Santa Troubles!

[emma'smom]

So my dd7 came home from school last week all upset because a 4th grade girl (who looks for ways to stir things up) was going around telling all of the children on the playground that Santa wasn't real. My dd7 is at the age where they begin to realize that this is the case, but she wasn't there yet. She is in a class of first/second grade mix--so most of the kids believe in Santa. I emailed the 4th grade teacher (who I know pretty well) to give her a head's up that this was happening as I wasn't the only parent had an upset child and she had a talk with the 4th grade girl.

In the mean time, she hasn't mentioned the issue again. However, whenever the topic of what to ask Santa for comes up, she gets silent or says that she can't think of anything she wants. She'll say, I want (fill in blank) for Christmas, but when I say "That's a good thing to put on your list for Santa." She gets silent---she hasn't asked anything more outright.

I don't want to push the issue since she isn't bringing it up....but sooner or later, I'll need to know what Santa is supposed to be bringing her (especially since I have a preschooler for whom Santa is fully real and magical).

I'm not sure what to do....so I guess nothing. Just venting and lamenting I guess.

 

[susieQzee]

I'm sorry to hear this. As a 3rd grade teacher, we're quickly approaching the time of year that I both love and hate, for this very reason. Last year, every one of my students still believed, and it made for such a fun season. The year before, however, it was about a 50/50 mix. I found reasons for the "grown up" kids to help me in some tasks, a few at a time, and politely asked them to stop spreading rumors -- afterall, it's not polite to talk about ANYONE. For the "believers," I would comment about things *I* was asking Santa for during class (out loud), and add "Yes, I still believe in Santa...don't you? He comes to my house every year. Doesn't he visit you?" (A shocked expression on my face adds to the dramatics of it all.) I think I made more than one change his or her mind about those nasty rumors floating around. By the way, I had my own daughter believing until about 5th grade. The good news is that she's now 19, and she's found her way back to believing.

P.S. You could always add the frank discussion about, "Well, you know Santa only brings presents to the good girls and boys. You don't think ___________ is on the Naughty List and gets no presents from Santa, do you?"

 

[campingdawgs]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents! Santa came to see me until I got married. Didn't he come to see you?

 

[d1sneyf4n]

That is horrible. I, about a month ago make the mistake of telling my DD6 that Santa does not bring Christmas gifts to mommys and daddys. She was devastated. She was crying that she wanted to stay a kid and not grow up. It was horrible on my end for saying that. She asked me the question of,"does Santa bring you presents" when I was in the middle of doing my work from home, and I was not thinking what would be the right answer and what would be the wrong answer. I tired to back tract my words and I calmed her down. I told my mom and she was appalled. She wrote my DD a letter that was from Santa. It said...........

I know it is early for sending out letters to all my little friends, but one of my elves told me that you asked your Mommy a question the other day abut whether Santa still brings presents when you grow up and Mommy told you she didn't think so. OH MY GOODNESS!!!
Well well now I don't know what Mommy was thinking when she said that. I heard that you, your brother, daddy and mommy all had colds so maybe she was just a little tired and not feeling well.
But Santa is always there for you whether you're a little girl or a big girl like your Mommy.
Now I would normally put your Mommy on the "naughty list" for saying something like that but she's been a pretty good Mommy this year so I am nt going to do that.
So you just continue being a good girl and being good in school and Santa and Rudolph will see you at Christmas.
Love, Santa


Pretty good for Grandmom. My DD loved it and it fixed all the worry that she had. I am not sure if you are trying to keep her believing but maybe something like that could help. Good Luck!

 

[dislal]

I just found out last week that neither DD12 or DS9 believe anymore. I am so sad I was fine with DD12 but I can't get over my son knowing I thought we would have a few more years.

Nasty little boys on the bus. I need to have a talk with those boys.

