Sensitive question for parents of little girls

[mjkacmom]

There's nothing about a training bra that in any way keeps a kid from being a kid.

But it might keep her from getting teased.

 

[Magpie]

But it might keep her from getting teased.

True! There's a million reasons kids get teased, but there's definitely something to be said for not making it any easier for a bully to pick a reason.

I remember being quite grateful that my name doesn't rhyme with anything a kid can think of!

As for personal grooming and little girls...

My grandmother believed very strongly in "keeping them little girls" as long as possible. As a result my - rather dark-haired - mother was not allowed to shave her legs. Or pluck between her eyebrows. It wasn't until her high school gym teacher actually took it on himself to visit my grandma at home and have a word with her, that my mother was finally allowed to remove her excess body hair. My grandmother, of course, was utterly humiliated at having this man tell her how to parent her daughter, so turned on my mother and made sure she understood this was all her own fault and that she'd brought shame on the family. (For growing body hair? Honestly, my grandma wasn't a very nice person.)

Meanwhile, a couple decades later, I come along and am perfectly comfortable going bra-less and having hairy legs. Nature's girl, that's me! My mother, with all good intentions, tried to force me into a bra and browbeat me into shaving my legs. (Including a grand presentation of a Lady Braun that she could ill afford, and which I never used.) There was a lot of screaming. Tears. Hurt feelings. Much the same kind of scene I imagine happened with my grandma, though for opposite reasons.

My mom eventually won. But, when it came time to talk to my daughter about this, I tried to handle things differently. I asked. "Do you want a bra?" "Would you like to shave your legs?" I gave her the tools (and a couple American Girl personal grooming books), in a low-key kind of way, and left it all up to her.

(Adding a bit after talking to the girl...) My daughter does remember me pointing out, a few times when she was already fairly well endowed but still quite young, that I could tell she wasn't wearing a bra (her shirts were quite loose and gave rather more of a view than I wanted to see). And there were a few times, such as when she was dressing up for a wedding, when I would say, "You should probably wear a bra with that." She remembers having mixed feelings about it, but couldn't think of any reason to refuse. No tears, thank goodness!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Third or fourth grade was pretty much it when my dds were in school.

 

[mjkacmom]

True! There's a million reasons kids get teased, but there's definitely something to be said for not making it any easier for a bully to pick a reason.

I remember being quite grateful that my name doesn't rhyme with anything a kid can think of!

As for personal grooming and little girls...

My grandmother believed very strongly in "keeping them little girls" as long as possible. As a result my - rather dark-haired - mother was not allowed to shave her legs. Or pluck between her eyebrows. It wasn't until her high school gym teacher actually took it on himself to visit my grandma at home and have a word with her, that my mother was finally allowed to remove her excess body hair. My grandmother, of course, was utterly humiliated at having this man tell her how to parent her daughter, so turned on my mother and made sure she understood this was all her own fault and that she'd brought shame on the family. (For growing body hair? Honestly, my grandma wasn't a very nice person.)

Meanwhile, a couple decades later, I come along and am perfectly comfortable going bra-less and having hairy legs. Nature's girl, that's me! My mother, with all good intentions, tried to force me into a bra and browbeat me into shaving my legs. (Including a grand presentation of a Lady Braun that she could ill afford, and which I never used.) There was a lot of screaming. Tears. Hurt feelings. Much the same kind of scene I imagine happened with my grandma, though for opposite reasons.

My mom eventually won. But, when it came time to talk to my daughter about this, I tried to handle things differently. I asked. "Do you want a bra?" "Would you like to shave your legs?" I gave her the tools (and a couple American Girl personal grooming books), in a low-key kind of way, and left it all up to her.

(Adding a bit after talking to the girl...) My daughter does remember me pointing out, a few times when she was already fairly well endowed but still quite young, that I could tell she wasn't wearing a bra (her shirts were quite loose and gave rather more of a view than I wanted to see). And there were a few times, such as when she was dressing up for a wedding, when I would say, "You should probably wear a bra with that." She remembers having mixed feelings about it, but couldn't think of any reason to refuse. No tears, thank goodness!

Lol I have those same "discussions " with dd20, a college student who can't understand why her girls (C) need a lift! On the other hand, my other girls, barely A's, won't leave the house without a bra, it's comical.

 

[holden]

DD10 started to complain about discomfort a few weeks ago. That's when I noticed she started developing. We bought a few sports bras at Target. She's more comfortable in her t-shirts now. I'd say at least half of her friends are also beginning to develop. Some in her class are further along.

