selfish or not??

[luv2nascar]

Dh has gone to a friend's house past two friday nights
he wanted to go again tonight and I got mad
I didn't want to do anything special but I didn't want him to go
He isn't one to help around the house all that much and I never ask him to watch our 2 kids so I can go and do stuff
I told him somethings are going to change
I want to join curves and he is going to start watching the kids more so I can have time for me
he thinks nothing of doing stuff for himself and I feel its time I do the same if I need too

opinion do you think he is being selfish in not considering my feelings or am I overreacting and being selfish
He says I don't want him to go not because I'd miss him but because I'm jealous
He says he has never told me not to go somewhere or do something
true but he will make 8 1/2 yr old mostly take care of
9 mo old baby while he does nothing and I'm not comfortable with that situation so I don't leave the kids much

Any opinions on who's right in this situation

 

[Serena]

In my experience, you need to get this settled. Deal with it now, so it doesn't fester and become worse.

You have every right to do something to and please don't forget that.

Let me just say that I took care of my girls, that was my job, and only my job. He wouldn't take care of the girls so I could do anything. If I wanted to do something I had to find a babysitter and do it.

good luck in this.

 

[tiggersmom2]

My advice is, for you to find you a baby sitter on Friday nights and then you go do what YOU want to do. I GUARANTEE you will see him do a total about face!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Great idea! I wish I had thought of that.
In all honesty if he is willingly to watch the kids while you get some free time then you should go for it! I know it is hard leaving the babies but you have to give him a chance to get to "know" the job.

I say get a babysitter and go with him.

 

[chager]

I was not aware my DH had a twin out there!! Except we only have one child, but he often fends for himself if I leave them together. I don't think you are selfish at all. If he is anything like my DH he may be uncomfortable with infants but not want to admit it. Mine is just uncomfortable being left alone with kids..he would never admit it though. I agree you need time for yourself and he needs his time too. (Which I think you already know) Maybe sit down and talk about a schedule. (Isn't aweful we have to schedule time for ourselves now a days) For instance maybe you could set up every other Friday as a night out for him and then choose whatever night works for you and set up family night too. I know it is frustrating. I am blessed that my parents live nearby so DS can usually hang out there too. You should also set up a date night too. Just the two of you. hmm sounding a little soap boxish ...sorry. I'm not sure how else to explain it and I'm too tired to go back and retype everything a different way. I hope you understand what I'm saying and take it the way it is intended. Good luck and know you are not alone in how you are feeling.

 

[trishy]

If you want to go out and he wants to go out, find a babysitter. If he wants to watch the kids, let him. Granted, it won't be exactly the way you would have done it. However, you should learn to relinquish control. It's similar to when you ask the kids for help around the house. Understandably, they won't do it the way you would do it, but you need to accept it for what it is if you want the help. Sounds like a control issue.

I have some friends that absolutely love Curves and I've seen quite a lot of bumper stickers, too. Sounds like a popular place. Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

 

[Fire14]

I have a friend who is a stay at home mom. She watches/runs kids to activities/practices during week but SAt is her day to work on her scrapbook, work out etc. Sun. is family day.

 

[faithinkarma]

This is such a no win situation for you. Usually, in cases like this, it is not just that you want him to stay home, but that you want him to WANT to stay home.

So I agree with tiggersmom2, get a sitter, get out yourself, and see what happens.

Good luck !