 

[disykat]

That is horrible. I, about a month ago make the mistake of telling my DD6 that Santa does not bring Christmas gifts to mommys and daddys. She was devastated. She was crying that she wanted to stay a kid and not grow up. It was horrible on my end for saying that. She asked me the question of,"does Santa bring you presents" when I was in the middle of doing my work from home, and I was not thinking what would be the right answer and what would be the wrong answer. I tired to back tract my words and I calmed her down. I told my mom and she was appalled. She wrote my DD a letter that was from Santa. It said...........

I know it is early for sending out letters to all my little friends, but one of my elves told me that you asked your Mommy a question the other day abut whether Santa still brings presents when you grow up and Mommy told you she didn't think so. OH MY GOODNESS!!!
Well well now I don't know what Mommy was thinking when she said that. I heard that you, your brother, daddy and mommy all had colds so maybe she was just a little tired and not feeling well.
But Santa is always there for you whether you're a little girl or a big girl like your Mommy.
Now I would normally put your Mommy on the "naughty list" for saying something like that but she's been a pretty good Mommy this year so I am nt going to do that.
So you just continue being a good girl and being good in school and Santa and Rudolph will see you at Christmas.
Love, Santa


Pretty good for Grandmom. My DD loved it and it fixed all the worry that she had. I am not sure if you are trying to keep her believing but maybe something like that could help. Good Luck!

Okay, now I might have to start a thread "does Santa bring presents to moms and dads at your house?" I've never heard of Santa bringing gifts to moms and dads. He didn't bring them to my parents or dh's so it seemed normal for us to not get them.

 

[ma2jr]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents!

Yup... Santa only comes if you believe in him.

 

[disneycruising]

This is a hard one, because you want them to still "believe"... But at the same time you don't want to tell them a bould face lie. Because then they will wonder what else you are lying about.

I truly believe that if you are asked you should tell. I have 4 children. When they got to the age of directly asking...I was honest. If they asked if Santa was real, I would ask them what they thought. If they said yes they believed in him... then I left it with that. If they told me; No they didn't think he was real...I would ask them why and then tell them the truth. I would also ask them not to ruin "santa" for the younger ones. My DD loved being in on the "santa secret".

 

[indimom]

When my daughter found out about Santa and was upset, I explained to her that there is a whole other side to the magic...the giving side. Once you "know" you get to be Santa and that is just as magical if not more. She enjoyed helping be Santa after that first year.
If your daughter already "knows" I'm not sure it helps to avoid it or try to convince her she's wrong. She sounds sad about this, and I think you might just want to show her another magical side. So she can still get some joy out of it. Let her do the Angel Tree or help Santa shop for her siblings.
Just a suggestion. As I said, my DD had a hard time with this. Her brother OTOH was 8 and couldn't care less. He just wanted to make sure he would still get presents. Typical man.

 

[VirataMama4]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents! Santa came to see me until I got married. Didn't he come to see you?

My mom still says the same thing... And I tell it to my kids!
I think I've heard "Santa isn't real" once and its never been uttered in my house again! We have a large range in ages, so Santa will be around for a very long time!

 

[brymolmom]

I can see being a bit upset at the change in the household, but I guess I'm in the minority - I think it's ultimately a good thing when kids find out in the 7 - 8 age range. If they go much longer than that - they stand a good chance of getting laughed at for mentioning that 'santa' gave them a gift or similar.

I found out the truth at a very young age - so maybe that has affected how I feel about it with my own kids. But I HATE lying to them. When they ask outright questions like 'Does Santa have this or do that or how does he get into our house and where to his reindeer wait - on our lawn?'. The whole thing just bothers me with the deception. And my son 7 now, is SO LITERAL that he will believe anything that is said. So I KNOW when the time comes I'll get a 'Why did you lie to me for so long?' type of conversation and I'm not looking forward to that. Of course, he will likely believe for a long time if he can. But I don't think his little sister will let him. She was already asking me 'Is Santa real?' last year when she was 5 so I'm thinking this might be the last year of her believing.

