SAHMs: Will you ever work outside the home again?

[missypie]

Here's his schedule (as far as I can tell):

M, W, F mornings: works out
M, W, F afternoons until kids come home:???
T: does laundry
Th. morning: grocery store
Th. afternoons:???
after school, drives kids to activities
mows lawn as needed
We have a cleaning lady who comes in for 3 hours every other week.

I do feel taken advantage of, but I try not to think about it much any more. Nagging about it hasn't changed anything.

But I just can't imagine him being at home all day when there are no kids at home.

 

[nkjzmom]

Well, if I assume that we'll have an empty nest when Samantha is 18 or 19, then I've got, oh, about 18 years to come up with something!!!!

I see myself volunteering at the kids' schools for many many years to come....as far as working...I don't know. As of right now I value my freedom to come and go at my choice....making my own schedule. DH wants to have his own company someday. If that happens I assume I'll be the go-to gal for him!

 

[RadioNate]

I've been a SAHM for only 4 years but I can't imagine doing this for another 20! I'm currently entertaining an offer to go back to work FT. I really want something PT during the week but that's hard to find.

Money isn't a huge issue for us either. If I don't go back to work now I fully intend on doing something at least PT when my youngest enters school.

For me the thought of reentering the workforce is very scary. I feel like I have to start at the bottom all over again and frankly I feel stupid. I've only been out 4 years but I can't imagine being 50 and starting at the same level as 20-something college graduates. I know I would be embarrased and very self conscience. I'm already self conscience about starting over and I'm not even 30! Right now I feel pressure to rejoin the workforce now or never go back to being a "professional."

I feel if I wait much longer it'll be so behind in my field that I'll be working for people 10 years younger than me and competing with receint grads who are willing to work a zillion hours a week for next to nothing. I'm worried that I'll have gotten 2 degrees only to work weird retal hours for just above minimun wage.

I didn't mean to hijack your post I just wanted to tell you how I feel so that when you approach your DH you might have an idea of what he could be feeling inside.

I wouldn't be offended if my DH came to me and asked me about going back to work - as long as he was sensitive to my fears no matter how irrational he thinks they might be. If he was like "get a job you freeloader" I'd be offended but I also cook and clean!

 

[decker96]

I've been a SAHM for 7 years. My youngest is only 11 months, so I've got a few years before they are all in school. DH and I have talked about it occasionally. If I did, I think I'd only go back part-time. I'd still like to be home when the kids get home from school and then there's school vacations and summers! I don't know. Money isn't an issue for us and I also don't think I could work for someone else. I've been in charge too long! LOL!!

 

[cassi06403]

Originally posted by missypie
Here's his schedule (as far as I can tell):

M, W, F mornings: works out
M, W, F afternoons until kids come home:???
T: does laundry
Th. morning: grocery store
Th. afternoons:???
after school, drives kids to activities
mows lawn as needed
We have a cleaning lady who comes in for 3 hours every other week.

I do feel taken advantage of, but I try not to think about it much any more. Nagging about it hasn't changed anything.

But I just can't imagine him being at home all day when there are no kids at home.

I can't see any good reason why he isn't working at least P/T!

Again, just my

.

--Cassi

 

[kasar]

This subject comes bubbling up every September for me. My two DDs are 11 and 9 and in school all day. I have kept very busy volunteering in their school which is great but I still have some down time (and it's sometimes a bit lonely) to get things done around the house. I'm not the greatest housekeeper or cook but it does still get done at some point during the week.

I go back and forth all the time. I really hate the "what do you do all day" question but I understand how the working spouse might feel that. I know that my DH gets lots of breaks during his day when he gets to socialize and go out for nice lunches, he shares his life with his coworkers and has the freedom to come and go (because I'm home for everything else). That's why he never questions me or asks what I do all day. I feel that I have a right to maintain friendships or shop (mostly for the family and home) or even sit and watch a show or two (or a bit of DISing). I'm here for our children, I'm here for deliveries and service people, I keep this place running pretty smoothly and I support his career and allow him the freedom to work crazy hours and travel. We're a team and although I'm not contributing money, I'd like to think that my contribution is significant. So, I may go back to work or I may not - things are working fine right now so who knows?

