Secret Santa Etiquette

[havaneselover]

I'm pretty frustrated. DD is in a swim group with about 40 eleven and twelve year olds. About three weeks the coach emailed the parents and said Secret Santa is a tradition in the group and they should give small gifts occasionally (e.g., a bottle of Gatorade) and the final gift was to be revealed tonight and the max price was about $20. I wasn't thrilled because my budget is tight (I'm a single mom and pretty much on my own financially), but we picked up little stuff here and there (an EOS lip balm, hand cream, some candy, etc.) and got a Simply Southern Tervis Tumbler for the main gift. I picked DD up tonight and asked what she got. DD is a very compassionate child and said when we were in the car that her secret santa's mom wouldn't buy anything because she wasn't going to spend $20. She told DD she cried about it and she would bring her cookies tomorrow. Anyway, DD took it well, but it sort of pissed me off. First for this poor girl--can't imagine putting my kid in that position--and for DD who had no gift when everyone else did. I realize it's a good growth experience and am proud of how she handled it, but still, I'm annoyed.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ugh, these secret Santas! My girls' dance studio does one - $25. That's $50 for us. Fortunately, we've been there for 8+ years, and know most well, but I'm sure there are girls who haven't been at this level for long who might get an older dancer (or a younger dancer), and have no idea what to get (only the competitive dancers are included). It's the thought - how about $10? The teachers do send out an email saying to let them know if you don't want to participate, and they'll purchase a gift for your pick, but that's a little awkward.

 

[bsblady01]

wow that is just sad

 

[havaneselover]

Ugh, these secret Santas! My girls' dance studio does one - $25. That's $50 for us. Fortunately, we've been there for 8+ years, and know most well, but I'm sure there are girls who haven't been at this level for long who might get an older dancer (or a younger dancer), and have no idea what to get (only the competitive dancers are included). It's the thought - how about $10? The teachers do send out an email saying to let them know if you don't want to participate, and they'll purchase a gift for your pick, but that's a little awkward.

This girl has an older sister that swims so the mom knew the drill. It definitely didn't need to be $20. I've got coupons in my car for $5 off $10 at Ulta, $10 of $10 at Penney, etc. It's not that expensive to find something tween girls like. I know I should let it go--I guess I just don't get people.

 

[asta]

They definitely should have sent an email saying they were not going to partcipate. At the very least she should have declined the gifts given to her if they were not participating. Maybe your daughter could have been paired with the other girls Secret Santa.

 

[SMD]

The coach should have made it optional, and if it wasn't presented that way, anyone who wasn't going to participate could have easily emailed and said they weren't going to do it. The one time I was forced to do a mandatory gift exchange they took the gifts given to anyone who "forgot" to bring one to the exchange and gave it to their assigned person.

 

[havaneselover]

The coach should have made it optional, and if it wasn't presented that way, anyone who wasn't going to participate could have easily emailed and said they weren't going to do it. The one time I was forced to do a mandatory gift exchange they took the gifts given to anyone who "forgot" to bring one to the exchange and gave it to their assigned person.

Completely agree. I may send him an email suggesting this.

 

[Miskey]

I'm pretty frustrated. DD is in a swim group with about 40 eleven and twelve year olds. About three weeks the coach emailed the parents and said Secret Santa is a tradition in the group and they should give small gifts occasionally (e.g., a bottle of Gatorade) and the final gift was to be revealed tonight and the max price was about $20. I wasn't thrilled because my budget is tight (I'm a single mom and pretty much on my own financially), but we picked up little stuff here and there (an EOS lip balm, hand cream, some candy, etc.) and got a Simply Southern Tervis Tumbler for the main gift. I picked DD up tonight and asked what she got. DD is a very compassionate child and said when we were in the car that her secret santa's mom wouldn't buy anything because she wasn't going to spend $20. She told DD she cried about it and she would bring her cookies tomorrow. Anyway, DD took it well, but it sort of pissed me off. First for this poor girl--can't imagine putting my kid in that position--and for DD who had no gift when everyone else did. I realize it's a good growth experience and am proud of how she handled it, but still, I'm annoyed.

