Secret Santa: Why can't everyone play by the rules?!?!?

[ziggystardust]

i also agree with the OP. When you choose to participate in secret santas, you also choose to abide by the rules. You can't really be upset about not getting whats on your list b/c thats at the buyer's discretion (even though i totally get why you would be) but I'd be upset that the person didn't spend the required amount. Its unfair to everyone involved to get a $3 item when everyone else is getting a $30 one.

Last xmas ('08), a bunch of us were strapped for cash so we did a make a gift secret santa. With a $15 limit for supplies. One of my friends is still waiting for her present.

 

[happygirl]

Bull.



Yes.



Exactly.



I think not following the Santa rules and (seemingly) being lazy about the whole thing, is not making any effort, at all.

LOL I can say your opinion is bull as well. What does that prove

 

[CathrynRose]

LOL I can say your opinion is bull as well. What does that prove

It proves that we disagree.

 

[Jennasis]

That stinks. Out of curiosity, was the "broken rule" the fact that she didn't get you exactly what was on your list or that she didn't spend enough money?

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I am sorry that sucks!!!!

 

[Heidict]

I can't believe she got you used CD's. Talk about tacky. If money was an issue then she should have opted not to participate. People would have understood, i'm sure.

 

[kpm76]

That stinks. Out of curiosity, was the "broken rule" the fact that she didn't get you exactly what was on your list or that she didn't spend enough money?

That's my question as well. Was the rule that you must buy something off the suggested list?? If so, why not just skip the whole Secret Santa thing and go out and buy the items yourself? There is no thought or effort, other than actually getting the item, that goes into getting something that someone clearly indicates they want.

Off topic but I think asking people to give little gifts and then a big one worth $30 is a lot, particularly during tight economic times. Many of you have said she should have opted out, but that is really easy for us to say as we sit behind a computer screen. We have no idea how large or small the OP's office is and perhaps it was awkward for one person not to participate. When I worked, I had a really small tight-knit office and opting out of something like this was out of the question. It just would have been weird.

We don't know this person nor do we know her circumstances. Maybe she had a really large expense that came up last minute, an illness in the family etc and suddenly the office Secret Santa is not top priority.....

 

[Tink888]

OP, I totally understand where you're coming from. I'd have been disappointed and a little miffed about it too.

I gotta say though that this is one of the reasons I don't like doing Secret Santa at work. While it can be fun, it's one more gift to buy at a time when most people are already strapped for cash and invariably there's always someone not as into the spirit as everyone else so somebody ends up disappointed. IMHO 25.00 to 30.00 is a little high for an office grab bag.

It's easy to say the person just shouldn't have participated but I've seen many times at work where one person doesn't want to do it and after they've spoken up, the rest of the office is talking behind that person's back about how they're a scrooge with no holiday spirit.

It's a no win situation.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

we have the dirty santa gift exchange at our work (which for some reason we call the Russian Auction, but I digress). If you participated you were supposed to spend at least $15, and no more than $25. One of the gifts was a coffee mug with a few tea bags thrown inside. Clearly not at least $15!! I felt so bad for the person who ended up with that. I agree, if you can't play by the rules, don't play!

 

[ChrizJen]

That stinks. Out of curiosity, was the "broken rule" the fact that she didn't get you exactly what was on your list or that she didn't spend enough money?

The word "rule" is used loosely. It's more of an agreement that you make when you choose to participate in the game. But yes, I think that the part that I'm most miffed about is the amount. She received a gift that was worth $25-$30 from the person who picker her name. According to the "rules" of the game, she should have given about the same. It may sound trivial, but within the confines of how the game was set up, I would be ashamed to accept a $30 gift knowing that I had only given a $10 gift.

And as for not getting what I asked for, I am a little confused about that as well, but it's not as big of a deal. I've participated in years past and gotten really cute things that were not on my list. But they always seemed well thought out, and I was always happy to receive them. But this time around, the things were just so obscure that it just felt like the person was grabbing whatever was available (like candy from the vending machine) instead of putting some thought into it.

 

[mvazul]

I completely understand where you're coming from and know your disappointment.