 

[frostedpink]

My DD, age 8 second grade, had three friends over last week all the same age. Two of the girls started arguing about which one of them started wearing a bra first. It was pretty funny. My DD is no where near that yet so I was shocked to hear that two of them are already in that stage!

 

[MamaBelle4]

My DD, age 8 second grade, had three friends over last week all the same age. Two of the girls started arguing about which one of them started wearing a bra first. It was pretty funny. My DD is no where near that yet so I was shocked to hear that two of them are already in that stage!

See, I think I was in 6th grade when I started wearing a bra. I think that is why this seems so off to me. But my nieces each got their periods right around 10. And my eldest takes after that side of the family in her appearance. I think I'm going to have a talk with her and see what she wants to do.

 

[mom2rtk]

See, I think I was in 6th grade when I started wearing a bra. I think that is why this seems so off to me. But my nieces each got their periods right around 10. And my eldest takes after that side of the family in her appearance. I think I'm going to have a talk with her and see what she wants to do.

You really can't base this off of your own experience. Girls are hitting puberty at earlier ages than they used to.

 

[MamaBelle4]

You really can't base this off of your own experience. Girls are hitting puberty at earlier ages than they used to.

Mentally, I know that, but emotionally it just seems too soon. Like I said, I'm going to have a talk with her and see what she is most comfortable with.

 

[Southernmiss]

See, I think I was in 6th grade when I started wearing a bra. I think that is why this seems so off to me. But my nieces each got their periods right around 10. And my eldest takes after that side of the family in her appearance. I think I'm going to have a talk with her and see what she wants to do.

I was, too. That's why DD was such a surprise. But it seems to be much more common for girls today to be earlier than in our day. My DD is older than her girl cousins and I talked to my sister and sister in law about talking to their girls at a younger age once I realized that I had to do this with my Dd.

In elementary school here, there's a course for girls and boys in about the 5th grade where the school discusses body changes with the boys separately from girls. Teachers also strongly begin to urge the use of deodorant as soon as they notice the kids coming in from PE/Recess with B.O. That's about 4th or 5th grade. There's a reminder to the kids that it needs to be put on daily and baths and showers need to happen daily. Boy changes are discussed with them and girl changes are discussed with them.

Dd was about 10 or 11 when she had her first period. That conversation needs to happen soon, too, I'd say especially when you see the breast buds develop. The doctor told me that mensturation could start within the year.

 

[NAB]

There's nothing about a training bra that in any way keeps a kid from being a kid.

I just think kids grow up so fast , they want to look older . Parents tend to dress their kids that way too. Mini me . When I look at the clothes out there now for kids.

I developed early and got teased for wearing a bra in grade 5. A little bud is nothing... Just had First Communion here .. can't picture any of them wearing a bra in grade 2.

That is what I meant.

 

[MamaBelle4]

The doctor told me that mensturation could start within the year.

No! She's my baby! I'm not ready for that!!

Isn't there something to slow time down? I remember my sweet little bundle that was all legs and feet with a massive widow's peak.

Hold on a minute, just gotta go weep in the corner.

 

[Southernmiss]

No! She's my baby! I'm not ready for that!!

Isn't there something to slow time down? I remember my sweet little bundle that was all legs and feet with a massive widow's peak.

Hold on a minute, just gotta go weep in the corner.

Your dd probably has some time. But if she's due for a regular checkup, it would be something that I'd ask her doctor about-what do they expect and what are they seeing these days. I think it actually took dd about 2 years to start her period, but I do know that she started earlier than I did.

That's why I recommend the American Girl book "Care and Keeping of You". I read it and looked through it and then discussed some of the key chapters with DD one day when we were alone in the house. I gave her the book and told her that we could talk about any questions she had. For a long time, she kept the book under her bed.

She's 15 now and we've really not had another big discussion about body changes, but she's been very comfortable with each change as it has occurred. I think being open with her early on helped.

 

[Magpie]

Your dd probably has some time. But if she's due for a regular checkup, it would be something that I'd ask her doctor about-what do they expect and what are they seeing these days. I think it actually took dd about 2 years to start her period, but I do know that she started earlier than I did.

That's why I recommend the American Girl book "Care and Keeping of You". I read it and looked through it and then discussed some of the key chapters with DD one day when we were alone in the house. I gave her the book and told her that we could talk about any questions she had. For a long time, she kept the book under her bed.

