s/o: How were you punished as a child?

[kellyg403]

I am also a child of the 60s/70's. We got spanked, my mom usually spanked with her hand but dad was a belt spanker. BUT..in their defense, mom usually doled out the spankings and you knew if you didn't learn your lesson dad would give you a bigger one. As a kid of Catholic schools, the nuns would think nothing of smacking your hands. My brother spent some time in the office, where the nuns did the spanking. I have permanent indentions in my kneecaps...lots a kneeling and asking for forgiveness for being a bad kid on hardwood floors. THat was probably the punishment I hated the most. My sister was my idol, she could sleep, seriously, kneeling.

My parents were way nicer to us than their parents were to them. Each generation trying to break the cycle. My parents were definitely abusive verbally...to each other and us. But, I understand..don't forget some things though. I tried to be a better parent. I didn't spank and I tried to be uber careful of what came out of my mouth. I subscribe to the theory that name calling is not the way to go. When the kids were little they got swatted on the rear but normally I punished by grounding.

Sure, there were some things that took longer for me to change. It was harder to not fall in the screaming for an hour thing. Growing up like that you take the lesser of two evils. I didn't hit/beat/punch or name call/verbally abuse them but it took longer for me to realize yelling or spending 2 hours discussing the behavior wasn't worth it either.

Kelly

 

[SookieStackhouse]

Fly swat made me walk the line.

 

[PollyannaMom]

We were sent to our rooms (back before children's rooms had every gadget imaginable, so it was boring).

 

[U2_rocks!]

I don't remember any punishments from my parents at all. I asked them, and they don't remember either! They did spank my brother from time to time, but he used to push limits and I didn't. I remember my Dad slapping my brother across the face one time because he said something incredibly rude to Mum.

My mother also dumped oatmeal over my brother's head once! None of us could remember in what way he was being obnoxious, but in the heat of the moment Mum told him to knock it off or she'd dump the oatmeal he was eating on his head. Of course he didn't, and since she was a big believer in "do what you say" she had no choice but to do it. Then she felt even more guilty later in the night when he got bitten by a big centipede behind his ear - she was convinced that the oatmeal didn't all wash off properly and attracted the centipede!

I was very obedient and never pushed limits as a child. I hated to be wrong and I hated to fail. I also hated to draw any attention to myself when I genuinely needed anything - I was just a quiet little mouse. I even wet myself in class when I was about 6 because i could not get the teacher's attention in time and I was afraid to just go. I think all that had something to do with the first preschool I went to - they used to punish everyone for every little thing, and I spent many a time standing on the bench getting my hand whacked with a ruler. My parents pulled me out of that school the day I came home and said "I was so good today, I didn't say a word". They knew right then that the school was not a good environment - kids should not feel like they can't speak at all! That school put a lot of fear into me, and it took years to get rid of it.

 

[bellebud]

I was born in 69, and was abused, as was my sister. She is permanently handicapped due to my father throwing her over the stairs, and not allowing her to go to the ER. The bone set, and it was years of pin surgery, which never totally corrected it, alas she is wheelchair bound, and can use a cane at times. She has not contacted any of us in 5 years, and won't ever allow me or my mother or my kids to call her. We have no idea where she lives. That would be my mother or my husband and my kids. She had stopped seeing my Dad WAY before that. THis is killing my mother daily, and I am the one trying to pick up the loose ends.

In one instance we were playing backgammon and I used my hands instead of the shaker, and my father punched me right out, bang. Now, he was 6 foot 4, and I was 11, so not even 5 feet or 100 pds. My mother was at church, so my sister picked me up and brought me there. We never came home. I have had 2 plastic surgeries to fix burn marks on my face, and that was the 3rd time he broke my nose. Not much was done, albeit my mother tried like crazy at the police station, and they told her "mam it is your word against his, how do I know YOU did not do this". And that began MANY years of court proceedings, and nothing really was done. If I brought home anything under a 90, I was beat raw. There was also emotional abuse, and that I can remember more clearly. He never believed I was his, so he took things out on me more than my sister. He was also the world's best sneak. So nice and to everyone. Work loved him, the hockey world loved him, and little did they know he was living a double life.

Had we not left that night, I don't think either one of us would have lived much longer. I had to hide for 6 months, as he threatened to kill me on the street waiting for the school bus, so I did not finish grade 6 with my friends.

Today, I have a sort of relationship with my father. I see him, and I forgive him. I will NEVER forget. He was/is an alcoholic and was on cocaine all the time. He had me roll his lines for him, and I was about 5 or 6. I thought I was helping Daddy.

wow...

