Self induced disability/illness

[golfgal]

Depression: check

Lazy: check

WANTS to be on disability: check

Did I mention lazy?: double check

Fraud (would fake something in order to get out of working): probable check.

I don't know if I've ever really known someone so young to be this lazy. Lazy to the point of ill health.......and when they already have health/lung issues they add smoking to the list? Oh my!!

(this person has a rare inherited lung disease)

Boy, other then the 30 year old part you sound like you know my mom. Many people see disability as an easy way to live-the problem is they don't realize how hard it is to qualify and then when they don't and have no money, things suddenly look different. My mom has had 6 months to live for the past 20 years (chronic lung disease as well). She moved into a nursing home a little over a year ago and it has been the best thing for her. She gets all the care and attention she now 'needs'. Sometimes you just have to let things go as there is nothing you can do about it--it's hard but that is just life sometimes.

 

[C.Ann]

It sounds like there may be some depression going on with that person. Maybe they see the problem as being huge and insurmountable and have just given up trying.

---------------

This was my initial thought as to why this person may not be doing anything to help themselves..

As for disability in general, I can't imagine anyone "wanting" to receive it.. First of all, in our area anyhow, it's incredibly hard to get unless you hire an attorney - and it can take as long as two years to be approved even with an attorney..

Secondly, the amount of money received is very, very minimal.. Most people could not live a life above poverty on what they receive if they are single.. If they are married, they "might" receive a monthly check equivalent to what a single weekly pay check would be from their previous occupation - if they're lucky..

And lastly, a person on disability - who doesn't truly qualify - has to spend the rest of their lives "looking over their shoulder" because they have really cracked down on fraud (again - at least in our area) and have hired many more investigators to randomly spy on SSD recipients.. (I have a friend whose son does this for a living and you wouldn't believe the kinds of things they do in order to "catch" people who are collecting fraudulently..)

I think a person would have to be very, very depressed - and feeling terribly hopeless - to "want" that kind of life..

 

[Disney Doll]

Google Munchausen's Syndrome.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Do you know anyone who has a chronic problem but who seems to actually WANT the problem to get worse, and even seems to WANT to be on disability?

Someone close to me is behaving this way and I've never felt so frustrated in my life. I have diabetes and I know how much you have to putz and fuss with diet and keeping track of meds and stuff but dang, I want to continue to BE healthy and to LIVE healthy, ya know?

Help me understand why someone wouldn't want to stay healthy......especially when this person is only 30 years old.

I find it very difficult to have compassion or sympathy for this person when all they're doing is making the problem worse than it has to be. They will die from this problem and it will happen much much sooner because they don't seem to give a doodle. I just don't get it.

Being sick is their identity. If they weren't sick they wouldn't know what to do. They are drama llamas. This type of person has all of these problems that could be fixed but whoa is them! Give them another pill or another dx and they are happier. Somewhere in them they want attention and this is how they get it. Sick I know, but that is exactly what it is.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

There must be a payoff for someone like this or they wouldn't be this way.......or would they?

"Why People Don't Heal and How They Can" by Caroline Myss. Her book describes various emotional payoffs for people who are ill. I read it just to make sure none were applying to me!

DH and DFIL seem to make a big deal with minor illnesses to get cosseting which they can't just ask for as manly men.

 

[Cool-Beans]

There are people who would rather die than take care of themselves...but they are few and far between.

More than likely, this is a person who THINKS they'd rather die than take care of themselves and they'll be crying up a storm and apologizing to their families and wishing they'd done it differently when their time to go draws near.

But you can't make people change. If you are very, very lucky, you might be able to make them want to change...but it doesn't happen a whole lot.

People smoke and get fat and do all manner of things that will kill them in the end. Sad but true.

I decided a loooong time ago to feel badly for people, even when they did it to themselves. In fact, the person who is dying and knows they may not have needed to die (it could be completely their fault) has the guilt to deal with on top of the illness itself..so it isn't too hard for me to drum up some sympathy. Who of us hasn't been in some sort of trouble we created ourselves?