My senior year of high school, I was in a nursing class. Our class decided to do a Secret Santa. We were supposed to give small gifts every week from Thanksgiving until Christmas. At the end, we were supposed to spend between $10 and $15 on the big gift. We, too, had made a list of things we liked, so the giver would have an idea of what to get us. Not specific things, but things we were interested in.

I don't remember exactly what I bought (it's been 20 years now ) for the person I was buying for, but I remember I had put alot of thought into it and she really liked it. However, I will never forget what I was given. I got a box with one black knit glove, one white knit glove (both used - they were dirty), a used stick of deodorant (it was half gone), a used black plastic comb, a very used toothbrush, a used box of dental floss and a handful of tampons (thankfully NOT used!! ). I was beyond disappointed. My teacher was appalled. I held it together but lost it once I got home.

I have participated in a couple since then and it seems like I always get the short end of the stick when I go out of my way. I don't participate anymore.



Michelle

 

[Bunchkin]

I hate Secret Santa stuff. Someone is always going to be disappointed. And I loathe cheesy gifts.

Also, I think a small gift and a large $30 gift is over doing it for an office setting.

 

[Motherofboys]

I had pretty much the same thing happen to me the one year I worked at a child care center. Made the list with several ideas for the little gifts and the big gift.

Every small gift was candy, that wasn't on my list. The big gift was a really fancy gift box with a bunch of confetti and two small candles inside -

Again, nothing from my list. I figure the woman must have bought the gifts before we drew and figured she would give them to whoever she got. Disappointing that some people don't take the time or put thought into it.

From a management side of things -I really don't think gift exchanges/secret santa things belong in the workplace or in schools at all.

 

[Nancyg56]

ITA but I also feel its a bit rude to put a specific thing you want on your list and expect your secret santa to get you that.

I think it was the used things that the OP was miffed about. I would be upset if I participated in a Secret Santa and purchases a gift in good faith and then went home with used stuff.

It suggested gift, not a gift you have to give. I don't know this woman made she had money issues come up at the last minute. She tried to give her something.

If she could not afford to participate she should have opted out. It is not fair to those who spend the recommended amount and then have to accept used CD's in return.

We used to have Secret Santa in out family and found that some members were purchasing gifts before they picked names. We decided to change it to a swap thing and that person complained it was not "personal" enough. Seriously? My son told me if he ended up with junk again he was opting out. Spending at least the minimum should be part of the good faith effort IMO.

 

[TiggerCat]

LOL I can say your opinion is bull as well. What does that prove

Your posts are a riot.

TC.

 

[luvmy3]

I just have to get this off my chest.
Every year here at work we play the Secret Santa Game. We give little gifts throughout, and then a big gift at the end. The suggested amount for the final gift is $25-$30. Everyone makes a list of little things that they like and then an idea or two for what they want for the big gift.
Now normally I'm not one to complain, but this just left me scratching my head. On my list, I put hair stuff (like barrettes, scarves, headbands, etc.) for the small gifts. I ended up getting all candy gifts for the small gifts, like M&M's and candy bars.

For the big gift, I was fairly specific. I asked for either Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers "Live Anthology" Box Set or a gift card to Target.

So last week on Christmas Eve, we all exchanged big gifts with our Secret Santas. It was fun. My Secret Santa was out sick that day. No biggie. So Monday rolls around, and she forget to bring my gift. Again, no biggie. It's the holidays. People get busy and forget things. So then this morning I get to my office, and on my desk is my gift bag. I open it to find the following items:

a pack of Peanut M&M's
a hair clip
and 2 USED Tom Petty CD's that I've never even heard of!

These items probably don't even add up to $10 total!
I know they say it's the thought that counts, but did she really put any thought or effort into it? And couldn't she have at least TRIED to get what was on my list??? She also could have tried to at least come close to spending the recommended amount. Perhaps she was strapped for cash. But then she shouldn't have participated. Maybe she wasn't able to find the Tom Petty box set that I asked for. But she could have gotten the gift card. That way I could have gotten it myself!
I had a lot of fun with the giving part of the whole thing, which in the end is the most important part I suppose. But I just don't understand why people choose to participate in these things if they're just going to end up screwing someone over in the end.
Oh well. Lesson learned. Maybe next year I just won't participate.

