Semi non Disney related, advice on inlaws

[stephk1981]

My DMIL and DFIL just flew down to visit us for 5 days. It was not cheap to fly down, they don't have a lot of money; so we always appreciate it when they do. With that said, they normally fly down once a year and spend approximately $600 total on flights. They have been buying DH's sister diapers for her two toddlers for the past 3 years( DSIL is s teacher and slways strapped for funds.) They do what they can for each of their children. We had a pretty good visit, but on the last day, before taking them back to the airport, DS went to his room and was screaming for me to hurry to see something. DMIL is religious to the extreme, we are all practicing Catholics.....but she's on another level . I go to DS's room to find what looks like crystals of sugar EVERYWHERE. It's all in his bed( which he hadn't made yet.) All over dressers, bookshelves, PS4 console, school books etc. Look in his closet, it's everywhere in his toybins etc . I am wondering how sugar would have gotten everywhere, I call for my DH, who was outside getting ready to leave for airport. He tastes the crystals.... it's salt. DMIL after DH asks if she knows what has happened admits she put holy salts that were blessed by a priest is DS room . DH was ticked, I was ticked. They had to leave to go to airport. I asked DMIL if the salts are in any other room, she says no. After they leave I find them in ALL of our bedrooms!!! DD1, DH and I, DS and our office/ workout room, and spare bedroom They slept in while visiting. When DH came home I was really overwhelmed at how much cleaning was going to be involved. He said his DM was crying all the way to airport. He said he was going to make them pay for a cleaning service, we called, it will be around $250-$300 for a deep clean. They do not have the money for this I know, I'm worried about making a rift in our family. Obviously I am upset someone did this in my home, especially without asking. I don't want a huge debate, just wondering, do we ask for them to pay to clean? Or do I try to do it all on my own( struggle to do with my DD1... she's a handful and DH works long hours everyday right now.) We also had a tentative Disney surprise trip we were thinking to take them on in January, I don't know if I'm feeling like doing that now, I am really mad she lied to me too, but maybe I am overreacting.thanks!

 

[siren0119]

Forgive me but....it's SALT. And not even small granule salt. Is there a reason why a good vacuuming of the rooms wouldn't get it cleaned up, and why a cleaning service would be necessary?

I agree wholeheartedly that she shouldn't have done anything without your permission, and should't have lied about where in the house she sprinkled it. BUT a $300 deep cleaning seems way overboard for something that is less corrosive than the winter ice melt that gets tracked into my house every winter, and requires less cleanup than pet hair.

 

[stephk1981]

@siren0119 I will be honest, we live in the deep South and I am petrified of getting bugs. It needs to be cleaned off of all surfaces. I tackled DS bedroom and justjthe bookcasebtook me 40 minutes just to remove his things from it, wipe the salt up and put things back....and yes it is small granule salt.... its as if she literally just took handfuls and threw it all over every bedroom .

 

[TCRAIG]

Bugs don’t like salt -

 

[stephk1981]

@siren0119 I will be honest, we live in the deep South and I am petrified of getting bugs. It needs to be cleaned off of all surfaces. I tackled DS bedroom and justjthe bookcasebtook me 40 minutes just to remove his things from it, wipe the salt up and put things back....and yes it is small granule salt.... its as if she literally just took handfuls and threw it all over every bedroom .

Bugs don’t like salt -

I hope you are right

 

[iivye]

I would just clean it and not mention it again. I would be angry too but I don't think it's worth causing a rift in the family.

They have been buying DH's sister diapers for her two toddlers for the past 3 years( DSIL is s teacher and slways strapped for funds.)

I'm not sure why you included this.

 

[crazylady]

I wouldn't make them pay but I wouldn't be inviting them into my home any time soon either.

Too bad she sneakily did it on the way out the door. I'd be interested in having a face to face conversation with her about why she thought you needed this kind of blessing. (Blessing?). I'm Catholic but this is not anything that I've heard of before. Because you can't talk in person, I'd let things calm down a little and then talk to her about everything before I'd make any descisions about vacation plans.

Does your daughter not live with you? I'm just curious as to why she didn't get salted.

 

[siren0119]

If you use a vacuum and don't get it wet, it should come up pretty easily. My darling boys once got into a bag of cornmeal when they were little - VERY tiny granules and got into the carpeting. Hubby tried to mop it up on a section of kitchen floor and it was smearing all over - the areas I hit with the vacuum and dry brush cleaned up MUCH faster!

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

You are confusing salt with sugar. Bugs don’t like and aren’t attracted to salt. The concern with salt is it causing micro abrasions to the hard surfaces. Vacuum the floors and change the sheets, and clean up the rest as you have time.

And don’t reward their behavior by doing anything nice for them like taking them in a trip.

 

[sponica]

I am so confused by this action. Are there demons or possessed people she's trying to keep out?

Seriously. I'm confused. Like I'm so confused I don't even know what to say. I probably wouldn't be inviting her back any time soon. And I'd be wondering WHY she felt the need to spread holy salt everywhere.

