SADDAM ALIVE, WELL, AND DATING DEMI (satire)

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SADDAM ALIVE, WELL, AND DATING DEMI

Information Minister’s Latest Bombshell

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the former Iraqi Information Minister who recently surrendered to U.S. forces, stunned the world today by revealing that former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is alive and well and dating the Hollywood actress Demi Moore.

According to Mr. al-Sahaf, aka “Baghdad Bob" or "Comical Ali," the Iraqi strongman narrowly escaped a missile strike on his fortified bunker in April and hopped onboard the next plane to Ketchum, Idaho.

There he met Ms. Moore, with whom the brutal dictator had been enamored since her memorable turn in the 1985 film “St. Elmo’s Fire.”

After a whirlwind romance, Mr. al-Sahaf told U.S. officials, the Iraqi strongman had radical plastic surgery to make him “a dead ringer” for “That 70’s Show” star Ashton Kutcher.

But Mr. al-Sahaf hinted that the Iraqi madman’s romance with Demi Moore might mask more sinister intentions.

“Saddam is convinced that the road back to power goes through Demi Moore,” Mr. al-Sahaf told the officials.

According to Mr. al-Sahaf, Saddam has a three-point plan: “One: Marry Demi Moore. Two: Appear with Demi Moore at 2004 MTV Movie Awards. Three: Return to power in Iraq.”

While U.S. officials conceded that Mr. al-Sahaf is a “less than reliable” source, they worried that his revelations could make the reconstruction process in Iraq more difficult.

“Whether Saddam is dating Demi Moore or not, as long as that rumor’s out there it makes it hard for the Iraqi people to move on,” one official said.

In another of his typically upbeat assessments, Mr. al-Sahaf said today that the new “Charlie’s Angels” film would be “the best movie ever released."

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