Serious need to rant b4 I flip

[buzz for boys]

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My son with aspergers has seriously pushed me to the limit today and im seriously about to explode not helped by his school in the slighest.

Deep breath her goes . . .

On waking up this morning ds beloved stitch had fallen off his bed and had gone under the bed so he looked and then panicked *** he thought he had lost him I retrieved stitch and then we went down to breakfast where my eldest ds decided to tell us that we had no coco rocks left he had just finished them - cue meltdown number 2 as coco rocks with warm milk is all he could possibly eat in the morning. 20 minutes of screaming then follows so I carry on making breakfast for everyone else whilst counting mentally to 1 millon. He deicded that today he would just have a glass of warm milk and not eat anything. ( I went with it just for an easy life )
Got to school after a meltdown on not having weds socks available i mean only his dad could think it was a good idea to buy days of the week socks - meltdown waiting to happen every single morning !!
When we arrived at the school he wanted to go find his fav teaching support so after the morning we had already had I agreed and we went to ask for her.
The lady in the office politely told us that she was off today and prob the rest of week as she was ill. My ds just clung to me how was he going to make it thru the day without her being there. We then went and put my younger son on the playground and left to sort out ds!! I decided that a quick chat to teacher was needed and went thru the gate to find her but oh no - little miss more than my jobs worth has to stop me and tell me parents were not allowed on the playground and could i speak to teacher at the end of the day !!! I flipped at her seriously what did she think I wanted to talk about the weather !!!
I explained that ds was a litle insecure about the fact his teaching support was absent and she looked at me like i was a idiot and said well his teacher cant change that can she???
Well no but she could take him off me and reassurre him that he would be ok with her instead.
I gave ds a kiss and asked if she would take him to teacher and just ask her to keep an eye on him today then left!!

Now here is the best bit . .
When i went to collect ds today the teacher asked if she could have a quick word she told me that ds seemed a little anxious today and was very withdrawn. I said yes i knew that *** his Teaching assistant wasnt there and she said why did u not tell me this this morning !!!!
HOW??

because no one at school listened to what I said this morning we are now on meltdown 20 of the night and he is so angry and stressed out that we cant do anything with him !!
Give me strength
Rant over !!!

 

[kaffinito]

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My son with aspergers has seriously pushed me to the limit today and im seriously about to explode not helped by his school in the slighest.

Deep breath her goes . . .

On waking up this morning ds beloved stitch had fallen off his bed and had gone under the bed so he looked and then panicked *** he thought he had lost him I retrieved stitch and then we went down to breakfast where my eldest ds decided to tell us that we had no coco rocks left he had just finished them - cue meltdown number 2 as coco rocks with warm milk is all he could possibly eat in the morning. 20 minutes of screaming then follows so I carry on making breakfast for everyone else whilst counting mentally to 1 millon. He deicded that today he would just have a glass of warm milk and not eat anything. ( I went with it just for an easy life )
Got to school after a meltdown on not having weds socks available i mean only his dad could think it was a good idea to buy days of the week socks - meltdown waiting to happen every single morning !!
When we arrived at the school he wanted to go find his fav teaching support so after the morning we had already had I agreed and we went to ask for her.
The lady in the office politely told us that she was off today and prob the rest of week as she was ill. My ds just clung to me how was he going to make it thru the day without her being there. We then went and put my younger son on the playground and left to sort out ds!! I decided that a quick chat to teacher was needed and went thru the gate to find her but oh no - little miss more than my jobs worth has to stop me and tell me parents were not allowed on the playground and could i speak to teacher at the end of the day !!! I flipped at her seriously what did she think I wanted to talk about the weather !!!
I explained that ds was a litle insecure about the fact his teaching support was absent and she looked at me like i was a idiot and said well his teacher cant change that can she???
Well no but she could take him off me and reassurre him that he would be ok with her instead.
I gave ds a kiss and asked if she would take him to teacher and just ask her to keep an eye on him today then left!!

Now here is the best bit . .
When i went to collect ds today the teacher asked if she could have a quick word she told me that ds seemed a little anxious today and was very withdrawn. I said yes i knew that *** his Teaching assistant wasnt there and she said why did u not tell me this this morning !!!!
HOW??

because no one at school listened to what I said this morning we are now on meltdown 20 of the night and he is so angry and stressed out that we cant do anything with him !!
Give me strength
Rant over !!!

Glad you got to vent! I know it seems that sometimes just getting through the day is rough, but we are there for you!

You might want to try my perky little saying when things go badly - "Fun with Autism!"

 

[livndisney]

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My son with aspergers has seriously pushed me to the limit today and im seriously about to explode not helped by his school in the slighest.

Deep breath her goes . . .