 

[Tallis]

I would ask them to pay for the cleaning. This is completely outrageous behavior. If it causes a rift in the family, it's HER fault for doing such a thing to begin with! I understand why you included the fact that she pays for diapers, if they can afford to do that, then can afford to pay to clean for the BIG MESS SHE MADE in your home.

Also, I wouldn't invite them back unless they pay for the cleaning, and MIL agrees to not "bless" your home again without asking.

I'm sorry that others feel you should just clean it up and shut up, but MIL clearly knew she was making a mess, and doing something wrong, since she did it on the way out.

 

[PerfessorZ]

The devoutly Catholic DMIL bold-face lied about where she spread the salt?

That aside, I agree with other posters that a good vacuum should take care of the problem and demanding payment for a cleaning will only make a bad situation worse. I think a shenanigan like that is enough to be excluded from the surprise Disney trip next year and perhaps from visiting again without some genuine apologies and convincing assurances that nothing like that will happen again.

 

[siren0119]

I'm sorry that others feel you should just clean it up and shut up, but MIL clearly knew she was making a mess, and doing something wrong, since she did it on the way out.

I don't see that anyone ever said clean it and shut up. It should be discussed. That's how adults resolve their problems. But if the question is clean it up vs demand money for a full housecleaning...well then yeah just clean it up, and deal with the ACTUAL issue (salting her kid's bedroom without discussing it with her first, then lying about doing it in other rooms) by discussing it - if MIL feels she did nothing wrong, the OP can make decisions regarding future visits/vacations accordingly. If MIL recognizes her error and apologizes, then the situation is hopefully resolved and nobody got vindictive unnecessarily.

 

[MainMom]

1. I would express my feelings to DH and together come up with how you are going to handle this and the vacation. Then let him deal with his mother maybe telling her that she owes you an apology for the salt and the lie. And if she doesn’t apologize no visiting next year.

2. I would clean it up myself.

 

[stephk1981]

If you use a vacuum and don't get it wet, it should come up pretty easily. My darling boys once got into a bag of cornmeal when they were little - VERY tiny granules and got into the carpeting. Hubby tried to mop it up on a section of kitchen floor and it was smearing all over - the areas I hit with the vacuum and dry brush cleaned up MUCH faster!

Vacuuming should work except on the surfaces that we have a lot of small items....I have a collection of swarovski butterflies and figurines on a shelf in our room that need to be taken down or will be sucked up by vacuum, DS has tiny Pokemon on his bookshelf which is why I had to remove them before cleaning. I hate making waves so will probably do it myself. Thanks for the input, this happened yesterday so, at least I know salt won't attract roaches...I will clean one room a day!

 

[Tallis]

It should be discussed. That's how adults resolve their problems.

"Adults" that throw handfuls of salt all over someone else's house, then try to sneak out and lie about don't qualify for adult discussions. You can't reason with devious and irrational people, especially when they clearly already think you're possessed or something.

And I wouldn't "demand" that they pay for the cleaning, I would ask them to. If they didn't, they wouldn't be coming back. Unless, of course, this woman gets a diagnosis of having dementia, as that's the only possible excuse for this.

 

[stephk1981]

I would just clean it and not mention it again. I would be angry too but I don't think it's worth causing a rift in the family.



I'm not sure why you included this.

Because I wanted it to be known they don't spend all of their expenditure cash just flying to see us. Thanks for chiming in

 

[stephk1981]

I wouldn't make them pay but I wouldn't be inviting them into my home any time soon either.

Too bad she sneakily did it on the way out the door. I'd be interested in having a face to face conversation with her about why she thought you needed this kind of blessing. (Blessing?). I'm Catholic but this is not anything that I've heard of before. Because you can't talk in person, I'd let things calm down a little and then talk to her about everything before I'd make any descisions about vacation plans.

Does your daughter not live with you? I'm just curious as to why she didn't get salted.

Yes, DD1 does live with us lol. DS10's room, DD1 room, DH and my room, the office room, and our guest room...those were the only rooms she ' blessed'. DD has eczema and I probably sounded crazy but called her dermatologist today to see if she would have an outbreak if she came in contact with a large amount of salt. I agree, the more I think about it, I am thinking surprising them with a paid for Disney trip isn't happening....maybe in a few years when I get over it. Thanks for your suggestions!

 

[stephk1981]

1. I would express my feelings to DH and together come up with how you are going to handle this and the vacation. Then let him deal with his mother maybe telling her that she owes you an apology for the salt and the lie. And if she doesn’t apologize no visiting next year.

2. I would clean it up myself.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! No apology yet from DMIL....I am hoping she will talk with me. She does not like confrontation, but without an apology I don't know that I will ever really ' forget' this one.

 

[iivye]

What she did was terribly rude and lying about it made it even worse. I can understand why you are upset. You are definitely getting the short end by having to do the cleaning. Honestly, your MIL should have offered to pay for the cleaning. I suggested not to bring it up again only because I have seen families end up not speaking to each other over things like this. I don't want to seem like I'm discounting your feeling because you were definitely wronged. I think leaving them out of the trip is a good idea.