 

[dyna]

IN my day the 60's I was spanked bare handed, flyswatter, wooden spoons belts. My daddy did not spank to often but when he did it more of a BEATING he got a hold of my brothers many more times than he did me.....I learned a lot from their beatings.

Daddy did beat me once an when he knocked me down all 300 lbs of him jumped up an down on my back.

I got in more trouble for smoking than anything else parents so dead set against us kids smoking that all 3 of us smoked...it's been a lifelong battle for me I have quit an restarted countless times.


I remember 1 time my brothers was like 22 & 23 they got into it in backyard they was both well over 6' an 300 lbs mom told them to go sit on a chair an they did.....out of pure respect for her. We did a lot out of respect lack of respect was a sure spankin.

OHHHHHHHH as a young teen I got caught sneaking out of house at night momma had a cure for that too. Next morn I was awakened at 4:30 am made momma an I breakfast a full breakfast did the dishes. By 5:30 am we was outside on the back 40 which at the time was so grown up you could not walk thru it. I was shown a Sears lawnmower and a sickle...that summer momma an I cleared 4 acres of land with the lawnmower an a sickle. Momma made sure I was to tired at night to think about sneaking out again. But I found other ways to sneak out....

OR should I say my man found other ways for me to sneak out I was all of 13 at the time he was 40 he'd call ask momma if I could come over an spend weekend with his kids or get 1 of his kids to call an ask even tho he had a harley an the long hair an everything my parents claimed to hate they loved him.....he knew how to play my parents that for sure they was STRICT an NAIVE at the same time. Sadly he was killed when I was 17.

Momma had 2 rules sleep pas 9 am an to sick to go anywhere all day....not go to church on Sunday an to sick to go anywhere all week. Those 2 things she stuck by hard I learned to quietly sit in church an read books stand when others stood sit down when they sat....momma played the organ at church an I learned where she could see me an where she couldn't by sittin at her organ lookin in her mirror an us being same height I found a spot she could not see me an what I was doing.

 

[NCRedding]

Mommasita: what a horrible thing to go through. Thank goodness you were able to get free. What a great attitude you have given all that happened to you.

I was a child of the late 60s and the 70s. My parents definitely believed in spanking with hand, and with a belt. I was a challenging child until I learned to read. (My mother enjoyed the fact that my dd was a bit of a handful too much). I also remember spanking in school. The only spanking I ever got was a compete injustice: my first grade teacher left us alone in the room. When she came back in, she couldn't tell who was acting up and who was behaving, so she gave us all a whack. (I was not acting up but got one anyway).

Mom didn't play games with us with food. We were required to at least try a couple of bites of any food. If we didn't like it, we didn't have to eat it, but we weren't allowed any snacks, etc after dinner, so we might get hungry. None of us had real issues with food. Other than green peas, I ate almost everything. I was a bit of a freak and only ate one thing on my plate at the time. Mom never fought me on that one.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I just texted my MIL to ask about this question. She and my FIL were also punished by being hit with a belt! They grew up in the early 70s in Virginia. I have to say it again I'm shocked that so many people were hit with belts as children. They punished their 3 kids with spankings and time-outs, but no belt, but FIL said that's only because he didn't wear one. I asked how they would feel if my husband and I hit our kids with a belt and he said he wouldn't like it.

 

[bellebud]

My Mom was a fan of the wooden spoon.

My mom threatened with a wooden spoon but never remember her using it.

sometimes with a wooden spoon (Sicilian born great grandma was the normal culprit there).

this is funny to me... my mom (the wooden spoon user - well, threatener - if that's a word) is all Sicilian (all of her grandparents were from there)... wonder if it's an Italian thing...

 

[MushyMushy]

But wow belt spankings are/were common!

Yep, pretty common! Most people I know were smacked with a belt at least once.

The other day, my husband had his belt and was snapping it in another room and as soon as I heard that, the familiarity of it just shot right through me! He was just teasing the dogs with the sound, but it made me shudder!

I debated posting this, but will shed some light.

I was born in 69, and was abused, as was my sister. She is permanently handicapped due to my father throwing her over the stairs, and not allowing her to go to the ER. The bone set, and it was years of pin surgery, which never totally corrected it, alas she is wheelchair bound, and can use a cane at times. She has not contacted any of us in 5 years, and won't ever allow me or my mother or my kids to call her. We have no idea where she lives. That would be my mother or my husband and my kids. She had stopped seeing my Dad WAY before that. THis is killing my mother daily, and I am the one trying to pick up the loose ends.

Sadly, nobody really knows how damaging it is to that child on the video, others it is happening to, until they do grow up, and maybe by then it is too late.