On waking up this morning ds beloved stitch had fallen off his bed and had gone under the bed so he looked and then panicked *** he thought he had lost him I retrieved stitch and then we went down to breakfast where my eldest ds decided to tell us that we had no coco rocks left he had just finished them - cue meltdown number 2 as coco rocks with warm milk is all he could possibly eat in the morning. 20 minutes of screaming then follows so I carry on making breakfast for everyone else whilst counting mentally to 1 millon. He deicded that today he would just have a glass of warm milk and not eat anything. ( I went with it just for an easy life )
Got to school after a meltdown on not having weds socks available i mean only his dad could think it was a good idea to buy days of the week socks - meltdown waiting to happen every single morning !!
When we arrived at the school he wanted to go find his fav teaching support so after the morning we had already had I agreed and we went to ask for her.
The lady in the office politely told us that she was off today and prob the rest of week as she was ill. My ds just clung to me how was he going to make it thru the day without her being there. We then went and put my younger son on the playground and left to sort out ds!! I decided that a quick chat to teacher was needed and went thru the gate to find her but oh no - little miss more than my jobs worth has to stop me and tell me parents were not allowed on the playground and could i speak to teacher at the end of the day !!! I flipped at her seriously what did she think I wanted to talk about the weather !!!
I explained that ds was a litle insecure about the fact his teaching support was absent and she looked at me like i was a idiot and said well his teacher cant change that can she???
Well no but she could take him off me and reassurre him that he would be ok with her instead.
I gave ds a kiss and asked if she would take him to teacher and just ask her to keep an eye on him today then left!!

Now here is the best bit . .
When i went to collect ds today the teacher asked if she could have a quick word she told me that ds seemed a little anxious today and was very withdrawn. I said yes i knew that *** his Teaching assistant wasnt there and she said why did u not tell me this this morning !!!!
HOW??

because no one at school listened to what I said this morning we are now on meltdown 20 of the night and he is so angry and stressed out that we cant do anything with him !!
Give me strength
Rant over !!!

All I can say is
We too have days like this. My saying is "just keep swimming" LOL

 

[hematite153]

 

[bookwormde]

Yes we all have days like this when despite our best plans the world “conspires” against our best-laid plans to support our children and get them through the day.

I have learned to take the advice I give my child, count to ten take a deep breath and think about ways to make things better going forward (usually the next day). And of course having an opportunity to vent really helps (our version of a melt down)

bookwormde

 

[sl_underwood]

 

[buzz for boys]

It seems so daft this morning but yesterday i was so close to just giving up and seemed to be crying my heart out all day. Once id wrote it down and got it all out without anybody interrupting me I felt so much better.
Ds said to me last night when i tucked him into bed when i see you cry mom im sad too !!
Bless him I gave him big hugs ad told him it wasnt his fault mommy was just being silly!!
When we got to school this morning he said he wanted to go through the office so I didnt get told off again - he really didnt understand what happened!!
I have wrote in his communication book that he is anxious about being told off for not going on the playground - cant wait to see what teh teacher puts back but hey today im holding my breath counting to ten and smiling through gritted teeth !!
Thanks again for the hugs - much appreciated!!

 

[BeckyScott]

This sort of thing is the reason that the school thinks I'm a "witch". One time this year I ran out of pear juice and sent white grape instead. Don't do that. The entire afternoon was blown, and while I didn't do it on purpose, nobody understood what was wrong with him. Some of 'em just don't get it, and I think it's my personal mission to explain, speaking veeeerrry slowly and using short sentences.

If it's any consolation, in kg DS got a para who went on maternity leave and had like 4 different subs during that time-- oh that was BIG fun-- and then the next year his teacher had a baby so another sub for 6 weeks then.

When he got the para subs, after the first one he figured out he could play them, since they didn't know him they didn't know what he was capable of, and he used it to his full advantage. When the para returned, he was both happy to see her, and slightly distressed because he knew his days of having a personal handmaid were over.

 

[kirbydog48]

Well, if it's any consolation, my ds9 with ADHD and multiple LD's/behavior problems has been suspended twice this month, and they had to call the police last Monday as the little cherub was threatening to run off into the woods. I wish I liked to drink more!

 

[Schmeck]

I don't want this taken the wrong way - but why do parents send their children to school when they are having a really bad meltdown morning? I know parents have to get to work, etc, but most of the time we're calling the parents up about 30 minutes later because their child will not be able to make it through the rest of the day at school, and they have to come get them. It just doesn't seem fair for the child at all, to have the stress of going to school in meltdown mode, not being able to get it together at school, and then have the added stress of being taken back home.

This has happened with all the children in the programs I've worked in, sometimes they are just not able to handle school for a day or two. Either something is up at home, or there's a med change, or they might be starting to come down with an illness, etc. It doesn't mean the child is bad, or the parents are at fault, or anything like that - it's more like the child needs a 'mental health day' to regroup and get back on an even keel. Don't we all?

That said, I've been known to go into school on a day I've called in sick, to make sure a plan is set up for my students, especially if I hadn't been feeling sick until that morning, and had no chance to set things up the day before. I'm not a teacher btw, just a tutor, but I understand how a day can go sour rather quickly for a student that is dependent on routine to feel safe and secure.

Now that I've given my ideas on it, I do want to say that I am in awe of you parents. I work 6 hours a day with special needs kids, and I'm exhausted at the end of the school day and go home and nap! To do that 3X as long, I don't think I'd make it through a day without some issues of my own! Bless you all, and keep being the advocate you need to be for your children.