That's really sad for the girl. Did she give your daughter any small gifts before tonight?

 

[havaneselover]

That's really sad for the girl. Did she give your daughter any small gifts before tonight?

She made her a poster before their meet last weekend, gave her a candy cane, some lollipops, and a cute pair of Christmas socks. DD did tell me one boy had gotten nothing after two weeks. Luckily they're not little kids so they get over it.

 

[kimmar067]

She made her a poster before their meet last weekend, gave her a candy cane, some lollipops, and a cute pair of Christmas socks. DD did tell me one boy had gotten nothing after two weeks. Luckily they're not little kids so they get over it.

.....that's awful!

 

[Mizzoufan]

Coach might want to have back up gifts on hand for cases like this

 

[msjprincess]

Did that girl get a gift?

 

[cijay]

I'm pretty frustrated. DD is in a swim group with about 40 eleven and twelve year olds. About three weeks the coach emailed the parents and said Secret Santa is a tradition in the group and they should give small gifts occasionally (e.g., a bottle of Gatorade) and the final gift was to be revealed tonight and the max price was about $20. I wasn't thrilled because my budget is tight (I'm a single mom and pretty much on my own financially), but we picked up little stuff here and there (an EOS lip balm, hand cream, some candy, etc.) and got a Simply Southern Tervis Tumbler for the main gift. I picked DD up tonight and asked what she got. DD is a very compassionate child and said when we were in the car that her secret santa's mom wouldn't buy anything because she wasn't going to spend $20. She told DD she cried about it and she would bring her cookies tomorrow. Anyway, DD took it well, but it sort of pissed me off. First for this poor girl--can't imagine putting my kid in that position--and for DD who had no gift when everyone else did. I realize it's a good growth experience and am proud of how she handled it, but still, I'm annoyed.

I think it's the coach who deserves a kick in the pants.

 

[Disneylover99]

I really hate Secret Santa. You get stuck buying for someone you don't know or like and somebody always gets gypped or forgotten.

 

[RedAngie]

I really hate Secret Santa. You get stuck buying for someone you don't know or like and somebody always gets gypped or forgotten.

Yeah, freshman year at college I never got any of the Secret Santa gifts from someone on my dorm floor, neither the prelims nor the main gift. It was optional, and apparently she agreed to sign up. Never found out who it was.

 

[Cantw8]

It should have been optional to accommodate those who can not participate for financial reasons, personal reasons or just plain old religious reasons. I really hate this time of year at times, not everyone has extra money and not everyone is Christian. Inevitably, feelings get hurt and it seems to bring out the worst in people lol

 

[Luv Bunnies]

DS17 has been in a musical theater group for several years. They do a gift exchange that is completely optional. Kids who want to participate fill out a form with things they like. Then the forms are folded up and everyone draws one. If you don't fill out a form, you don't draw one. Simple as that. They set a $10 limit last year and exchanged gifts during their final meeting before break. DS gave his person an ornament and a pair of Christmas socks. He received a homemade cake that was hard as a rock! He knows the girl meant well so he thanked her and tossed it when he got home.

 

[NewRVLady]

We did something similar in Girl Scouts...all gifts we brought were put in a box then we each chose one...I was last in line and there was no gift left for me ( apparently one girl did not bring a gift) ...the host mom went under her Christmas tree and gave me one of the gifts she had wrapped for someone( it was fancier that the grab gifts we were exchanging)

 

[lizabu]

It's pretty simple to me. If you don't buy a gift you don't receive one and they simply pair the kids with different partners. This was handled very poorly.

 

[sk8jdgca]

My ex's family drew names and on Christmas Day the person who had my 5 year olds name didn't show up. Everyone got a present except her. I was so mad. If I had known that they weren't going to bring anything, I would have put a present under the tree for her to unwrap. The poor thing just sat there waiting and waiting while all her older cousins unwrapped their gifts