Sending money in bereavement card

[KLAIT]

I am from the northern most Part of the Up of Michigan and we always do food and money in a card. I also never ever put money in a card without a heartfelt hand written note. If the obit says to donate to xx charity or cause I definitely respect that and do not send cash but will instead write a heartfelt note thanking them for caring about xx in their time of loss. If they are close in location they still get food. Usually in storage/freezer containers because they only can eat so much immediately and will have rough days ahead where they may appreciate not having to cook.

I saw first hand how much this can mean to a person when a coworkers parent passed and she broke down because they truly did not have the funds to pay for all the expenses. We live in a depressed area where a lot of people work hard for lower wages and get by and an expense like this adds to the devastation of their loss when in a panic on how to pay for it

I also try to avoid checks as it can make it a bit more awkward if they have to cash a check.

MRIMI-heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. Such a loss can never be understood.

 

[LovesTimone]

In the south here, I was brought up to take food to the families home, or for the family after the service like at the church. Which can include not only food items, drinks and ice, paper products... things like foil, Ziploc's, paper plates, napkins, bathroom tissue, dish soap or dish washer tabs. Normally there is some kind of basket or box at the house and church for people to put cards in. In my cards my DH and I decided years ago to include a little something, we go the gift card route. Normally around 25 to 50 dollars, when my dear friends husband passed away, I did a family card, but then a couple of weeks after the service, I sent her a card just from me, to her that I wrote in and put in a 100.00 gift card for a her favorite massage place. She said that was so much appreciated because it gave her time to escape and relax and have some time for herself... So I think that it would be much appreciated and very thoughtful of you.

 

[mamamary]

I'm from NY (live in Maryland now) and have never heard of this but do not see anything wrong with it.

 

[starry_solo]

I'm in CA. At my place of employment (been here for 12 years), anytime someone passes away (former employee, current employee's spouse, etc.), we circulate a card and put in money, either for flowers for the memorial service or to give to the grieving relative.

 

[Buzzsgramma]

Northern Ill folks here....i remember sometimes my mom would send flowers...later on in life money....I ordered flowers for my parents funerals other than that...if it close family i send money....these past months my daughter and i have sent gift cards to her married friends whose husbands passed..

 

[Alicenwonderment]

I just sent a card out with money inside. I left the name and in memo put in memory of "K". They are located in Orlando area and I'm in New England.

 

[Eastern]

I have done it, and I have received gifts like this, and I think it's fine.

The food floods in after a funeral and sometimes it can't all be used. Having spare cash might allow someone to purchase takeout later instead of having to think about cooking.

Flowers: also received in abundance. After one funeral I couldn't stand the smell of certain flowers; even now.

If you know the person does not need anything a gift to their favorite charity is always nice.

For those offended by monetary gifts: cash is a gift like all other gifts. It should be received graciously and the recipient thanked. People don't give gifts to insult you, they give them because they are thinking of you.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I have done it, and I have received gifts like this, and I think it's fine.

The food floods in after a funeral and sometimes it can't all be used. Having spare cash might allow someone to purchase takeout later instead of having to think about cooking.

Flowers: also received in abundance. After one funeral I couldn't stand the smell of certain flowers; even now.

If you know the person does not need anything a gift to their favorite charity is always nice.

For those offended by monetary gifts: cash is a gift like all other gifts. It should be received graciously and the recipient thanked. People don't give gifts to insult you, they give them because they are thinking of you.

I agree with this. I know some people get tons of food but won't it go bad or you run out of room to store it?

When a family member or friend has died people bring food but it's mostly finger foods that can be munched on while family is together. We usually all congregate at someone's house everyday for about 1-2 weeks (Catholics and the 9 day prayer after death). People will bring donuts, fruit platter, pretzel tray, etc. It usually gets eaten that day or there are minimal leftovers. Not full out meals or casseroles.

IMO cash is king in these situations. Especially when it comes to funeral expenses or time off of work.

 

[bushdianee]

When my parents both died we had suggested certain charities for donations but most people still gave money. We just donated that money to the charities we had listed. We were completely shocked when we received a rather large check from my mom's DOCTOR!