 

[Glampire31]

I am sending hugs to all those that need them.... I truly feel for you all.... I know it is hard sometimes to deal with teachers etc, but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and take it one day at a time....

My 14 year old niece is not really a bad student, but she has two teachers that she swears hate her.... They do nothing but yell at the class and give them all detention for no reason what so ever.....

My sister has had numerous talks with the principal etc and things seem to have gotten better.....

I know for one my sister is not a person you want to mess with....

 

[bookwormde]

Kirbydog48,

I assume that you have had multiple IEP meeting this month to recheck the original evaluation and review the implementation and modify the IEP, since clearly it is not working.

Schmeck,

As to sending children to school, the real issue is that there is not “legal” way to home school them for the day and state laws require a certain number of days. Since our children have additional challenges with school there are always the potential for the need for an extended absence so that is why, lacking these regulations I send my children to school at times when I really do not want to. Even if they only last a few hours it is credited as an attended day.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

Unfortunately, since the school doesn't "get it" in the first place, they're sure not gonna "get it" if you call the kid in absent.

I can just imagine what would happen if I called the school and said "My son won't be in today, because we gave him a shower this morning instead of a bath last night." They would think I'd lost my mind.

Also, kids with autism are especially quick at figuring the way things work. If my son got to stay home from school every time he had a melt-down, uh, as soon as he figured that out, which would probably be the second time it happened, he'd have a melt-down every single morning. Except maybe field trip days.

Also, the best way to get most kids w/ autism who are tantruming, to stop tantruming, is to distract them, to change focus. There are times where we'll be having a bad morning, but the re-direction of going to school will bump him out of it.

 

[bookwormde]

I agree if my children are home from school, they are either in bed resting in bed or studying.

bookwormde

 

[TheZue]

((hugs))

I hate those days. That's a pretty stupid policy about not being able to talk to a teacher when you drop off your child. They've got the care of your child to deal with all day, and sometimes (ASD or not) there are things they need to know before you drop them off! Ugh.

As for sending them after a meltdown, my son would also just have one a day to get out of school. We have enough trouble convincing him he's not sick for like a month after he's had a sick day. I can't imaging adding a meltdown to his arsenal of getting out school tricks.

 

[teacher100]

((hugs))
I hate those days. That's a pretty stupid policy about not being able to talk to a teacher when you drop off your child. They've got the care of your child to deal with all day, and sometimes (ASD or not) there are things they need to know before you drop them off! Ugh.

There are a couple of reasons that schools have this policy. One is for the safety of the children. I have 4 children out of 22 this year that have court papers where a non custodial parent can't be in contact with a child, yet one has another child at our school. Unfortunately parents can't just walk into schools like they used to. As far as talking to a teacher before school starts, teachers come early to prepare for the class. If there is an emergency our office makes exceptions. Before there was a policy that parents had to get a pass from the office I would have an everyday thing when parents want to come in and chat and yes, it was sometimes about things as trivial as the weather. I enjoy the policy where my students come to class by themselves so I can greet my students and my students can get there day started without a parents help. That being said, emergencies do happen. Can you stop by the office and explain why you need to get a message to your child's teacher?

I do understand your challenges. I have a son with Asperger's. Because he is smart a couple of teachers felt his accommodations were spoon feeding him. He is doing great now! He is a junior in high school and is an honor student! I sometimes feel my whole life is spent worrying about him. I have gotten to know more kids like him because of my experience at home they are put in my class. They are really neat kids!
__________________

 

[ireland_nicole]

Believe me, I feel your pain. Besides "Just keep swimming", I also like "Adventures in Autism". I think it has a certain ring to it. If it makes you feel any better, I could totally relate...

Anyway, what about using this opportunity to find out what the process is to access the teacher before school in an "urgent" situation? A pass might be possible, etc. Or, if there is no way, use this example as the catalyst to create one, at least for your DS and his teacher. (My ds's teacher gave me her cell phone # last year for situations like this. A 30 second call to give warning can make a big difference in the day.)


Nicole

 

[Schmeck]

I agree that parents know their child best, and if they think the child will be fine and re-directed at school, then send them in, but we've had parents who send the kid in screaming, etc, and they just get a call right back.

Also, I never give a reason why my child is out from school. I just say that my daughter so-and-so will be absent from school this day. End of explanation. We can have up to 5 absences a quarter, then it is a discretionary situation. Most times the child still gets credit for the quarter.

I'm wondering why bookwormde is suggesting multiple IEP meetings? Wouldn't it be better to get it all done at once, so as not to take the staff away from the students so many times, messing up routines, etc? Just sounds so pessimistic to start with.

 

[pigletforever]

All I can say is
We too have days like this. My saying is "just keep swimming" LOL

I use that same saying whe my son with asperger's has days like this.

 

[bookwormde]

Schmeck

OT

Because Kirbydog48 said that there had been 2 suspensions and anytime a situation rises to the level of a suspension at the very least the IEP team needs to do a manifestation determination and if that is a contributing factor needs to modify the IEP to improve the situation.

Yes I do agree if the first IEP had been done properly there would be no need for a second (iether IEP meeting or suspension)

bookwormde