Sensitive Question - How much to donate at church?

[nchulka]

Give what you were going to spend on your next WDW vacation then spend that time at home with loved ones instead. It's what Jesus would want.

And if you are goign to tithe 10% because the bible told you so do you also submit to your husband?

God's world, God's rules. He made me, He has the right to tell me what to do. I will say that the passage goes on to instruct the husband to love and cherish his wife! As long as you marry a Godly man you won't have any issues with ending up with some power hungry guy controlling you. Notice it says submit, not he will dictate everything you do.

 

[Andtototoo]

We are Catholic, so we donate to the collection plate every week, but the church does not do a set amount. E.g., you're not asked to tithe a tenth of your income.

I always thought I was giving a fair amount. It's always a check in an envelope (which is how most people in the congregation give).

This Sunday, I was next to a man I know. See him at mass every week & our kids are friends. He put in cash, more than triple what we give every week. So I started to think, am I not giving enough?

I guess my question is, for you Catholics (or anyone) -- how do you know how much to give?

Second question: how much do you give at Christmas mass? Same thing you give on a Sunday? More?

I just don't know how to find the answers to these questions. All along I thought I was generous; now I'm wondering if I'm a cheapskate.

IMO, you don't give based upon what your neighbor gives. Their contributions are none of your business! Focus on what's in your heart and in your wallet, not anybody else's. Give what YOU feel is appropriate and what works for your family.

Secondly, you don't know if this man is giving every week. Or that he gives the same amount every week. I used to be a church teller and I can tell you that many people do not give every week, nor do they give the same amount every week.

I will also tell you that most of the time, the people you would expect to give a lot give very little and vice versa. (Study after study has shown that those with less give proportionately more of their income in charitable contributions than those who have more.)

Here is more data on what Catholics actually give from a study:

Catholic Giving

Observers have long noted the difference between Protestants vs. Catholics in the realm of charitable giving.

A 2001 study found that Protestants in the U.S. donated an average of $1,093 to their churches in 2001, whereas the average amount given by Catholics to their churches was $495.
“The average annual Catholic household weekly offertory is $10 per week,” said Mary Gautier, senior research associate with Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate. “That’s what is given to the parish, not diocesan appeals or Catholic Charities.”

A 2011 Lilly Endowment-funded CARA study titled “Changing Face of U.S. Catholic Parishes” found that the annual weekly offertory has increased between 2000 and 2010. The total offertory is 23% larger than it was in 2000.

Adjusted for inflation, while Catholic households gave a total of $6.9 billion to their parishes in 2000, they donated $8.5 billion in 2010. The average weekly parish offertory is $9,191.

One surprise in that study was that parishioners in smaller parishes, those with 200 or fewer registered households, give more on average than those in larger parishes. The average weekly household offertory in a small parish is $12 vs. $7.81 at a parish with more than 1,201 registered households.

The difference between Protestant and Catholic giving is attributed to several factors. Among some Protestant and Mormon teachings, there is an obligation for members to tithe 10% to their church to remain members in good standing. Those faith traditions draw from Old Testament laws to emphasize a 10% annual donation, or tithe, to the church in recognition that everything one possesses belongs to God and giving back to God and others is a way of saying thanks.

Catholics, however, are not under a strict obligation to tithe 10%.

“The absolute necessity of it is relatively less stressed in Catholicism,” writes Catholic author and apologist Dave Armstrong at his website Biblical Evidence for Catholicism. “The New Covenant is not about laws, but about relationship and the Holy Spirit and 100% commitment to following Jesus as a disciple from the heart. So it goes beyond tithing. If tithing were still required, it surely would have been spelled out in the New Testament. But it is not.”

The Catechism states that, “The faithful have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his abilities” (2034).

“Tithing is fine as a voluntary adopted policy of an individual; just not as a mandatory requirement, as if the New Testament teaches that,” added Armstrong.

While Catholics are not under an obligation, most dioceses, such as the Archdiocese of St. Louis, recommend that the faithful consider giving 5% to one’s local parish and 5% to other charities.

Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/daily-new...ate-more-to-church-and-charity/#ixzz2EsA2A4CD

 

[LSmith]

Give what you were going to spend on your next WDW vacation then spend that time at home with loved ones instead. It's what Jesus would want.

And if you are goign to tithe 10% because the bible told you so do you also submit to your husband?

Let's face it most Christians pick and choose what works best for themselves when it comes to following the bible.

 

[WDSearcher]

I didn't look on purpose. He gave it to his toddler to put in the basket, and the son handed it to me rather than putting it in. It's literally the only time I can think of in my life that I've known exactly how much someone else put in.

Keep in mind that maybe that man hadn't given in a while and was "making up" for missed weeks. Or maybe he got a bonus at work and decided to give a lot this one time. Maybe he was putting in his money and someone else's (I did this a lot for a friend of mine who was usually relegated to "The Crying Babies Room", where they often didn't collect. Unless you follow the guy every week you don't know if that's how much he gives every week or if this was a one-time thing.

