more important than anyone else's. When your plate is heavy, if we have people who step up to support us, to understand, to try and bring us comfort... THAT is what it is all about. My heart isn't always pure, because I am human...but you are correct, my Faith and my Love for others IS genuine. I have seen what God can do and I will witness that till my dying breath. I am the one who is Blessed, I have met the most extraordinary people here on the DIS and I am so grateful to know YOUR family. You showed others how to handle a very difficult situation with dignity and respect for your beloved family member. That took courage to share with us.

As far as posting, you post whatever you want, whenever you want. I have learned to listen to my heart and just do what I can, no matter how small. It ALL matters. God DOES know our hearts and what we can do.

I pray today is a day of wonder, peace and joy. You deserve that!

Thank you Marianne & Judy for putting into words what my heart was feeling for D~ and her family!

D~ we will continue to pray that you folks heal and find peace.

 

[NiniMorris]

Dear D~I hope the trip preparations were able to distract you for a bit yesterday. The pics you posted of Rufus were precious, my heart ached when I saw you holding him, with tears on your face. The pics showed though just how much Ruf had changed in just the past week, just as you wrote about. I hope you have had some comfort in knowing he is now pain free and playing like a pup once again. Big coming your way!


I really wanted to answer this and not let you think I was ignoring you. What I have learned in life is that there aren't degrees of problems or pain. No one's "plate" is bigger or more important than anyone else's. When your plate is heavy, if we have people who step up to support us, to understand, to try and bring us comfort... THAT is what it is all about. My heart isn't always pure, because I am human...but you are correct, my Faith and my Love for others IS genuine. I have seen what God can do and I will witness that till my dying breath. I am the one who is Blessed, I have met the most extraordinary people here on the DIS and I am so grateful to know YOUR family. You showed others how to handle a very difficult situation with dignity and respect for your beloved family member. That took courage to share with us.

As far as posting, you post whatever you want, whenever you want. I have learned to listen to my heart and just do what I can, no matter how small. It ALL matters. God DOES know our hearts and what we can do.

I pray today is a day of wonder, peace and joy. You deserve that!

I have been on Face Book too long...I keep looking for the LIKE button!



D~.... love you ...just go for one day at a time...and at those times when it is too hard to do it one day at a time...take it one breath at a time. Sprinkle that with prayers and you will be fine.


Nini

 

[DMGeurts]

Oh I will be thinking of you.

I have to start compiling things for my box for our trip and start buying the little odds and ends to mail down.

Thank you Chiara.

I am excited about your upcoming trip.

I am so sorry you had to go through all this.
thank you for sharing your photos of Ruf, the one of the girls kissing him is so sweet

think you and the girls getting out of the house is a good idea, hope it will help a bit.

I'm up if you need to talk!

Thank you Lisa.

OH! My heart just breaks reading this I knew it would be so hard for you to take him to the vet . . . I didn't stop to think that you'd have to be the one to actually carry him in.



I completely understand your train of thought - I hate being home when I'm trying to not be alone with my thoughts. I hope you and the girls can have a little fun on your prep for Disney day.



Oh Dorine! It is amazing to me how much Rufus aged in the past few days. That picture of your handsome Ruf looks years and years older than the other pictures you've shared. Still a handsome boy, but my!

The picture of you just makes me want to take him from you and hug you all at once. It's so draining on the heart to lose ones we love . . . I am so sorry for the heartache you have right now.

I also completely understand the need to take as many pictures as possible to try to keep him with you.

When we had to have my childhood dog put down (he lost the use of his rear legs and was in so much pain - but he was 12 years old and a Rhodisian Ridgeback) my parents had to buy me a stuffed dog to put his collar on . . . even then I'd still listen for his collar when I'd come home, etc. I actually still have the stuffed animal and the collar - it was very difficult for me to let Phalen have them when he was little, but it also healed the loss a little more

Thank you Marianne... Yes, he did age many years those last few days. I kept telling myself that he would come out of it, maybe the tumor had stopped growing... I have heard of dogs living for years with a tumor... But then he had the seizure and that afternoon I realized that he coudn't walk any more with out dragging his back foot and he seemed so disoriented and dizzy... I couldn't deny it any more. And like Josh said, imagine how hard it was for me to witness the seizure - what would have happend if it was one of the girls that was home alone with him and that happened?

It definately wasn't easy for us - you all know that. The hardest part was thinking of him how he was a few short weeks ago - the puppy that never grew up. But if I think of how he was his last days - I am much more at peace with our decision.

