Seperation Issues with DS

[Sonya]

DS started with a new babysitter 2 weeks ago. She is a nice person and I believe is doing a good job. She has 3 kids of her own (2 are at school) and is looking after a 4 month old. DS is 15 months old.

Every day when DH brings him to her house he starts crying. Somedays he stops after about 20 minutes and a few days he cried for almost 2 hours. Usually after his crying jag he plays and has a great time. He's not napping like he shoud either.

Will this get better? How can we help him with this? I feel so sorry for the little guy, we had such a great summer together!

 

[zaxmom]

It will get better. My kids never really had this problem, but I have heard from many of my friends. After a while he will figure out that crying is not going to accomplish anything and he will have more fun if he starts playing right away. You just have to give him a hug and kiss and tell him you will be back later. Be strong and don't go running back in.

When we have gone out of town without my kids, I leave a present for them to open every morning we are gone. Cheap stuff, like from the dollar store. They are so excited to get rid of us! It also makes it easier for my mom to put them to sleep at night when she tells them they can open one in the morning. This wouldn't work on an everyday basis, of course. But maybe there could be some variation. Like a treat after nap time, or something.

 

[mom2grace]

Is the sitter's "Style" a fit for your son?

Is this his first child care experience?

What is her response to his crying? Does she have any suggestions?

 

[Sandy V.]

Zaxmom is right - it will most likely get better. I was at home for 13 months with both kids, and my youngest (son) whined for about 3 weeks at day care when I went back to work. He did get over it and did just fine.

Mom2grace does have a good point, though. Your son and the sitter may not necessarily be a good "fit". When I was a SAHM, I hired a woman to watch my son on Friday mornings so I could get errands done while my daughter was in pre-school. The lady watched him a few times, but they never did mesh well together. She declined to watch him shortly thereafter, saying that "It wasn't fun." I was initially offended, but realized that if it wasn't fun for her, then it probably wasn't fun for my son either. The sitter was smart enough to see it, and in actuality, did me a favor. We found someone much better to watch him after that.

Good luck. I also agree about small gifts occasionally from the dollar store being great distraction items.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I noticed your comments how you two "Had such a great Summer together!".

That being the case - with your DS having such a happy positive summer with plenty of one-on-one time with you... Well, I imagine that this might make this initial transition a bit difficult for him at first. I have heard of this type of thing from several people. Even with kids in Preschool, Kindergarten, and First grade!

Unless you have that 'mothers gut feeling' that things may not be really great at his child care, then I agree with the other posters who say to stand strong, and happy and positive! Okay - I know first hand how hard that can be... as a mother every tear your child cries might as well be your own!

I think I would give the situation a little time and you will probably see a big improvement as your DS adjust.

HUGS!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

Our first sitter was not a good "fit" for DD#1. I really liked her, she was great with her DD (who was about a month younger than DD). But DD refused to eat when she was with the sitter, and she cried almost constantly. It was torture for me when she would call me at work in the middle of the day and say that Hannah had been crying for a long time. I would send my MIL to pick her up, she would take her home, feed her and rock her and she was fine.

After a little while, MIL watched Hannah until I could find another sitter.

The second one worked out fine.

I think the problem with the first sitter was that she was nursing her new baby. I was nursing Hannah too and I think she was getting confused when the sitter would give her a bottle, even though it was breast milk. She had been taking a bottle from DH and MIL for quite some time before that, so the only thing I could think of was that she could smell breast milk on the sitter and got confused when she wanted her to take a bottle.

All is well now, Hannah turns 5 next week.

BTW Emily turns 4 on Friday. Boy how time flies.

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[Sonya]

I think the sitter is doing a great job so far. She tells me everything that has gone on and is pretty honnest about his crying. When I apologize she is very understanding and wants to work with me and Sam to make him happy and well adjusted. Hopefully things will get better soon!

(sorry for the typos)

 

[janette]

My youngest was pretty bad from the time she was 6mths to 3yrs. She was in a daycare from 6wks to 13mths and did pretty good until they started changing teachers. She had one that she liked and another that she tolerated and the others just had to leave her alone. She'd cry if they even looked at her, only those 2 were allowed to feed or hold her.

I found a neighbor that did home care after that and she did really well with her, I knew that it was better than a day care since she really needed to have a consistent person. Although she would cry and cry if I left her anywhere else she really never did for that babysitter. Not that many kids will continue to cry for long periods but she did many times.

I'd give it some more time, he may always cry when you leave and maybe sometimes for a longer time but in general should adjust pretty quickly. If he doesn't adjust within a month or maybe sooner if you don't think it's working you might look for someone else. It's hard to tell what it is but I know in the case of my DD I was really suprised at how well she adjusted to her one babysitter when I knew how hard it was for her with other people. Make sure and take him to visit anyone you consider to see how they interact, it could be just her voice or tone that he doesn't like and not really a reflection of her at all.

 

[DemonLlama]

My son had a lot of difficulty with separation anxiety, although he was three before he was left with someone besides me, DH, or grandparents. His personality is such that he has struggled with this through school, with a very bad bout about two years ago when we were planning to move. He saw a psychologist who recommended several things that we found helpful:

1. Make separation calm and quick. Any drawing out or sense of lingering on the part of the parent will make things worse.

2. Make the reunions positive and discuss the fun things he did while away from you. Each time this will reinforce the idea that mom or dad are not required for him to be safe and happy.

3. After the first few successes in one arena, give him as many chances as possible to separate from you in different circumstances to build up his confidence.

Leaving a crying child who only wants to be with you is really tough, I know. Hang in there mom! It will get better.

 

[MosMom]

I really have no advice as I've always been home and really never dealt with this but I just wanted to give you a little support anyway!

I'm sure you will both get used to this and things will smooth over. Hugs to both of you and I hope it all works out.

I also just wanted to say that your new signature picture is WAY TOO CUTE! It is heart melting!