 

[diznygirl]

I've been a SAHM for 4 years. I've temped before, and I figure I can do that once the youngest is in school. I would be so bored at home all day without them. But I thinking that temping will give me the flexibility to be there when they are sick, have school plays, field trips and vacations.

I've got a few more years - maybe I'll be independently wealthy by then and ...well, still be bored at home all day without the kids (but with a lot more money!)

 

[Kallison]

I was a SAHM for 13 years and my house was always spotless, organized, laundry done, lots of meals cooked. I went back to work when my youngest was in 3rd grade. Mostly because my brother passed away, I was getting in a rut and depressed. I work for the school district so I'm home when the kids are home, off when they are off. I like my job, I enjoy getting out, feeling like I have half a brain again. There are times when I wish I was home and my house is pretty lived in now. I'm 42 though and couldn't imagine being home when the kids are older. The kids don't want me on all their field trips anymore, or in the school up their butt all day volunteering. Well maybe the youngest one does, but I still manage to get in for all their special events.

Personally if he was my husband I would have insisted he contribute to the household finances a long time ago.

Dana you made me laugh.

 

[The Duchess]

SaHM for 3 months. I REALLY like to work, I guess I'm self programmed to feel guilt if I'm not earning money...I've worked for the past 23 years! I would love to start a part-time business at home, but my people-skills are pretty lame. My line of work basically involved programming computers....unfortunately a very specific health-industry operating system, so I'm not able to really apply that to any at-home job!
So, I don't know if I'll ever return to the "traditional" job and commuting thing.
So, at the moment, I'm concentrating on getting things done around the house (cleaning ths stove, stacking wood), getting in shape and getting organized.

 

[danacara]

Kallison, glad you were amused

 

[beachbunny]

Missypie, don't you wish you had all that free time too? What you have is a kept man.

 

[dizneenut]

I'm thinking about this right now. I've been a SAHM for 14 years now. My boys are all in school full time and I no longer babysit (did that privately for a few years for extra $$) anymore. I am considering a PT job, but am scared to death to go back to work after being home so long.

 

[disykat]

In my experience, when many SAHM's are going back to work and putting their careers into high gear - that is when the working spouse is starting to gear down and want more flexibility in their schedule. Any of the SAHM's I know that don't plan to go back to work are making that decision as a couple so they will be able to start "retirement" activities like travel, etc. when the kids leave home.

We plan on me going back to work, especially during the years we are funding college, but will base our decisions around his schedule. I also want to go back because I miss it. I could go back now and get full retirement if I work to age 65. However, my dh will want to retire before then so I probably will too. Since we made the choice to give up my career and have him be the primary wage earner, my career will always take second place.

Missypie, I know you have huge issues about your dh being a SAHD and not cooking. Have you considered some counseling? I know if you're not happy something needs to change. Maybe you can work out some compromise.

I am a SAHM (also a substitute teacher) who is looking to get back into the workplace on a more permanent basis. It can be very intimidating - and I have only been out for 12 years! I find that even if my field of education there are people who think less of your abilities for having "not worked" for all those years. I can imagine that your dh is probably having serious doubts about being able to find worthwhile employment. I'm not saying that's an excuse - but it could certainly be part of the reason he's not itching to go back.

I would be very upset if my dh acted as if I was being lazy and needed to get my sorry you know what back to work. I would not be upset if he started a conversation about our longterm financial goals and what was I thinking about in terms of work. It's all in how you phrase it.

 

[huey duey & luey]

I do think I will go back to work part time when my kids are in school. I also would like to be able to participate in their school activities, and be home when they are. I am very lucky as my job can be very flexible.
Tara

 

[disykat]

In answer to "what do you do all day?" I haven't cleaned or cooked a thing yet today. This is what I have done so far: Weed wacked, paid the bills and went through the visa receipts, played the piano - looking for music to do with the children's choir I lead on Sundays,went to the bank and the post office, spent time on the phone tracking down some medical test results on one of the kids which were never sent and setting up appropriate drs. appointment. I've also obviously spent some time Dis'ing.