In one instance we were playing backgammon and I used my hands instead of the shaker, and my father punched me right out, bang. Now, he was 6 foot 4, and I was 11, so not even 5 feet or 100 pds. My mother was at church, so my sister picked me up and brought me there. We never came home. I have had 2 plastic surgeries to fix burn marks on my face, and that was the 3rd time he broke my nose. Not much was done, albeit my mother tried like crazy at the police station, and they told her "mam it is your word against his, how do I know YOU did not do this". And that began MANY years of court proceedings, and nothing really was done. If I brought home anything under a 90, I was beat raw. There was also emotional abuse, and that I can remember more clearly. He never believed I was his, so he took things out on me more than my sister. He was also the world's best sneak. So nice and to everyone. Work loved him, the hockey world loved him, and little did they know he was living a double life.

Had we not left that night, I don't think either one of us would have lived much longer. I had to hide for 6 months, as he threatened to kill me on the street waiting for the school bus, so I did not finish grade 6 with my friends.

Today, I have a sort of relationship with my father. I see him, and I forgive him. I will NEVER forget. He was/is an alcoholic and was on cocaine all the time. He had me roll his lines for him, and I was about 5 or 6. I thought I was helping Daddy.

I have a different view because of this. And it changed who I was, as to who I am today. It took years to trusts anyone, in lieu of the Judge basically laughing, and many more things. I still have trust issues.

I know I will never do anything close to this to my children. They are my world. They will be 12 and 15, and I can stand looking at that sleep, thinking how could ANYONE do anything to a child like I had, or on those tapes. SICK SICK SICK. I will always stand by that, and I am thankful that more is being done today than in the 70's.

I am not a perfect mother, and yes I want my children to be my friend, not their BEST FRIEND, but a friend. I want them to have the comfort of knowing I will always be there, I might be angry at something or a test they did not try hard enough for, but there is NO beating or abusive anything in this household. I do and have punished. In no way do I want them to fear me.

Thank you for sharing that. You must be an amazing woman to be able to even remotely forgive your father for being such a heinous excuse for a parent.

 

[mariolatry]

I was a pretty good kid (and when I wasn't, I was smart enough not to get caught!) so my mom didn't punish me too often. She spanked me mostly. It wasn't abuse at all. She'd tell me "If you do that one more time, I'm going to spank you." I always got a warning, and she was always very calm about the whole thing. If I got spanked, I knew exactly why and I always deserved it!

I spank my kids or send them to their rooms. Time outs work with my older DD because she wants my approval so much. A stern look can make her cry. My younger DD doesn't give a hoot what I think. Time outs just make her laugh but if I even threatenn a spanking, she straightens right up.

 

[agnes!]

Child of the '60s & '70s here...

My dad used his belt on a bare bottom, and he was tricky, you never knew what would set him off. He slapped me across the face when I was a teenager for joshing around (in front of the rest of the family on a Sunday morning). (I then said to him "Don't you ever slap me again" and left the room, afterwards he came up to my room to sort of apologize but blamed me...classic abuse behavior kwim? "*You* made me do it.") Gave me a spanking for lying - about something really trivial - to him when I was 17. I think he was probably had an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder or something similar.
We're not remotely Sicilian but my mother used to use a wooden spoon on all us kids (only for big stuff) until she broke it on me and then she gave that up. After that I think it was maybe swats on the tush?...

agnes!

 

[ilovejack02]

Time outs and spankings and as got older grounding and If she felt I was back talking as a teen , a smack to the mouth which happened alot. It all stopped the day I slapped the heck out of her back at 16 . I don't endorse slapping parents back, but then again I don't endorse slapping kids either. She had a short fuse with me, and in her defense, I was the strong willed teen from hell . Did not like authority .. but then again, stayed clean , no drugs at all, didn't sleep around , drank some, but not much , didn't think twice about lying to get what I wanted though too. She thought she had to win every 'fight" at all costs and I should bow to her will, which is why I thought I needed to lie because I didn't want the battle . I am a looser Mom than that, I pick and choose my battles . It isn't worth arguing all the time over silly stuff. I learned that early on with my DS21.

Spankings were usually hand, but sometimes fly swatter and a points wooden spoon, usually when we fought over practicing the piano. For some reason my Mom got real worked up over piano time. My thoughts are if you have to smack your kid around to practice piano, maybe you need to rethink the lessons.

She has said several times over the years how wrong she was for doing that. Her Mom died when she was 10 and her older sisters raised her along with her Dad. I don't think they were spanked much at all, but trust me she was a good good girl as was her twin sister. Don't think she gave her parents much trouble at all, to hear the family tell it.