 

[DVCjj]

I always send a sympathy card with a note (and a check) saying that in lieu of flowers, please use as needed.
I started doing this about 20 years ago when my father died and we received an abundance of checks and kind notes.

 

[kid-at-heart]

When my parents both died we had suggested certain charities for donations but most people still gave money. We just donated that money to the charities we had listed. We were completely shocked when we received a rather large check from my mom's DOCTOR!

What a wonderful doctor. Your Mom's doctor apparently viewed your mom as a person and not just a clint. When my sister had thyroid surgery, her doctor sent her a very beautiful scarf. It arrived via UPS to her house a few days after her surgery. He probably sent all his female patients a scarf but I know it really made her day. I wonder what he sent the males?

 

[jenndisney]

One of the things we do is give a few books of stamps. there are so many thank you cards that must be sent and at that time going to the post office is the last thing on the list.

 

[albaker]

Many of the sympathy cards I received when my husband passed away included cash or a check. It helped us financially during that month time while I was waiting on the life insurance to disperse and finalizing other financial issues.

I would say it's not a must thing to do, but is nice to help the family if you can afford to send a little.

 

[North of Mouse]

I'm from the deep south, and yes, it is a thoughtful thing to do, but not everyone does it.

 

[pearlieq]

Originally from the Chicago area. I've included a check when I knew the family was experiencing financial hardship, but otherwise we usually do a charitable donation if we were close to the deceased or their family or just a card if not. When my mom passed a few years ago we didn't receive money/gift cards from anyone, which was appropriate since her passing wasn't a financial difficulty. We got cards, a couple flower arrangements, and a few casseroles.

 

[shruley]

I'm in Minnesota. Very common where I'm from. We give money for every funeral we attend, and there are basically money envelopes provided by the funeral home set by the guestbook in case people didn't come with a card. When my mom died, we got hundreds of $. She had specified charities she wanted people to donate to in her obituary, so many checks came already made out to the charity of the persons choice (our local school because she was a teacher or our local church.) Plenty of checks came in just addressed to the family, however, so i divided up and donated the rest as I saw fit. I really didn't keep any, as we had enough money for the funeral, she had good health insurance so no outstanding medical bills, etc. But I know a lot of people who use the money to pay for the final expenses. A co-workers mother just died, and they took up a collection to give them $$$ in a card at the funeral. I had no idea that it would be a weird idea to some people though!!!

 

[snarlingcoyote]

From the Deep South (but from Cajun land), and it is definitely okay where I am from to give money and has been as far as I am aware, although it is not expected. Funerals cost money and survivors have expenses too.

ETA: I usually find some way to make sure there will be enough flowers before I send cash. Flowers are $$$$ and most women want flowers at the funeral - at least the ones I know do - so I make sure there are enough big standing flowers and buy those if the deceased won't have many. If I know money isn't an issue, I donate to the chosen charity. Otherwise, yeah. Cash or a check or a gift card to a restaurant I know the family eats at occasionally.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

For the funerals that i have been to it seems like my parents generation gave money and not so much my generation.
For my fathers funeral last year any gift of money we received, I donated to a charity we picked out for my dad. Some of the cash was used for stamps - that was a really good idea up-thread about giving stamps! you need them to send out the thank you cards!!!!

I think its a nice gesture and you never know someones financial situation and every little bit helps!

 

[DizMe]

From California. Never heard of this before, but I haven't had very much experience with funerals. Maybe it's done and I just don't know it! I have had a couple of "GoFundMe" requests to help with funeral expenses for people I barely know, and honestly was a little put off by it. Maybe that's just the way things are done now?

 

[momof2gr8kids]

When my dad passed away many years ago, people were dropping off so much food and baking, much of it had to be given away before it went bad. A neighbour from across the street brought over a couple cases of beer. I was very young and thought wth, how red neck-ish is that?? Anyways, she said she knew that lots of people would be coming over and we might need some to serve. I never really thought of that, and yes, it was true. The house was filled with people and it was nice to be able to offer a beer.
So, with that in mind, for people I know well that won't think I'm crazy when I explain why, I've given a liquor store gift card for that extra booze they end up purchasing for everyone that pops by.

Definately nothing wrong with cash. So many hidden expenses for the family when someone passes away.