S/O Spanking Thread: Do you and your spouse agree on punishment?

[Pacolovestacos]

Curious for all of you that are/were married, do you and your spouse agree on whether spanking is appropriate? And if you disagree, how did you resolve it?

 

[MIGrandma]

Our kids are grown, but DH and I agreed completely about spanking. There is a difference between spanking and abuse. Our son got more spankings than our daughter did. With her you just had to give her a stern look most of the time.

 

[Minnesota!]

Typically, we agree. Yes, we both agree spanking is useful in certain instances.

 

[Meriweather]

We agreed. We spanked.....kids are grown

 

[disykat]

We agreed for the most part, but dh was much more likely to spank than I was. I considered it more of an emergency and they won't listen move, where he considered it general practice. Since I did the majority of the discipline (I was a SAHM when my kids were young) it wasn't an issue for us.

DH is a pretty calm guy and I'm more reactive, so even though he was more likely to advocate spanking I would worry less about him using spanking in anger than me doing it!

 

[kimblebee]

My daughter is 17 so no spanking but we do/did agree when it was pertinent. Her stepdad doesn’t do discipline but I would fine if he decided to ground her or whatever was needed.

 

[sonnyjane]

We agreed not to have kids

 

[superme80]

We do spank, but thankfully not as often. Kids might be getting it. LOL Most of the time we are in complete agreement. A few times we have had to tag out or send the other off to cool down. Thankfully we are able to discuss our disagreements regarding punishment like adults. And we make sure to apologize to our kids if we find we are in error.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We don’t always agree on parenting, but we do when it comes to punishment. Sometimes, DW relents though which I believe sends the wrong message.

Example, DW tells DD to have her room cleaned by Saturday or she’s losing her phone. Then Saturday rolls around and the room’s not cleaned, so DW will start to cave on me. Well, she had a test this week and had to study, and she didn’t get home very early one night, and.....

Me: Hand it over

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

We don’t always agree on parenting, but we do when it comes to punishment. Sometimes, DW relents though which I believe sends the wrong message.

Example, DW tells DD to have her room cleaned by Saturday or she’s losing her phone. Then Saturday rolls around and the room’s not cleaned, so DW will start to cave on me. Well, she had a test this week and had to study, and she didn’t get home very early one night, and.....

Me: Hand it over

Same here.

 

[LSUmiss]

We definitely agree. And no spanking in this house. But, I am more tolerant of what needs to be disciplined.

 

[dosekies]

We are not parents yet, but we have talked about it and agree completely. We were both spanked as kids and do not want to spank our future kids.

 

[Marchand63]

we do agree but spanking my 32yo DS who is 6'2" and 270 - just a little tough. Now his kids who are only 30 & 27 - 5'11" & 5'7" is much easier.

 

[PollyannaMom]

We agreed on the spanking question when DS was little - appropriate "shock value" in certain rare situations, but generally no.

In general, though, I tend to let DS get away with a little more than DH does. I'm more swayed by circumstances.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

We both agree on spanking. We spanked when needed.

As for everything else, my XH thinks I’m too lenient but he leaves the parenting to me. He may give his opinion once in a while but he ultimately leaves it up to me. Very rarely will he be completely against something and I’ll hear him out but again, he gives me final say.

My SO doesn’t do much discipline but i don’t have a problem with him reprimanding them or punishing them.

 

[wenrob]

We had the discussion about spanking before we were married. It was very important to me that there were boundaries that would never be crossed. My first stepmother used a belt, the second fists. My mother pinched hard enough to leave bruises, would yank you by the arm and pull your hair. Both she and my stepdad used belts on my brothers. He balked a little when I said no belt because he felt just the mere sight of his dad’s belt kept he and his siblings straight. I explained I didn’t want our kids to fear us that way. We agreed on spankings but I can count on one hand between the two of us in 21 years plus of raising three kids that we’ve actually spanked them.

One thing we 100% agreed on right off the bat is no name calling, no cursing at them and no shaming. We also sit down and talk to our kids after the heat of the moment has passed. This one was a little harder for DH he felt like he shouldn’t have to explain himself. I felt they needed to know the *why* of the punishment or why we were upset. He came around to that pretty easily.

DH can be much more reactionary. Once he grounded older DD (kindergarten at the time) from TV for two weeks (during Easter break!) for leaving toothpaste in the sink. It was so over the top and it was punishing ME since I was the one home with her all week. I would never undermine him but I did ask him to think about that one a little bit, lol. If there’s a serious infraction we decide on the discipline together.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yes we agreed on spanking, it was done when needed.

 

[dosekies]

ugh my quote isn't working but I really like what wenrob said about sitting down with the kids after to talk. I feel like that is a very important step that is often overlooked.

 

[Kitty 34]

yes, we agreed.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

We agreed.

And as a stay at home mom, that was really important. He needed to back my play and not cave during the weekend.

We didn't spank. Neither of us thought it was right.