Seriously backwards thinking....

[Hikergirl]

Ok, I'll give a bit. I do not understand a decision that could leave 4 children without their mother and their spouse as a single parent. But I come from a place of "Don't give up" and "You fight". That's just not part of my DNA.

Can you afford very expensive medical tests right now if you had to have them?

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Ok, I'll give a bit. I do not understand a decision that could leave 4 children without their mother and their spouse as a single parent. But I come from a place of "Don't give up" and "You fight". That's just not part of my DNA.

Just curious...how old are you and how many kids do you have? Married? Mortgage?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The only Seriously Backwards Thinking I see (based on the thread title) is anyone assuming they truly know someone's situation and making a judgement. Walk a mile and all that. There's lots of stuff that is not in my DNA but everyone is not me. Sympathy, empathy, compassion and actually helping someone is much better in my opinion than judgement. Ymmv.

 

[DizBelle]

Can you afford very expensive medical tests right now if you had to have them?

If I had an abnormal pap smear and needed additional tests, I would figure out how to get it done.

 

[DizBelle]

Just curious...how old are you and how many kids do you have? Married? Mortgage?

Not sure what it has to do with anything but married, no children, mortgage.

 

[DizBelle]

The only Seriously Backwards Thinking I see (based on the thread title) is anyone assuming they truly know someone's situation and making a judgement. Walk a mile and all that. There's lots of stuff that is not in my DNA but everyone is not me. Sympathy, empathy, compassion and actually helping someone is much better in my opinion than judgement. Ymmv.

Of course I don't know everything about anyone's but my own situation. What I do know concerns me. She had an abnormal pap smear and she isn't doing anything about it. I find that unsettling. That's what made me start this thread.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Of course I don't know everything about anyone's but my own situation. What I do know concerns me. She had an abnormal pap smear and she isn't doing anything about it. I find that unsettling. That's what made me start this thread.

Well I will say this. You said you have no mortgage and no children. I had very different views about a lot of things before I had kids. Very unrealistic views in some cases. You have zero idea what her real situation is. You googled an average salary for her job. That's all well and good but COL is a big factor. If you looked at the salaries where I live most look very impressive on paper- and they are- except I live in one of the highest COL areas so it's all relative.
You are right that it is concerning. What's more concerning is that instead of condemning this woman who I'm sure did not make this choice lightly and who I'm sure thinks about it daily- we should be trying to figure out a way that no person has to go without true healthcare if they cannot afford it. That's what it is really unsettling. Not her choice but the fact that she had to make a choice like that.

 

[gwynne]

Of course I don't know everything about anyone's but my own situation. What I do know concerns me. She had an abnormal pap smear and she isn't doing anything about it. I find that unsettling. That's what made me start this thread.

I wouldn't assume she's doing "nothing" about her medical condition.
Assuming this is an actual situation, it's quite possible her speaking out got her friends and acquaintances to step forward and help her. Maybe she needs some financial help. Working with the hospital can sometimes make a big difference on making billing more do-able.
Having kind people around that are willing to assist with the kids and some meals might make a difference, too.
Stress can make people feel powerless. Thankfully, people who care can help make the hard situations easier to get through.

 

[Hikergirl]

If I had an abnormal pap smear and needed additional tests, I would figure out how to get it done.

And who is to say that the RN in your OP didn't try to figure out a way? Its real easy to say what you would do when you aren't in the situation where you actually have to do something. You have absolutely no idea what she has thought of, or attempted to do. But you know her salary base on where she lives so that makes you some sort of expert on what she should be doing I guess. Its too bad you don't know her in real life, I'm sure she'd benefit greatly from your all knowing wisdom.

 

[Hikergirl]

Of course I don't know everything about anyone's but my own situation. What I do know concerns me. She had an abnormal pap smear and she isn't doing anything about it. I find that unsettling. That's what made me start this thread.

No, actually she can't afford to do anything about it.

 

[DizBelle]

Well I will say this. You said you have no mortgage and no children. I had very different views about a lot of things before I had kids. Very unrealistic views in some cases. You have zero idea what her real situation is. You googled an average salary for her job. That's all well and good but COL is a big factor. If you looked at the salaries where I live most look very impressive on paper- and they are- except I live in one of the highest COL areas so it's all relative.
You are right that it is concerning. What's more concerning is that instead of condemning this woman who I'm sure did not make this choice lightly and who I'm sure thinks about it daily- we should be trying to figure out a way that no person has to go without true healthcare if they cannot afford it. That's what it is really unsettling. Not her choice but the fact that she had to make a choice like that.

If it was not clear, I do have a mortgage.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Not sure what it has to do with anything but married, no children, mortgage.

