SAHMs: Will you ever work outside the home again?

[missypie]

DH has been a SAHD for over 14 years. The kids are now 13, 11 and 8. With the youngest starting 3rd grade, I can't get it out of my mind that in 10 years, we will be empty nesters. The time with the kids goes by so quickly!!! (Enjoy it, folks!)

Anyway, DH shows no indication of ever wanting to work outside the home. He doesn't cook or clean, so I think I'll want him to go back to work when our nest is empty. Of course by then, he will have been out of the work force for 24 years! Seems like now would be a great time for him to figure out what he wants to do when there are no more kids at home and start taking a few classes here and there to train for it. (He has a master's degree, so getting a college degree is not the issue.)

Stay at home moms, would you eat your husband alive if he suggested this to you, or do you think that once the kids are out of the house, you'll work outside the home?

 

[danacara]

He doesn't cook or clean. Your youngest is in third grade. I have an idea. Divorce him and marry me! I want to live life as a lady of leisure myself.

It probably couldn't hurt to encourage a little initiative here. But I'm not married, what the heck do I know.

 

[CEDmom]

I work part-time (21 hrs per week) and although DD is now in kindergarten I don't have any intention to go back to work full-time. I want to stay involved with her school and do some community work on top of keeping the house running smoothly.

I know this isn't any of my business but I'll ask anyway . With your kids in school all day what does your DH do since he isn't taking care of things around the house?

 

[I_Know_You2!]

We hope to be retired by the time the kids move out, so I do not foresee going "back to work." That is not to say that we may not run a business out of our home at some point.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Forgot to answer! No, I would not bite someone's head off for making a suggestion like that. It has to be hard if you have issues like him not working at home to talk about this without anyone becoming defensive. Good luck!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'd never say never but I sure hope not. I could see myself opening up a small business - consulting or something.

But honestly I have given up being somebody else's employee and having to ask for time off, calling in sick, working my tail off to make other people rich, etc etc etc. We are just too financially secure now for me to HAVE to do that and God willing will stay that way.

Other than my husband that is, I still report to him I guess.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes...been home for 8 years & ready to work!

 

[4greatboys]

You know its one thing no to want to go back into the workforce and stay at home keeping it up. That would include cooking and cleaning. Its not really fair that a family member would not work to help support the family and on the other hand werent taking care of the responsibilities around the house.
Im a sahm mom and my youngest are 2 and 4 I dont plan to go back to work anytime in the near future but wouldnt dream of making my dh work and them come home and clean and cook as well.

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
But honestly I have given up being somebody else's employee and having to ask for time off, calling in sick, working my tail off to make other people rich, etc etc etc.

Amen to that! I just got divorced and 2 started Kindergarten. I make good child support, but the thought of being someone else's "employee".....HATE IT! I'm in transition right now, trying to decide what to do. I'm writing a novel (which is what I want to do with my life), but need something for right now. I'm considering working part time. I refuse (because I can-it'd be a different situation if I couldn't) to go to work full-time right now. I want to help out at the kid's school, be here for them when they get home from school, etc. I'd really like to have my own Ebay business or Cake decorating business until I make it as a writer. Sooo, just a bit undecided at this point.

Oh, and If your dh is not cooking or cleanin??.....I'd make him get at least a part time job.

Sherry

 

[buddy&wooz]

I've been a SAHM for 15 years. My kids are spread out so that everytime I started to think about going back to work, another baby was on the way so I think I timed things rather well.

But now my youngest is in first grade so I've been giving it serious thought. I'm lucky, while we could certainly use more money with college on the horizon for our oldest, we don't need the money. Also, my dh is very cool about the whole thing, he's happy to have me stay home but he'll support me and help out if I go back to work (of course, I do clean and cook dinner so he does see the benefit of me being home! If I didn't take care of the house I wouldn't blame him for wanting me to find a paying job while the kids are in school!)

Right now I'm delving deeper into volunteering, trying to get out and meet new people, build up some sort of a resume and references! I also have some ideas for working at home. I have a degree but I've been out of the workforce so long I'd need training for just about anything (at least anything that pays well.) Plus I really don't want to work full days, with three boys I'm rarely home in the afternoons and evenings, too busy getting them from place to place! I don't want to add stress to my life, just a paycheck!