Can you imagine what it is like to be a really well behaved child, with great grades your who life and you think you will have the same.

Out comes a curly haired blue eyed girl who when she was good, she was very very good and when she was bad was HORRID . ; )

Really I wasn't that bad, people always told her how well behaved and polite I was , even at school , LOL I think I just frustrated the hell out of her.

She was and is a great mom with a few flaws as we all have, so sweet and loving, I have happy happy memories of my childhood even with all the spankings. I will say though she is a MUCH better grandmother ; ). I can't even imagine what she would do if she saw me hit my DS8 with a spoon. I have to giggle looking back, I can remember doing stuff just to watch her fly off the handle and she played into it every time.

My Dad was tough, but a push over lol. I usually batted my eyes and got what I wanted with in reason. Big stuff he stood his ground on .

I am a super lovey dovey mom, lots of hugs and kisses . I get that from my mom I think , and happy it is one of her traits I picked up. I did pick up the fly off the handle thing too, but I learned quickly that really gets me no where as a parent. No spankings for my little guy almost ever, maybe once a year. I caught him at Christmas streaking through the house naked after a bath. We had discussed this a few times, and by that time I was DONE, at 8 we don't run naked through the house with company !! I caught him in the hall , smack on the butt, which is worse when a person is wet. Hadn't caught him doing it since then, guess it worked. My oldest also didn't get spanked very often, lots of time outs for him.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I was a child of the 80's but most of my punishment was spanking. If it was something my brother and I did to each other we had to sit in chairs next to each other and weren't allowed to get up until we said something nice to each other. Of course, right after sitting down I would instantly say something nice about him. He wouldn't say anything nice to me for HOURS so my parents would let me go play and then come back when he was ready to say something nice .

The worst punishment though was from my Dad. If you were upset or angry at them (my parents) you weren't allowed to go to your room. You had to sit on the couch with them and not get upset or cry, no emotion could be shown. That really sucked but thankfully it didn't happen often. I would've rather have been spanked though!

Sometimes we were grounded to our rooms but we weren't ever allowed to have TV's in our room so it was rather boring.

 

[momof1princess]

my brother and i fought like cats and dogs growing up, so when we were children, we got spanked a LOT, usually with a belt. my grandmother used a hickory, and that instilled more fear than anything-we hated a switch to the legs, so if we saw her headed for the front door to walk out and get one, we'd beg forgiveness and be the best little angels you could imagine.
as i said, mom and dad spanked us with a belt. after their divorce, it was just mom, and she still used the belt-as we got older, we got sent to our rooms too. she eventually figured out we ENJOYED being there, so we'd get grounded-my brother always sweet-talked his way out of it. we did get a few beatings with a belt. the most notable of which, for me anyway, was when i was about 16...i'd been to a church sleepover, but was having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic, so i called my mom and she said come on home. there were some younger kids there who weren't staying over and needed rides home, so i got 3-4 of them in my car and was going to take them home. after the first drop-off, we were driving back down the road and the fog was so thick, i couldn't see anything, so the car went off the edge of the road at a curve and got stuck in the mud. didn't hit anything, just stuck.
well, my mom was worried sick, called my dad and had him come out looking for me, he finally found me and an older guy from my HS was pulling my car out of the mud. my dad put me in his truck and said "if i didn't know your mom was gonna whoop your butt when you got home, i'd do it myself.". i drove the muddy car home and i didn't even make it in the door before she pulled out the belt and started beating me....she'd wrapped the end around her hand a couple of times and was hitting me with the brass buckle end. she beat me so hard, the pin came out of my watchband and my watch fell off.
that was in 1987.
i've spanked my daughter ONCE in her 13 years, and she's a really good kid.

 

[Magpie]

Child of the '60s & '70s here...

My dad used his belt on a bare bottom, and he was tricky, you never knew what would set him off. He slapped me across the face when I was a teenager for joshing around (in front of the rest of the family on a Sunday morning). (I then said to him "Don't you ever slap me again" and left the room, afterwards he came up to my room to sort of apologize but blamed me...classic abuse behavior kwim? "*You* made me do it.") Gave me a spanking for lying - about something really trivial - to him when I was 17. I think he was probably had an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder or something similar.
We're not remotely Sicilian but my mother used to use a wooden spoon on all us kids (only for big stuff) until she broke it on me and then she gave that up. After that I think it was maybe swats on the tush?...

agnes!