The story of your childhood dog is heartwrenching too Marianne... I know that Rufus will forever be in the girls' (and my) hearts.

D~

I am so sorry about this bittersweet time. The pictures are wonderful; thank you for sharing them.

Have a fantastic time on your trip!!! I can't wait to hear all about it and see pictures of you and the girls having a blast!!!

Debby

Thank you Deb!

I woke up this morning praying for you. I totally know what you mean about needing to be out of the house. . .I'm so glad you have a positive reason to go shopping. I hope you girls find everything you need to finish packing and just enjoy the time together. The one true positive that came through our "walk" was how close our family was. It made our vacation all that more special. The pictures are truly priceless. . .you will cherish them forever! The one with the girls will stay in my heart, too Please remember you did your very best (and then some) for Ruf, including yesterday. I pray you'll have a peace about letting him go as you reflect back on how sick he was. We had 7 weeks and it still was way too fast. . .never enough time with these precious babies. . .another reason why I'm certain we will meet again!

Thank you Denver (I don't know your first name - but I am bad with that - anyone here will tell you)... Your words have been very comforting to me these last few days... Thank you for being such a kindred spirit.

D~ The pics of Rufus and you and the girls are lovely lasting memories. I am bawling my eyes out right now, I can not imagine the strength it took to carry him into the Vet's office, I was weak and did not go with our "Lassie" such a coward I was and to this day I hate that I did not go. I am glad you were able to go and be with Rufus no matter how hard and horrible it was.

The plan to be out of the house and keep you and the girls occupied today with trip preparing is a good one. I know this , as getting ready for our trip has helped me after my recent loss.

Awww... Sheila.... you are not a coward at all, please don't think that! You do what you need to do to cope - I wanted to do nothing more than to run puking from that vet's office, I just wanted to keep carrying Ruf straight back through that hallway and right out the back door - and run away. But I knew that wouldn't free him from his pain... It wasn't until I had seen the look of peace on his face that I realized he had been in pain all this time - he just didn't want us to see it.

You did what you could do for your Lassie, and I hope that you are able to find peace in that.

Prayers for you, Josh, your girls and Rufus.

Thank you so much!

Thinking and praying for you today as you all begin to heal.

Sunshine

Thank you Sunny!

D~ I am sorry for your loss of your handsome Ruf. Your family will be in our family's prayers. I wish I knew what to say, but I did want to say in all the pictures you posted on here, his face always seemed to express being beloved.

I hope you and your girls have a wonderful trip. Your planning journal brought me so much happiness and fun while I was recovering from surgery, and I now love attempting my new hobby thanks to your inspiring work.

Thank you Ashley... And yes, he was loved - some days I think I loved him more than I loved my own children, because he rarely ever talked back.

I need to go check out your PTR... I've fallen way behind on the PTRs I've been following... I'd love to see how your planning journal is coming along.

Finally caught up with ya. So sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a family member. Thinking of you guys. Hope you have a great trip.

Thank you... I am so happy to see you posting here. I've been thinking of you and praying for you, as well.

I read your post early this morning and there was just nothing I could type. No words can mend what you had to go through with Rufus. I love the pics though. Share as many as you want to with us.

I think it was really wise to say goodbye to Rufus before you went on your trip. Now you can focus on your trip and know that Rufus is comfortable. And I think getting out of the house today is a good idea too.

Again, I am really sorry for your loss.

Thank you Andrea. And I agree, the girls and I did talk about it yesterday - and we do think it was a good thing to let Ruf go before our trip - otherwise we would spend our trip so worried about him. Now we are beginning to heal - and I realize we did the right thing - even if it made us feel horrible.

D,

Those last pictures of Rufus are just precious and had me bawling. My prayers remain with you and your family right now. I totally understand the need to not be home right now, I don't think I could be hom either.:
Can't wait to see you in a couple of day. And don't forget to have room in your suitcase for the orange fabric that I have.

Thank you Corri. I have room in our luggage for the orange fabric - I just have to eat the Rice Krispy bars first.

Thank you for sharing those pictures of Rufus. It will be nice to have those pictures in years to come so cherish them.

I am thinking of you and your family today.

Thank you so much.

Dear D~I hope the trip preparations were able to distract you for a bit yesterday. The pics you posted of Rufus were precious, my heart ached when I saw you holding him, with tears on your face. The pics showed though just how much Ruf had changed in just the past week, just as you wrote about. I hope you have had some comfort in knowing he is now pain free and playing like a pup once again. Big coming your way!