Good luck with your friend. I hope things take a turn for the better.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I think we all have to step back & look at this as the possible presence of mental illness. Like it or not it's illness, needs to be treated like any other disease.
The posts about people that you really don't know just see slices from the outside such as "has to take a nap", etc. most likely don't have the knowledge of the entire picture. I wouldn't be so quick to throw stones.

 

[olena]

It sounds like there may be some depression going on with that person. Maybe they see the problem as being huge and insurmountable and have just given up trying.

The other reason people want to stay on disability is to commit fraud. They enjoy getting paid without working and try to milk it for all it's worth. I don't know if that's the case with the person you're talking about but it does happen.

I used to work in HR and we had several employees who faked illnesses and injuries to get paid time off. One woman claimed her wrist and elbow were injured from typing too much. She said she couldn't bend her elbow at all and always had her arm hanging to her side when she came to the office. She was put on disability, told to wear a brace full time and avoid as much activity with the arm as possible. She refiled for disability several times and the company finally sent an investigator to follow her. The report was hilarious. She was seen at Home Depot buying a new front door with her husband. She wasn't wearing the brace. She picked up one end of the door and hoisted it onto the cart. She also helped put the door in the car. She was then seen helping her husband hang the door and hold it in place while he put in the hardware. She stood back with her hand on her hip (the bad arm she supposedly couldn't bend) and admired the new door for 5 minutes.

Needless to say, her disability was cancelled!

 

[chris1gill]

Depression: check

Lazy: check

WANTS to be on disability: check

Did I mention lazy?: double check

Fraud (would fake something in order to get out of working): probable check.

I don't know if I've ever really known someone so young to be this lazy. Lazy to the point of ill health.......and when they already have health/lung issues they add smoking to the list? Oh my!!

(this person has a rare inherited lung disease)

From the little you posted, I think it's quite possible this person either feels this situation is hopeless (since it's a rare inherited lung disease, I suspect it's treatment is lengthy) or, they are completely depressed and feel they have no reason to try and contribute to society. Are either of these two things remotely possible?

 

[legalsea]

Not too long ago we had a woman who deliberately did not take her insulin so her diabetes would get so bad she would (she hoped) get disability. She even told her treating physician what she was doing. The Administrative Law Judge, looking at the medical (including the doctor's letter to the claimant, telling her in no uncertain words that he would no longer treat her if she refused to take her medications) denied the claim for disability.

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

People don't always react the way you think they should when they are sick. There can be many causes, denial, anger, fear etc. I doubt anyone really wants to be sick and/or disabled. They just may not know how to deal with it. Disability and illness are not just about the physical, but the mental as well

 

[honugirl]

If you don't live with a chronic illness, it's really hard to know what it's like. A lot of my family doesn't understand my disease and think I'm just lazy, when that couldn't be farther from the truth. Each illness affects each individual in it's own way. Please try to be understanding until you know the true extent of what's going on. I also know that I do things my family thinks is just crazy, but to me it's a sign of the last little bit of control I have over my out of control body. Such as, my disease makes me gain weight, no matter what I eat, doesn't matter because it's a hormone issue, so I eat what I want and what tastes good (in moderation of course) but people look at me and tell me that I shouldn't eat that and hand me a carrot.

 

[starrzone]

Do you know anyone who has a chronic problem but who seems to actually WANT the problem to get worse, and even seems to WANT to be on disability?

Someone close to me is behaving this way and I've never felt so frustrated in my life. I have diabetes and I know how much you have to putz and fuss with diet and keeping track of meds and stuff but dang, I want to continue to BE healthy and to LIVE healthy, ya know?

Help me understand why someone wouldn't want to stay healthy......especially when this person is only 30 years old.

I find it very difficult to have compassion or sympathy for this person when all they're doing is making the problem worse than it has to be. They will die from this problem and it will happen much much sooner because they don't seem to give a doodle. I just don't get it.