She's 15 now and we've really not had another big discussion about body changes, but she's been very comfortable with each change as it has occurred. I think being open with her early on helped.

Seconding this book!

I really think it made the whole transition easier for my daughter.

 

[MamaBelle4]

I really appreciate all the feedback and advice. I just sat my daughter down on her bed and had a talk with her. I told her what I noticed, asked if she had and let her know what her options were (nothing yet, camisole or training bra) and told her it was her body so it was her decision. Whatever was most comfortable for her. She decided cami, so looks like we will be picking up some cute camisoles for her to start layering with.

And I am going to buy that American Girl book.

Thank you all again!

 

[Magpie]

I just think kids grow up so fast , they want to look older . Parents tend to dress their kids that way too. Mini me . When I look at the clothes out there now for kids.

I developed early and got teased for wearing a bra in grade 5. A little bud is nothing... Just had First Communion here .. can't picture any of them wearing a bra in grade 2.

That is what I meant.

I do think you're right, there isn't a clear dividing line any more between children's clothes and adult's clothes. My daughter is 21 and she's been wearing basically the same jeans and tees her whole life, that I've worn my whole life. We do dress alike, and always have. We're a long way from little boys in knickerbockers and little girls in pinafores.
And you're also right about kids wanting to look and act older... my son wore a tie throughout most of his junior kindergarten year. Such a serious little man!

In general, unless I thought the child was unintentionally conveying a message they didn't intend (ie, when my daughter was dangerously close to letting it all hang out), I let my children choose for themselves how they wanted to dress. If I did object, I tried to explain why, without resorting to shame or humiliation.

I think it helps that I really didn't have any issue with them wanting to grow up. After all, isn't that the whole point of childhood? It's all just training and practice and preparation for adulthood. Even childish play is actually serious work. So fast or slow, we all end up in the same place in the end. Which means our job isn't to prevent our kids from growing up "too fast", it's to educate and equip our children, so they can (hopefully) avoid some of the pitfalls along the way to adulthood. I've often argued passionately that ignorance is not the same as innocence. Knowledge doesn't get you kicked out of Eden, knowledge lets you spot the snakes, know them for what they are, and helps you avoid them.

I didn't find being a child to be particularly fun, but I've sure loved being an adult!

 

[Colleen27]

My DD17 needs a high-impact sports bra that's D-cup as well - we have to go to Dick's. She likes Under Armour ($70 per -- ugh). We were fortunate to find 2 in her size that were marked down about 50% yesterday -- same colors (and not what she'd normally choose), but 50% off is 50% off!

Oh, I'll have to pop over to ours and see if I get so lucky! DD likes UA or VS, so there's no such thing as reasonably priced bras in this house. But I get it - I was a C-cup by middle school and the good brands were way out of my mom's price range - so I shell out the cash because I know what I difference they make in the ability to be active without embarrassment or discomfort. I was a bit dismayed to realize that younger DD is taking after me rather than after her later-blooming sister. I'd rather she have those few extra years before having to think about it.

 

[DisTXMom]

We are big fans of the SO brand seamless sports bra at Kohls for this age group. Very soft and has removable liner pads. My daughter is super sensitive to the way clothing touches and these have been the best.

 

[xjillianpaige]

I highly highly HIGHLY recommend the book "The Care and Keeping of You." (I've linked it - just click the title.) My mom got this book for me as a kid and it was SUCH an incredible resource. My friends and I would read it and talk about what we learned and what we were doing and how we were developing. It made it less scary knowing that everyone else was going through this.

It does say for kids 8+, so your daughter is getting to the age where she might be ready. Having that book allowed me to approach my mom and tell her when I was feeling ready for deodorant and a training bra and to shave my legs.

I like the ideas mentioned above of a top with a shelf bra or camis underneath t-shirts. But the biggest thing is to make it clear that it's normal and okay to talk about with you.

 

[mjkacmom]

I just think kids grow up so fast , they want to look older . Parents tend to dress their kids that way too. Mini me . When I look at the clothes out there now for kids.

I developed early and got teased for wearing a bra in grade 5. A little bud is nothing... Just had First Communion here .. can't picture any of them wearing a bra in grade 2.

That is what I meant.

Girls these days are much more likely to be teased for not wearing a bra in 5th grade, most likely by other girls. I have three girls, my oldest developed on the early side, just wore shelf bra camis until getting a real bra with cups in the sixth grade. Padded bras are popular, lumps and bumps are out.