You give what you're comfortable giving. Not what you think you should be giving based on what someone else is giving.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I agree with the OP regarding Catholicism and tithing. I'm a lifelong Catholic and due to moving around a bit, I've been a member of several parishes. Not one of them requested tithing, and in fact, besides the one poster here that mentions it, I've never heard of a Catholic parish encouraging tithing.

OP, the only advice I can give you is to give whatever makes you feel comfortable.

We actually had check boxes on our weekly envelopes that went up to $5,000. This was a blue collar town with a huge elderly population. And the younger crowd wasn't really rolling in it. It seemed very odd. The first check box started at $50!!

 

[Janepod]

We actually had check boxes on our weekly envelopes that went up to $5,000. This was a blue collar town with a huge elderly population. And the younger crowd wasn't really rolling in it. It seemed very odd. The first check box started at $50!!

Wow! What town is that?

My town (gold coast of CT):

$100
$75
$50
$40
$25
$20
$ _____ (fill in the blank)

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Wow! What town is that?

My town (gold coast of CT):

$100
$75
$50
$40
$25
$20
$ _____ (fill in the blank)

Central Jersey (and not one of the rich towns!!) Seriously, my property was 75x100 and it was considered a big lot!! And I wasn't comfortable sending my kid to public school!!

I think it was a big shock to the parishoners as our previous pastor just left a line on the envelope for us to write in an amount if we chose to. I never wrote the amount and they always cashed any check I put in there. I continued that practice and it turned out that the new pastor never opened envelopes unless it was checked off. Took months to cash some of my checks.

Oh yeah, and I wanted to add that we received extra envelopes in our stack. Every month we had an envelope to pay our Diocesean fee per family of $10. We received envelopes in the winter months and summer months to put money in for heat and air conditioning. We received a minimum of 2 to 3 envelopes for every week of mass!!! They were expected to each be filled with donations. Some envelopes had the "required" donation. It wasn't a suggested amount. I used to throw out every envelope except the main one. The church can figure out where my money should go. It drove many parishoners away!!!

 

[marcyinPA]

Our pastors preached on this recently (not Catholic). The one line that sticks with me is that God loves a cheerful giver. Give what you can, but from the heart. If you give purely out of obligation, it doesn't really matter how much that check is.

There are other ways to give other than monetary too. Our church stresses "time, talents, and treasure". Maybe you can't comfortably give a large monetary sum, but you can lead a youth small group, teach Sunday School, or be a greeter weekly. All important in God's eyes- all investments in Him!

Hope this helps!

 

[deakam]

You said the guy next to you gave 3x what you did. Maybe he makes 3x what you do. It is impossible to compare the 2 amounts unless you have access to his financial information. I do not give money to the church. I prefer to pay it forward to individuals.

In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. I find a family in need and shop for them personally, and anonymously.

The important issue here is that you give, in whatever amount and whatever way you are comfortable.

 

[DopeyDame]

For those that say 10%, when does that end? Surely at some point the whole "those to whom much has been given, much will be expected" comes into play, right?
If Person A makes $100,000/year, they are left with $90,000 to spend after tithing.
If Person B makes $1,000,000/year, they are left with $900,000 to spend after tithing.
And then you have someone making $100M a year, who would be left with 90M left after tithing.

Surely that's not what God would want, right? I have to believe that God would expect a lot more from the person making $100M/year than just 10%, and would understand if a family struggling to make ends meet choses rent or food over tithing.

I guess the whole concept confuses me. I'm Catholic as well, though, and like others have said - we're not big on the whole tithing concept, much more on the 'much is given, much is expected' concept.

 

[DopeyDame]

In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. .

It's awesome that you support a needy family, but I just wanted to comment on this. Often times, non-profits can get far more bang for a buck than individuals can. So while it's more fun to buy a toy and donate it, that $20 you spent on the toy maybe could have bought two or three of the same toys has the cash been given to the non-profit to do the purchasing in bulk through various programs. I'm guessing that's why operation Santa Claus is focusing on cash donations.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We are Catholic, so we donate to the collection plate every week, but the church does not do a set amount. E.g., you're not asked to tithe a tenth of your income.

I've known many Catholics who were told by the church how much they should be donating. Needless to say, they didn't care to hear that info. Glad to hear it's not like that in your Parish

But, I say give an amount that you're comfortable donating. *If* you feel in your heart like maybe you should do more *and* you're able, well then maybe you could. But, don't do so out of guilt or expectations. Do it because you're able & because you want to

 

[Mkrop]

I agree with the OP regarding Catholicism and tithing. I'm a lifelong Catholic and due to moving around a bit, I've been a member of several parishes. Not one of them requested tithing, and in fact, besides the one poster here that mentions it, I've never heard of a Catholic parish encouraging tithing.

OP, the only advice I can give you is to give whatever makes you feel comfortable.