OK vent over. Flame away.

I think it was the used things that the OP was miffed about. I would be upset if I participated in a Secret Santa and purchases a gift in good faith and then went home with used stuff.

The bolded in the OP clearly shows that on top of being upset about the $ amount and the used stuff she WAS upset about not getting what she put on her list.
I don't know the employees situation but she did try. She put in a hair clip, and even though they were used the CD's were by an artist that the OP likes. Maybe after she agreed to do the secret santa something happened and her financial situation changed and she was embarrassed, or even felt bad backing out. I see alot of posts here on the DIS about unexpected hardships and people having to change plans, this could have been a simple case of that. I stnad by what I said, the woman should have opted out, but the OP expected too much from her secret santa and if she was going to be upset by not getting what she told them she wanted, then she should have opted out and given her list to a family memeber or friend so that she could get exactly what she wanted.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

It doesn't seem to me like she made no effort. In the final gift there was a barrett (which was asked for), M&M's, and two different CDs. Maybe the CDs weren't the exact one that the OP requested, but they were the same band. Perhaps the person couldn't find the boxed set, or perhaps it was way out of their price range. I noticed the OP said that the final amount was suggested. I certainly wouldn't take that to mean a minimum. It sounds like she did put some thought into it and did what was in her budget. I would be grateful.

 

[terri01p]

Well this sort of thing happens all the time, my secret santa game this year was suppose to be gifts in a baskets...I spent at least 30.00 on stuff for a basket and was excited to get mine, I got a cake, why does everyone tend to think just cause your fat you always want a cake?????

 

[NHdisneylover]

It doesn't seem to me like she made no effort. In the final gift there was a barrett (which was asked for), M&M's, and two different CDs. Maybe the CDs weren't the exact one that the OP requested, but they were the same band. Perhaps the person couldn't find the boxed set, or perhaps it was way out of their price range. I noticed the OP said that the final amount was suggested. I certainly wouldn't take that to mean a minimum. It sounds like she did put some thought into it and did what was in her budget. I would be grateful.

These are my thoughts almost exactly. Also, based on what I was paying for used CDs in New Hampshire not to long ago, and assuming a nicer barrette from Target or the like and a big bag of M&Ms it is probably more like a $20 gift than a $10 one (though I think that should not be the focus). Honestly, if she was having financial difficulties and made an effort to find two used CDs by the artist you like I think that shows MORE effort than most people put into such gifts. I think I would have been touched by the time she put into doing that.

ON a different note, I am curious as to which CDs they are? If you are a big enough fan to have wanted the anthology I am surprised you are not familiar with all if Tom Petty's work (it is not an overwelhmingly large collection). Perhaps you can enjoy hearing some of his music you did not previously know and find new songs to enjoy

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That's my question as well. Was the rule that you must buy something off the suggested list?? If so, why not just skip the whole Secret Santa thing and go out and buy the items yourself? There is no thought or effort, other than actually getting the item, that goes into getting something that someone clearly indicates they want.

Off topic but I think asking people to give little gifts and then a big one worth $30 is a lot, particularly during tight economic times. Many of you have said she should have opted out, but that is really easy for us to say as we sit behind a computer screen. We have no idea how large or small the OP's office is and perhaps it was awkward for one person not to participate. When I worked, I had a really small tight-knit office and opting out of something like this was out of the question. It just would have been weird.

We don't know this person nor do we know her circumstances. Maybe she had a really large expense that came up last minute, an illness in the family etc and suddenly the office Secret Santa is not top priority.....

I agree. I worked somewhere once where they did Secret Santa. I did not want to participate. I did not like the job, and had nothing in common with the person I got. I also was not making that much money and really couldn't spare any. I had no choice. It was only about 5 or 6 of us working there. You could not opt out. It was not possible. My gift was not that great but I did the best I could at the time. I found the whole thing stressful and I still cringe when I think about it to this day.