 

[cassi06403]

Originally posted by CEDmom
I know this isn't any of my business but I'll ask anyway . With your kids in school all day what does your DH do since he isn't taking care of things around the house?

CEDmom - you read my mind!

missypie - My answer depends on the answer to the above question. If he isn't doing much all day, and you make these suggestions and he "eats you alive", than it's time to tell him the free ride is over.

Just my

.

--Cassi

 

[mommytutu]

Yes, I plan on going back to work. I'm going to school, when I can and I hope to have my degreee when our youngest is in kindergarten (sh'e 16 mos. now---I have a long way to go). DH has told me that if I have a B.A. then I can still stay home, but if I coninue and get my Master's then I HAVE to go to work . Please don't ask me to explain, because I'm still waiting for the explanation. Anyways, when we get to that point we'll evalutate our situation and see if I go back to work or if I continue to stay home and volunteer at the school.

If my dh ever wanted to be a SAHD and have me go to work, you could bet a $1,000,000 that I would EXPECT him to do what I do around here. The only things my dh does right now is go to work and school and take out the trash. I do absolutely everything else (all the cooking and cleaning, laundry, shopping, bill paying, mow the lawn--everything). So if he ever stayed home his "TO DO" would be a mile long.

 

[CamColt]

Ive been a SAHM for almost 6 years now. My kids are 7 & 4. I would like to some day get back into the work force, even part time. But unless I can find something fromhome or something that works around the kids school schedule(summers & vacation weeks off),I dont think Id do it until the kids are old enough to stay home alone(the teen years). And even then Im thinking finding something might be tough, but I would really like to have a paycheck again.
For now, Im content volunteering at school and running the zoo here at home.

 

[damo]

No, I don't think I'll get a job but perhaps a full-time volunteer position somewhere.

 

[JVL1018]

I am planning on going back to work when my youngest is in 1st grade..however instead of going back to banking I am going to sub in the special ed schools and only Tues, Wed, Thurs.
I would never choose to not stay home with my children..but at the same time, once they are in school I am very much looking forward to getting out among adults on a regular basis again. LOL

DH doesn't care if I stay home or work, but I want to. Subbing will give me the best of both worlds-if the kids are sick, off from school, need me there for a field trip or whatnot, I can be there, no problem, I just don't work that day. Plus I'll be working a slightly shorter day and can be home when they get home fomr school.

 

[mrsv98]

DD is 4yo and has 2 more years before she is in school all day. I have just started a paralegal course that will get me a certificate at about the same time. That being said, unless we need it financially, I plan on working part time or job sharing or something like that. We only have one child and as long as we can swing it, I am not going to miss her childhood and I do as much as I can to make sure DH doesn't either.

Also, I never ask DH to do anything around the house (unless I can't reach it or lift it! ). The household is my "job" right now, his is working long hours at a stressful job he hates, I couldn't possibly ask him to do more when he gets home. I have said, though, that once I start working, I am going to hire a cleaning lady who does laundry! Man, I hate doing the laundry!

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm a SAHM since my older DDs birth 8 years ago. My younger DD won't be in school all day till possibly Sept 2005 if she gets all day Kindergarten. If not, then it will be Sept 2006.

I was an Admin Asst. in Boston and those were long days because of the commute home. So I definitely wouldn't be doing the same kind of work, in the same place anyway.

I don't know what I'll do and I don't really think about it now. I know that I want my kids to always have someone to come home to and be here if they are sick or have a show at school. So the thought of going back to work terrifies me. I'd hate to have to call in sick because my kids are sick...my DH doesn't care if I go back. He wants me home for the kids too. He finally makes enough money now that we don't desperately need my income.

I will just play it by ear when the time comes. I don't want to think about it now.

 

[jkovick]

Wow! I give you alot of credit. You work full time and DH stays home and he doesn't cook or clean? You must be exhausted.

If it were me, I would feel extremely taken advantage of, but I know that everyone's relationships are different. I wish you the best of luck, you have a lot on your plate.

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

missypie...what DOES your husband do if he isn't cooking and cleaning? I'm certainly not suggesting that he should be. There are plenty of SAHM's that do niether if the family can afford to have someone do it for them. I'm just curious what he does all day instead...

 

[CyranoJones]

We are currently empty-nesters. I work on very rare occasion and do some volunteer stuff but don't foresee myself going back to full-time work. We're too close to retirement and I have too many travels to plan, lol. But I do clean and cook.