It has everything to do with your OP! You cannot possibly have all the answers to make such a biased perspective when you have no children.

Most mothers that I know, put themselves last. Maybe a mother can put herself in a closer second or 3rd if she has one child and a husband (STILL not even first!), but I can guarantee you that a mom of FOUR is a distant 5th or lower in the ranking of her family's needs. Their kids' daily, urgent needs come first - always. When you have to choose between groceries, shoes, school supplies, public school tuition (I paid nearly $1500 for my kids to attend PUBLIC school this year, and our property taxes are ridiculously high on top of it) and yes, even birthday gifts and $10 for a school field trip, and $5.00 so they can participate in the after school walk-a-thon, and all of the other little things you get nickel and dimed for to make your kids feel like kids (these are endless and add up quickly, so I'm not even going to begin to quantify or list them here), most mothers tend to take care of those things first, and the "chance" of diagnosing a serious illness second.

I've been guilty of it myself. It was 5-6 years between doctor visits for me at one point. Then when I did go, I, too, went for a routine screening and they found something. Scariest few weeks of my life. How long had it been there? Why didn't I go to the Dr? Why did I go NOW!? How am I going to afford this? How will I SURVIVE this!" It all ran through my mind. I kind of wish I'd never had even done the screening, kind of. The diagnostic ultrasounds, xrays, and biopsy cost me thousands, plus time off of work, and I still didn't even hit my deductible, much less my OOP. And everything was OK - all benign. But I paid for the tests for the next year, and prayed my kids wouldn't get hurt or sick enough to need to go to the hospital.

Like I said already....you have NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

People die everyday because they can't afford healthcare. Even in the America. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters. It's a horrible truth.

It is a horrible truth. Third world healthcare. Disgraceful.

 

[low-key]

the world beats us up every day, and sometimes people just come to a point, saying "Im done, what ever happens happens"

 

[Lillychilly]

Prime example that something needs to be done about healthcare. Why provide screening for free, cause worry, and not provide care for this woman? What a shame.

 

[Missy1961]

Well I will say this. You said you have no mortgage and no children. I had very different views about a lot of things before I had kids. Very unrealistic views in some cases. You have zero idea what her real situation is. You googled an average salary for her job. That's all well and good but COL is a big factor. If you looked at the salaries where I live most look very impressive on paper- and they are- except I live in one of the highest COL areas so it's all relative.
You are right that it is concerning. What's more concerning is that instead of condemning this woman who I'm sure did not make this choice lightly and who I'm sure thinks about it daily- we should be trying to figure out a way that no person has to go without true healthcare if they cannot afford it. That's what it is really unsettling. Not her choice but the fact that she had to make a choice like that.

Amen.

 

[indygirl99]

So, if it's not about YOU, you can't say anything about it? We won't grow as a society if we don't talk about topics.

That's why you have discussions. To learn. I don't know this woman so I can't find out any information from her but there are folks on the DISboards that might have insights into a similar situation.

If, through this thread, I can convince ONE mother to have that further test and get the treatment that allows them to not be taken away from their children, it is all worth it.

I am still constantly amazed at how many people on the DISboards (a DISCUSSION board) don't like discussion. They just come on to threads and try to shut it down. I just don't get it. If you don't want to discuss topics, why are you here?

I think the problem here is that your initial post (most of your posts frankly) come across EXTREMLY judgmental.

There is nothing wrong in discussing the why's and how comes but that is not how you approach the majority of your posts and that is why you get so much push back.

Instead of stating "I read on the internet about a mom who xyz, what are others experience in this?" and a discussion proceeding you post as if this is a very close friend and you can't understand how she could make such a bad choice. See the judgment in that statement?

 

[robinb]

I think the problem here is that your initial post (most of your posts frankly) come across EXTREMLY judgmental.

There is nothing wrong in discussing the why's and how comes but that is not how you approach the majority of your posts and that is why you get so much push back.

Instead of stating "I read on the internet about a mom who xyz, what are others experience in this?" and a discussion proceeding you post as if this is a very close friend and you can't understand how she could make such a bad choice. See the judgment in that statement?

This. I think the thread might have gone much differently.

 

[Gracie09]

Prime example that something needs to be done about healthcare. Why provide screening for free, cause worry, and not provide care for this woman? What a shame.

There are places like planned parenthood that would provide follow-up care at little to no cost and help her find a doctor to refer her to if she needs more specialized care. But I am sure the op would rather judge a situation she knows nothing about than provide a useful suggestion

 

[Gracie09]

Never said I had all the answers. But I think my suggestions are valid.

It cost us about 6-7000 to move across town a few years ago with all the associated costs. It's not just the moving truck. If she had that money she could do the testing