I really wanted to answer this and not let you think I was ignoring you. What I have learned in life is that there aren't degrees of problems or pain. No one's "plate" is bigger or more important than anyone else's. When your plate is heavy, if we have people who step up to support us, to understand, to try and bring us comfort... THAT is what it is all about. My heart isn't always pure, because I am human...but you are correct, my Faith and my Love for others IS genuine. I have seen what God can do and I will witness that till my dying breath. I am the one who is Blessed, I have met the most extraordinary people here on the DIS and I am so grateful to know YOUR family. You showed others how to handle a very difficult situation with dignity and respect for your beloved family member. That took courage to share with us.

As far as posting, you post whatever you want, whenever you want. I have learned to listen to my heart and just do what I can, no matter how small. It ALL matters. God DOES know our hearts and what we can do.

I pray today is a day of wonder, peace and joy. You deserve that!

Awww Judy - I knew you were't ignoring me. Your words are always so encouraging and help me to see the "bigger picture" - that sometimes I am just not seeing. Thank you.

After all of this, I really am at peace with our decision - as much as it hurt us, as I reflect on Ruf's last moments. The look on his face when he was laying on the table - his eyes were all puffy and his eyebrows were knit - he was just tense, a tension I didn't notice until later. He truly did look very peaceful after he had passed - and as much as it broke my heart - I am so very happy for him that he is no longer in pain. He has joined so many other beloved pets that I have heard great stories about over these last few weeks, pets who are still alive in their human's hearts - Just as Ruf will be for us. I am also convinced that Ruf will be there to welcome our future pets into Doggy Heaven, and he will hear all about their lives with us - and how he was still so loved by his family. If that makes any sense?

Not much has changed in our house - even though everything has changed. Rufus' bed is still empty, with his indent still evident. His "Woobie" still lays on his bed, where he left it. His bowl is still full of water, and his food bowl still has the food in it that he was too sick to eat. His other toys still lay scattered around the house, where ever he left them. And we still have dog hair on everything. And Ruf is still alive in our hearts and memories.

I don't know when we will be comfortable packing up his items. I know it won't get done before we leave. I suspect Josh will want to do it while we are gone - as I know how this empty house will feel even emptier while we are gone and Ruf isn't here. I will make sure he knows it is OK to pack up Ruf's items - if that is what he needs to do - but he cannot get rid of them yet... I am a total hoarder when it comes to things like that - and I am not sure that I will ever be able to let Ruf's items go. I also know that I will not be able to let another dog/puppy that we get use those same items... So we will just have to pack them up and get new stuff when the time comes.

Thank you for letting me ramble about our Ruf.

We did pretty good yesterday, considering...

I took Allison to town and she spent the day at her friend's house.

Victoria and I went to Target (I forgot my list, again) and got the items I remembered from my list. We also went to the MOA (it was a total zoo), we stopped at Hollister and got each of the girls a white tank top for our trip (all of their existing tanks had a yucky gray tinge to them) - and they were on sale - so that was really nice. Victoria has been begging for a pair of sweat pants for months, so we found a cute pair on sale at Gilly Hicks (one of their fav stores) - which I got for her to wear on the flight. We stopped by TDS - and that was the biggest zoo ever - I remember thinking that if that is what spring break is like in Disney - I am going to be one very cranky Momma! V and I couldn't get out of the MOA fast enough... as we were leaving, they were starting to close down the parking ramps because they were all full.

Then V and I met Josh for lunch at work.

Our next door neighbors invited us to dinner at our local bar/restaurant... So, we met up with them and had a good time.

We came home, I made coffee - reflected on the fact that I made it through day one with out Ruf - and we went to bed.

Today:

I have to go back to Target, and get the one thing I missed on my list (hair color... M U S T cover this gray today)...

I will also post pictures of Alli's Dug wallet that I finished up.

Allison will finish picking out her clothes and get the rest of her shirts packed.

I will weigh our big suitcase and make sure it's legal.

Both A and V have homework assignments for while we are gone, that they will work on today.

I might try to paint my toe nails today.

I will also pack up the camera and any other chargers that we don't need between now and then. I am tempted to run to Best Buy and buy another battery for my camera - I would hate to run out! And since it's a Lith-ion, I won't be able to find another one in Disney anywhere.... Hmmm... Now that I think about it - that might be a smart idea...

And that's our day today.

D~

 

[denvergirl]

You are doing great! I know the pain is still so raw, but how awesome to be able to reflect back on the day and realize you'd made it! Here's to a new mercies each morning!

Christy