Sad today.

[GEM]

I'm just feeling really sad today, and I thought I'd come and hang out over here for a while. Some of you guys know that I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. It was our first baby and we were so thrilled. I'm doing pretty good, but sometimes I just still feel so sad and lost. I guess what is making it worse is that the people all around me are just acting like nothing happened. Like I just had a cold or something. I didn't get a single card or phone call or anything - although I did get tons of wonderful support from the people here on the DIS. It's not that I really wanted anything like that, I just wanted someone to acknowledge the loss of our baby. I know they are trying to not upset me, but the fact that nobody will mention it or talk about it at all is making it really hard on me. It makes me feel like this pregnancy and this baby weren't any big deal - but they were to me. Anyway, I didn't want to bring you all down. I just don't feel like I can talk about this to anybody in my "real" life because I don't want to upset them. My husband has been amazing, but he's been gone the past few days. His grandma passed away the week before last, and he has gone up to spend a few days with his grandpa. Thanks for letting me get that out. You guys are the best.

 

[JerseyJanice]

{{{hugs}}}

 

[tater bug]

GEM, I'm sorry you feel that way about RL. Maybe they don't know what to say to you. {{{hugs}}} to you.

 

[Pooh93]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

 

[lisaschu]

Gem,

I miscarried last year and I know exactly what you're talking about. The grieving process is different for everyone and I found that talking about the loss helped me most. I was fortunate to have two people who understood I just needed to talk. They were supportive by just listening. I hope you can find one person who is willing to just listen. It helps a lot! I grieved for a long time, but I'm happy to say less than a year later I became pregnant again and we're now expecting our first bundle of joy sometime around Christmas. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa

 

[ChiTownZee]

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon!

 

[yepod]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Robinrs]

There WILL be sad days, GEM, and the best advice a woman who had been in my situation told me that they never go away so expect them! It made me feel like I wasn't crazy...

I know how hard it is when people who care for you try to not acknowledge the baby. To you it meant so much, to them they never touched it or felt it or had a relationship with it. They are trying to protect YOU when you want someone to acknowledge the life you lost. Realize, and I know how hard this is, that they mean no harm.

Keep coming here for a shoulder. There are lots here and it is amazing how just getting this out can make you feel. It's like medicine to the mind!

God bless you!

Robinrs

 

[Dan Murphy]

A big {hug}, GEM, and continued good wishes for you and your hubby. I can't imagine the sorrow of what you and several others here on the DIS just recently, and so very many over the course of past years, have experienced with the loss of a baby. So sad it is. Life is so very precious and dear. God bless you both, GEM, and your baby also.

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}} I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I think people may not know what to say to make you feel better and that's why they haven't said anything. {{hugs}}

 

[Lars624]

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes the people you're close to are afraid of saying anything about the baby because they're afraid of upsetting you more. Maybe if you bring the subject up first with a family member or good friend they will feel more comfortable in helping you with your grief. Often times people aren't sure what to say so they say nothing at all, I don't think they mean to hurt you with their silence, but I think they mean just the opposite.

 

[Amy]

Oh Gem, I know what you're going thru, and it hurts so much! DH and I lost our first baby, a little girl, at 27 weeks. I had to go thru labor and deliver a baby we knew was already dead, and then I was off work for 6 weeks of "maternity" leave. You wouldn't believe how many people acted like I was home on vacation; no one wanted to acknowledge that I was recovering from child birth, and grieving the loss of our daughter.

What helped me: I had ONE friend (sadly, only one) who would sit there and listen. She'd never been thru anything like that, but she listened and asked questions. I also found a support group at our local hospital specifically for parents who'd suffered miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't think I missed one single meeting of that support group; I even attended while pregnant with our oldest DS because I was terrified of losing another baby.

Please, if you need a shoulder, feel free to send me a pm - I'll listen! Hang in there; you'll never forget, but the pain does lessen a bit with time. {{hugs}}

 

[bananiem]

I know from several friends and my sister that many people just don't know what to say or do so they do nothing, unfortuantely. I'm glad your dh is being supportive and that you can come to us, but it would be nice to have real arms give you a hug instead of cyber hugs. {{{HUGS}}} We're all here for you.

 

[Kteacher]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} to you Gem. I miscarried twice before I was able to have our second child. I almost felt like my friends were avoiding me. I know how sad it can be Please know that it does get better. I am thinking of you

 

[helenabear]

{{{hugs}}} to you. I can't add much more than what was already said. Just know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I am glad to hear that your DH is such a support to you as well. You and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[tc]

I am so sorry you are feeling blue. I have never lost a baby, so I don't know what you're feeling, but I can imagine the loss of it all. I agree with lisaschu, others did not have the chance to fall in love like you did. The baby was real to you. Prayers and pd continue from out west. I am so glad you have the dis to share things with. There are others here who are going through this same tragedy, I hope you can give each other the support you need. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you.

 

[s&k'smom]

Gem if you are ever in Massachusetts there are a lot of Diser's here who would love to buy you a cup of coffee and talk to you about it. I think maybe your friends just don't know what to say. I'm sure they care but are afraid. God bless you are your hubby.

 

[dizneenut]

I'm sorry your feeling sad!
{{{hugs}}}

 

[GEM]

Thanks once again for the kind words. I really can't tell you what they mean to me. I know that most people in my life are just trying to protect me by not mentioning the whole thing, but it only makes me feel like I'm crazy for still feeling sad about it. I knew you guys would understand. You always do.

 

[Kama89]

I'm so sorry GEM.