It doesn't look like I've done anything. The only thing dh might notice when he comes home is the weed wacking. I certainly agree that SAHM's with kids in school have more time on their hands than the working parent does, but I think it is certainly possible to fill your days productively. I have a committee meeting this afternoon, so much of tomorrow will be spent writing up minutes and producing the newsletter - as well as running some errands etc. My main goal is to be here if the kids need me - one of my children has medical needs so having someone near the phone and able to drop everything and get to school is a priority for us. DH recognizes that my "availability" keeps him from having to be available.

I think Missypies feelings are very valid, but still think some time in counseling would be well spent. If her dh truly does nothing he is probably depressed, and if he does stay productive hopefully he'll be able to communicate to her what he does. Then they can decide if having one spouse stay home is still a viable option for them - if missypie continues to feel resentful, it may not be.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Sure.

I work part-time from my home doing all of the acctg and payroll for the family construction company. When the kids are in school, I will be able to work from the office again. I have a lot of flexibility w/ my job seeing as I go home w/ the boss. So I should be able to leave when I need to attend PTA meetings, sports, etc. I brought my son into the office until he turned about 1 yr old. Then he started answering the phones and I had to relocate.

But my DH and colleagues are all expecting to see me more when the kids are in school. They don't "see" me as much now, but they know I'm involved because they keep getting their paychecks in the mail. So everyone is really nice to me.

I am a very very lucky Mom!

 

[Teejay32]

Today, this very day, both my kids (9&7) went to school full-time. I've dreamed of this day for years and figured I'd have a job lined up by now - going back to work was always the plan. But it's on hold for a while until all the house projects are done.

I had part-time and temp jobs over the years though, so I'm not too worried.

 

[zulaya]

SAHM for 8 years. I have been independent in terms of determining what I do and when I do it that I doubt I could find a job in the corporate world that would fit what I want. I can't deal with people telling me when I have to work, asking permission for days off, and all that.

I started my own Pampered Chef business over 5 years ago because I am a contributor. DH wouldn't have cared, but I NEED to financially contribute. That's just who I am and how I am. This business allows me to be at home for my kids, volunteer at their school, be there when they come home, have everyone have dinner at the table and still get out for work around twice per week.

Long answer I guess, but no, I doubt I would ever re-enter the traditional workplace, but I have found myself a place that supports my family financially and allows me to prioritize my family as I see fit.

 

[cassi06403]

Originally posted by disykat
In answer to "what do you do all day?" I haven't cleaned or cooked a thing yet today. This is what I have done so far: Weed wacked, paid the bills and went through the visa receipts, played the piano - looking for music to do with the children's choir I lead on Sundays,went to the bank and the post office, spent time on the phone tracking down some medical test results on one of the kids which were never sent and setting up appropriate drs. appointment. I've also obviously spent some time Dis'ing.

It doesn't look like I've done anything. The only thing dh might notice when he comes home is the weed wacking. I certainly agree that SAHM's with kids in school have more time on their hands than the working parent does, but I think it is certainly possible to fill your days productively. I have a committee meeting this afternoon, so much of tomorrow will be spent writing up minutes and producing the newsletter - as well as running some errands etc. My main goal is to be here if the kids need me - one of my children has medical needs so having someone near the phone and able to drop everything and get to school is a priority for us. DH recognizes that my "availability" keeps him from having to be available.

I think Missypies feelings are very valid, but still think some time in counseling would be well spent. If her dh truly does nothing he is probably depressed, and if he does stay productive hopefully he'll be able to communicate to her what he does. Then they can decide if having one spouse stay home is still a viable option for them - if missypie continues to feel resentful, it may not be.

Thanks for pointing out some things some of us (well myself at least) didn't see before! There are always two sides to every coin!

--Cassi

 

[Tantor]

NO

I love staying home. I worked up till I was 34 and now I volunteer at my DD school and love it. After she is finished I plan to travel with hubby.