I like that they believe right now (but would prefer they didn't ask questions so I don't have to lie about it), but I also look forward to the day when I can explain that "Santa" is really the joy and generosity of the holiday season and we all have a little of him in us. I don't think it ruins the holiday - just changes it.

 

[WantToGoNow]

My ds8 is in 3rd grade and I told him last year. He has suspected the year before but when he asked me straight out and wanted the truth, first I asked him if he was sure he wanted to know and when he said yes, I told him. When kids get 7-8-9 years old, they get made fun of for still believing in Santa. Problem was, he told his little sisteer - she just turned 5 last Christmas. Good thing though, she didn't believe him and still believes.

 

[minniebeth]

I have a DD7 too and think she is hearing the debunking of Santa either at school or on the bus too
She has asked Santa this year to bring her the American Girl Doll Felicity and some of her things. The other day after school while she was having a snack she said she is thinking she will change her mind and ask for Kirsten instead since she is being retired. Since I've already planned on Felicity, I said "but you've wanted Felicity for so long...she's your 'soulmate' "(DD was born in Virginia in a historical area)
So DD's random response to me was "So are you saying there is no Santa?"
I had to do some damage control and don't think she bought into it 100%...
But the spirit of Santa/Christmas is truly alive in our home, so....
BUT kids just grow up way too fast and wish they could believe as long as they can. Like the Disney magic, you know?

 

[Zookeeperof4]

Three years ago, before christmas, my son who was 7 started asking why his friend(who is an only child and a TINY bit spoiled) gets more gifts from Santa. All my sons neighborhood friends are also 3 years older then him) I said well Santa gives every family the same ammount of gifts so if there is more kids then each kids gets less. Your friend doesnt have brothers or sisters to have to share with. That explanation made it.
JUst after the holidays he brought it up again....so I said well you know we have to give Santa money for christmas and mommy isnt working. He said but Santa makes the presents. I said yes but he needs to buy the pieces to build it. ( I was left thinking good save!)
The next year he straight out asked me is he real. My youngest daughter was special needs(she has since passed away) and we had been struggling that year. I told him that Santa is real in our hearts, that Santa is the joy we see in others at Christmas. That we do by the gifts for the kids but please do not tell your sisters and take away the magic.
Its been two years since then. He has never told my other kids, he has friends who beleive that I remind him to not spoil it for them, and he actually thinks he gets a better deal as now he can point things out through the year.

My cousin was the 13 year old who still believed. He was bullied at school and picked on. My aunt kept insisting that he was real every year. When he found out she lied he was so mad. He is in his 20s now and he still is angry with her. I think there just comes a time when we need to say your right there isnt Santa. Maybe they would learn to appreciate things a little more knowing we buy it.

 

[dizneechic]

My kids still believe although my 2nd grader heard last year Santa wasn't real and mentioned it to another 2nd grader (in the Spring!) and that parent emailed to let me know, so I am sure he is suspect but it hasn't come up yet.

That said, Santa brings gifts here that parents wont buy. I don't like the gimicky gifts, things advertised on TV, etc, as a parent I will buy family items, practical gifts, and stuff to feed their interests and hobbies. If they want anything mass market it comes from the man up North. We also do "Santa paper" here in the house, gifts from Santa get wrapped in Santa paper, non Santa paper is reserved for everyone else to use. My kids love picking out the paper for Santa to wrap their gifts in. We leave it at the table w/ cookies, milk, and the other wrapping supplies, so when he comes that night he wraps up their gifts while having his treat and leaves us the left over paper to use if we need it (explains the scraps and why others can wrap in Santa paper). As parents we also get 1 gift from Santa, usually something small and geared towards the family, but we're never left out.