The tithing talks started at our parish about 5 years ago. We are now called a tithing parish (whatever that means) but it is not obligatory. Our last pastor was much more agressive in his talks. Our new pastor has a much more gentle approach but I am still only going to give what I feel comfortable giving. Until the C&E Catholics start giving as much as we do yearly, I am not worrying about it. I feel comfortable that I give a lot of my money and time to our Church. And I never write our amt on the front of the envelope, it is no one business but mine, God's and the person who counts and records the transactions.

 

[Pigeon]

I think the OP's husband has a perfectly valid point here. If my husband wanted to donate family income to something I disagreed with, I wouldn't be a happy camper. And while we share money entirely, if I were the sole wage earner, it would rub me the wrong way even more.

I think the only reasonable approach is if you both have some completely discretionary money worked into the budget. You might choose to turn yours over to the church, while he might decide to contribute to political causes you don't like or buy new sneakers.

 

[disykat]

(I'm not Catholic, but am answering anyway) I give once a month, as someone else pointed out, this may not have been his weekly contribution.

I would not go to a church that insisted on 10% tithe, however I do see it as a guideline or goal to reach for. For many, including myself, it's not realistic to do it at this point, but it's a good goal. I think it's important to do some sacrificial giving "where your money is, your heart will be," and to consider giving "first fruits" not just what you have handy left over. I think it's an important faith thing. As with many things in my faith, it's not about "you're going to hell if you don't...." it's more about "how do I want to live my life to express my faith?"

Realistically, churches do have to talk about money. I've been on church councils enough terms to know what happens when you don't. However, it should be about how to live your faith - time, talents, etc. as well as money as others have said. Spouses also have to agree/compromise on charitable giving amounts as well. Those decisions really have to be made individually, not by comparing themselves to others. (That said, some people really do want to have an idea of what other people do - such as the OP. It can be helpful as part of the conversation.)

As far as Christmas goes, I give a set amount each month as part of my budget and don't give more at Christmas. I do the same with my other charitable giving, my monthly budget is set the same in December as any other month, I just give to an organization that has a Christmas campaign. We consider all our charitable giving to be part of the "tithe" percentage we give.

 

[Southernmiss]

In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. I find a family in need and shop for them personally, and anonymously.

The important issue here is that you give, in whatever amount and whatever way you are comfortable.

In addition to charities having the resources to stretch a $ more than individuals can and therefore asking for money, there's a certain amount of dignity given to the poor when we give them money to go buy what they truly need and want. Giving then becomes less about "look what I was able to buy for the needy and don't I feel great about it" and more about "here go buy what you need and want to give to your family." A much better approach IMHO.

Also, people often give their crummy, dirty unwanted stuff and then the organization has to deal with disposing of it instead of truly helping people.

 

[Andtototoo]

In addition to charities having the resources to stretch a $ more than individuals can and therefore asking for money, there's a certain amount of dignity given to the poor when we give them money to go buy what they truly need and want. Giving then becomes less about "look what I was able to buy for the needy and don't I feel great about it" and more about "here go buy what you need and want to give to your family." A much better approach IMHO.

Also, people often give their crummy, dirty unwanted stuff and then the organization has to deal with disposing of it instead of truly helping people.

Sadly, that is often the reason why many organizations have stepped accepting in-kind donations. As an example, many years ago a church to which I belonged participated in a winter OTC medicine drive. People were asked to contribute NEW UNOPENED cold medicines, pain relievers, Ace bandages, first aid supplies etc. The publicity and instructions were quite clear about the NEED for having NEW UNOPENED medicines. And yet 95% of the donations were opened, partially used, and/or expired medicines. We spent a week sorting through the thousands of donations -- so a lot of man hours went into this project only to find little to show for it. In conversations about the problem we had so many people tell us, "Hey, beggars can't be choosers." So the next year, we asked for cash donations only and ended up being able to buy more than we'd been able to donate the year before.

OTOH, I will say that having worked in a large urban church which did Giving Trees every year, we also found a lot of entitlement and little gratitude on the part of many of the recipients.

 

[luvsJack]

Op you have to do what feels right to you. Its not between you and anyone but God.

As for your Dh, what does he think you should give? Its hard when both spouses are not involved in church and willing to give to the church.

 

[Southernmiss]

I will say that having worked in a large urban church which did Giving Trees every year, we also found a lot of entitlement and little gratitude on the part of many of the recipients.

And sadly, this has jaded a lot of giving. I have seen it also.

I took a phone call at work (church) today from a man who is homeless and was looking for a tent and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, he was not in my area today and I could not get to him. He's going to try to get to the church tomorrow and our St. Vincent DePaul volunteers will be able to give him a Walmart gift card or $ so he can go buy them.

 

[Janepod]

Op you have to do what feels right to you. Its not between you and anyone but God.

As for your Dh, what does he think you should give? Its hard when both spouses are not involved in church and willing to give to the church.

My husband thinks we should give $10/week MAXIMUM. I do not agree, and I have been giving more than that.