I think it was the bare bottom part of the whole spanking thing that angered me the most as a child. It *felt* sexually abusive, even though I know perfectly well it wasn't meant to be that way (at least, not in my case).

My mother also had a way of catching me starkers, in order to scream at me. To this day, I'm still nervous about taking showers unless I know there's people I trust in the house, keeping me safe. I think it's wrong to attack people when they aren't wearing clothes. You should let them get dressed first. Otherwise, it's too humiliating and demeaning. Even if you're just a child.

Boy, this whole thread brings back memories... I was scared to use the razor to shave my legs when they started to get furry - I must have been about fourteen. I didn't want to put a blade against my skin. My mother tried buying me an electric razor, which was a big deal, because we didn't have any money to spare on frivolous stuff like that. So it was a really generous present on her part. Unfortunately, I didn't want to use the electric razor either because it made a horrible sound and smelled bad. So eventually she got tired of my hairy legs and ridiculous fears and she cornered me in the bathroom after a shower and screamed at me until I finally broke down sobbing and shaved my legs with a plain old BIC razor.

I never touched the electric razor. But I did start shaving my legs, from then on. Every now and then I still play with the idea of going all Sasquatch, but honestly, that'd just be letting my mother control what I do, since I actually prefer the feeling of smooth legs. I found other ways to rebel, instead!

 

[bellebud]

the most notable of which, for me anyway, was when i was about 16...i'd been to a church sleepover, but was having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic, so i called my mom and she said come on home. there were some younger kids there who weren't staying over and needed rides home, so i got 3-4 of them in my car and was going to take them home. after the first drop-off, we were driving back down the road and the fog was so thick, i couldn't see anything, so the car went off the edge of the road at a curve and got stuck in the mud. didn't hit anything, just stuck.
well, my mom was worried sick, called my dad and had him come out looking for me, he finally found me and an older guy from my HS was pulling my car out of the mud. my dad put me in his truck and said "if i didn't know your mom was gonna whoop your butt when you got home, i'd do it myself.". i drove the muddy car home and i didn't even make it in the door before she pulled out the belt and started beating me....she'd wrapped the end around her hand a couple of times and was hitting me with the brass buckle end. she beat me so hard, the pin came out of my watchband and my watch fell off. that was in 1987.

huh? how about a hug and "thank G-d you're ok". I honestly don't see what you did wrong there to have her so pissed.

 

[momof1princess]

huh? how about a hug and "thank G-d you're ok". I honestly don't see what you did wrong there to have her so pissed.

thanks i guess because i'd worried her so much? not sure, lol. and i was a really good kid-didn't sneak out, didn't go out a lot, very picky about dates, no pre-marital "relations" (unlike pretty much everyone i knew), good grades, went to church (on my OWN...no one in my family went with me). my brother, the golden child, on the other hand, was the complete opposite and rarely, if ever, got disciplined. (his son, my nephew, doesn't get disciplined either, and he's an even bigger holy terror than my brother was)

 

[Ephany]

Child of the 80's and 90's, we were spanked I've been told, but don't remember that. My dad had a belt and although we were threatened with the belt, I don't remember it actually being used. I did get my mouth washed out with liquid soap and I was slapped once (but I completely deserved it) after telling my mom to F off when I was a teenager.

My mom was a screamer, you could hear her up and down the whole street. She was beat by nuns though (12 years of Catholic school), so I think in her mind screaming was an improvement. My dad worked loooong hours, so he was commonly used as a threat by Mom; however by the time he got home, he was too tired to deal with us so nothing much happened except maybe grounding or having to do chores like laundry (on the line outside), chopping firewood, or mowing the lawn.

I was a good kid overall; my sister and I hated each other so from middle school on I spend a lot of time at friend's homes especially on weekends. As long as I told my parents where I was, there really wasn't a curfew. DH was swatted with a wooden spoon, but my MIL's told us how she and her siblings were beat and she was much easier on him and his brothers than DH's grandparents were on her.

DD's been swatted on the butt, (not bare bottom) once or twice but she responds best to things being taken away so she gets sent to her room or no trips to the park/parades/event she's been looking forward to if she pushes things too far. She's mouthy (like her mama ) and thinks she should have full input into any and every conversation but overall she's a good kid. After reading this thread last night, I asked her if she's ever scared of me and she said 'no, but sometimes I don't like you very much when you're being mean mommy, it'd be much nicer if you just let me do what I want.'

 

[HARVEYSGIRL]

I knew I was really in trouble when my dad told me to go out and get a switch. And I learned quickly to make sure it was a good one! I also got soap in my mouth a few times. I was a pretty good kid though.

I got my butt spanked and I turned out just fine!