I have an aunt that is like this. For years and years, she has had a problem with her weight and is quite a large woman. Granted, she does have some sort of very mild mental disability, but she can read, write, and attend to her own needs of daily living quite well; however, she lives with my grandmother (grandfather passed away almost 8 years ago) and needs someone to take care of her finances (she does not work and I'm not sure if she receives any sort of financial aid from the government).

She knows that eating junk is unhealthy, but she buys it anyway. My cousins and I would find junk food wrappers hidden under her bed. When she goes out, she buys junk food. She does not eat very healthy foods at family dinners. My grandmother's sight is very poor, so she does not see what is going on with my aunt. My grandmother, mother and aunt have devoted countless hours taking her to doctors, specialists, the hospital...yet she continues to eat, not exercise and is basically killing herself. Her legs have become so bad that they have swelled to the point that she can barely walk, and her knees have suffered as well. She knows that she has family that cares about her, but she is very stubborn. It doesn't help that my grandparents basically coddled her her whole life (they both worked), and she does have that very mild mental disability, so I'm not sure if her "refusal" to help herself is because of that or because of some sort of psychological problem.

It is one of the most frustrating things I think someone can go through, seeing someone who is ill and refuses to help themselves. I have had relatives and friends diagnosed with various illnesses, and some of them fight tooth and nail for their lives, with all they have, only to slowly wither away and die leaving a spouse and 2 kids. Then, I see my aunt, who has a large, very supportive family and, thanks to my late grandfather who owned a very successful business, the financial means to get better (so this is in no way about worrying if there is enough money). My mother probably cares more about her sister's health than she does, because my mother sees what toll this is taking on my grandmother, who will be 85 this summer and who basically acts as my aunt's nurse (again, my grandmother is of the mindset that "Family takes care of family" and will not hire a health care aide).

In the end, I guess I can only say that I just don't get it either. She is my aunt, my mother's sister, my granparents' daughter, but it is so hard sometimes to like her, seeing how she is slowly killing herself. I find it very difficult to have any compassion or sympathy for her either. Would I ever not stand behind her when she needed help? No way; I would be there 100% because she is family. However, I think that, based on how she's lived her life, I have the right to be frustrated, whether or not that is warranted.

 

[roseprincess]

I have a friend that has MS. She is married(I think she is still married, I don't know, she was talking about going thru a divorce last time I talked to her a few months back). She also has a very low-functioning autistic daughter.
I haven't called my girlfriend in a few months b/c I have been going thru some of my own stuff (my grandma was dying, I have my own 2 special needs kids to take care of). I have been friends with her about 6 yrs. She is very energetic- considering she has MS. I think her MS is in remission b/c she moves around pretty good. Anyways, b/c of her DD, she has been wanting people to feel sorry for her all the time. I have noticed this for quite awhile. I do understand autism b/c my DS is on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. Her DD and my DS had autism therapy thru our school dist together a few yrs back. The thing is, she feels everyone needs to cater to her b/c her DD is autistic. I have really tried to get my friend to go to autism support groups with me and have told her to get a hold of certain people, other moms she can connect with, with the low-functioning autism. Most of the time she doesn't want to go to the meetings or push herself to help her DD. I remember she called me 3 times to ask how to get the PECS pictures (for autism therapy). I told her 3 times how to find them on the internet. She just doesn't listen sometimes Her DH had been very supportive of their DD and her(he started an autism foundation website, more of research for cure for autism). Also, she didn't even want to try to potty train her DD. I know how frustrating it is to potty train autistic kids (b/c I potty trained my own DS and my DD has her own special needs). She relies on everyone else to do things for her. She doesn't work at all. She is on SSDI for her and her DD is also on SSDI. My dd was getting SSI for quite awhile,but we are off of it for awhile now . My friend also smokes alot. When I would talk to her, she would tell me she locked herself out of the house by accident or some weird story. Or locked herself out of her car while she was at the gas station getting cigarettes It is sometimes frustrating to talk to her b/c she wants people to feel sorry for her all the time. She does have a sense of humor at times- which I do miss.