 

[Tistal]

At least you can run some interference because it was another student that told your DD. Many moons ago, when I found out, it was because my elementary art teacher told the entire class (I went to public school so it wasn't because I was at a religious based school and they were stressing the biblical explanation of Christmas). I'm sure, retrospectively, that my mother had a cow when I told her what happened and probably called the school, but she didn't let on that she was irate with the teacher when I talked to her (or maybe I was too upset to notice, or I just don't remember clearly)

I still remember what my mom told me though. I got off the bus, and I had kept it together all day at school and I sat on the front porch with her and broke down crying and told her what happened. She explained to me that while there was some truth to what the art teacher said that the idea of "santa" lives in all of us, and she went on to explain that it's the season of being thankful for what you have, honoring your family alongside the spirit of giving. I'm sure there was more than that, but I was getting ready to turn 7 so I don't remember all of it (this is also the same talk she had with both of my sisters later on).

Obviously, she stressed the importance of me not telling my sister (and later sisters), but she let me help with "santa" preparation. I think that softened the blow and sort of made it a right of passage type deal. While I was upset that I found out (wow thinking back on this I really was upset), I felt like I was doing "big girl" things by helping mom out (she always wrapped before hand and she would let me put bows on packages).

edit: I'm getting married in about a month and mom says santa is still visiting me

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents! Santa came to see me until I got married. Didn't he come to see you?

We always used this one too! Santa only comes to those who believe... And let me tell you, we never breathed a word that we didn't believe...just in case...


My son is 12 now and I've told him the same thing. And he's never said he doesn't believe either!

 

[puffkin]

I can see being a bit upset at the change in the household, but I guess I'm in the minority - I think it's ultimately a good thing when kids find out in the 7 - 8 age range. If they go much longer than that - they stand a good chance of getting laughed at for mentioning that 'santa' gave them a gift or similar.

I found out the truth at a very young age - so maybe that has affected how I feel about it with my own kids. But I HATE lying to them. When they ask outright questions like 'Does Santa have this or do that or how does he get into our house and where to his reindeer wait - on our lawn?'. The whole thing just bothers me with the deception. And my son 7 now, is SO LITERAL that he will believe anything that is said. So I KNOW when the time comes I'll get a 'Why did you lie to me for so long?' type of conversation and I'm not looking forward to that. Of course, he will likely believe for a long time if he can. But I don't think his little sister will let him. She was already asking me 'Is Santa real?' last year when she was 5 so I'm thinking this might be the last year of her believing.

I like that they believe right now (but would prefer they didn't ask questions so I don't have to lie about it), but I also look forward to the day when I can explain that "Santa" is really the joy and generosity of the holiday season and we all have a little of him in us. I don't think it ruins the holiday - just changes it.

I agree 100%. I found out at 6 (saw the presents, put two and two together and point blank asked my mom). I hope DS figures it out by about 7-8 so that we can focus more on the spirit of Christmas and the traditions and not just the Santa thing.

 

[Mathfailure]

Just a different point of view.

I always told my children that 'Santa was part of the spirit of Christmas.'

When little they took this as Santa was real; as they matured (maybe 3rd grade) they still heard the same 'Santa was part of the spirit of Christmas', but now knew more what that meant. The transition took place at their pace of understanding, and really no trauma.

One cute thing, both children had the same 1st grade teacher (five years apart!) and she would have the children call Santa on the phone,one each day. Santa never could talk back because he had larangitis.rotfloor Santa was sick forever) Every child told what they wanted and receive a candy cane from the teacher. So each had a special moment in December.

It was utterly real to the children. I saw the phone, same one both times, small red plastic phone connected to nothing!! Children will believe until they don't!!

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Okay, now I might have to start a thread "does Santa bring presents to moms and dads at your house?" I've never heard of Santa bringing gifts to moms and dads. He didn't bring them to my parents or dh's so it seemed normal for us to not get them.

Santa always brought presents for me at home. My ex and I divorced when DS was only 3. He picked right up on the fact that Santa didn't bring Mommy anything that first year so for the next few years Santa made sure that there was something for me to unwrap on Christmas morning!